help needed

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I am a 24 year old girl and i have been with my boyfriend 5 years now, we never had a great sex life, maybe for the first year it was good but soon afterwards it fizzled out, he did alot of things that annoy me firstly masturbate in bed beside me every other morning and he also had a very annoying habit of stealing my bras.

At first i began to notice a few things missing and thought i misplaced them but while cleaning his room one afternoon i found them hidden behind a drawer i was shocked at first and spoke to him about it and at the time we were spending alot of time apart due to college and he said it was a way of being close to me so i felt kinda embarrassed but happy in a way that he was thinking of me. Then things changed and he began to start destroying my bras like breaking a strap or pushing the clasps in so much that i couldn't close the bra, he got a major buzz out of watching me put the bra on and realizing that it was broke, he would often record me on his phone putting on my underware and masturbate to it while i wasn't there. To be honest it really really put me off having sex with him, in my head it felt seeded and dirty because my idea of sex seemed quite different from his, i want sex to bond and feel close but i felt like for him it was just a release of sexual energy and it meant nothing.... so slowing and surely our sex life got worse and worse.

Last week while cleaning out his room i found another bra, but this time i wasn't mine, when i confronted him about it he told me he stole if from a friends apartment on holidays, i felt hurt but i shrugged it off, until today when i found another 4 bras which wern't mind.

I am angry and hurt and feel like i do not know my boyfriend any longer, what started off as funny little thing he did has now become serious and i just don't know what to do anymore.

Does anyone have any experience of something similiar?

Milkmaid

Hi OP, your post shows how upset this has been for you.
I may get slated for this but what you describe is not normal behaviour at all..on top of this this guy seems to enjoy making your life more difficult with destroying your bras etc....nice underwear is expensive and I would have an issue with someone destroying my personal, intimate belongings.
I am going to suggest that you leave this guy. He has problems and they are getting worse....stealing a friend's underwear FFS, he could get charged with that. Do you really want to be part of this?
He has the hallmarks of a very troubled man. I was with someone very unstable for years , we got together as teens and I missed the signs because I had no experience with men....please don't waste the best years of your life .
Right now you are actually enabling him by staying with him. He needs help and you need to be with a man who can love you and enjoy being intimate with you..not this deviant. And if I sound harsh I am sorry but he isn't normal and you deserve better hun.

dub_3

You need to have a discussion with your boyfriend about what's acceptable behaviour and what's not. He's got to realise your sex life should be making both of you happy, it's not for his benefit only. He should also realise that sometimes it can be dirty sex (boys like that) and sometime it's making love / bonding sex (girls like that). There has to be a balance between the two.

The way you describe it you're hardly included in his sex life at all, you're providing him with **** material (the films and the bras). You'd think he'd be grateful for that and do his best to make you happy, but no instead he just concentrates on himself, **** in front of you and stealing other womens bras.

I reckon his **** in the mornings would stop if you had a proper sex life at night.

As regards his fetish behaviour with your bras, it wouldn't be a problem if it was a small part of your sex life and he was buying you new stuff to replace anything he damages.

You could have fun picking out whatever you like in a lingerie shop, then sending him to the till to pay for it.

As for his taking other womens bras, I'm assuming you're not ok with that so bluntly tell him he's out on his ear if it happens again

Apart from that he has to start making you happy, You've allowed him get into the habit of just looking after his own needs and ignoring yours. If that doesn't change soon, then just get rid of him.

hatz7

ya he's a wierdo, P.45 time

Peanut2011

veryconfusedandupset wrote: »

At first i began to notice a few things missing and thought i misplaced them but while cleaning his room one afternoon i found them hidden behind a drawer i was shocked at first and spoke to him about it and at the time we were spending alot of time apart due to college and he said it was a way of being close to me so i felt kinda embarrassed but happy in a way that he was thinking of me.


things changed and he began to start destroying my bras

he would often record me on his phone putting on my underware and masturbate to it while i wasn't there.

Last week while cleaning out his room i found another bra, but this time i wasn't mine, when i confronted him about it he told me he stole if from a friends apartment on holidays, i felt hurt but i shrugged it off, until today when i found another 4 bras which wern't mind.

Sorry OP but what you have written here does not make for someone who is very sane. Your OH obviously has a lot of issues and I think needs to deal with them quickly.

The behaviour he is expressing is definitely not normal and honestly it is affecting you as well. I would suggest you try and remove yourself for that relationship or try and seek some counselling together if he won't do it on his own.

The fact the problem is escalating I would be worried as you don't know where it will end.