Friday Funnies

MonkieSocks

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.

She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face close to hers.

When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no" he replies.

"Can you get him for me -- I need to speak to him."

She is running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid that I can't," breathes the barman, clearly aroused.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is.

I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.





"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."
_____________________________

A man walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist.

He asked: "Do you have Viagra?"

"Yes," he answered.

He asked, "Does it work?"

"Yes," he answered.

"Can you get it over the counter?" he asked.



"You can if you take two," he answered.
___________________________________

A virgin gets married to a man who is supposed to be well endowed.

On the honeymoon she confesses her fears to her new husband, who tells her that he will get round the problem by showing her his dick bit by bit.

So the wife is lying in bed when she sees three inches of dick coming round the door.

"Are you nervous yet?" asks her husband.

"No, I'm OK" she replies.

Another six inches of dick comes round the door.

"Are you OK?" he asks.

"Yes" she replies.

A further foot appears round the door.

"I'm still not nervous" she calls.

"Right then" her husband shouts,



"I'm coming upstairs now!