Is my neighbour dead?

ronob

I have not seen my elderly neighbour for about two weeks but have just seen her cat through the window with what looks like an eye in it's mouth.

What is the polite amount of time to wait before breaking into her shed?

RichieC

Less than two weeks.

deja vu!

mfceiling

Do it now OP before some other shíte beats you to it...

squod

Organise a facebook party for the neighbours house.

tallaghtmick

call the bleedin garda

Cheap Thrills!

Bags I the strimmer. :cool:

admiralofthefleet

an hour

El Horseboxo

Eh just knock on her door.

Mr.Crinklewood

Do you often peer at your neighbours pussy through the window?

Why do you want to break into the shed?

whatsamsn

ronob wrote: »

I have not seen my elderly neighbour for about two weeks but have just seen her cat through the window with what looks like an eye in it's mouth.

What is the polite amount of time to wait before breaking into her shed?

I honestly dont know if this is genuine or a joke?!

If its real, just knock on the door!!!
if they answer make something stupid up like checking to see if their water was off too. If they dont answer. Call the Guards.

Senna

whatsamsn wrote: »

I honestly dont know if this is genuine or a joke?!

If its real, just knock on the door!!!
if they answer make something stupid up like checking to see if their water was off too. If they dont answer. Call the Guards.

**Looks up to make sure its AH**

Its not real

Cheap Thrills!

This is terrible, really terrible......:mad:











A cat can't survive on eyeballs!

four18

If it was summertime I would suggest the Bluebottles in the window approach.. Wintertime. Hmm ! .So go to the door, lift letterbox and have a really good snort. If theres a stiff in there, believe me my friend... You will Know !!:eek:

W.Shakes-Beer

Start getting worried when the cat appears in the window wearing her false teeth, grinning like a gobshíte.

phasers

I don't like these threads because part of me hopes it's a joke but then I think it's not really a laughing matter... I always end up sad and confused.


If this is genuine OP, go over in the morning and knock. If she answers, make up some crap about admiring her pussy. If not, ring the gardai and voice your concerns,

foxinsox

If this thread is serious:

REPLY 1 :

Get up off your arse and please go and knock on the door if there is no answer call the Gardai. NOW!!!!

If this thread is not serious:

REPLY 2:

Meh!

martic

Sneak up to the door and post a copy of the Fianna Fail Election mandate through her letterbox, if u hear a serious amount of laughing and swearing coming from the house she's alive

jimthemental

Your burgling skills disturb me. You should have that shed cleaned out, dismantled and turned into furniture at this stage. Oh and the stolen tools and such should already be in the hands of their third successive owner.

PS: If she is dead I wouldn't get rid of the shovel too quick, you could offer to dig the grave for her family as a nixer.

stepbar

God my neighbour died last week... Didn't even know he was sick...

Son Of A Vidic

whatsamsn wrote: »

I honestly dont know if this is genuine or a joke?! .

Of course it's not genuine.

hondasam

Anyone getting dey ja vu ?

PeterIanStaker

Has she a flatscreen TV? If not, don't bother stealing it.

00112984

Typical lazy old bat. The 90 year old fella living nextdoor to me hasn't taken his milk in in well over a week. Lazy git.

jos28

When you were peeping through the window did you notice loads of bluebottles. If you did- she's dead.
I accidentally left a piece of cooked chicken in the kitchen and went on holidays for 2 weeks. When I got back the place was swarming. 2 week old dead body - there will be millions of them!

LambsEye

Leave it for about 4 months, if her cat start's outside playing with what appears to be a pinky finger then maybe take to boards again and get further advice.

If five months passes with no sign of your neighbour and the cat is growing increasingly bigger then walk to the front door, considering knocking but convince yourself you'd only be disturbing her if she is alive.

In six months you should give a gentle tap on the door, if she doesn't answer then begin to feel really embarrassed.

If eight months passes and the smell of rotting flesh, (which you've been ignoring for a few months and convincing yourself is only the pipes,) becomes unbearable then maybe consider calling the police.

Give it about a year and then call the guards.

joe stodge

ronob wrote: »

I have not seen my elderly neighbour for about two weeks but have just seen her cat through the window with what looks like an eye in it's mouth.

What is the polite amount of time to wait before breaking into her shed?

a man in my apartments was found dead during the summer last year he had been lying in the apartment for over 2 weeks. he was single and his family were away on holiday. the neighbours were getting a foul smell on the floor he lived on, they all thought it was a sewage problem. when someone finally copped he was dead the fire brigade had to bash his door down and the stink was unreal.

poor lad.

LambsEye

141_Oscar_Mike wrote: »

Stick your nose in her letterbox. The smell would be a "dead" giveaway.

Yeah, Are you not dying to know if she's alive?

ejmaztec

141_Oscar_Mike wrote: »

Stick your nose in her letterbox. The smell would be a "dead" giveaway.

That's just rotten, but quite acceptable in AH of corpse.

sligopark

ronob wrote: »

I have not seen my elderly neighbour for about two weeks but have just seen her cat through the window with what looks like an eye in it's mouth.

What is the polite amount of time to wait before breaking into her shed?

Why wait until she is dead to do in the shed?

Be a man - break into the house and rehome the cat.

LambsEye

ejmaztec wrote: »

That's just rotten, but quite acceptable in AH of corpse.

Hm, should her cat be eating human flesh? It might get a decease.

OutlawPete

After Hours is getting worse, this is not the time for jokes :rolleyes:

Go round the back and see if the door or a window is open. If she is dead, check all the drawers and biscuit tins for a will. Change this and make yourself the executor of all her affairs and estate.

Then carry her over the back wall and spread a rumour around that you and her are dating. Turn up swing music from the 1920's and play it loud. Keep passing her corpse past the window so people can see her silhouette.

Download old ladies voices off YouTube and play them loudly from time to time. Buy denture cleaners from the chemist and lots of granny panties from Pennys for a at least a week. Then one night, take her out, but make sure she is wearing a long pearl necklace and it's worn on the outside, this is very important.

Be sure it's very dark and busy .. a Friday night around 8pm will be just right. Laugh and joke with the body as you hold it tight. Go to Kilester Dart station and buy two tickets to Malahide at around 9pm.

At 9pm the Belfast train leaves Connolly station for Belfast. It will reach Kilester at 9.11pm but will NOT stop. Stand up as if you are getting ready to get the Dart that is due at 9.17pm.

At around 9.09pm you will hear the train thundering along as it approaches Kilester, it will be traveling at around 87 miles per hour, stand a few feet from the edge so as not to arouse suspicion. Kiss the corpse at this point and belly laugh as you look at her. Now loosen your grip on her arm, the train will not fifty feet now and the noise of it's engines will be drowning out most everything else.

At this point drop your wallet in front of her, bend down to pick it up and as you are just about to lay your fingers on it and the train is almost upon you, give a tug on the pearl necklace and watch her body land right in the path of 340 tons of hurtling Belfast bound steel. If you do it right, it should look to any witnesses that she stumbled trying to grasp your wallet. Enjoy your new found wealth.

Iwannahurl

Don't do it. The cat's obviously keeping that eye on you.

Cheap Thrills!

The only flaw in your plan Outlaw Pete is that maggots will explode out of old Doris when the train hits her.....

Those crafty CSI 's will work out her T.O.D. and then there'll be trouble a' brewin!!!

TROUBLE I TELLS YA..:eek:

OutlawPete

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

The only flaw in your plan Outlaw Pete is that maggots will explode out of old Doris when the train hits her.....

Those crafty CSI 's will work out her T.O.D. and then there'll be trouble a' brewin!!!

TROUBLE I TELLS YA..:eek:

Let me introduce you to the CSI Ireland

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YwQ9mRyBjc

ArtSmart

phasers wrote: »

I don't like these threads because part of me hopes it's a joke but then I think it's not really a laughing matter... I always end up sad and confused.


If this is genuine OP, go over in the morning and knock. If she answers, make up some crap about admiring her pussy. If not, ring the gardai and voice your concerns,

I don't like these threads because part of me hopes it's a joke but then I think it's not really a laughing matter... I always end up sad and confused.

Sharpshooter

stepbar wrote: »

God my neighbour died last week... Didn't even know he was sick...

Christ!

goat2

sligopark wrote: »

Why wait until she is dead to do in the shed?

Be a man - break into the house and rehome the cat.

if you are not joking,just go and knock on door, if you do not get an answer, ring the garda and tell them your concerns, i have heard a pet cat would eat a person if they have nothing to eat, but a dog would sit with a body and protect it, i dont know if this true, have you ever heard that

Midnight_EG

OutlawPete wrote: »

After Hours is getting worse, this is not the time for jokes :rolleyes:

Go round the back and see if the door or a window is open. If she is dead, check all the drawers and biscuit tins for a will. Change this and make yourself the executor of all her affairs and estate.

Then carry her over the back wall and spread a rumour around that you and her are dating. Turn up swing music from the 1920's and play it loud. Keep passing her corpse past the window so people can see her silhouette.

Download old ladies voices off YouTube and play them loudly from time to time. Buy denture cleaners from the chemist and lots of granny panties from Pennys for a at least a week. Then one night, take her out, but make sure she is wearing a long pearl necklace and it's worn on the outside, this is very important.

Be sure it's very dark and busy .. a Friday night around 8pm will be just right. Laugh and joke with the body as you hold it tight. Go to Kilester Dart station and buy two tickets to Malahide at around 9pm.

At 9pm the Belfast train leaves Connolly station for Belfast. It will reach Kilester at 9.11pm but will NOT stop. Stand up as if you are getting ready to get the Dart that is due at 9.17pm.

At around 9.09pm you will hear the train thundering along as it approaches Kilester, it will be traveling at around 87 miles per hour, stand a few feet from the edge so as not to arouse suspicion. Kiss the corpse at this point and belly laugh as you look at her. Now loosen your grip on her arm, the train will not fifty feet now and the noise of it's engines will be drowning out most everything else.

At this point drop your wallet in front of her, bend down to pick it up and as you are just about to lay your fingers on it and the train is almost upon you, give a tug on the pearl necklace and watch her body land right in the path of 340 tons of hurtling Belfast bound steel. If you do it right, it should look to any witnesses that she stumbled trying to grasp your wallet. Enjoy your new found wealth.

So good he did it twice! :P

LambsEye

Midnight_EG wrote: »

So good he did it twice! :P

Sure listen, when you're on to a winning formula......

OutlawPete

Midnight_EG wrote: »

So good he did it twice! :P

Sshhh you

Midnight_EG

OutlawPete wrote: »

Sshhh you

Some people don't forget

Iguana Bob

whatsamsn wrote: »

I honestly dont know if this is genuine or a joke?!

If its real, just knock on the door!!!
if they answer make something stupid up like checking to see if their water was off too. If they dont answer. Call the Guards.

dont make something up the truth is way better
"rite sorry, thought you were dead. ill try back next week"

Iguana Bob

o if she is dead alert your local necropheliacs anonymous, waste should be stamped out in all its forms

OutlawPete

Midnight_EG wrote: »

Some people don't forget

Precisely ..

bluewolf wrote: »

deja vu!

northern lights

Ok ok, I know this is AH but having had to identify the body of an ex-partner who'd died suddenly and lain undiscovered in his flat for a week, I'm finding it difficult to understand why anyone would find any hummour in starting a post like this?
Anyone enlighten me?

mud

northern lights wrote: »

Ok ok, I know this is AH but having had to identify the body of an ex-partner who'd died suddenly and lain undiscovered in his flat for a week, I'm finding it difficult to understand why anyone would find any humour in starting a post like this?
Anyone enlighten me?

Because it's dark humour and some people like it?

Sorry for your trouble but just because you had to do the above doesn't give you the right to make others feel bad about a joke thread.

chucken1

mud wrote: »

Because it's dark humour and some people like it?

Sorry for your trouble but just because you had to do the above doesn't give you the right to make others feel bad about a joke thread.

Is that whats counted as funny now?

I swear..this place(AH) ...

It seems to be compulsary to be an unfeeling smartarse.

mud

chucken1 wrote: »

Is that what's counted as funny now?

I swear..this place(AH) ...

It seems to be compulsory to be an unfeeling smartarse.

Are you trying to suggest that everyone has the same sense of humour?

If you don't like a thread . . . don't post

It really is that simple.

chucken1

Ok so..only cos you said!

namelessguy

chucken1 wrote: »

Is that whats counted as funny now?

I swear..this place(AH) ...

It seems to be compulsary to be an unfeeling smartarse.

Not compulsory but it helps.