Reading too much into it?

Snatchy

Hey guys,

Here it goes

I recently noticed this girl (say Niamh) at work during lunch and instantly really fancied her. Then I just didn't see her until one work night out. We got chatting for the first time ever (we work in a big place with many people) and seemed to have gotten on very well. There was a bit of flirtation on both sides I think (or maybe it was just the alcohol/me). So a few days after that I asked a friend of hers who I found out works in my department if Niamh had a bf. She confirmed that Niamh has been seeing someone for nearly two years. Ah well...

A few weeks after that, at the christmas party, I noticed her (looking stunning!) and spent the night wondering what to do if anything at all (I'm not one to put a spanner in people's relationships as I'd hate for that to happen to me). Got a wee bit drunk and at the prompt of my mates, I decided to go up to her and spill the beans as it were. It went something along the lines of "Hey, I know you've a bf but I thought I'd say I think you're lovely. Happy xmas and new year" - embarrassed, hung my head and walked away but before I did, I got a hug . That was the last time I saw her in 2010. At the time I thought if I didn't tell her, how else would she know but I kind of have felt guilty about it since.

Fastforward to January blues and as these things happen, she was one of the first people I bumped into on the first day back at work...FFS!! Awkward hello!
Since then, I've been seeing her regularly enough and we stopped for a quick chat on monday about the weekend etc. When we've bumped into each other I like to think she has a big smile on her face when she says hi (but she's probably just a smiley person!). There are times when we'd walk past each other in the hallway, I wouldn't see her and she would make an effort to say hi and she's always smiling! Basically, what I'm asking is how naive am I to think that just because a girl I told I fancy smiles at me, there might be something there and what the hell to do about it?!

Feel free to slag me off but wisdom is welcome.

mrpink6789

Dude just stay away, trust me. She could be just looking for attention from you and you wouldnt like somebody sniffing around your girlfriend of 2 years would you?

It will end in heartache for all involved so just leave her be in my opinion!

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

Hi OP,

What to do about it? Absolutely nothing is the answer.

She's being friendly to a colleague whom she had a drunken chat with at the Christmas Party. Nothing more, nothing less.

Continue to be friendly and have the chats- Which to me, sound like little other than polite small talk between two colleagues.

But let go of the notion that these "smiles" and chats about the weekend mean anything.

Take care

smileyscientist

+1 Veer clear.... you may well be right she may fancy you and theres no law against it but do the honourable thing and leave it at work collegues/ friends... if something did happen, how akward would it be the next day given that there was awkwardness in the air after your meeting in the pub..

Go after a single fish-- and save your self the hassel!!!:D

FortyPlusHubby

Snatchy wrote: »

Basically, what I'm asking is how naive am I to think that just because a girl I told I fancy smiles at me, there might be something there and what the hell to do about it?!

1. Very naive.
2. Hell, do nothing.


40pH

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

I would say more wishful thinking than naive.

When we like someone, we try and find meaning in the most meaningless of things.

Snatchy

OP here

cheers for the replies guys and I completely realize that you are all right! BUT (there is always a but!), the thing is, is that none of you are in my shoes and my shoes haven't fancied anyone in quite a long time and are terribly sick of singledom and they saw this girl again this morning and completely delaced themselves, so much so that I nearly tripped and fell (*sigh*) .....this is quite annoying, I feel like a 15 year old (am actually 28). What if eh?......

Peanut2011

Snatchy wrote: »

OP here

cheers for the replies guys and I completely realize that you are all right! BUT (there is always a but!), the thing is, is that none of you are in my shoes and my shoes haven't fancied anyone in quite a long time and are terribly sick of singledom and they saw this girl again this morning and completely delaced themselves, so much so that I nearly tripped and fell (*sigh*) .....this is quite annoying, I feel like a 15 year old (am actually 28). What if eh?......

That is more infatuation that anything else. You don't even know what kind of a person she is? Even if you got with her, does not mean it would work.

dublingal80

OP, she has a boyfriend of 2 years.

That should be the end of it. So she smiles and says hi to you. Friendly people do that. I know it sucks you havent fancied anyone in ages and the one person you like has a boyfriend but honestly there is nothing you can do about that.

Do you really wanna be knows as the guy in work that tried to get it on with the girl that had a boyfriend of two years that you knew about??

John400

^I agree with fellow posters, she's already spoken for so forget about it.

Nothing wrong with being civil to her but if you keep thinking you've a chance you're running the risk of possible embarassment and gossip in the work place. You don't need that mate believe me!

Time to move on.

mood

OP seriously... do you really think a girl you hardly know will end a two year relationship to give it a go with you? I don't think so. I don't mean to offend you but she must love the boyfriend if she is with him two years and she hardly knows you. You simply can't compete. Do you really want to mess her life up because you fancy her? That is very selfish. She is probably just faltered by the attention and ego boost she gets at work or is just friendly.

John400

OP, if for instance if you had given her an initial indication that you liked her at a work function (if she was still single), then we'd probably be on here saying you have a genuine chance with her but that's well and truely out the window now as she is in a relationship with someone else.

As i said, if you got on well with her in the workplace and she was single over coming months i'd definitely say ask her out at the next work function. In fact if this was the case she'd probably say yes.

Seriously though, don't go down the road of personal embarassment and probable gossip in the workplace by attempting to pursue this.

John400

OP, was thinking about this today.

If she was single you could most definitely ask her out at your next work function but why pursue her when she's in a relationship?

Katgurl

Op to give you female perspective -

I've been in longtermers when similar situation has arisen: guy in work has told me he likes me and would be interested if my situation was different.

Everytime I've been flattered and grateful for nice words believing them to mean that he is acknowledging me to be a) goodlooking and b) nice person.

So huge compliment. And after somebody being so nice I'd always be smiley and friendly.

To further add, if I suspected he might be embarrassed due to drunken loose talk I'd make extra special effort to be nice to prove no awkwardness necessary.

However, I would not expect anything to be read into this and if things appeared to be going this way I would feel uncomfortable and distance myself.

That's just me though!

Canluum

Snatchy wrote: »

Basically, what I'm asking is how naive am I to think that just because a girl I told I fancy smiles at me, there might be something there and what the hell to do about it?!

Very naive altogether...

Of course seeing you makes her happy, you are a constant source of ego boost for her, without at ALL posing a threat to her relationship. The utter non-challenge (not saying you should have) of "I uh know you have a bf but I think your lovely" that screamed wimpy nice-guy proved that to her...

Do yourself a favour and be a bit more selfish. Focus your attentions on a gorgeous lassie (or several) who can reciprocate this kinda crap and get out of this stupid puppy-crush sinkhole. It's immature, unbecoming and not making you happy.