opinons needed

royal blue

Met this girl out in a pub, we hit it off straight away. She came up to me and said she liked me for ages and wanted to meet up and had a future practically mapped out for us, which scared me a bit. Met a few times in a pub again and end result was kissing every night. Then after meetin her out one night i said the following day id ask her out probably, all i got was i get back to you. Thought she liked me that she would say yes.

Dont think i read the signals wrong did I?

curlzy

Could be anything really. If she had a plan all mapped out before she got to know you, maybe when she did get to know you, you didn't fit the plan? Could be she's fickle. Who knows really? Sure sometimes this happens you know? Don't worry about it, plenty more fish and all that.

smileyscientist

Ya its a strange one alight OP. Fair play to you for asking her out.. I'd say she was more after the thrill of the chase than anything else and when she got what shes after, she really didnt wat it any more.. things can seem very different in the cold light of day than in a booze filled niteclub/pub

Wouldnt be too bothered.. the life mapping would be a major red flag for me anyways OP so may yiu hada lucky escape!!:D

MissFlitworth

royal blue wrote: »

Then after meetin her out one night i said the following day id ask her out probably, all i got was i get back to you.

Did you say to her 'i'll probably ask you out tomorrow' or even worse 'i'll ask you out tomorrow, probably' (as that just sounds like you're playing with her) or did you actually ask her out? Cos anything with the word 'probably' in it is going to have stung a bit for her considering she made a big deal of really liking her. If you actually do like her and really did tell her you'd 'probably' ask her out then suck it up and actually ask her out, 'i'll probably ask you out tomorrow' would make most people cringe

IrishEyes19

Ive a total different slant on this, Id say she realised she came on a bit too strong with the future planning stuff, told her friends about you obviously, told them all the details after the nights out and they advised her to take it easy...just text her and ask her out one more time, and if she blows you off, just walk away from it!!!

royal blue

meant to say properly, not probably.

talked her again and asked to meet up a 2nd time and she said that she had been in a relationship that ended a few months back and wasnt looking for anything, and i dont want to lead you on. would still love to be friends.

Strange when all she done was lead me on from the texts and nights we met

MissFlitworth

Ahh, cool. Properly is a helluva lot nicer than 'probably'. If you mostly met her in pubs she may be one of those eejits who says stuff when they've been drinking that they'd never normally come out with. In which case, if she keeps on being a headwrecker, you're better off heading onwards and upwards!

royal blue

[she had told one of my friends she liked me a lot before we ever met. she was sayin stuff when sober aswell. when out one night i left the pub for a while she was textin me and one of me friends who was there was sayin she was asking him to get me back. i just find everything strange and will be friends with her but would still like more with her because we have a lot in common and i startin to like her a lot, and being honest it hurt when she said she didnt want anything to happen. she has gone to a point where she is nearly blanking me now. dont want that at all, even if we can never be more than friends

I am a friend

I think she had a big crush on you and you two just didn't click on the first date so she is letting you down gently.

dub_3

She's hurt and confused from her last breakup and in her head decided that she wasn't going to get into another relationship straight away.

Obviously she fancies you, but although her head was saying to back off (when sober), her heart quite enjoyed the bit of drunken snogging.

When you asked her out she realised she had lead you on, she's being a bit cold now to avoid confusing you by leading you on again.

My suggestion is to tell her that you really enjoyed the fun you had.
You totally understand if she's not ready for a relationship now,
and you're not gonna pester her or anything like that.

But if in the future she feels ready to have a relationship with you,
then she should just 'ask you out'. Otherwise you'll just be friends.

Leave it totally down to her so she feels no pressure from you, hopefully that should mean that she stops having to blank you.

So what happens next:-

A. Nothing, she continues to blank you.
B. Reverts to polite hellos in pub
C. You become friends and it looks like it might drift into a relationship
D. You become friends and it's obvious you're in the 'friendzone'

A = she's a b1tch, so well rid

B = yeah it was a crush that evaporated or whatever so move on
(but if she's still sayin hello you might get off with one of her friends)

C = Best you can hope for at the moment (if you're still into her)
You have to decide how long this is OK for, after that put her in the 'friendzone', and get on with looking for a proper girlfriend.

D = Well you have a friend and she nodoubt has friends, so that's more people to meet on your search for a girlfriend,
just take care not to let the friendship get in the way of you finding a girlfriend.

IrishEyes19

I dont really believe her statement at all, she went after him first, so obviously she wanted something. And staying friends is grand, OP, if it doesnt bother you. Secondly, maybe you're just starting to like her because she's let you down and its kind of a challenge perhaps now.

I dont mind when people say they dont want anything serious or just want to remain friends, but in my opinion, these words should be said in the beginning, get everything out in the open at the start, so that theres no confusion or hurt down the line. It baffles me that a girl who made all the approaches first suddenly wants nothing.

Dont take this to heart, OP, I'd say she just lost interest, not because of you or what you did, you obviously didnt do anything wrong, it just didnt gel together like she wanted perhaps. Remain friends if you're cool with that, but Id also be aware she might keep this going if she becomes part of your social circle on nights out, and something could happen, and she could pull back again. I just find her behaviour unusual to be honest. I dont buy the "just got out of relationship act," if that was me and I was coming onto guys, I wouldnt be mapping out our future one day and then telling them I just want to be friends the next.

LegacyUser

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

I just find her behaviour unusual to be honest. I dont buy the "just got out of relationship act," if that was me and I was coming onto guys, I wouldnt be mapping out our future one day and then telling them I just want to be friends the next.

+1. The girl has headwrecker written all over her. Move on for your own sake

royal blue

the first night was good, 2nd night was bout a week later when i left to meet my other friends and came as i mentioned in last post i made. So we had got to know eachother bit better by texting late into the night sometimes 4 or 5 in the morning and facebook during daytime for 3 or 4 hours at a time. This is where my affection grew and grew for her and seemingly vice versa. After coming back she saw me coming back in and straight over to where i sat down and we chatted and kissed for the rest of the night, more intense and passionate than the first time. i had heard from friends that were there that she was checkin her phone every few minutes while i was gone as we were texting while away, and they were slagging her over how much she seemed to like me.

Same story the 3rd night, and i felt that i liked her enough to ask her out both physically and personality and then ye know the rest.

I agree with what most of ye had said, but the one thing i will say bout losing interest is i doubt she wouldve have been so keen after getting to know me better between 1st and 2nd meeting. that seemed to be proof that she was really into me.

i have decided that i will stay friendly with her and see what happens within tne next few months and see if my interest decreases or increases and vice versa. if she comes onto me again, ill ask her is she ready for more than a night or will be just the night.

i've told myself, that the ball is in her court..and i'm going to wait for her to make the next move..as far as im concerned i have gone as far as i can

zxcvbnm1

To be honest I think you should forget about her and move on.
This whole thing of keeping your eye on it for the next few months will wreck your head. I'm telling you this from experience.

The bottom line is you had your day in the sun with her and she has now told you she no longer wants to continue with it.
She has spelt it out very clearly. You have to accept that.

She is not going to change her mind. And she is not going to come onto you again. And even if she did, you would lose respect in her eyes as she would be well aware that you will come running to her when she clucks her fingers.

I don't think you should even remain friends with her. If you fancy her - which clearly you do - then it won't be a real friendship at all. You are seriously going to wreck your head.

This whole notion of the ball being in her court is flawed. There is no ball at all anymore.

Do yourself a favour and move on. I've been there.