will kissing him cause problems?

LegacyUser

Hey, I don't want to step on peoples toes so I'm looking for advice here to see if I shoudl go through with something.

My flatmate is good friends with the people he works with - they go out most weekends. I've gone out with them a couple of times and the first time one of the guys in the group was pretty flirtatious, but I didn't return it because I was new and didn't know anyoen and would rather be their friends. Since tehn, well, like I said, I've onyl been out with them a few times....and I'm starting to fancy him. Thing is, I just found otu that one of the girls has kissed him before and really likes him, and wants more, but he doesn't.

Is it way out of line if I end up with this guy considering she likes him? She seems like a nice girl, I don't want to cause a big row in teh group or awkward feelings, and I don't think it'd develop into a relationship with this guy....should I leave things be or go for it? We're all late 20's age wise.

Kiera

Well its not like she’s one of your friends so I don’t see the problem?

dub_3

If hanging out with your flatmates workmates is a big part of your social life, then I would suggest, leave well enough alone.

But if you've got a good social life and it's of no consequence if you hang out with them or not, then go for it.

I think it's wonderful that you considered the other girl's feelings - a lot of people wouldn't. i would give it a little more time, become more integrated into the group, then make a decision as to what to do

Motley Crue

take a risk? wrote: »

Is it way out of line if I end up with this guy considering she likes him? She seems like a nice girl, I don't want to cause a big row in teh group or awkward feelings, and I don't think it'd develop into a relationship with this guy....should I leave things be or go for it? We're all late 20's age wise.

If he's interested in you and you like him and if he doesn't like her then I think it's alright. But at least you have the decency to think about it first.

Kiera

graphy wrote: »

I think it's wonderful that you considered the other girl's feelings - a lot of people wouldn't. i would give it a little more time, become more integrated into the group, then make a decision as to what to do

Ah but if she gets more intergrated in the group then she'll hang around with that girl more. She needs to take a step back and meet him outside the group.

You wouldn't be doing anything wrong if you kissed him, and the other people in the group probably wouldn't think anything of it, but you will need to be prepared for the other girl to hate you. I'd leave it if I were you.

curlzy

Hey OP, It honestly depends on the group. Are they immature? Like bitch about people, backstab, have a pecking order, group together and take sides? If they are then I would leave it alone if you want to continue enjoying their company as you do now. On the other hand if they're fairly mature in their outlook they'll know that you're two single people that want to hook up and that's fair enough. So yeah which group sounds more like that group you're talking about? That's the real question.

Kiera

Kiera wrote: »

Ah but if she gets more intergrated in the group then she'll hang around with that girl more. She needs to take a step back and meet him outside the group.

But she doesn't know them all that well yet. In attempting to hook up with him (knowing that the other girl is interested) she could alienate everyone in the group. And if he's not interested that means she might lose everyone's friendship

LegacyUser

thanks guys for all your replies!

I have my own group of friends so I'm not dependant on them, and I've only been out with them a handful of times. But I don't want to alienate teh group and be on the outside if things go wrong .

I really don't think integrating myself first is a good idea -as it is, I get on well with this girl, it'd be worse if I became friends with her.

I don't think the group is bitchy, I don't know them well enough but I think there's been a few hook ups within the group and things were ok after, they seem laid back....who knows.

ah well, I'm over thinking something that might not even happen! I'll wait and see if he makes and move, if he does I'd be up for it and will give it a shot I'd say, if not, then problem sorted!

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

All's fair in love and war but.....

OP, I would leave it if I were you TBH. Fair enough, she likes him and its not reciprocated, if they're all good friends, its likely at some point he will meet someone.

But the main reason I think you should leave it, its not so much because of her, its more to do with your flatmate.

If you get with him and it upsets the group dynamic, then it may make things awkward for your flatmate. He is the one that works with them and is good friends with them and ultimately the one that introduced you to the group.

Look, I know there is always going to be someone who likes someone you fancy who doesn't like them back, but in this case, I think leave well alone. For now.

She will get over him in time and maybe in the future something will develop between this guy and you.

Just concentrate for now on being friends with the group. Hate to say it, but you are the "blow in" at the moment (don't mean that in a bad way), so try not to rock the boat too early.

Take care

LegacyUser

hey thanks brown eyed girl - I think your totally right, it's more that I get on really well with my flatmate and would hate to cause him any grief or upset the group dynamics for him and stick him in teh middle of it. I really don't think there'd be a big drama, everyone has little crushes on ppl you're close to and if u work and go out together a lot, well, it's bound to happen. heck when I first moved in I was swooning over the flatmate, but then he met a girl and I wasn't too bothered after and was happy that I was done with that crush. so I'd imagine that if anyhting happened the girl woudl get over it soon enough, we're not 16, I really don't think she'd hate me!

I think yeah, down the line if anything happened then maybe, but for now I'll keep to ur advice, which is what i've been doing all along and try and just get on with them all and keep things simple I am the blow in and i'd rather keep friends with my flatmate and maybe make more!