Facebook Freak Out!

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,
Let me start by saying that I’m not a crazy psycho!

I started seeing a guy 3 weeks ago and all was going well until I let slip some information
I knew about him that he hadn’t told me himself. The reason I knew this info was from checking out his facebook page. The thing is, I’m not on facebook, I just don’t like the whole idea of it. However, when this guy asked me out I decided to set up a fake facebook account so I could check out his page.

I know I know, that wasn’t very honest of me but there you go!

Anyway, I sent him a friend request and he accepted me (he’s one of these people who has 300 + friends). From looking at his page I learned that he had travelled a lot, liked certain music, liked a certain football team and sport etc.

We were out on Sunday night having a few drinks and I referred to a place he’d been to. He asked how I knew he’d been there and I without thinking said ‘Your facebook page’. He then said but you don’t have an account and I’m set to private??

I got really nervous then and kinda just left. I know how stupid that sounds. I sent him a text saying sorry for leaving so abruptly, i’m not feeling well and he relied with ‘Wtf??’. That’s all it said.

I’m so confused and don’t know what to do. Any advice how to save this relationship or have I botched it up big style?

bubbaloo

I think you should own up - tell him the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! Honesty is the best policy. Hopefully he'll see the funny side of it. If he doesn't, you will have to take the lesson from this experience.
Good luck.

Oryx

You botched it up when you didnt come clean straight away. Running off has made a bad situation worse.

Arrange to meet him again and confess. (Dont try to do it by text or phone or god forbid, facebook. ) Try to come across as smitten and humourous rather than crazily stalking. Hopefully he will take it lightheartedly.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
I think I would just tell him the truth. Just admit you are very interested in him and did something a bit daft and sneaky to find out more about him. Admit that you are very embarrassed about it now, and explain that is why you walked out.
He will probably just find it funny and might even be flattered.
I'd say he has probably done plenty of checking out of girl's profiles himself in the past.! :-)

Corkblowin

Absolutely OP - own up, tell him you wanted to see what kind of person he was before deciding if you'd like to see him any further, and you've been caught! Tell him how embarrassed you are and hopefully he'll laugh too. I would. Do it quickly.

Plus, he friended your fake profile without knowing who that person was....so he's obviously not all that bothered who sees his info.

Good luck.

AnonoBoy

Definitely come clean and make a joke about it.

That way he will hopefully not think you're mental. If you don't own up he'll figure it out sooner or later and it will seem a lot worse.

scarymoon1

god how awkward op. i was trying to think of ways for you to get out of this but i cant - eg you were on a friends page who was his friend or something but that wont work. i guess come clean if you want to see him again. good luck

LegacyUser

Aw, thanks alot you guys!

I thought I'd come on here and you'd all tell me I'm the most dishonest person in the world.

The truth is I've just come out of a 5 year relationship and this is the first guy I've liked since so i was proceeding with caution. I just wanted to make sure he was single, suss him out a wee bit etc.

I'm mortified now though but my saving grace is that I think he's very into me. When he asked me out he told me he'd liked me for almost a year!!!

He probably wishes he hadn't asked now!

How do I make it funny though? It's just sooooo cringey. Is there any other way I can do this?? Do I really have to confess??

Wompa1

Ha Ha this has warmed my heart! You probably didn't create an account to protect yourself from people like you! I love it, could you not have learned all that stuff about him from the dating?

You're not a psycho? The effort you went to just to see his page would suggest otherwise! If you had a profile and added him that wouldn't be as bad but jaysus going out of your way to set up a fake one. The guy would be best to stay clear of you!

scarymoon1

you need to lighten up wompa - everyone is always interested in what a person does / who they are friends with when you meet someone new and they nearly always check out facebook. Have you not? The op is not a weirdo. Have you never made a mistake? My guess is probably not as if you think the op is a weirdo for doing what she did - then you need to live more.

Wompa1

scarymoon1 wrote: »

you need to lighten up wompa - everyone is always interested in what a person does / who they are friends with when you meet someone new and they nearly always check out facebook. Have you not? The op is not a weirdo. Have you never made a mistake? My guess is probably not as if you think the op is a weirdo for doing what she did - then you need to live more.

I actually haven't done it. I don't add people I don't know either and try not to add girlfriends.

The fun of a new relationship is finding these things out for yourself surely? She tried to start a relationship with dishonesty. She set up a fake account, she didn't just go to his page. I've had friends that meet a girl and then see if she's on Facebook but never have they set up a fake account to get access. You don't think that's way OTT and out of line?

RoisinDove

How old are you, OP? This all sounds ridiculously immature, from creating a fake page to running off without saying anything. You probably have blown it. I certainly wouldn't want to know someone who acted like a psycho, as much as you insist you aren't one.

Little Acorn

RoisinDove wrote: »

How old are you, OP? This all sounds ridiculously immature, from creating a fake page to running off without saying anything. You probably have blown it. I certainly wouldn't want to know someone who acted like a psycho, as much as you insist you aren't one.

I don't think the OP is a psycho! She was just abit nosey and wanted to suss out abit more about this fella before she started seeing him.
She said she only checked his page after he had asked her out. Yes she could have just asked him things about himself, but with some information about him being already there online, curiosity got the better of her and she decided to have a peek.
I'm not on facebook myself but see girls in college constantly checking out the pictures and profiles of lads they fancy. They don't make fake profile pages but that is only because they are already members of facebook themselves. If they weren't some of them would probably give it a go.

I find the story very amusing because it sounds so embarrassing but kind of sweet at the same time. I think OP should just own up,explain herself and hopefully end up having a laugh about it with the fella in question.:)

scarymoon1

i agree setting up a fake account was a silly thing to do but that does not make her a psycho. She made a mistake - no big deal. If it was up to some people on here she would be in the 'mad house' by now. Lighten up people!

thefeatheredcat

OP, like others have said, your best bet now is to arrange to meet up in person and explain yourself and the situation and sort it out.

I can get where wompa is coming from - it is deceptive and dishonest (checking out the profile, fair enough, but creating a fake profile and being added as a friend was too much imo as could be seen to be malicious with intent and lacking trust) and I think if he were a person that hadn't actually had interest but with the potential to develop interest it would be off-putting and could change someone's opinion quite easily and cause unnecessary unfair judgement without really knowing the person.

In a way it's more like the modern version of asking a friend of a friend who knows his friend and finding out something that is not generally known to everyone and then blurting it out.

You can still contain the damage by just confessing all, make it light hearted and I hope, it will be seen positively and not negatively. He's keen on you, so it may work out for the best, I certainly hope so

spinandscribble

Why didn't you just make a REAL account and add him as a friend? I mean becoming the thing you were afraid of in the first place...wtf

I'm gonna be honest, if I was in his shoes I wouldn't want to see you again. I had a guy i briefly dated pretend to be someone else and add me before to get information years ago on myspace and it creeped me out. I could never prove it was him but based on the message, style of writing, information he magically had on me I knew it was him...

Its not psycho but it smacks of trickery. I guess in your case you didn't message him to trick him but its still not great.

oh and btw the leaving the date was very dramatic. If you can just meet him causally do to explain in person but don't try and laugh it off like "haha so funny when I got found out for stalking you and walked out on you"... that ain't gonna fly in a MILLION years.

Just say you set the profile up coz you wanted to know more about him before the date but didn't want an account. You realised the other day how weird it all was and couldn't face him. No need to laugh but you do need to say sorry.

Wompa1

Hi Again OP,

I apologise for some reason I thought this was posted in AH. Otherwise I would have approached it much more compassionately. I'd still reiterate that what you did is dishonest and deceptive and not the way to start a relationship. I don't know are you insecure or anything due to your past relationship but if it is that then maybe you need to take a step back and decide if you are ready for another relationship just yet.

I think it would be difficult to make a laugh out of it if you just up and left the other night. I think honesty is the best approach, depending on the guys personality he will either want nothing more to do with you or he'll understand if he has his own insecurities...

Good luck

Little Acorn

Acebookfacebook wrote: »

Aw, thanks alot you guys!

I thought I'd come on here and you'd all tell me I'm the most dishonest person in the world.

The truth is I've just come out of a 5 year relationship and this is the first guy I've liked since so i was proceeding with caution. I just wanted to make sure he was single, suss him out a wee bit etc.

I'm mortified now though but my saving grace is that I think he's very into me. When he asked me out he told me he'd liked me for almost a year!!!

He probably wishes he hadn't asked now!

How do I make it funny though? It's just sooooo cringey. Is there any other way I can do this?? Do I really have to confess??

As I already mentioned I think you SHOULD just confess, but if that really seems impossible to do [and because I'm starting to feel abit sorry for you now in this embarrassing situation-still funny though:P],
maybe you could say that you told yr friends that he had asked you out, and that after a few too many drinks together, yr friends got in a mischievous mood and set up the fake page.
As you are not on facebook, pretend you know nothing about all the malarkey of setting up profiles or "friending" people and that it was yr friends who did it all when drunk, and you just looked at his page out of interest.
Say that your friends only did it because they knew you really liked him alot,and was very interested in him,- and they didn't want to use their own profiles to friend him, incase he got suspicious that it was actually you looking at his page from their profiles.
This will only work if they are not friends with him themselves obviously!

I still think you should just own up though. It's easier to do that than to make up and try to remember the details of an elaborate cover up.

Wompa1

Little Acorn wrote: »

As I already mentioned I think you SHOULD just confess, but if that really seems impossible to do [and because I'm starting to feel abit sorry for you now in this embarrassing situation-still funny though:P],
maybe you could say that you told yr friends that he had asked you out, and that after a few too many drinks together, yr friends got in a mischievous mood and set up the fake page.
As you are not on facebook, pretend you know nothing about all the malarkey of setting up profiles or "friending" people and that it was yr friends who did it all when drunk, and you just looked at his page out of interest.
Say that your friends only did it because they knew you really liked him alot,and was very interested in him,- and they didn't want to use their own profiles to friend him, incase he got suspicious that it was actually you looking at his page from their profiles.
This will only work if they are not friends with him themselves obviously!

I still think you should just own up though. It's easier to do that than to make up and try to remember the details of an elaborate cover up.

Yeah it's a good plan there but I wouldn't suggest following up deceit with even more deceit.

spinandscribble

Little Acorn wrote: »

As I already mentioned I think you SHOULD just confess, but if that really seems impossible to do [and because I'm starting to feel abit sorry for you now in this embarrassing situation-still funny though:P],
maybe you could say that you told yr friends that he had asked you out, and that after a few too many drinks together, yr friends got in a mischievous mood and set up the fake page.
As you are not on facebook, pretend you know nothing about all the malarkey of setting up profiles or "friending" people and that it was yr friends who did it all when drunk, and you just looked at his page out of interest.
Say that your friends only did it because they knew you really liked him alot,and was very interested in him,- and they didn't want to use their own profiles to friend him, incase he got suspicious that it was actually you looking at his page from their profiles.
This will only work if they are not friends with him themselves obviously!

I still think you should just own up though. It's easier to do that than to make up and try to remember the details of an elaborate cover up.

that could work but then he could have mixed feelings towards her friends and see them as a pack of school girls (including the op). I agree just own up but don't make it out to be a big laugh, i'd be annoyed if someone left on a date because of their own made up drama.

Little Acorn

Wompa1 wrote: »

Yeah it's a good plan there but I wouldn't suggest following up deceit with even more deceit.

Yeah I know yr absolutely right, and I do think she should own up because I actually don't see the huge deal in it.
I just feel sorry for her situation though because she sounds very young and ashamed, just offering some different ideas to add to my original one.

Chucky the tree

I'd run a mile to be honest. Completely legging it out off the pub on him just makes it even worse. My thoughts would be if she is like this after only a few weeks what she be like after a fw months? Checking my phone, email? Setting up a fake FB to spy on him is something a bunny boiler would do. Also the quicker you up the more chance you have of staying together. If you leave for to long he will tell his mates and after that you can say goodnight.

LegacyUser

Little Acorn wrote: »

Yeah I know yr absolutely right, and I do think she should own up because I actually don't see the huge deal in it.
I just feel sorry for her situation though because she sounds very young and ashamed, just offering some different ideas to add to my original one.

Thanks for the advice guys and the suggestions.

Thing is - I'm 30 so not some stupid kid!!

I know this whole thing may sound immature and silly and hindsight is great but at the time I was genuinely just checking to see if he was being sincere seeing as I've been hurt before.

He seems mad into me though so maybe he'll be willing to hear me out.
I'm such a fool. I haven't heard from him since my 'Ehh I felt unwell' text.
Goddamn it.

spinandscribble

Acebookfacebook wrote: »

I haven't heard from him since my 'Ehh I felt unwell' text.
Goddamn it.

Because the balls in your court.

Larianne

Acebookfacebook wrote: »

The truth is I've just come out of a 5 year relationship and this is the first guy I've liked since so i was proceeding with caution. I just wanted to make sure he was single, suss him out a wee bit etc.

I'm mortified now though...

Tell him this. ^^^

Straight up. No lies.

Motley Crue

Acebookfacebook wrote: »

I’m so confused and don’t know what to do. Any advice how to save this relationship or have I botched it up big style?

Own up, tell him everything, and hope it hasn't already blown up in your face

And learn from this in hindsight

BobPresto

Acebookfacebook wrote: »

I'm mortified now though but my saving grace is that I think he's very into me. When he asked me out he told me he'd liked me for almost a year!!!

Did you not know anything about him before you met him???

Little Acorn

Acebookfacebook wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys and the suggestions.

Thing is - I'm 30 so not some stupid kid!!

I know this whole thing may sound immature and silly and hindsight is great but at the time I was genuinely just checking to see if he was being sincere seeing as I've been hurt before.

He seems mad into me though so maybe he'll be willing to hear me out.
I'm such a fool. I haven't heard from him since my 'Ehh I felt unwell' text.
Goddamn it.

Apologies, for some reason I just assumed you were a teenager, I missed the bit about you coming out of a 5 year relationship. Ignore my last silly idea, it was the only other alternative that came to mind,
I did say that it would be better to just tell him, and I still think that owning up would be the best option.
Don't stress too much about it, it's not the worst crime somebody could commit, and I think he will understand once you just explain everything to him.
Good Luck, and let us know how you got on!:)

encore1

OP,

I think that is absolutely hillarious! Ya big eeeeejit i actually said the words "oh my god" out loud when i read it!

you're gonna have to fess up - theres no other option. Maybe instead of texting back and forth (or hoping for a text back after your disappearing act and his "wtf?" text - classic by the way - i can just imagine someone in that position's face when typing that text!) ring him and just be like "look, i know i must seem like a total nutjob right now but this is what happened and this is why...."
i think you should do it sooner rather than later tho because the longer you leave it, the longer he has to think about it and god only knows what's going through his head right now...

best of luck

Duddy

Awesome story!!:P

I agree, tell him what you told us.

Sounds like an anecdote you'd tell in a wedding speech:P

Call me sad*, but I'm dying to know what's gonna happen now!



*Don't actually though

LegacyUser

BobPresto wrote: »

Did you not know anything about him before you met him???

Nope!

I work in his local and he famcied me from afar for almost a year before plucking up teh courage to ask me out. He knows alot about me (from regulars, working in the area, local busy bodies etc!) but I didn't know anything about him really!

I called him earlier on and he said we could meet later but he sounded very confused.
I said thanks and not to worry and that I can explain everything!
Ha ha..I'm actually finding the whole thing kinda funny now too!
If he laughs if out I'll adore him but if he ends things i'll understand and learn my lesson, harsh but fair!

Thanks everyone for helping!

eilo1

This is better than corrie, I really hope he understands and you two make a go of it!

How bloody sweet if it all works out because of boards.ie!!!!

warm and fuzzy feeling inside

ladygirl

Acebookfacebook wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys and the suggestions.

Thing is - I'm 30 so not some stupid kid!!

I know this whole thing may sound immature and silly and hindsight is great but at the time I was genuinely just checking to see if he was being sincere seeing as I've been hurt before.

He seems mad into me though so maybe he'll be willing to hear me out.
I'm such a fool. I haven't heard from him since my 'Ehh I felt unwell' text.
Goddamn it.

hahahaha - you have just made my day,, I honestly thought you were in your late teens, very early 20s.. This just makes it more cringey...
TBH I can kind of understand why you did it,

I really want to know how you manage to get yourself out of this.
Keep us posted... oh and best of luck... (you little creeper )xxx

gerryk

So? Come on... the suspense is killing us!

LegacyUser

ladygirl wrote: »

hahahaha - you have just made my day,, I honestly thought you were in your late teens, very early 20s.. This just makes it more cringey...
TBH I can kind of understand why you did it,

I really want to know how you manage to get yourself out of this.
Keep us posted... oh and best of luck... (you little creeper )xxx

Little creeper...hee hee...love it!!

Well, we met up last night for a pint and I felt so sick on the way there that countless times I nearly backed out and ran away.

I didn't though!

I decided to just tell him the truth in the hopes that he'd find it funny. He didn't.
Luckily though he didn't find it as mental as he originally did. He said the wackiest part for
him was my running away claiming to be sick!

I explained to him that I'm not on facebook so don't understand the mechanics of it but his answer was that i knew well enough how to create a fake account and friend request him.
Fair enough I guess!

I explained about being hurt before and he said that he had too but his answer was to tread carefauuly and not to pretend to be someone else. He had an answer for everything and made me see how ridiculous it really was.

He's a cool guy and very laid back so hopefully he still likes me! Our conversation ended with us both laughing about it (to a degree) but I can tell he's cagey with me now:(

We'll see what happens folks but thank you all so much for your support and for making me see the funny side:)

lesson learned - Do not try this at home!

eilo1

Thanks for keeping us in the loop!

He sounds very nice and I really hope it works out for you!!

(warm and fuzzy..................:))

Little Acorn

Acebookfacebook wrote: »

Little creeper...hee hee...love it!!

Well, we met up last night for a pint and I felt so sick on the way there that countless times I nearly backed out and ran away.

I didn't though!

I decided to just tell him the truth in the hopes that he'd find it funny. He didn't.
Luckily though he didn't find it as mental as he originally did. He said the wackiest part for
him was my running away claiming to be sick!

I explained to him that I'm not on facebook so don't understand the mechanics of it but his answer was that i knew well enough how to create a fake account and friend request him.
Fair enough I guess!

I explained about being hurt before and he said that he had too but his answer was to tread carefauuly and not to pretend to be someone else. He had an answer for everything and made me see how ridiculous it really was.

He's a cool guy and very laid back so hopefully he still likes me! Our conversation ended with us both laughing about it (to a degree) but I can tell he's cagey with me now:(

We'll see what happens folks but thank you all so much for your support and for making me see the funny side:)

lesson learned - Do not try this at home!

Well at least it didn't go terribly and ye did get a bit of a laugh of it!:)
It's only natural that he might be a little wary/unsure about you for awhile, but once he gets to know you better, I'm sure he will see that it was just a one off wacky moment for you, and he'll probably find it even funnier then.
Hope all goes well for the two of ye. You both sound lovely.:)

I am a friend

Ah sure we have all done silly things at some stage.... Did he mention meeting again?

spinandscribble

You tried to lie a wee bit about not understanding facebook (bad move), I'm glad he didn't let you away with that one.

Good luck, I hope you've learnt your lesson.

Package

Acebookfacebook wrote: »

Hi Guys,
Let me start by saying that I’m not a crazy psycho!

anyone who does that IS a crazy psycho

Mind44

Package wrote: »

anyone who does that IS a crazy psycho

Don't be ridiculous. It's human nature to be curious about someone you start dating. I think it's hilarious.

In fact, any time I'm on Facebook I feel like a feckin' stalker - seeing people's photos etc. Even though they've added me as a friend I honestly think most people don't realise just how much info they inadvertantly give out on Facebook. I know more about friends through Facebook in the last year than I knew for 20 years before that.

nickobrien1985

basically if you're hot he'll let you off.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Is sounded cute to me. not like you logged into his account or anything. Everyone stalks on facebook for minor info. it'l be grand

dr gonzo

Tbh OP im 25 and were i in that guys position i think i would get a laugh out of it. As already said the whole fake page thing is extremely pre-meditated which would catch me off guard and i'd probably say you could have just asked me what you wanted to know but at the end of the day what you did was harmless, the stuff is up online anyway, you didnt read his diary.

So this may not be the most auspicious start to your relationship but i wouldnt worry, it was a moment of silliness that was sorted practically immediately.

Good luck and relax, everything is cool.

Package

Mind44 wrote: »

Don't be ridiculous. It's human nature to be curious about someone you start dating. I think it's hilarious.

In fact, any time I'm on Facebook I feel like a feckin' stalker - seeing people's photos etc. Even though they've added me as a friend I honestly think most people don't realise just how much info they inadvertantly give out on Facebook. I know more about friends through Facebook in the last year than I knew for 20 years before that.

well if you only do it to see what they are like or look at their photos then fine,, but i dont think it was THAT innocent from the OP?