Stressed out with Narcissistic supervisors!

LegacyUser

I had typed out a lengthy message explaining the circumstances but i'd prefer to hear of other people's experiences and how the situation was dealt with.

I'll try to summarise here what the problem is.

I work within a group of maybe 20 people and 3 of them are supervisors. (yes, i know)
From the beginning, these 3 people were in same roles as everyone else but they made huge efforts to promote themselves to management while everyone else just did their job.

As a result, we have poor leadership in the group because they are more concerned about promoting themselves and pushing everyone else around than acting in the best interests of the group itself.

Initially, I did not react well to being given orders by these people and they have never forgiven me for it.

Now, I'm being constantly undermined by these individuals and I don't know what to do..they have even tried to have me sacked at the end of 1 employment review for no valid objective reasons.

I looked up online for answers and I suppose you could say they are sycophants or atleast exhibiting narcissistic behaviour which I'm finding difficult to deal with, even stressing out about..maybe that's silly to some but I can't help at this stage.

The management are no good so i've actually considered just leaving...

Any advice on this, what experiences have people here with narcissistic supervisors/management?

thanks!

dudara

Narcisstic means being obsessed with oneself. If what you are saying is true, then these people are ambitious (possibly to a bad point).

Why did you have a problem taking orders from these people?

LegacyUser

Initially, we all had the same roles and I didn't see the need for them to be giving orders when they were never asked to do anything more than the rest of us.

They took it upon themselves early on to give orders and make it appear as though they had some special responsibilities that justified being paid more.

They made it appear like they were critical to the overall success of the entire group which is all in their head because it was always other more intelligent people in the group who contributed ideas (which they often hijacked and took credit for)

Neither of them actually have any unique skills unless you consider sucking up to the management a specialised skill.

Pebbles68

You may not like this and it may not be possible to do but here goes. Firstly you have to accept your error when they were promoted. You say they were "giving you orders", in their eyes they were probably doing their job as supervisors and ensuring the team was performing. Its not just good enough for you to accept it but you also have to let them know you recognise your mistake. They may have spent their time self promoting, they may be narcissists but the unfortunate reality is they got the promotions, there are three or them and they have it in for you.

They may see you as jealous, a threat or a bad apple. However they see you, they won't change their opinion of you unless you give them a reason. Is this fair? No, but it is an unfortunate reality of the human condition. A lot(is that ok Wompa1 ) of people allow authority effect them but remember if you try and undermine them you are not just a threat to their ego but you are also a threat to their livelyhood and income. People will go to extreme levels to protect this.

You don't mention if you would get any support from your colleagues so assuming you won't you've got to accept there's no winning a battle against three people in authority. Try and mend bridges and look at the bigger picture. You must hope if they are not up to the job they will be found out in time. If the working conditions become unbearable you can bide your time and look for a move. Looking while you have a job is a lot easier than a person who was fired trying to find work.

Good luck

Ticktactoe

They got promoted, you have to deal with that.
If they are your supervisors then they are above you and part of your job is to take directions from your boss.
If you dont do this then you are not performing your duty then they maybe valid in trying to get you sacked.

You may work side by side with someone one day and they may becoming your boss the next. Your job isn't to take offense to it, you must deal with it and learn to move on.

Andy-Pandy

The only thing you can do bar whats stated abouve is talk to your HR department if you feel you are being badly treated. It#s what they are there for

Peanut2011

Ok OP, here goes it.

I'm talking from personal experience. I've had many roles as supervisor and have come across all this before.

The problem here is that you, as you stated, have had a problem with them telling you what to do. This means you would not recognise them as supervisor and therefore dismissing them. In these cases it would depend very much on how you did that.

If your dismissive attitude towards them was in a very public manner (ie. in front of other team members) this would mean they would have to show authority and could have lead to that incident you mentioned.

Can you imagine if they let it go and have many team members acting that way??

At the same time, they can not do anything that is not ethical, therefore you will probably find they are acting at the limit of their rule book (if you want to call it that). The only way to fix this is to show them you realised you made a mistake and work very hard to prove to them that you have changed.

This is a long process and it will take a long time to mend. Quite often these things used to finish by either one or the other side leaving, however in today's job market will be different.

Anything you or they do, make sure you have a record of, with time and date. If they are mistreating you, considering your reputation is tainted now, you will have to be able to prove it. Your word or the way you see it will not be sufficient.

spinandscribble

You're going to see people step up and get promoted who were in your position all the time. You can't just say "well they were the same as me a few months ago, they can't boss me now", um, yes, they can. Kinda their job by the sounds of it. Some people are naturally leaders. Even in a group theres gonna be people who step up and urge others for the sake of work. You might see that as "looking for a promotion" but often its just people trying to work the only way they know how.

If you're not listening to them since they were promoted than they had a valid reason to question your place in the business at your review. Who needs someone like that in their team?

Don't focus on where they used to be, focus on your job and trying to work with them as they are now, your superiors.

LegacyUser

I have absolutely no problem with my superiors and have never disobeyed them, but that's the key point here you seem to be missing. I didn't react well to these idiots ordering me about because they were never instructed to do so by management.

They took that upon themselves, nobody asked them to.

These 3 sycophants were not my manager nor were they anyone elses when they were busy trying to tell everyone how to do their job while ignoring their own responsibilities.

When they are promoted to supervisor roles, they abuse their position to undermine other people they don't like all while pretending to be your best friend..they're just total ****.

They also praise their close friends who are also ass kissers.

4 people who disliked them have left the company and been replaced since.
3 others were moved to other departments who also didn't like them.

I'm convinced the supervisors have some kind of personality disorder because I honestly can't explain their behaviour...

There are far more productive, creative members of the group who are not given the opportunity to do anything because these 3 dickheads will see it doesn't happen.

It's just your typical "jobs for the boys" situation..where the incompetent ass kissers get the best jobs and sit around joking all day with the management while telling everyone else what a **** job they do.

Pebbles68

stressedout2x wrote: »

I have absolutely no problem with my superiors and have never disobeyed them, but that's the key point here you seem to be missing. I didn't react well to these idiots ordering me about because they were never instructed to do so by management.

They took that upon themselves, nobody asked them to.

These 3 sycophants were not my manager nor were they anyone elses when they were busy trying to tell everyone how to do their job while ignoring their own responsibilities.

When they are promoted to supervisor roles, they abuse their position to undermine other people they don't like all while pretending to be your best friend..they're just total ****.

Fair enough, but you didn't mention it in your original post. Then it would appear you are dealing with a very unfortunate situation that you are unlikely to be able to do anything about. If there is a clique in place that is being supported by some of your peers that is really horrible. I feel for you. Time to start looking around. If 4 others have left then maybe you are lucky enough to be in an industry where alternative employment is possible. Put your energy into looking after your future rather than fighting a war you can't win. Good luck

spinandscribble

stressedout2x wrote: »

I'm convinced the supervisors have some kind of personality disorder because I honestly can't explain their behaviour...

I think its far fetched to assume something like that, that 3 supervisors in the same place have something as serious as a personality disorder, and that they all have it. Besides isn't that wishful (or hateful...) thinking?

What of it? if they walked in tomorrow and confirmed what you hoped then what? Its not going to change anything.

People can be dicks. There's no special disorder for it, a lot of people are dicks. Humans are very flawed. Spend less time on the net finding psychoanalytical terms you can against them and use that energy to either

a) get on with them
find a new job

I don't want to be harsh but its pointless searching the net to diagnose them in your bias eyes. besides labels are nonsense really*. I'm not denying they might be A- Holes but this approach won't help ya. A or B your call sadly. There's no option C as far as I see it.


*basing this on having worked with clients with personality disorders, it doesn't really help in working with them, you take approaches case by case.

Curry Addict

some workplaces are like this. I had a similar experience for 13 years and the bottom line for me was that i was paid enough to put up with it. If i wasnt paid what i was paid i would never have stayed.

thefeatheredcat

OP, a serious unfortunate situation to be in I've dealt with similar people before so I know it's hard, but they got pulled up for it by actual managers or I just had little interaction with them.

have the real actual managers ever seen this behaviour themselves or are these pretend managers acting differently when those above them are around?

Unless you can report something specific to HR that is outside the norm of the company's code of conduct and they are operating and behaving unprofessionally against it, I'm not sure what you can do.

I would say though, if it's effecting your health, it's definitely not worth putting that at risk to put up with the situation indefinitely.

If they want to treat people badly like that it will eventually come back to haunt them, often times three.

Zen65

stressedout2x wrote: »

I work within a group of maybe 20 people and 3 of them are supervisors. (yes, i know)

Op, what are you saying here?

Have these three people been promoted to Supervisors, or not?

..and what do you mean by the remark "(yes, I know)" ??

What is it that you know?

I mean no offence, but your post reads like the ramblings of somebody who is bitter about seeing their colleagues get promoted.


Be at peace,

Z

ztoical

Zen65 wrote: »

Op, what are you saying here?

Have these three people been promoted to Supervisors, or not?

..and what do you mean by the remark "(yes, I know)" ??

What is it that you know?

I mean no offence, but your post reads like the ramblings of somebody who is bitter about seeing their colleagues get promoted.


Be at peace,

Z

+ 1 I thought maybe I was misreading it but it does read like they all started on the same level, 3 people didn't want to stay at the same level like everyone else so they took a leadership role in the eyes of management and got promoted. In your eyes they are being dicks, in managments eyes they are being proactive. Sounds like every company I've ever worked with....promotion isn't always based on meirt, its based on a number of factors and if people put themselves out there and suck up and play the game then thats their choice, you can either play the game as well, live with it or leave....seriously what other advice are you expecting to get?

Middle mangament taking credit for other peoples ideas? Yep sounds like most Supervisors I've worked under and every dilbert comic strip out there.

albeit

Maybe you need to try and find a setting that is not as hierarchal as your present workplace sounds like it is. The system of hierarchy does not suit everyone, and some people are completely unable to work in a place where that system is in place. Others see it as completely normal and thinks there is no other way to runa business or whatever. OP, there are people out there just like you, who do not believe in it, do not like it, and are unable to function within an hierarchal organisation- this is not because you want more power yourself, I can see that, but because you just dont understand what the point in some people having more power within your group than others is. Think of yourself as more evolved, and do try to find something else, however fighting against it at this stage is probably only going to hurt your own selfesteem and trackrecors. See it for what it is- an hierarchal system that the management will think improve the performance of the group. The only thing you could do would be go to management and complain, that the way you started out working together has now changed, and you are not happy about it- not because the people that have been promoted are "narcissistic" but just because you don't function very well in that environment.

Zen65

Zen65 wrote: »

Op, what are you saying here?

Have these three people been promoted to Supervisors, or not?

..and what do you mean by the remark "(yes, I know)" ??

What is it that you know?

I mean no offence, but your post reads like the ramblings of somebody who is bitter about seeing their colleagues get promoted.


Be at peace,

Z

It sounded to me like they started off on the same level, these 3 decided to start bossing people around which OP objected to, and then they eventually got promoted to supervisor and have not forgotten OP's reactions.
Am I right?

Peanut2011

albeit wrote: »

The only thing you could do would be go to management and complain, that the way you started out working together has now changed, and you are not happy about it- not because the people that have been promoted are "narcissistic" but just because you don't function very well in that environment.

Just one thing here! The OP has yet to give any specific examples so that we know what exactly these supervisors are doing to be unfair. If you have a problem with authority you will always find a problem in what ever they are doing.

In order to complain you have to have real proof!!

I'm speaking from experience. I've had people working for me that did not take to being told what they need to do. But hey, guess what happened when they complained without any good reason or proof??

All I'm saying is that there are two sides to every story!

And just one more point,

not because the people that have been promoted are "narcissistic" but just because you don't function very well in that environment.

If the issue is that "you" don't work well in that environment, it is hardly the supervisor who has a problem.

albeit

Peanut2011 wrote: »

If the issue is that "you" don't work well in that environment, it is hardly the supervisor who has a problem.

The problem is that the circumstances have changed since the op started out working in this group- a system of hierarchy has been adopted in the group and the op has a problem with that. It is not the op's fault as the circumstances were different when they started out, and therefore the the workingconditions have changed. Everyone can not be expected to go along with these kind of changes- it might not suit everyone, and that does does not mean they have a problem. It is not a given that the group actually performs better only because there are supervisors giving orders, it might actually destroy a lot of the creativity and joy within the group.

bon ami

The management of this company seem to be atrocious, they sit around all day joking, appoint supervisors who have no talent while at the same time ignoring your many skills - you even managed to diagnose their personality disorders.

Get out quickly - they obviously don't deserve you!