Cheating with my Italian Lover

LegacyUser

For the last 6 months I've been seeing a guy one or two times a week. He's gorgeous from Italian n abit older than me in his early 30s - i am 19. 1 problem doh he has a girlfriend already but he says he doesnt see future with her, he constantly gives out about her and has tried to break up with her a few times (they did once but got back together coz he felt bad)! I dunno what to do whether should I tell her? I think if they end it we cud have a more solid relationship and i wudn't feel so guilty! maybe he is just using me for sex tho as he doesnt get enuf with his gf!? any opninons?

Stheno

Moved to RI

johnboysligo

Ifeelterrible wrote: »

I think if they end it we cud have a more solid relationship

How? He is cheating on his girlfriend with you, why would you be any different to him?

If you think your something special to him his girlfriend probably thinks exactly the same thing. Don't tell her tell HIM its not on, its you or nobody else. You diverse a relationship that doesn't involve one ounce of guilt or doubt.

my ass he felt sorry for his ex more like he felt horny :rolleyes:

Sorry I agree with the last poster. This guy is trouble. He is using you and even if he did break up with his gf to be with you, he'd more than likely cheat on you too.

Wibbs

Past actions tend to inform future ones, so I would agree with the other posters, that the chances are good you would end up in the same situation as his GF down the line. What he's telling you are also well used lines by men in particular when they're juggling two women. It's a variation on the classic "my wife doesnt understand me".

Basically don't believe it. Believe the actions. If he wanted to be with you, well quite simply he would be. Now some may come back with "ah but its sometimes not that simple". Yes, but when things arent that simple they're "complicated" which is usually another word for pain in the a... and life is too short for that.

I'd also be concerned about the age gap. Well stage of life rather than the age gap. If you were 29 and him 40 it would be much less an issue. So while it's exciting and romantic now, real life will come into it sooner or later.

metrovelvet

Ifeelterrible wrote: »

For the last 6 months I've been seeing a guy one or two times a week. He's gorgeous from Italian n abit older than me in his early 30s - i am 19. 1 problem doh he has a girlfriend already but he says he doesnt see future with her, he constantly gives out about her and has tried to break up with her a few times (they did once but got back together coz he felt bad)! I dunno what to do whether should I tell her? I think if they end it we cud have a more solid relationship and i wudn't feel so guilty! maybe he is just using me for sex tho as he doesnt get enuf with his gf!? any opninons?

This is the oldest line in the book. People still fall for this?

LittleBook

metrovelvet wrote: »

This is the oldest line in the book. People still fall for this?

If the OP wasn't only 19, I wouldn't have the patience for this but ...

OP, you're sleeping with a guy who's sleeping with his girlfriend. He's using you for extra sex. He has no intention of leaving his girlfriend. If you told his girlfriend he would not stay with you. He is spinning you the oldest lines in the book and you are falling for them.

But by all means, ask him to choose between you and his real girlfriend.

If he doesn't choose you and you don't end this now and you get badly hurt, you have no-one to blame but yourself.

RoisinDove

Ifeelterrible wrote: »

For the last 6 months I've been seeing a guy one or two times a week. He's gorgeous from Italian n abit older than me in his early 30s - i am 19. 1 problem doh he has a girlfriend already but he says he doesnt see future with her, he constantly gives out about her and has tried to break up with her a few times (they did once but got back together coz he felt bad)! I dunno what to do whether should I tell her? I think if they end it we cud have a more solid relationship and i wudn't feel so guilty! maybe he is just using me for sex tho as he doesnt get enuf with his gf!? any opninons?

So there are people who actually believe this tripe? It's the oldest line in the book! I'd be 99% sure that he treats her well and as far as she's concerned, everything is fine. Like Wibbs said, if he wanted to be with you, he would be. And if you did start going out, you don't think he'd do the same to you?

Wompa1

You are being used by a guy that doesn't have any respect for women it sounds. Don't be a fool. Stop seeing him, he's an @sshole

Oryx

He sees you one or two times a week? You are a booty call, and hes telling you what you need to hear to keep coming back.

Its a pretty unanimous verdict here, I think. Drop the guy.

*puts mod hat on* Just as a heads up, txtspk is not allowed here.

LegacyUser

I'll just agree with all of the above posts.

And by the sounds of your post I'd imagine you will read these thinking "but we don't know this guy". He's using you. Get rid of him. You deserve better than a man like this.

On a side note - you shouldn't be involved with a man who is already taken anyway, it's bad form IMO

ted1

well are you using him for sex too? Sex is all you'll ever have with him. If your happy with that fine. If not just walk away.
Do you have any guilt about being the other women?

Pebbles68

I have a basic rule of thumb for this that I have been guided by all my life. I know I've been given out to before for making sweeping statements and generalising but in this case it's my rule for me and I stick to it - if he's prepared to cheat with you then he'll be prepared to cheat on you.

dub_3

He's just using you for sex and it will never be any other way.

You can either accept that and be his fcuk toy or you can leave.

On the bright side if you're both ok with him cheating on his girlfriend,
then obviously you have a free pass to cheat on him too,
so enjoy yourself, but watch you don't catch anything nasty.

The Corinthian

You are his bit on the side. Potentially even his plan B if his present relationship finally falls apart. But that's all.

If you told her and they break up, there's a fair chance he would end up going out with you; on the other hand he may not after such an action or because he never truly considered you for the role. Either way, any relationship with you will not last long either.

He's a farfallone, as they're often known in Italy. He juggles multiple relationships with women, almost instinctively, like a big butterfly will go from flower to flower, but will never rest on any flower for long.

Wagon

Stick with it and then there might be a chance that he will break up with her and she can find someone better...like me! Then he can be with someone more similar to him...like you!

Distorted

He's preying on you because you're 19 and a woman nearer his own age would laugh at him. He'll still be saying the same thing to you about his girlfriend once she's pregnant and married to him. (And who could admire a man who, in his mid 30s, can't manage a normal adult relationship with someone he loves anyway?). Get over the gorgeous Italian lover thing - he's probably middle aged, balding, short and pot bellied. Its nothing to boast about if you're only a bit on the side. And please use protection in case you catch anything nasty off him, because he sounds quite high risk.

curlzy

Agree with what everyone is saying. Not being sexist, just wanted to point out to the op that half the posters here have been male. Honestly OP, if they're all telling you the same thing about this guy you'd best listen.

freakmagnet

Distorted wrote: »

He's preying on you because you're 19 and a woman nearer his own age would laugh at him. He'll still be saying the same thing to you about his girlfriend once she's pregnant and married to him. (And who could admire a man who, in his mid 30s, can't manage a normal adult relationship with someone he loves anyway?). Get over the gorgeous Italian lover thing - he's probably middle aged, balding, short and pot bellied. Its nothing to boast about if you're only a bit on the side. And please use protection in case you catch anything nasty off him, because he sounds quite high risk.

And most importantly, don't listen to the above - this username (whether it be with her username, or various unreg tags) has tarnished anything she might say by sexist, ageist and ridiculous vitriol in pretty much all her other posts - normally ridiculous, highly insulting stuff about any man over the age of 30. But even more importantly, there is really nothing in the post, bar the first half of the first line that has any relevance to your issue - the rest is just more of the aforementioned vitriol. Truly Distorted, but guess its part of her long, long, healing process!

curlzy

Ah now that's mean. I think Distorted is right, a 30 year old leading a 19 year old up the garden path with "I had to get back with my girlfriend". Either way op this guy isn't good for you.

Just should add that I went out with a guy 14 years older when I was 19, didn't end well.

freakmagnet

I agree - thats why i said, as you will see, that the first half of her first sentence was on the right path. The rest is full of the hatred that her posts on this forum are known for.

Silverfish

Please keep replies on-topic and civil

Off-topic, abusive and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Motley Crue

Ifeelterrible wrote: »

maybe he is just using me for sex tho as he doesnt get enuf with his gf!?

I think so yes

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

Hate to say it OP, but you are being played.

This guy has no intention of breaking up with his girlfriend. They're lines trotted out to keep you hopeful so that you will continue having sex with him.

Plus, I really hate to sound harsh, I mean this for your own good- You are also an ego boost to him, hes 30 and scoring a 19 year old for sex. Again, sorry if thats harsh.

You are young, ditch this lothario, don't waste another second on him. Go after a guy in or around your own age, you don't want to be an ego boost fodder for this cheating scumbag. Do you really want to look back in years to come and think you wasted a lot of time on this guy, the same guy who used you for sex and cheated for 6 whole months on his GF? Trust me, you don't, so walk away.

Take care OP

Distorted

freakmagnet wrote: »

And most importantly, don't listen to the above - this username (whether it be with her username, or various unreg tags) has tarnished anything she might say by sexist, ageist and ridiculous vitriol in pretty much all her other posts - normally ridiculous, highly insulting stuff about any man over the age of 30. But even more importantly, there is really nothing in the post, bar the first half of the first line that has any relevance to your issue - the rest is just more of the aforementioned vitriol. Truly Distorted, but guess its part of her long, long, healing process!

You are enough to put decent, intelligent posters off posting. I have no idea what you are talking about but I wish you wouldn't project your own issues onto other posters. Something I've posted somewhere a long time ago has obviously hit home for you. And from your wording, its quite easy to see what that particular "issue" is.

The girls is 19 for goodness sake, and the man in his thirties, cheating on his girlfriend, and clearly exploiting her relative innocence. I'm fortunate that I can spot creeps. Not everyone can. And its people like me this girl needs to hear advice from. Thankfully not everyone is an exploitative cheat and I don't see why the voices of those of us who aren't should be stifled!

Mods - can I complain about this poster or do I have to do it by pm or something?

whatsamsn

Ifeelterrible wrote: »

...1 problem doh he has a girlfriend already but he says he doesnt see future with her, he constantly gives out about her and has tried to break up with her a few times (they did once but got back together coz he felt bad)! ....

Op. Thats what they all say.
Your the bit on the side. Sorry for being blunt. All he is doing is using you. You're the fun and the girl who he is not "mad about" is really his girlfriend. Im a mid 20s guy. And if I wanted a bit on the side, i'd be telling her the exact same. Just as thousands of men have said before.
Take away all moralistic actions right now (sleeping with a guy who has a gf - which is bad) Then think of yourself. You are being used by someone who is telling you alot of crap. For your own self respect realise what he is.

You should end things with him. Never let anyone use you.
As for telling her ... up to you. What your gut instinct tells you to do.

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

whatsamsn wrote: »

As for telling her ... up to you. What your gut instinct tells you to do.

OP, if you were to tell her, what are your motives for doing so? Because you feel so disgusted at how shes been cheated on and feel some moral duty to protect her? Or is it because you secretly want to force a break up so you can have him for yourself.

I suspect its the latter.

Just leave her alone, walk away and get on with your own life.

Take care.

The Corinthian

Distorted wrote: »

You are enough to put decent, intelligent posters off posting.

There is no reason to attack the other poster in such a personal manner.

I have no idea what you are talking about but I wish you wouldn't project your own issues onto other posters.

He was alluding to the second part of your post. The first part pretty much echoed what everyone else here has said, including me. Indeed, at this stage given everyone is essentially just posting variations on the same advice and the OP has not returned, I'm surprised that this thread has not been closed off.

However the second part of your post accused this guy of being "middle aged, balding, short and pot bellied" - now unless you actually know this chap, you have no way of telling what he looks like and to assume this sounds more like you projecting your own feelings and past experiences than imparting good advice.

The chap, as I said earlier and from the description given, is a classic farfallone and frankly bad news for most women, let alone one as young as the OP. It is practically a national sport in Italy, which is why Berlusconi's shameful antics have affected him far less than they would in most other countries (a bit like how 'cute hoors' are treated with similar admiration in Ireland), and seduction has developed to such a level of ruthless sophistication that is both chilling and awe inspiring to see.

Naturally, Italian women have developed in tandem and can play the same game with equal ruthlessness, which is why many Italian men will target foreign women who would be naive in comparison - this is readily admitted by many.

Of course, this does not mean that all Italian men (or women) are like this, or even if like this remain like this all their lives, but it is not uncommon and this chap sounds like a classic specimen. As such the OP - a 19-year old Irish girl - is frankly a lamb to the slaughter and best off running a mile.

That_Guy

If he wanted to break up with his girlfriend, he'd have done it by now. You're essentially his "booty call".

For your own good OP, I'd recommend you end all communication with him. He's using you even if you don't want to believe that.

Billy7878

dont judge yourself too harshly, the lord our Saviour will do that for you, you just have a good time and do penance my sibling

dublingal80

OP, you deserve 100% of a boyfriend, not 35% which is probably what he is givig you now

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. Simples. He would break up with the GF and be with you

He hasnt so he doesnt want to be with you.

Get out before you get even more involved with him

Ickle Magoo

Billy7878 warned for unhelpful posting.

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Ickle