Gf pregnant and not interested in me

LegacyUser

Ok going unreg for this,

We found out my gf is pregnant before xmas and ever since telling families she doesnt seem intersted in me, She doesnt answer half my texts, very rarely tells me she loves me 1st and hasnt even had me in her house since teling the family. Sex has also stopped the past 2 months.

What are your opinions guys?? should i up and go?? i want to make it work and support her but i seem to be always getting the cold shoulder!! When i try to bring it up she just makes it out that im a bastard when to be perfectly honest i just want a relationship again

Thanks for your views

neveah

To be honest OP you need to talk to your partner, communicate with her and find out how she is feeling. If she gets angry with you then you need to stay calm and just ask her to talk rationally. She is pregnant so she is hormonal. You left a lot of information out so it is unclear how your gf may be dealing with the pregnancy. For example, was the pregnancy planned? What age is she? What is your finacial situation? How is the family dealing with her pregnancy? There could be so many things going on in her head right now, you need to talk to her. Bailing on her two months into the pregnancy is not going to help anyone.

LegacyUser

neveah wrote: »

To be honest OP you need to talk to your partner, communicate with her and find out how she is feeling. If she gets angry with you then you need to stay calm and just ask her to talk rationally. She is pregnant so she is hormonal. You left a lot of information out so it is unclear how your gf may be dealing with the pregnancy. For example, was the pregnancy planned? What age is she? What is your finacial situation? How is the family dealing with her pregnancy? There could be so many things going on in her head right now, you need to talk to her. Bailing on her two months into the pregnancy is not going to help anyone.

Pregnancy want planned
Im earning good money and have promised to pay for everything/ stopped going out/ just generally saving like mad
I havent a clue how her family are dealing with it as she wont ask me in, even after explaining that i want to meet them/ speak to her father that i want to stand by her etc she doesnt ask me in

I know it wouldnt be good for anyone but my life seems to be a living hell the past few weeks, i cant eat, sleep and my performance in work is suffering as a result!!

Jenneke87

She's pregnant and all over the place. When I look back at my last pregnancy it was hell on earth for as long as it lasted. If the pregnancy is heavily influencing her physical wellbeing(lack of sleep, vomiting etc.) the last thing on her mind is probably sex and it would be normal that is she is forgetful(thus not answering texts and stuff)

LegacyUser

"when i try to bring it up she just makes out im a bastard when to be perfectly honest i just want a relationship again". When you bring what up? The lack of communication generally, &or the lack of sex specifically?
Maybe she's coming to terms with the whole pregnancy thing, some women have a lot of morning sickness& feel ick for a while.
Maybe (pending her family/religious background) she's finding it hard being pregnant and not being in a formally committed (engaged/married) relationship, this mightn't be conforming to "the dream" of starting a family. How long have you been going out?
As for not having you in the house, I wouldn't wait for an invite, I'd be at the door offering help& assistance with hospital visits, grocery shopping, foot massages....you'd be amazed what headway a few simple thoughtful non-agenda good deeds would do!

Wisco

If it was me, I know I'd be really freaking out, scared to death, worried, etc etc, so maybe she has some of that, in addition to pregnancy hormones. She could be depressed about it too- has she given you any indication about her feelings in general about wanting a baby?
I'd go the sit down and talk rationally angle, as another poster mentioned. Help her with stuff even before she asks- lifts to doc appts, shopping, etc- sometimes actions speak louder than words.
Do you know her family well at all? Maybe you can go to her house when she's not there and talk with them, explain that you want to be there, ask if there's anything that she's mentioned she needs help with, all that sort of thing.
Sounds like a tough situation, hope you can both get through it ok.

LittleBook

Seriously, how old is she? How old are you?

If she's living with her parents and she hasn't had you in her house, maybe she's not allowed to have you in the house ... maybe she's under some kind of pressure from her family. You clearly have no idea what's going on over there or with her.

Frankly, when it comes to a situation like this, it's almost impossible to give advice without knowing what are your ages.

Motley Crue

Talk to your partner, communicate and find out what needs to be done to make the situation work - if it can't, for the child's sake, move out but keep a close communication for when the child is born

LegacyUser

Hormones. Don't take it personally. You may just have to ride it out for a while, its hard and it won't make sense from your point of view but thats just the way it goes. I guess she will talk to you when she's ready, in the meantime, just let her know your there for her if she needs you.

LegacyUser

were both early twenties

Its very hard to talk to her as she gets angr over the smallest thing!!
I wish i could edit the sex part of my op as its not a major factor for me at all but rather that i have no clue wtf is going on with us

whatsamsn

Op,
Just curious...

How long have you two been dating?

LegacyUser

There's a strong possibility she's finding the pregnancy very hard to come to terms with. It's likely this wasn't part of the game plan for her early 20s, she's mourning the loss of her freedom/youth. Rightly or wrongly you're the fall guy at the moment.
Stick with her though this. Don't alienate her; she's probably feeling depressed about not being able to go out& about as normal (?may be an element of "hiding away", from neighbours/questions, ect). This is likely a shortterm thing until she gets her head around everything. It isn't easy being pregnant when all your peers are going to college/going out/wearing skimpy clothes(shallow as it sounds, most girls' moods is strongly related to how they look, especially if they're young).

Butterflylove

Just a bit of insight from someone who is currently 5 months pregnant

I still havent gotten use to been pregnant I was really sick for the first 14wks I was shattered all the time I mean I was falling asleep where ever I was let that in top with dealing with emotions you have no control over its just horrible I dont look like Im glowing I actually have more spots then I ever have in my life

on top of all this you come to the realization your life isnt yours anymore No matter how much your partner says they will stand by you etc at the end of the day your responsible for this little person growing inside you because if your partner decides the relationship isnt what he wanted your left holding the baby

Its alot to come to terms with on top of feeling like rubbish all the time and crying and getting angry all the time for no reason what so ever, just give her some slack and ask her how she is feeling about the pregnancy-sex would be the last thing on her mind aswell, lots of cuddles and 'Im hear for you's' even if shes been a cow does wonders believe me

She could even be testing to see how commited you are even when she tries so hard to push you away

LegacyUser

I agree with littlebook re the family. Maybe her father or mother didnt take it well and needs time?? She dosnt want to bring you into that enviornment. When my partner got pregnant it was a shock to us and the our mothers. my father was grand as he generaly dosnt care about anything (except his granddaughter now:) ).
I know until a few weeks after the first scan i wouldnt go to hers nor she come to mine due to the mothers both giving the cold shoulder.
You also have to accept that she is probably feeling (like a poster said) that her life is over. Its not and she will get over it. The only advise i can give is to be there for her, and show her your there. The odd flowers etc. She is probably having a rough time adjusting and you cannot really blame her. Wish you all the best and good luck

curlzy

Hey OP,

Never been pregnant myself but i've been around pregnant women and I've been hormonal so I might be wrong but here's my take on it. I'd imagine it's alot to do with hormones. She's young too so probably panicking that her youth is over, add to that the family and I'd guess it's a huge ball of stress swallowing her. My advice: spoil her, bring her places, give her foot rubs, tell her she's beautiful, just generally make her feel secure in the relationship. It could be that she's unconsciously testing you to see if you'll be with her through thick and thin. Try not to take the cold shoulder personally, this behaviour only started when she got pregnant so you've got to assume it's because of the pregnancy. Just hold in there and do your best to support her. She ideally should feel very protected and safe when she's around you, so giving her cuddles and letting her lean on you will help. Oh and don't look for sex, it's the last thing she'll want if she's stressed. You can tell her she looks sexy but don't put the moves on her or pressure her or you'll only make it worse, I'd say she'll go back the other way once she's over the first few months. I've a couple of friends that said from month 3 onwards they were total horndogs so it could be that she goes like that too. I really hope you find it in yourself to behave very selflessly for the next while. Just remeber that the confusion and fright you're feeling is multiplied for her, like someone else said it's not uncommon for a guy to walk off and leave the mother holding the baby so it's understandable for her to feel insecure. Talk to her too of course but defo go down the saint's path for the next while of; reassure, spoil and pamper.

LegacyUser

Hey

by no means would i leave her holding a baby.. i want to support her and the baby as much as i can, if it means working 24 hrs ill do it!!! Its just that i want to be a part of this too!!! I love her to bits and ive known for a long while that shes "the one" but its very hard when theres no communication!!!

Chinafoot

You still haven't mentioned how long you are together.

OP, this may sound harsh but your posts have a touch of the "me me me"'s about them. Expecting your girlfriend to just go back to normal beacuse you "just want a relationship again" is a bit unfair. You're both in your early 20s dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. She is also dealing with her family and it doesn't take a genius to work out that they didn't take it too well if she won't allow you in the house since.

Her entire life has changed. Yours has too, but lets be honest here, you could walk aware far easier than she ever could. You'd be expected to pay maintenance but that would be where your responsibility ends. She doesn't have that option once she decides to keep the baby. Everything she planned to do with her life has changed and it is going to take time for her to come to terms with that.

Now you have said you would never leave her holding the baby but you also asked in your first post if you should "up and go"? Should you up and go because she doesn't say I love you first?? Or doesn't reply to all of your texts?? Have you any idea how silly that sounds? You don't seem to be taking her situation into account at all here. Her head (and hormones) must be all over the place. You haven't mentioned how far along she is but as others have told you, she could be feeling very rough so sex is going to be the last thing on her mind. Never mind all the uncertainty and stress she must be feeling. Do not push her on this.

Being there for her most certainly doesn't involve working 24 hours a day. Its not all about money.

My advice would be to try and see things from her side and stop thinking only of yourself.

theofficepest

push her down the stairs

Ickle Magoo

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Many thanks.
Ickle

discus

head wrecked wrote: »

Pregnancy want planned
Im earning good money and have promised to pay for everything/ stopped going out/ just generally saving like mad
I havent a clue how her family are dealing with it as she wont ask me in, even after explaining that i want to meet them/ speak to her father that i want to stand by her etc she doesnt ask me in

I know it wouldnt be good for anyone but my life seems to be a living hell the past few weeks, i cant eat, sleep and my performance in work is suffering as a result!!

If she's like this now mate, she's likely to be worse once the kid has come along.

Imagine not having your calls returned or not being allowed call to her house after the baby is born? Don't go offering her your life and soul (or money) unless you know she'll play fair. You might need to keep them as bargaining chips.

Oh, and the silence from her - do you know its yours?

discus

curlzy wrote:

She ideally should feel very protected and safe when she's around you, so giving her cuddles and letting her lean on you will help. Oh and don't look for sex, it's the last thing she'll want if she's stressed.

That's nice and all, but hard to achieve if the girl is working hard to avoid him.

Nevyn

You are saying the pregnancy was planned but your not living together?
And while the sentiment of working all hours to hand her money, with a newborn esp the first 6 weeks is't not about money, it is sharing in the tending to the baby every 4 hours day and night.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

You are saying the pregnancy was planned but your not living together?
And while the sentiment of working all hours to hand her money, with a newborn esp the first 6 weeks is't not about money, it is sharing in the tending to the baby every 4 hours day and night.

I said was not planned, as i cant go to the house i dont understand how am i to help out in this way?????