Should I end it?

Marty McFly

Hi

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Ok ive been seeing this girl for 7 months now and i do love her, but she has a lot of issues, her last boyfriend hung himself and she blames herself.

Now shes grand most the time but when she gets drunk she often crys about how she misses him, i always try to be supportive but the longer were together the harder its getting to hear.

She also wont have sex or talk about sex until shes drunk which can be annoying at times, she can also be very shy when taken out of her comfort zone.

But today i asked her to go to my sisters wedding which is in malta, i offered to pay for the whole lot but she point blank refused saying itd be awkward meeting my whole family, i thought most women would love to go to a wedding then throw in the fact its in malta as huge bonus.

Now ive met her whole family uncles aunts the lot, we always seem to have to do what she wants, never compromise, shes only met my parents twice and at a glance.

but after all that i do enjoy her comapny, she makes me laugh, smile, can be really sweet.

For those who have managed to get through all that ha do you think i should end it or am i wasting my time?

Jenneke87

I think you might want to suggest counseling to her. It sounds like all of her emotions are coming out when drinks alcohol. If she's aware of this, it might explain why she does not want to go to the wedding, as she might be afraid of embarrasing herself(but that's merely a guess from my side)

If you know you really care about her, stick beside her while she's going through counselling and see if that's improving things. If not, its up to you whether the pro's of the relationship outweight the cons.

Marty McFly

Sadly i have suggested counselling to her already and she refused it point blank, she even knows ive talked to councillors about her situation and she doesnt mind that but will not see one herself, she thinks theres a stigma attached to it.

You could be right on the wedding i do know she hates being taken out of her comfort zone, her own mothers always trying to get her out and about but she wont.

I do love her but i dont know what to do, know they way they say men dont talk emotions shes the female equivelant ha.

FilthyMickey

luvbulmers01 wrote: »

Hi

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Ok ive been seeing this girl for 7 months now and i do love her, but she has a lot of issues, her last boyfriend hung himself and she blames herself.

Now shes grand most the time but when she gets drunk she often crys about how she misses him, i always try to be supportive but the longer were together the harder its getting to hear.

She also wont have sex or talk about sex until shes drunk which can be annoying at times, she can also be very shy when taken out of her comfort zone.

But today i asked her to go to my sisters wedding which is in malta, i offered to pay for the whole lot but she point blank refused saying itd be awkward meeting my whole family, i thought most women would love to go to a wedding then throw in the fact its in malta as huge bonus.

Now ive met her whole family uncles aunts the lot, we always seem to have to do what she wants, never compromise, shes only met my parents twice and at a glance.

but after all that i do enjoy her comapny, she makes me laugh, smile, can be really sweet.

For those who have managed to get through all that ha do you think i should end it or am i wasting my time?

Yes end it as soon as possible. The way you describe your relationship if you can call it that, fails on many levels.

Jenneke87

luvbulmers01 wrote: »

Sadly i have suggested counselling to her already and she refused it point blank, she even knows ive talked to councillors about her situation and she doesnt mind that but will not see one herself, she thinks theres a stigma attached to it.

You could be right on the wedding i do know she hates being taken out of her comfort zone, her own mothers always trying to get her out and about but she wont.

I do love her but i dont know what to do, know they way they say men dont talk emotions shes the female equivelant ha.

Then it may be time to have a good long hard talk with her. Losing someone through suicide is a deeply traumatic thing, and as someone who has tried serval attempts, I can only imagine what it must be like for people on the other side having to deal with it.

She's most likely feeling guilty over what happend and is scared that she'll be hurt again one way or another and is trying to protect herself from any further pain. She may be interested in the book:"Dying to be free." which is (in my opinion) an excellent book on how to deal with the aftermaths of a suicide and provides insight as to why someone does something that drastic. Maybe she could ring a helpline and in that way remain anonymous but still tell her story? Or keep a diary so she has a way of expressing her emotions without feeling forced to talk to anyone? This is a very difficult situation for anyone to be in and I wish you both the best of luck

Marty McFly

Ah ive had hard long talks with her, ive tried getting her to ring helplines i really did try everything but none of it worked.

So ive decided to end it as hard it was because i do love her but i cant go on living my life like that have told her ill always be there for her if she needs me and i do mean that, now i got to deal with this grieving stuff but im sure in a week or two ill be grand, i plan on blowing of some steam the weekendc in the pub with mates ha.

p.s jenneke sorry to hear about your troubles i really do hope there all behind you now. I myself have gone through depression and come out the other side so it can be done.

curlzy

luvbulmers01 wrote: »

Ah ive had hard long talks with her, ive tried getting her to ring helplines i really did try everything but none of it worked.

So ive decided to end it as hard it was because i do love her but i cant go on living my life like that have told her ill always be there for her if she needs me and i do mean that, now i got to deal with this grieving stuff but im sure in a week or two ill be grand, i plan on blowing of some steam the weekendc in the pub with mates ha.

p.s jenneke sorry to hear about your troubles i really do hope there all behind you now. I myself have gone through depression and come out the other side so it can be done.

Hey OP,

Just wanted to say Well Done. So many times we see people on here flogging a dead horse and they just can't be told. Your ex knew she had problems and she knew it was affecting your relationship but she refused to help herself. That was extremely selfish of her. I've been through councelling myself and I can tell you that yeah it's hard but I needed it to be a fully functioning healthy adult, I wouldn't allow myself to be anything less than that for myself but also for my OH. He deserves a happy and healthy relationship and without councelling I wouldn't be able to be in one, so I went and got better. So I just wanted to say I think you did the right thing, you can help people if they let you but your ex sounds like she was determined not to let you. Life is way too short to butt your head against a wall indefinately. So yeah, Well Done. I hope you feel better soon, have fun at the pub!!!

dan_d

That's hard OP - but no matter how much you love someone, some people just don't want to be helped. She has a lot of issues that need working through obviously.

Good luck and hope you feel better soon.