Bit of a diary. Comments welcome

shefellover93

(Hope all you lot aren't too unkind but however :P )

We got homework of a diary entry (I'm in 5th year); three parts, on anything you want. I've been reading 'The Damned United' and so I thought I'd have a stab off something similar.

This does contain football references, and it's been enhanced with the wonders of technology to read how it would in a book. I'm not really a writer so be kind!

_______________________

Thursday 18th May

T-minus two days, seven hours and 28 minutes to kick-off.

I'm just out of bed after my first proper sleep in days. Tuesday and Wednesday nights are the only nights of the week where I get what you'd call, normal, sleep patters; unless we have European duty of course. Monday, Thursday and Friday I'm usually able to catch a few hours of sleep, if the game is on a Sunday; match night is a different story though.

Awake, alone, petrified

Just me, my thoughts, and the darkness that slowly engulfs me as I lay. Thoughts are dangerous things, dreams specifically' that moment of magic when you get the timing perfect and you save your team, that mistake that costs the team. Points, trophies.

Glory

Me, my thoughts, and the darkness.

It's a funny position; undervalued, underpaid and often shunted to the back-burner. You're as brave as a tightrope walker, as supple as an Olympic gymnast, and have the reflexes of a pro boxer. You never get the ratings in the paper though, the bottles of champagne and Rolex watches and silverware that accompany awards. You're biggest source of pride comes from the opposition's score; the big fat '0' that shows you're triumphed over 10 others on that pitch. Time to hit training

Friday 19th May

I'm in a cramped coach, filled with the smell of deodorant, upholstery and testosterone; hurtling down the M1 on my way to London. You were only here three weeks ago. Upton Park. They had to win to stay up, you needed a win to become champions. In front of over 35,000 boozed up and foul mouthed Cockney's you stood there in the penalty area. You stood there as wave after wave of your teams attacks came to absolutely nothing. You stood there as the precious seconds ebbed away. You stood there as your teams once in a lifetime chance of league glory disappeared right before your eyes. You stood there when the ref's full time whistle made 11 months of your hard work count for nothing. You stood there

Helpless

T minus one day, one hour and 12 minutes to kick-off

Saturday 20th May

You didn't sleep, you never do. Another cold, hard hotel bed on another long, lonesome night. You have a cup final in front of 90,000 people later, but you feel more like a kid that's getting up for school on a Monday morning

'Five more minutes Mom'

You faced the press yesterday.

You're determined to win, but they're a good side.

You wanted to tell the reporters how their centre midfielder would be more at home in a prison then on a football pitch. How their manager wouldn't know tactics if it bit him where it hurts; that he has the intelligence of a bulldog and the temper to match. But you don't, you can't.

You're determined to win, but they're a good side.

T-minus seven hours exactly.
A knock on the door.
Here we go

shefellover93

Anyone at all have any words about it? Always looking for feedback

Donal Og O Baelach

I think it's good. Very good taking into account your age.
Should certainly do well for it's purpose (homework assignment), as regards continuing it into a short book, it would obviously need a bit of work to outline the story arc and stuff like that, but it could make it in the young adult section.

If I could give you some advice if you want to become a writer - write as much as you can and don't let rejections put you off, just keep writing and learning the craft.

You are in a great position age wise, if you can get attention by winning a few competitiions, and capitalise on that by making a name for yourself, and keep writing and learning and don't give up - you should do very well.

shefellover93

Thanks for the advice and encouragement Donal!

I've always been targeting a career in journalism more than creative writing, but do enjoy the bit of writing as well. Have been getting myself out as much as possible as regards the journalism (Getting published in a few websites and mags)

I might develop it into a short story and enter it into something (never really had thought of it before you mentioned it) no harm to send it in anyway!

Thanks again, glad you enjoyed it

Wolfe Tone

It reads as if it is meant to be read by others, while a proper diary entry would not.

I'm just out of bed after my first proper sleep in days. Tuesday and Wednesday nights are the only nights of the week where I get what you'd call, normal, sleep patters; unless we have European duty of course. Monday, Thursday and Friday I'm usually able to catch a few hours of sleep, if the game is on a Sunday; match night is a different story though.

Take this for instance, why would he be telling his diary that? Sounds more like a letter.


Although what you have is god and should get a decent mark.

shefellover93

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

It reads as if it is meant to be read by others, while a proper diary entry would not.




Take this for instance, why would he be telling his diary that? Sounds more like a letter.


Although what you have is god and should get a decent mark.

Well we were always thought that a diary has to be an account that's to be read by someone else, so to include the circumstances, thoughts, feelings, everyday life etc. But there are parts definitely that could be more interesting had I gone into a bit less detail. If I go back to it I'll definitely have a think about that

bumm

I think your writing is very accomplished and as another poster has said for your age. It reminds me of this Blog/diary that I follow http://metalkabout.blogspot.com/
that's not particularily related to football. Here's a link
to it and you might get some ideas. I think the football
realm, while on one hand may appeal to a lot of people
may also alienate a lot of others.

pickarooney

^^Is that by any chance your own blog?

bumm

No just one I follow. I think the guy is in the States. I find
it humoursome, sometimes personal and just plain well written.
If you want to have a look at mine here's the link:http://garadice33.blogspot.com/

best regards