Should I end it ?

LegacyUser

I need some advice please.

Myself and my girlfriend are together 6 years and preparing to buy our first house, she eventually wants marriage and kids, and is not being pushy at all , my problem is that I dont want kids.
I have been wrestling with this for months and I know I need to tell her but I dont want to lose her either ... part of me thinks I should let her go and find someone that can give her what she wants but I also dont want to be without her.

Should I tell her or bottle it up ?

Darlughda

whattodo11 wrote: »

I need some advice please.

Myself and my girlfriend are together 6 years and preparing to buy our first house, she eventually wants marriage and kids, and is not being pushy at all , my problem is that I dont want kids.
I have been wrestling with this for months and I know I need to tell her but I dont want to lose her either ... part of me thinks I should let her go and find someone that can give her what she wants but I also dont want to be without her.

Should I tell her or bottle it up ?

It is absolutely essential that you have a full and honest discussion with your GF about this before you go one step further in buying a house together.

This is an absolutely huge issue, and you need to be honest with her. It can be a make or break situation, but if you really want her to be happy you have to let her make her own decision, knowing exactly how you feel.

I am unable to have children, and I am okay with that, infact, I want a childfree life. However, I rarely even date men who want children eventually.

I have found it is very, very hard to find a man who is quite definite that he never wants children. But, I never want to fall into a relationship with somebody who is even ambivalent about the issue, it is too important.

dub_3

You need to have a discussion about kids before you buy the house.
There's no point buying the house if you both want different things from the relationship.

Talk to her, either one of you will have to compromise or else it is indeed time to say goodbye.

It's terrible that you've been stringing her along for 6 years.

whatsamsn

You definitely have to tell her its the right thing to do, not just because she deserves to know but it would also save so much hassle compared to telling her later on.


I know you dont want to lose her but telling her right now is the best action.

LegacyUser

You're only delaying the inevitable.
If you love her AT ALL, you will be honest with her.
Equally, my first cousins' husband was adamant he never wanted kids, when they became pregnant, he became Superdad. You might find your feelings change in the future.
Would you consider counselling, either on your own or with your GF, to assess why you don't want kids, if only to confirm that this is a definate, longterm, thing?
It'd be a shame to lose the love of your life over this. (but, I stress, you will lose her anyway down the road if the kids thing is a dealbreaker for both of you)

Taltos

Mate you have to tell her.
As a bloke I never wanted kids, actually from the age of 14 decided the world was f'd enough without adding to it.
There is a good chance that like me you will never want children.
Be honest about this. Yes it might mark the end of your relationship but that will just mean that this was not meant to be.

Much better her finding this out now instead of in 5 yrs when you ate married and you turn around and say no.

You never know she might surprise you.

Don't though give false hope by saying maybe... thats just mean.

Chicago Chick

This is really something you need to be honest with your girlfriend about. It is such a big big issue in a serious relationship and for many (myself included) it is a real deal breaker as far as a relationship would go.

Only yourself and your girlfriend can decide whether you can work through this issue but it has to be a joint decision.

Beruthiel

whattodo11 wrote: »

Should I tell her or bottle it up ?

Cos bottling things up really works...

You need to be totally up front with her on this.
If you care about her at all, tell her now. The longer you leave it the worse it will be, for both of you.