Monday Funnies

MonkieSocks

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.

Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'

_______________________-

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
_______________________-

Every time I go to the beach I get sexually aroused by the sea birds.

The doctor says I've got 'Gull phwoar syndrome'
_______________________-

Dave was staring sadly into his pint and sighed heavily.

“What’s up Dave” asked the Barman…

“It’s not like you to be so down in the mouth”

“It’s my fourteen year old son…” the man replied.

“Don’t tell me, he’s in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad’s just the same – forget about it, it happens to boys that age” said the barman, sympathetically.

“ I only wish it was that” continued the customer, “ but it’s far worse than that.

The little bastard has got the gorgeous 18 year old neighbour next door pregnant.”

“Get away, that’s impossible!” gasped the barman !

“It’s not” said the man…

“The little prick stuck a pin in all my condoms”

marcsignal

was sitting across from this sexy looking Thai girl last night, and I kept saying to myself:

"Don't get a hard-on... Don't get a hard-on"

But she did.....