Boyfriend and Exes

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Found lots of pictures on my boyfriends computer of Exes that he apparently hates and doesnt talk to anymore. His computer is new, and whats more worrying is that there arent many picture folders on his computer but these ones are labelled by the names of the exes. I dont know if its sentimental or if he could still have a thing for them. Im not the type that would get jealous so i didnt say anything. i know hes with me for a reason but now i feel like im just a notch on his bedpost. im trying to rationalise it by saying its just as a memento. But it still is freaky. Its also freaky that he still has their mobile numbers and he apparently doesnt talk to them. His phone is also new. Is this nothing?

IrishEyes19

I do agree its a little strange with him having stored these in the way he has.
However for the time being remaining silent and acting normal would be my advice. why? Because there is nothing detrimental in a relationship than someone who accuses their OH of cheating or so on, and then having to admit they were snooping in their computers, phone ect.

the thing is, you most likely dont know his what he relationship with these girls were like, some ex's could have been friends with him before they ever went out and remained good friends, its rare but it does happen, and to be honest, it will be something you might have to accept. I dont like the concept when two people get together, that, you therefore become there whole life and friends are dropped, or old g,friends are now seen as "evil," and so on. its so immature. this guy chose you for a reason, believe in that reason for the time being and stop worrying about what he's up to, or he'll see the nice girl he fell for turn into a scary stalker type of girl. its in our genes to freak out this way, it is, but its something you also have to stem for the sake of your relationship and your own sanity too.
dont let doubt cloud the good times ahead.

on the otherhand, if he starts acting weird, and I mean weird as in becoming very distant, or cancelling dates or being an ass, then of course sit down and discuss it. but put a stop to the snooping now for good. Honestly from a females perspective, I would end the relationship with any guy who invaded my privacy like that, no matter how amazing he was. that is an absolute deal breaker. best of luck

LegacyUser

People transfer photos from their old computers to their new ones.

And their numbers from their old phones to their new ones.

Corkblowin

OP.....go back 20 years. If you had found photos, tickets to concerts, old cards etc in a shoebox at the back of the wardrobe would you ask why hadn't he thrown them out? Its just the way things are stored now and I wouldn't read anything into it at all.

If you looked at my computer / phone you would find the same. Not because I still harbour any feelings or wish to return to those relationships, but because they are part of my past that have contributed to the person I am today. I like to remember where I've come from and the people that I encountered along the way, but they ended for a reason and he's now with you. I don't believe a guy collecting 'notches' would be storing photos....thats just a numbers game!

So my opinion is.....don't sweat it.

Neyite

Personally, I keep numbers of Ex's in my phone. Mostly because when I change phones the shop copies over the numbers for me, but also so i can see who not to answer the phone to the odd time there was a late night call.

Elle Collins

Corkblowin wrote: »

OP.....go back 20 years. If you had found photos, tickets to concerts, old cards etc in a shoebox at the back of the wardrobe would you ask why hadn't he thrown them out?

Bleedin sure I would... that's just freaky.

Corkblowin

Elle Collins wrote: »

Bleedin sure I would... that's just freaky.

What can I say......I'm a sentimental fool.....

I simply meant that previously you were more likely to store things elsewhere, today its computers.

Only the OP can know if its likely sentimentality or otherwise on her boyfriends behalf.

dub_3

He likely just copied everything from old computer to new without bothering to sort / delete any old stuff.

If it was just one ex he was keeping pics of then I would get worried, maybe he wanted her back, but all of them, then he just likes keeping pics.

You know they're exes for a reason and and you say he says he hates them and isn't on speaking terms.

That may be true, but most likely he finds them attractive to look at (or he wouldn't have gone out with them in the first place)

Perhaps the images are helpful to him when masturbating. Dunno if this is better or worse than him looking at porn.

I'm sure you'd rather not think about your guy masturbating to images of other women, but he is a guy and that's something we do.

If you don't want to have to think of these things then don't go snooping on his computer.

curlzy

Hey OP,

You can have pictures of people you can't stand anymore and it not mean anything. I have a few pictures of my ex and to be honest I'd rather pull out my own eyes rather than have anything to do with him again. I broke up with him when I was 24 and I was with him 5 years so if I threw out the photos of him I'd have very few photos of me from 19 to 24. Also I sometimes look at the pictures and congratulate myself on getting out of that relationship and being as happy as I am now. Photos can be memories of people you love or they can be memories of something horrific to you, they can be reminders of how far you've come. The reasons for having them depend on the person. If this is the only red flag you have then I would just forget about it and get on with enjoying your BF.

In answer to the person who said "Bleedin sure I would... that's just freaky.". I have old cinema tickets, concert tickets, birthday cards, diaries, some people like to have stuff to look back on, it's not freaky just because you don't do it.

Zen65

When copying files from an old computer to a new one, I never sort the files (because usually the new computer has more disk space, so no need). Everything gets transferred, whether I need it or not. I think that's a better explanation than Dub_3's suggestion.



Be at peace,

Z