Ex boyfriend being horrible

LegacyUser

Peeps! Unreg for this.

Recently had a break up. Relationship was about 2months old. Broke up 6days ago. He messed me about a bit, I didnt trust him, felt unwanted and felt he was cheating which drove me crazy.
Anyway, I had suggested the break up first. But he said sorry and I thought we were back on track. However, he texted me that he changed his mind and wouldnt talk face to face until i kept insisting! But we did eventually and it didnt work out. Grand..I can get over it.

I got a text 3days ago from him saying hi to another girls name and confirming a date. I was gutted... What was the aim of that? Get me jealous? Upset me further? Obviously did it on purpose.
So, we argued a bit through text, and he admitted to have cheated on me.
So, that night, i got plastered, as ya do =P and texted him. In my defense I was very drunk.Then i got an abusive text telling me where to go. Very hurtful tbh.

What do I do? Am i wrong in this situation? He hurt me over n over, and then he did that?!
Thing is, I still fancy him and people keep telling me to forget it, but i cant. We were crazy about eachother and then it all changed!

Bloody Nipples

He's messed you about, cheated on you, you've been abusive to each other.
Sounds like an awful relationship considering it was only two months old, you'd think that's the lovey dovey part.
On top of all that, he's clearly moved on and is seeing other people. I'd suggest you do the same.

whatsamsn

sillygirl20011 wrote: »

I got a text 3days ago from him saying hi to another girls name and confirming a date. I was gutted... What was the aim of that? Get me jealous? Upset me further? Obviously did it on purpose.
So, we argued a bit through text, and he admitted to have cheated on me.
So, that night, i got plastered, as ya do =P and texted him. In my defense I was very drunk.Then i got an abusive text telling me where to go. Very hurtful tbh.

Definitely sent to either make you jealous or hurt you. Both most likely.

This sounds to me like a "high school relationship" (aka head wrecking) But you are best to be rid of him. You had instincts to not trust him and that he was cheating. Which you found out to be true. Thats your answer to everything right there. But for some good advice just stay away from him. Being involved or continuing to contact such a person will just wreck your head or bring out the worst in you.

For what its worth, you wanted to break up with him... so there was something going off in your head right there. Not to mention your instincts.

IrishEyes19

He sounds a like a bad character, OP, cheating two months in already has hazardous written all over it. He hardly sent that message by mistake, so he's clearly immature, and the fact that he was so nasty over text to you, just shows how disrepectful he is.

my own two cents worth is, drop him, OP, guys and girls like this dont change. Never ever trust anyone who when they are in the wrong, turn it back on you, like he did by telling you where to go by text, as if you were acting in the wrong. they arent worth it, and they dont change. I know you feel you were crazy about each other, perhaps you were. but guys dont treat girls they like, like that. 2 months in, this guy should be walking on egg shells to please you and vica versa, its the honey moon period of a relationship, where everything is new and exciting, not upsetting. you deserve better.

Drodan

sillygirl20011 wrote: »

Peeps! Unreg for this.

Recently had a break up. Relationship was about 2months old. Broke up 6days ago. He messed me about a bit, I didnt trust him, felt unwanted and felt he was cheating which drove me crazy.
Anyway, I had suggested the break up first. But he said sorry and I thought we were back on track. However, he texted me that he changed his mind and wouldnt talk face to face until i kept insisting! But we did eventually and it didnt work out. Grand..I can get over it.

I got a text 3days ago from him saying hi to another girls name and confirming a date. I was gutted... What was the aim of that? Get me jealous? Upset me further? Obviously did it on purpose.
So, we argued a bit through text, and he admitted to have cheated on me.
So, that night, i got plastered, as ya do =P and texted him. In my defense I was very drunk.Then i got an abusive text telling me where to go. Very hurtful tbh.

What do I do? Am i wrong in this situation? He hurt me over n over, and then he did that?!
Thing is, I still fancy him and people keep telling me to forget it, but i cant. We were crazy about eachother and then it all changed!

I'm sorry you drunkenly texted him (most likely it wasn't a nice txt) and didn't expect him to told you to get lost? Seriously?

The relationship is over, he's a twat for cheating (can't stand cheating, always a deal breaker) but he did so case closed. Move on, your better off without.

Zen65

sillygirl20011 wrote: »

Thing is, I still fancy him and people keep telling me to forget it, but i cant. We were crazy about eachother and then it all changed!

Thing is, he's over you and you will never be a couple again. If you can't accept that, you're just keeping yourself miserable.

Did he treat you badly? Well yes, he cheated and was a bit childish about the break-up. The nonsense text messages between the two of you was really just silliness which, when you mature a little, you will recognise for what it was.

But pining over him because you think you still fancy him? That's the act of an immature child, and the sooner you can get over it the better for you. Move on, get your life back on track. Write this chapter of your life down to experience, and be glad that it only took a couple of months to gain that experience. Some people waste years on this kind of relationship and then wonder why they find it so hard to find happiness!!

Early loves teach us how to relate to others in a way that sets us up for the more serious loves in our lives. Don't cling to the failed early attempts, let them slide by and be glad of the lessons you have learned from them. The door is now open for better relationships.


Be at peace,

Z

Fittle

sillygirl20011 wrote: »

Peeps! Unreg for this.

We were crazy about eachother and then it all changed!

Thing is, you weren't crazy about 'each other' at all. He wasn't crazy about you or he wouldn't have treated you the way he did.

Move on OP - see the 2 month relationship for what it really was.

LegacyUser

I texted him when i was drunk saying come out for a drink. Nothing horrible like.

LegacyUser

Theres no chance of salvaging anything that might be left, right?
Why do i feel bad about this? He did the dirt on me, and I actually feel like its my fault, that i didnt keep his interest etc... I think he hates me. Like, he hurt me, several times and then tells me where to go?!?! Like, why does he hate me?? Im so hurt and upset. Its just, its not the guy i knew. He turned on me. completely. but i feel so bad and worthless. I do want him, but i want us back the way we were before all this. Please help =((

Zen65

sillygirl20011 wrote: »

I do want him, but i want us back the way we were before all this.

You can't have that.

What you really want is to be happy in a relationship, but you need to move on for this to happen. Find someone else.


Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

Why do i feel bad? ='(
What makes guys cheat? Or send horrible texts like trying to hurt me by confirming a date? Why do it? He hurt me and hurt me more and more! WHY?

Firetrap

There's no chance of salvaging anything from this, nor should you seek to. You're looking back on this with rose-tinted glasses - remove them and see what we're seeing. A short relationship where the guy from it chose to see other women because he really didn't think all that much of his girlfriend.

Cut all contact with him. Delete his number, block him on Facebook. Whatever it is you need to do. You're clearly still infatuated with him and it's not going to do you any good whatsoever.

LegacyUser

Kinda blaming myself....Isnt it too early to have sex in the first month anyway? Kinda wondering was that why....It would of been my first time and i even considered him being the one to do it with somewhere down the line but now.....
I have the "If I was sexier,thinner,smarter,cooler" going on in my head 24/7 and it wont stop=( Like, Why else cheat?

IrishEyes19

It's going to be hard to get over this, OP, no one is denying that but it is essential you dont go back to this guy. You have to sit down now, dry those tears and listen and read what you are saying. This guy treated you like dirt, said terrible things, hurt your feelings, abused your emotions and you want him back.

The reason you want him back is because I think you miss have a boyfriend, not the man himself. Its very easy to look back on the good times to try and redeem these guys. But if the negatives outweigh the positives here, its time to move on and move on fast. They dont care OP, be it an ex bf or gf, in many cases where the ex dumps someone badly, the emotions we show and grief appears to them as only desperation and pushes them away further.

I know the first few weeks your mind is enthralled with how do I get him back or will he talk to me. But you need to concentrate now on how do I get over this. Dont let this guy consume you even when your broken up. I can imagine you were hurting when you were together, god forbid the man has control over you now when your finally free of this guy.
And I really do advise to delete the numbers, facebook when you can, I know its hard, but god it feels good when a few days go by and you realise you havent looked at the phone or pictures or facebook. It feels good.

It also feels good to set your alarm every morning at an reasonable hour despite how crappy you feel, get into that shower, look great, head into town, meet the girls, go out for a drink or social event during the week or weekend, mind yourself of course, breakups and alcohol dont mix well and I noticed too, its when you go out, and someone compliments you, or meet a new guy/girl who flirts with you a little, it feels great. Its a small gesture in comparision to the hurt you felt when the other idiot breaks your heart, but this really does help too. A clear sign, you derserve it.

things do get better, and lapses do happen. Ocassional run ins, possibly in bars or clubs with the idiot, and though you are dying inside, just nod politely and get out of there. If the relationship ended badly with him being an idiot, dont give him any words or conversation, just nod and leave, Im sure people would disagree, saying it was childish, but personally if he couldnt afford you the same respect when he was ending things, I certainly would not return it or make him think I still had time for him. It would be a total different situation if the relationship ended ok but was done properly. Best of luck, OP.
you are going to be fine.

LegacyUser

I know...
Why didnt he fight for me though? When I suggested the break up ..why not protest and work with me....why go home and do it all by text?
Need someone who will fight ...

IrishEyes19

sillygirl20111 wrote: »

I know...
Why didnt he fight for me though? When I suggested the break up ..why not protest and work with me....why go home and do it all by text?
Need someone who will fight ...

What you need OP, is an improvement in your self esteem. It's very low, just looking back on your comment about being thinner, sexier ect.
Its not about that. This guy clearly has issues, as do you regarding yourself. This will sound harsh but you need to work on your emotions and work on your own self worth. You dont want a guy who treats you like this back, its madness.

"Why didn't he fight for you?" Because he's a person who right now wants to play the field and doesnt want the hassle of a relationship, when he can go out and meet girls and not have to deal with them afterwards. Its actually nothing to do with what you are like as a person and you have to realise this.

You are only as good to another person as you are to yourself, meaning once you see the red flags walk away. Don't compromise yourself for a relationship, OP, they come and go like buses. I think you value what this guy and other guys think of you more than you value how they treat you? And this is something that must change for your own good and self esteem.
Delete his number and no more drunk texting. A failed relationship or rejection from a complete idiot should never make you think you arent good enough for them. It truly is their loss. Some things arent meant to be. You are better off single for the time being than miserable with someone who treats you like dirt.

LegacyUser

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

What you need OP, is an improvement in your self esteem. It's very low, just looking back on your comment about being thinner, sexier ect.
Its not about that. This guy clearly has issues, as do you regarding yourself. This will sound harsh but you need to work on your emotions and work on your own self worth. You dont want a guy who treats you like this back, its madness.

"Why didn't he fight for you?" Because he's a person who right now wants to play the field and doesnt want the hassle of a relationship, when he can go out and meet girls and not have to deal with them afterwards. Its actually nothing to do with what you are like as a person and you have to realise this.

You are only as good to another person as you are to yourself, meaning once you see the red flags walk away. Don't compromise yourself for a relationship, OP, they come and go like buses. I think you value what this guy and other guys think of you more than you value how they treat you? And this is something that must change for your own good and self esteem.
Delete his number and no more drunk texting. A failed relationship or rejection from a complete idiot should never make you think you arent good enough for them. It truly is their loss. Some things arent meant to be. You are better off single for the time being than miserable with someone who treats you like dirt.

But thing is, he wasnt treating me badly,like,the first week or two of us being together, however, i did know he was texting other girls. What bothered me was we werent going out on proper dates. Was it unreasonable to expect to maybe go to dinner or go for walks in parks etc? I kind of wonder maybe he thought i was high maintenance? But he did bring me out alot when we dated first.... Then i guess i got angry when it became all about my couch and the back of the car.....
And ill say again, we didnt go far sexually, maybe that was why??

I know Irish eyes is right, but why do i still want him back when i know he acted like an asshole?!

IrishEyes19

sillygirl20111 wrote: »

But thing is, he wasnt treating me badly,like,the first week or two of us being together, however, i did know he was texting other girls. What bothered me was we werent going out on proper dates. Was it unreasonable to expect to maybe go to dinner or go for walks in parks etc? I kind of wonder maybe he thought i was high maintenance? But he did bring me out alot when we dated first.... Then i guess i got angry when it became all about my couch and the back of the car.....
And ill say again, we didnt go far sexually, maybe that was why??

I know Irish eyes is right, but why do i still want him back when i know he acted like an asshole?!

OP, that is treating you badly, and having normal dates is not being high maintenance. No, it has nothing to do with how far you will go sexually. You have to wake up to reality here, if a guy likes you he will wait, he will understand. You like this idiot because you really have no self esteem. I really suggest you maybe go for counselling. Just try and talk out your fears with someone. This man walked all over you by the sounds of it, but I think you allowed it too. Love yourself first before looking for love. I think thats a key issue here. All the best

Firetrap

I think you want this guy back because your self-esteem is a bit low, this guy threw you a few crumbs of attention and you're a bit desperate. OK, so perhaps I'm putting it a bit bluntly but am I really that far from the truth?

Zen65

sillygirl20111 wrote: »

But thing is, he wasnt treating me badly,like,the first week or two of us being together,

.......But he did bring me out alot when we dated first.... Then i guess i got angry when it became all about my couch and the back of the car.....
And ill say again, we didnt go far sexually, maybe that was why??

....why do i still want him back when i know he acted like an asshole?!

I've done a bit of cut-and-paste with your own words in this quote, but reading the whole thing, it seems this guy really was a horrible user.

It seems to me he was never that much into you. He wanted sex and assumed that you'd give it to him on the first or second date. When that didn't work he was not interested in trying to develop the relationship, he wasn't going to spend time or money on dates, he just came back a few more times to see if you'd give him the sex he wanted. While all this is going on, he's still checking out if other girls will show interest in him and maybe they's fulfil his sex appetite. Eventually one did and he discarded you like a free morning newspaper.

If he ever came back, it would only be for the sex, and once he got it he'd probably leave again just as quickly. He isn't interested in you, and never will be. He's too caught up in himself.

Why do you feel bad, Op? Probably because you're inexperienced and you think it's a reflection on you that he dumped you. It's really not (other than that you have enough self-respect not to throw yourself at this guy). In a very short time you'll realise that you were lucky not to have had sex with him, because that would ultimately have left you in a much worse place.

Stop thinking about him, move on. You've a life to live.

Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

Ok, wow this guy is really out of order!
I looked at his facebook and he has a status about all the talent he'll be scoring? I mean, its been 2weeks? Where the hell is the consideration? And plus, hes embarssing me on facebook by doing that!
God, i just want him to feel as bad as i do!!!

Fiii

sillygirl20111 wrote: »

Ok, wow this guy is really out of order!
I looked at his facebook and he has a status about all the talent he'll be scoring? I mean, its been 2weeks? Where the hell is the consideration? And plus, hes embarssing me on facebook by doing that!
God, i just want him to feel as bad as i do!!!

Hon, you need to let it go.
He's single, and he can do what he likes. Does that make it less hurtful? No. Does it confirm him to be the jerk that he is? Yes. But there is nothing you can do about it.
The harsh truth - he's not going to feel as bad as you do, because he doesn't care like you do.

It was 2 months, and he treated you like dirt from the start. If he's acting that way already, imagine how much worse it would have gotten a few years in.
Why are you obsessing over someone who would treat a girl like that? Why would you want that back? Don't you know that there are guys out there who will treat you with kindness and respect?
Here's the secret...you need to treat yourself with kindness and respect first.
Why would anyone else treat you that way, when you don't even yourself?

He may have treated you like dirt, but you let him. Stop letting him walk all over you.
Have some self respect, stop looking at his facebook, stop texting him. In fact, delete his number and thank your lucky stars if he never contacts you again, you will have had a lucky escape.

Foxylocks

I know from being hurt that you want him to feel just as bad as you do but you'll probably only come out worse between both of you at the end of it if you keep on at him. If you get back together, do you think it will be any different?, too much time has passed for it to be salvaged and besides the first argument you'll have everything will be dragged back up again and again....do you really want a relationship like that? He obviosuly has not respect, why would you want to be with a person who's like that?

Be the bigger person and learn from it, you'll find someone who deserves you and you;ll look back and say to yourself...what the hell was i thinking wanting to get back with that!

You asked yourself "why do i still want him back when i know he acted like an asshole" - This is a very hard question to answer and only you know the answer to that but if you know he's an asshole and you still want to be with him then his behaviour shouldn't suprise you as to why he's doing this to you. If that the type of person you're looking for then i'm sure there are plenty of other men out there like that but remember not all men are the same, there are a few diamonds in the rough....why not find yours and let this playboy be cause that's all he is and by the sounds of it, hes getting the thrill of being chased...don't waste your time and energy, men like that don't deserve it

LegacyUser

Lads, what hes doing is really bad form. Hes publicly embarssing. It was bad enough when we were going out and he was liking his exes photos on facebook, making me feel bad, and yet, there was no intereaction between me and him on it. Yes facebook is petty, but hes really over doing it. Hes adding skanks from my town. And believe me, no one wants to be associated with these girls at all. Its just so embarssing especially when my friend told me....I feel disgusted that i was so foolish.... And yet, Im the one who feels bad. Just want him to cop on. We're broken up about 3 weeks now? And hes doing that? Why ? Seriously, he deleted me off facebook and blocked me? And im like, you did all the wrong? WTF like! The only reason i know about the skanks and the statuses is cause friends are mentioning it. its embarssing! And hes way outta line here....Its not fair. AT ALL. none of it!

Giblet

Forget about him completely and move on with your life. It was two months, and he messed you around from the start. Is he really worth thinking about at all?

Drodan

Oh my god would you let it go already seriously, I wish I un-subscribed from this thread earlier.

OP from what I can gather, he treated you badly, it's over GET OVER IT. Stop thinking about him, it's not worth it. I'm sure you have plenty of friends and social activities you could do to take your mind off things.

You are being seriously obsessive over this. Look at how your reacting now, and imagine what the relationship would be like if you were acting like this! It'd be hell for both of you. Your both better off, stop being a gunrack and start living your life again!!!!!

LegacyUser

Right. Ive had it. My friend just linked me to his very detailed status on facebook of a blowjob he got off a skank at a party and "more" .. time to confront? all his friends are cheering him on in it! He's humilating me!!!!!!

Taltos

Seriously Op - you need to COP ON.
He's an ex - NO longer in your life.
What he does is none of your business. Who he does is also none of your business.

Look - next time your "friends" come to you with these tales or links or whatever - just delete or stop them immediately and say - "look I don't care" - you need to keep repeating that otherwise you will go mental and will just look like a jealous fruit and nutcase.

I don't mean to be harsh here but really move on already. It is not like this guy was the love of your life and your soul mate. He simply saw you as an opportunity for fcuk and when he didn't get what he wanted he moved on.
Instead of feeling bad you should feel great that your morals (or whatever) protected you from this user.

Firetrap

You for real? (I'm really starting to wonder now). Anyway if you are, you really need to grow up and stop sounding like a bunny boiler trapped in a 14 year old's body. Sure, he was lousy for behaving the way he did but at this stage you are just as bad, if not worse, in your own way. People on this thread have given you lots of very sensible advice which you've chosen to ignore in favour of wailing about his behaviour since you split and how it's somehow reflecting badly on you.

You need to grow up (what age are you anyway?) and realise that you aren't the first person to have gone out with someone like that. Rational people dust themselves down, perhaps kick themselves for having invested time/effort in such a person, and learn from the experience. I suggest you do the same.

LegacyUser

Ok I know im acting silly. Maybe I just havent "dated" alot,which is true.
Last night, i was angry but this morning, i just realised hes pathetic. Everything seems worse at night right?
Its just, it frustrates me as i had dusted myself down but that carry on is a bit..much.

I did follow peoples advice, and i had a good week, that status just boiled my blood and not cause i want him back, but just the disrespect in general, ya know and the disgrace that i could of even be attracted to someone like that. In fairness, he put on a good show at the beginning,the whole "im a nice guy" routine..

I wouldnt get back with him anyway. Hes filthy and dirty in my eyes.... I just shouldnt put my eggs in one basket........ Thanks everyone, sorry for the lapses. Guess if i keep lookin at that crap, ill stay in the bubble and forget all the other nice guys who im getting along with right now.

Think ill stay away from going out with anyone for a little while though. Dont wanna leave myself open for hurt like that ever again!

I just have to practice my aloof act and keep the guard up!

Taltos

sillygirl20111 wrote: »

Think ill stay away from going out with anyone for a little while though. Dont wanna leave myself open for hurt like that ever again!

I just have to practice my aloof act and keep the guard up!

All good sentiments generally - however - doing the above could lead you down a lonely path. Just be careful - overdoing this will cause you to miss out on some great relationships. Yes - you might not be hurt again - but where is the joy?

Sometimes you have to take a risk - far better to learn how to deal appropriately with disappointments rather than wall yourself up behind an icy facade.

IrishEyes19

sillygirl20111 wrote: »

Right. Ive had it. My friend just linked me to his very detailed status on facebook of a blowjob he got off a skank at a party and "more" .. time to confront? all his friends are cheering him on in it! He's humilating me!!!!!!

listen up, OP, how the hell is he humiliating you...he's humiliating himself...it has nothing to do with you. you have to move on, live your life and let him live his.

LegacyUser

I just felt humilated as people i know are friends with him on facebook and i felt they would either

1. Feel sorry for me
2.Laugh at how hes getting away with writing stuff like that after 3weeks of been broken up
3.Say "I couldnt keep him interested" or "Couldnt hold down a boyfriend"

All classic stuff me and my friends have commented on other relationships.

This guy, for me, seems different. In a weird way, i feel hes hammering and hammering away at me and getting away with it?? Does anyone get what Im saying?

I have put him at the back of my mind and trying to get on with it. But just to reply to ye guys (who have been great btw), I have never experienced this from other guys. Nothing as vulgar was ever put up publicly etc.
Like, with my exes, we broke up, fought ,then silence and consideration.. But this guy is punching me one after the other, yet he is in the wrong.

Him : Treating me like **** - Cheating - Lying - Senting "mistake" texts to upset me- Putting up vulgar statuses to hopefully upset me or embarass me

Ive never had to deal with a guy who, is in the wrong, keeps digging the knife in.
I know ye're all frustrated with me, but honestly, this behaviour is vile, from my view and i just dont get it.
If we had broken up and there was silence, I wouldnt of posted here. But its the fact, no one is calling him out on the bull****, annoys me. and the fact, he thinks hes justified in acting like this. If I had cheated on someone, I wouldnt keep hurting them afterwards.....

He told me that "I deserve more than him" ....Then he goes ahead and hurts me over and over? Ive considered he might be just gone in the head... ive never seen a fella act like this .. and my guy friend whos a guy just said "WTF" when i told him...... =P

I must re-evaluate my taste in guys maybe?

Firetrap

Look, for once and for all get it into your head that this bloke's behaviour since you broke up has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. Zero, zilch, nada. Are you really that self-obsessed that you think that everything he's doing now is digging the knife into you? I bet he barely even thinks about you now. He has moved on. It's time you did.

littlefriend

You are giving him power here - he is a tool and is making a fool of himself by behaving this way. Stop making a fool of yourself by reacting. Tell your 'friends' you don't want to hear anything about him and move on. Once you stop engaging with his nonsense it will stop.