How often do you think about sex?

LegacyUser

Hey girls, going unreg for this,

I'm having a bit of a tough time in my relationship right now (with another woman) and a lot of it is to do with sex. I guess I have a high sex drive, but I want to get an idea if I have a bigger 'problem' as it were.

My GF rarely wants sex. There are other issues involved like sexual abuse when she was younger etc. Now, I was also reading some 'sex facts' thing, and something like 65% of women only think about sex a few times a month or week?? I think about sex all the time. Ok, not ALL the time, but easily 5 or 6 times a day. And something else like 70% of women would refer chocolate to sex????

Ok, I know you can make up statistics and all that, but I guess what I really want to know- how much do you guys think about sex? I'm starting to worry that I might have some kind of major obsession with it. Don't get me wrong I'm not all about the genitals, at all. Just some kind of sexual attention, but it's really getting me down. Need to figure out of I'm in a major minority of women who think about sex a lot and would definitely prefer sex to eating!

Wibbs

Better here I think.

feelingfrustrated

feelingfrustrated wrote: »

Hey girls, going unreg for this,

I'm having a bit of a tough time in my relationship right now (with another woman) and a lot of it is to do with sex. I guess I have a high sex drive, but I want to get an idea if I have a bigger 'problem' as it were.

My GF rarely wants sex. There are other issues involved like sexual abuse when she was younger etc. Now, I was also reading some 'sex facts' thing, and something like 65% of women only think about sex a few times a month or week?? I think about sex all the time. Ok, not ALL the time, but easily 5 or 6 times a day. And something else like 70% of women would refer chocolate to sex????

Ok, I know you can make up statistics and all that, but I guess what I really want to know- how much do you guys think about sex? I'm starting to worry that I might have some kind of major obsession with it. Don't get me wrong I'm not all about the genitals, at all. Just some kind of sexual attention, but it's really getting me down. Need to figure out of I'm in a major minority of women who think about sex a lot and would definitely prefer sex to eating!

I doubt those surveys on how often people think of sex as there is no real way of proving it. It's like they say guys think of it every couple of seconds - how exactly is this proven unless you can read minds?

Somewhat unsure of:

I'm having a bit of a tough time in my relationship right now (with another woman)

As you're unreg, I'm unsure if this means that you're seeing another woman outside of the relationship or that the person you're seeing is a woman. Apologies if it seems a silly question, but was confusing in the way that you phrased it.

You mentioned that she had suffered sexual abuse in the past and this could cause her not wanting to have sex. This could be the issue more than her not thinking of sex. Has she gone to speak to a professional about this, as it something that she should do as it could be affecting other areas of her life that she doesn't realize?

Catari Jaguar

Sometimes I have zero sex drive. I think it's because of my contraception. Girls are filling themselves with hormones and it's obviously going to affect your sex drive, especially if like me, you're a woman that only gets horny when their period is due. It's often completely out of my mind and I could go a week without even kissing my boyf and not notice.

I was looking up info about lack of sex drive and found this discussion on Oprah, I was shocked at the number of girls (all aged 18 - 26) that want no sex. At all. Link

LegacyUser

Op here,

I'm a woman in a relationship with a woman. I originally put this in TLL because I specifically wanted womens answers, because I didn't want the standard of "oh men always have higher sex drives" or whatever.

I know that her abuse has meant she feel uncomfortable about sex, and yeah, it's impacting on lots of other things in our relationship but we're doing our best, with help, to get that sorted. My question was more around do other women think about sex a lot, or am I thinking about it and wanting it so much becasue I can't have it, or am I becoming obsessed with it, unhealthily. You know?

I know you can't prove anything, that's why I wanted to get a feel for what was the usual occurance for other women. I sometimes feel like my gf thinks I'm some sort of weirdo because I'd like sex every day, or every other day- even without her past she seems to think that's excessive.

I know everyone will say "oh, what's normal?" or "everyone's different"... I don't even know what I'm looking for tbh...

Cheap Thrills!

I can never believe it when I hear people saying they would prefer chocolate to sex. I think it's more a joke/figure of speech to be honest.

I would be more like you OP, I'd be aware of sex all the time. There wouldn't ever be a time when I would totally forget about it. I don't just mean physical sex either but just that awareness.

Some people are and some people aren't it would seem. I think about other things but it is my primary drive in life. I dont think you are obsessed at all. You sound perfectly normal to me.

Hope that helps.

LegacyUser

Hey OP, another woman here. I also like to have sex quite often and I would certainly prefer it over a chocolate bar! A lot of my friends seem to have much lower sex drives than me and past partners have often been pleased to discover that I enjoy sex as much as them, if not a bit more sometimes. It does make me feel odd occasionally, I think about sex on a regular basis and it often seems to be something that other women don't even think about unless a partner is hassling them in relation to it. In the past it has been an issue with partners because I wanted to have sex more often than they did and it did leave me feeling a bit rejected/frustrated so it can be difficult to find a balance but hopefully this will help you to realise that there are women out there with high sex drives!

LegacyUser

OP, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you! Different people have different sex drives, both men and women. I personally hate the whole generalisation that men think about sex all the time and women rarely do, people come to believe that that is the norm and anything different is not right...total BS!!

I'm a woman and I can tell you my sex drive has gotten pretty damn high recently! I probably think about sex atleast 4 or 5 times a day, probably actually more I'm not sure, but just randomly something will start me thinking about it and that's me away in a little daydream for a bit It seems to always be there in the back of my mind at the minute, and I'm actually quite amazed at what tiny little things can trigger it and start me thinking about it again. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!
People go through phases too, I've found my sex drive has gone through various phases over the past year or so. For a bit sex was basically never on my mind, it wasn't exactly a "high priority" as it were and not getting any for a while didn't bother me in the least, I never really thought about it and hardly ever masturbated, I got some when I got some and I didn't really want any more. Comparing that to now it's strange how much it's changed, especially since I only recently started on the pill and having heard how it's common that your sex drive plummets when you go it I expected mine to...it appears I'm the complete opposite, I think I've gotten worse since!

Different strokes for different folks...don't ever be thinking there's something wrong with you just because you've a healthy libido, couple that with a very active imagination like me and ofcourse a girls gonna be thinking about it a lot There's nothing wrong with you and you're most certainly not alone on this one!

Sleepy

OP, have you ever read 'Girl With a One Track Mind' by Abby Lee? Or the Sex & Sexuality forum here on boards.ie which is heavily contributed to by women?

There are plenty of women out there that have high sex drives.

The surveys about women preferring chocolate to sex I've always taken as being more indicative of how society perceives female sexuality rather than their actual sex-drives. It's hardly surprising that many women answer 'chocolate' rather than 'sex' when even Abby Lee, who's an out-spoken advocate of female sexuality, is a nom-de-plume for Zoe Margolis who was "outed" by the gutter press in the UK for "daring" to write openly about her sex-life and thoughts on sexuality.

Having a higher sex-drive than one's partner is, as I understand it, a typical enough problem for many people in relationships no matter where they lie on the spectrum of human sexuality or gender.

Mind44

Nothing wrong with you. I could go for 2 weeks without thinking of sex at all and then for the next two weeks I think about NOTHING else to the point where I can't focus on work or anything else, lol. I'd rather it was balanced out and that I thought about it a lot the whole time rather than nothing and then obsession.

Don't ever feel bad about having a good sex drive. It's healthy and human.

curlzy

5 or 6 times a day? You're grand! I think about getting ploughed out of it at least that many times a day So yeah, simple answer: You're normal. Some people have very high sex drives, I knew one girl that has to have sex at least once a day or she'd get proper cranky, other girls I know would be the opposite and only want it once a month. As long as it's not impacting you negatively then don't worry about it. I'd say your gf's low sex drive is making you think that yours is super high but it's really not. So yeah you're grand, don't worry about it.

P.S I'm female.

LegacyUser

feelingfrustrated wrote: »

And something else like 70% of women would prefer chocolate to sex????

!

Interview on the street "hello, would you prefer some chocolate right now or some sex?" "er, I'd like some chocolate please"

Press release from Chocolate manufacturer: "70% of women prefer chocolate to sex"

Don't believe any stats published without independent back up, details of question asked, time asked and ages of respondants.

LegacyUser

Hey OP, I'm female and I think about sex several times a day. I'm single now and dying for some sex so I'm masturbating way more (everyday) and I'm generally extremely horny. But even when I was going out with someone I had sex at least 3 times per week and when my boyfriend was tired I'd look after him if you know what I mean!!

Having said that though I have come across a good few women who didn't seem to be into sex at all. I used to work with this lady and she was getting some medical treatment for something and she had to lay off sex and then when she was ready for sex again she got her period so that was that!! I remember thinking 'your guy has a dick and you've a mouth so get to it!!'.......

steel_spine

I've been in the same situation as you with my gf, OP (though she has no history of abuse - just confidence issues and much less experience) -my sex drive is higher most of the time. If I think of some advice I'll post it, but we've managed to work through those patches for over 4 years now, and as her confidence has improved, so has her sex drive.

FilthyMickey

I think about it more than 20 times a day and then I lose count. I dream about it too to the point where it wakes me up. I have no girlfriend like yourself so that is probably part of my problem .
What I dont know is that if I had a girlfriend, would it make me think about it more or less? who knows.

FilthyMickey

Sorry just realised that you might be asking for girls only opinion. If so ignore my post, thanks