Boyfriend took all my savings, now he's broke and I can't pay rent. I'm such a fool.

LegacyUser

My boyfriend of 10 years used to be self employed and for a few years he seemed to be doing well (getting credit for stock from suppliers) and had lots of customers. He built up a good credit rating with lenders too, but soon he had 5 credit cards, car finance and a personal loan aswell. I never really knew the finer details of his finances but bit by bit he convinced me to part with €800 here, €1500 there (convincing me the credit cards were too dangerous to be drawing upon all the time, that cash was better to buy with).
2 years ago the total amount owed to me by him was €7,800. My life savings.

We live together and I am not working anymore. Neither is he. He is broke. So am I.
I have social welfare but no rent subsidy. I pay all the rent. He only pays his half some weeks, and that's every 4-6 weeks on average. The pressure on me is enormous.
He is paying for a car, 09, that he can't afford to have yet insists on keeping it.
Tax, insurance, petrol, finance payments, he's willingly shelling out and maintaining a few loans aswell.
Yet I am struggling to keep a roof over my head.
I buy the food and he eats it when I'm not looking, leaves empty everything in the fridge and press to fool me for a day or two.
I haven't the energy to argue anymore. And I haven't the strength to leave him either.
I supported him all these years, thinking I would one day gain equal respect but from day one I should have seen how selfish he really was - the first year he bought me a birthday present, the Christmas of the same year, nothing. And nothing since, 9 years on.
Anywhere we went, I paid for myself (cinema or a rare holiday or night out) - we never had any good times, he was adverse to spending money. Just his own though. Never treated me to anything. Just manipulated me in to parting with my wages and savings, bit by bit, till now, I'm flat broke and he has no way to ever pay it back.

I'm extremely depressed right now, on medication and I get through the day like a zombie. I have no thought anymore, I am blank and numb. In an erormous rut. Up all night straing in to space while he sleeps like a baby.
He doesn't conversate. I'd feel some bit better if he was chatty and had a sense of humour but it used to be ME who had the personality - I was a great conversationalist and was very witty, it was me who carried the relationship and made all the effort.
I am just so lonely.
On tv recently a guy said "being with you is like being alone - except you're here".
That's exactly how it is for me. And I can not talk to him, he blanks me, changes the subject and walks out or gets angry. He can't even talk about anything in general,
not even the weather.
There is no joy. Nothing to look forward to. We are both depressed.
I am a million times worse though because I was stupid enough to believe in him,
so it's not all his fault.
But he gambled away my money on a business he knew was failing (people weren't paying in the end and creditors wanted cash upfront).

I haven't gone out socially or for a day out for two years, I've given up.
I avoid my family (they leaned on me too much with their own problems and caused me severe depression and my mother tormented me since I can remember).
I don't see my friends anymore, I'm just too upset and don't want to be a burden.
My face can't hide my feelings.
I LOOK dead inside and I'm thinking about how nice it'd be to die, just for a change.

Every day is like Groundhog Day, everything is the exact same.
I just left a course I was on because I can't full time facing people every day,
sitting at a table trying to act happy over lunch. I just can't relate to people anymore.
And if I don't go with him when he gets his dole I don't get any rent at all - he'll lodge it in the bank for his car and tell me f-off til next week.
I feel such a failure for leaving but I have no motivation left in me, I thought 'why am I doing this? I am trying to train for a job and he stays in bed all day, shouldn't it be the man trying his best to be the strong one?'.
He didn't support me in it either. Never once asked how was my day or what the subjects were like. Ignorant of everything. Self obsessed. Only talks about himself, well used to til I stopped listening. Never wanted to know my problems and he caused me many. Cheated on me a few times a couple of years back, when he was flush.

He refuses to learn anything himself or look for work. Adament he will do what he did again some day soon.
I'm worn out. Waiting to see a phyciatrist. I'd happily admit myself to the funny ward at this stage. I don't care about anything anymore. I'm even thinking of taking up drinking, cos why not? Well, if I could afford to I would, just as well I can't.

Any advice at all I'd be grateful for. Good or bad. Say whatever you think.
I need to hear it.

Thank you.

whiteonion

The obvious answer is to cut your losses and run.

Zen65

sadandlonely wrote: »

I haven't the strength to leave him either.

Op,

I'm very sorry to read of your troubles - this is a sickening situation for you... literally. I do believe that the only option for you is to leave this man and start to rebuild your life again. Describing him as your boyfriend is a bit delusional of you; he is no such thing. He is using you as his meal ticket, and if his business suddenly picked up tomorrow and he did not need you any more do you think he would share his good fortune with you? He has not recognised your birthday or Christmas for 9 years, so I think it's a fair bet he would dump you and run if his fortunes picked up.

Either you kick him out of the house or you leave him there to pay the rent himself.

Go to MABS and get advice on how to manage financially after you separate. They are well placed to advise you of your entitlements, as well as how to best balance your budget.

Making this happen is going to be difficult, but after the initial pain it will get easier. You might need to go back and live with your family for a while, and I think they will probably understand (though it will not be easy).


Be at peace,


Z

Fittle

OP, I am so sorry to read about the mess you are in.

My first bit of advice would be to forget about the money he took from you - it's gone, he doesn't have the capacity to give it back to you so let it go. Your sanity is more important than any amount of money he owes you.

My second bit of advice would be to pack a bag today, and go. Go anywhere. Go to family/friends, anywhere...you need to distance yourself from this man OP. Only when you distance yourself from him, will you build your strength up again.

Do you have anywhere to sleep tonight, other than the home you share with him? Don't look at the big picture - you will be overwhelmed by it all. Take it it small steps - one day at a time. Today, try to find yourself a bed you can sleep in, out of the home. You don't mention children - I hope there are none, because it will be much easier to move away from him if you don't have children.

One step at a time OP - the first one being to find a way to move out. Today.

Best of luck Op.

TommyKnocker

While I would pretty much agree with what Fittle has posted, I would not necessarily agree with the first point.

Have you any proof that you loaned him €7,800? If so and I was you I would be having a chat with Free Legal Aid tbh.

If he can afford to keep an 09 car on the road, then he is not without means to repay what he owes you. I would be checking to see if there were any way to have him forced to sell the car. Repay what he owes to the finance company, give you the remainder as a down payment, and the money that was going towards the car given to you weekly until the debt is paid in full.

Of course it may well be that you have to write the money off and chalk it up to experience but if there was any way for you to recoup it or any portion of it, then I don't think that he should be let away with it. AS he will likely just do the same to his next victim.

IMO this guy is a parasite and is taking you for a mug. This guy deserves nothing from you but your contempt. He is no friend of yours, never mind a boyfriend. For what it is worth, a BF/GF is IMO, someone who should enhance your life and make you happy and although all relationships have their ups and downs, being in a relationship should be primarily a happy and positive experience. This is not the picture you paint.

Like Fittle said, I suspect that if this guys fortunes turned tomorrow all you would see is his dust trail as he high tails it into the sunset without giving you a thought or repaying you..

Honestly OP, you owe it to yourself to get away from this parasite and out of this toxic relationship, and the sooner the better for your health, wealth and sanity. You are worth so much more than this guy is willing to give. You need to start looking after No. 1, which is yourself.

I really hope you find the strength to walk away from this clown, and that you can start to rebuild your life, hopefully with someone who recognises your true value.

Good Luck

Fittle

B-Builder wrote: »

While I would pretty much agree with what Fittle has posted, I would not necessarily agree with the first point.

Fair enough, and I see your point about the OP pursuing the money from him. But I truly believe that she needs to get away from this man - in every way possible. Pursuing the money from him legally will just prolong the agony for her - he will no doubt manipulate her into agreeing it was a loan (or something similar) along the way. The OP's self-esteem is desperately low at the moment. She needs to get away from him but build her strength back up.

At the end of the day, yes, 7,800 is alot of money, but I believe the OP could do her mind untold damage trying to pursue it through the courts with him. Your health is your wealth, as my granny would have said - and she lived till she was 99;)

Jenneke87

Get away from him right now. Pack your backs, ask a relative if you can stay at their place for awhile. I agree with others to first rebuild your life and reduce your stress but I think that, after that's done, you should get the money back. E7800 is a lot of money and your savings on top of that, and he should not be allowed to get away with it IMO. After you've moved out(or kicked him out) i'd certainly look into legal advice as to how to get this money back.

Wompa1

Now I'm not a big fancy lawyer *queue shocked gasps* But I beleive if you have clearly stated to him that this was a loan then you are legally entitled to compensation. If you didn't want to go full hog after it you could bring him to small claims court and get some of it back.

It's a tough situation but I think it's time you started being selfish. This guy is a scrub, time to move on and start new. I'd be after a couple of weeks away from him you'll feel rejuvenated. Good luck!

LegacyUser

OP while my heart goes out to you its horrendous to be betrayed like that, it sounds like you're blaming this man for all your troubles, and while yes he is an absolute scumbag, at the end of the day people will only do to you, what you allow them to.

Now you can sit there blaming him and feeling sorry for yourself, or you can wake up and realise that YOU allowed him to treat you like this. YOU are continually allowing him to treat you like crap. YOU have to take some responsiblity, nobody can change your current situation other than YOU.

I'm sorry if thats sounds harsh, but your entire post is basically, "he does is this and he is that, he's ruining my life, he won't change....but i won't change my situation either" So what do you expect?

And I haven't the strength to leave him either

Surely it would take a lot more strength to stay and put up with his s***

OP there is a point in our lives when we have to take some responsibility for ourselves and realise that we are responsible for our own future. You have free will (it doesn't sound like this man is physically abusive to you) so the only person truely stopping you from walking away is YOU, maybe you need to step back and think about why that is?*


* I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but wallowing in self pity isn't going to change anything, i know OP that you have said you're depressed but i don't think that's a reason to sugar coat things, when staying in this situation is going to inflict more damage on your mental health.

LegacyUser

Zen65 wrote: »

Op,
A: He is using you as his meal ticket, and if his business suddenly picked up tomorrow and he did not need you any more do you think he would share his good fortune with you?
He has not recognised your birthday or Christmas for 9 years, so I think it's a fair bet he would dump you and run if his fortunes picked up.



B: Either you kick him out of the house or you leave him there to pay the rent himself.



C: Go to MABS and get advice on how to manage financially after you separate. They are well placed to advise you of your entitlements, as well as how to best balance your budget.
Making this happen is going to be difficult, but after the initial pain it will get easier. You might need to go back and live with your family for a while, and I think they will probably understand (though it will not be easy).

Z

A He would not, no, you're right, he has left me before for good times elsewhere.


B I'd be about €50 up a week if I did. That sounds good to say!

C Absolutely can't go back home, things are worse there - there is alcohol, regular screaming matches and some violence. I haven't any other family to go to, and only a couple of friends I was never close enough to, to stay with now, and they live at home with their parents...

Thanks for your reply. You've given me some different thoughts.

LegacyUser

Fittle wrote: »

OP, I am so sorry to read about the mess you are in.
A My first bit of advice would be to forget about the money he took from you - it's gone, he doesn't have the capacity to give it back to you so let it go. Your sanity is more important than any amount of money he owes you.

B You don't mention children - I hope there are none, because it will be much easier to move away from him if you don't have children.

Best of luck Op.

A I know, you're right. I've thought about letting it go, it'd be as much a relief to me if I could as it would to actually get it back. It's all I can think about though, how secure I'd be to have it back (to be able to pay rent and bills for a while on my own, to be ABLE to finish with him and manage totally alone) but it's caused me so much upset it's very hard to imagine not ever having it back.
I'd accept it as gone if he were contributing to rent and food every week, it's a very tough situation to be in. I would love to be able to think different. I will try.

B No children, no. I'm 34 and would have loved to have some but I know in my heart that I could never and can't ever allow that to happen, not with him.

Thank you.

LegacyUser

B-Builder wrote: »

A Have you any proof that you loaned him €7,800? If so and I was you I would be having a chat with Free Legal Aid tbh.
If he can afford to keep an 09 car on the road, then he is not without means to repay what he owes you. I would be checking to see if there were any way to have him forced to sell the car. Repay what he owes to the finance company, give you the remainder as a down payment, and the money that was going towards the car given to you weekly until the debt is paid in full.

B Of course it may well be that you have to write the money off and chalk it up to experience but if there was any way for you to recoup it or any portion of it, then I don't think that he should be let away with it. AS he will likely just do the same to his next victim.

C IMO this guy is a parasite and is taking you for a mug. This guy deserves nothing from you but your contempt. He is no friend of yours, never mind a boyfriend. For what it is worth, a BF/GF is IMO, someone who should enhance your life and make you happy and although all relationships have their ups and downs, being in a relationship should be primarily a happy and positive experience. This is not the picture you paint.

Like Fittle said, I suspect that if this guys fortunes turned tomorrow all you would see is his dust trail as he high tails it into the sunset without giving you a thought or repaying you..

D Honestly OP, you owe it to yourself to get away from this parasite and out of this toxic relationship, and the sooner the better for your health, wealth and sanity. You are worth so much more than this guy is willing to give. You need to start looking after No. 1, which is yourself.

I really hope you find the strength to walk away from this clown, and that you can start to rebuild your life, hopefully with someone who recognises your true value.

Good Luck

A I do, I have proof. He signed agreements for exact amounts and dates and I have bank statements attached to them. There was a time limit to when he'd repay by, but that's long passed.
If he gave back the car I know he would have to still pay for it after it's gone, he says he can't afford NOT to have it, yet the petrol ect he can't maintain - I'm usually stung for that too if I need to go somewhere (like to supermarket, to pay for the food aswell) and says he doesn't want to pay for something that's gone (like my cash)...I wish...
I know I'm a pure fool but I do feel sorry for him sometimes. He's quiet and has never hit me or called me names.

B Yet on the other hand he is sneaky, very sneaky. He does use people, it's true. He 'borrowed' 2 thousand off a good friend and never repaid him either. His family have it inbuilt to take from others, they believe they are entitled to what other people have, wether it's food, money or even the coat you are wearing (the mother not so much hints at but literally TELLS you she would like that coat for herself)...and they all live and scrounge off one another too...

C Yes he is a parasite. And I do have contempt for him and a lot of resentment too.
But I'm just a thick passive-aggressive (I throw what's left of the food after he's scoffed 90% of it, into the bin in a 'temper'). Thing is I'm just not angry enough and I know I need to be in order to have the strength to take controle...

D Thanks so much for your advice - I would love to meet someone else some day and do all the normal stuff like both of us working, sharing bills, motivation and fun and no tension in the air.

LegacyUser

Fittle wrote: »

Pursuing the money from him legally will just prolong the agony for her. At the end of the day, yes, 7,800 is alot of money, but I believe the OP could do her mind untold damage trying to pursue it through the courts with him.
Your health is your wealth, as my granny would have said - and she lived till she was 99;)

Yeah, going legal was never an option - I know the hassle I'd face and someone else posted that I could maybe get legal aid - I don't think I could as it's 'civil' and not criminal. I think I'd end up owing a solicitor more than half of the alomost €8000...

LegacyUser

foolmeonce wrote: »

OP while my heart goes out to you its horrendous to be betrayed like that, it sounds like you're blaming this man for all your troubles, and while yes he is an absolute scumbag, at the end of the day people will only do to you, what you allow them to.

Now you can sit there blaming him and feeling sorry for yourself, or you can wake up and realise that YOU allowed him to treat you like this. YOU are continually allowing him to treat you like crap. YOU have to take some responsiblity, nobody can change your current situation other than YOU.

I'm sorry if thats sounds harsh, but your entire post is basically, "he does is this and he is that, he's ruining my life, he won't change....but i won't change my situation either" So what do you expect?


Surely it would take a lot more strength to stay and put up with his s***

OP there is a point in our lives when we have to take some responsibility for ourselves and realise that we are responsible for our own future. You have free will (it doesn't sound like this man is physically abusive to you) so the only person truely stopping you from walking away is YOU, maybe you need to step back and think about why that is?*


* I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but wallowing in self pity isn't going to change anything, i know OP that you have said you're depressed but i don't think that's a reason to sugar coat things, when staying in this situation is going to inflict more damage on your mental health.

I know, you're right. I'ts a sad fact of life though that sometimes people who are genuine and kind can get walked all over. I was bullied pretty bad at school. The bully saw that weakness in me, she actually knew I had alcoholic parents who didn't care. My uniform was two sizes too big (secondhand) and i never had a lunch. It was my situation at home with them that made me so passive and accepting of everything that would happen me.
I was however very confident, outgoing and funny. This was of course a public act.
I never fight back because I don't like conflict. People pick up on that and walk all over. Which is so lousy when someone is causing you no harm.

People are selfish and cruel I believe. Even the 'nice' ones turn nasty when they have something to gain. I can't trust people anymore and I think I'm better off not to.

It's good to have something like Boards where you can give and get good advice and support at a distance, without ever knowing the other posters.
In real life I think the more you get to know someone, the more potential they have to hurt you. To sum up what you have said - I won't allow anyone to use me anymore
- because I won't allow anyone to get to know me.
I want to shut the world out and not interact with people again for another few years. Sometimes I feel that's the only solution.
I spent my entire life alone, literally.
I feel I don't need people and have less stress the fewer people I know.
Everyone I do know have plagued me with their problems but never wanted to know mine.

I don't think you'll agree. But it's a solution.

Distorted

It does sound like a rather toxic, one-sided relationship. But I think you are using him as an excuse for moving on in your own life and facing up to things. I do think you need to take responsibility for your own life and the decisions you make in it. You don't have a job, you dropped out of a course. Not him. The fact that you don't have a source of income from work is your fault. No-one is going to give you anything in this life for nothing, so if you want to have a better life, you need to start taking the steps towards having one.

Recognising that your current relationship is toxic and doing neither of you any good is a start, but you need to realise that it is only the start. A relationship is only part of your life. The other parts of your life are your work, or social life, or interests, or whatever.

dellas1979

Why are you with this guy? Please dont say "because I am weak" or something crap like that.

Are you staying with him, cutting off a future and (possible) children/family because you think you are going to get the money off him?

Ridiculous.

You got yourself into this situation, now its time to get yourself out of it.

As some other posters suggested, cut your losses and run. Run like hell.

Right now, you need to get it into your head that you wont be getting that money back and then find a (new) place to live.

That is your responsibility to yourself. Take control of YOUR life, because at the monent, you are allowing him to piss your life away.

LegacyUser

I know, you're right. I'ts a sad fact of life though that sometimes people who are genuine and kind can get walked all over. I was bullied pretty bad at school. The bully saw that weakness in me, she actually knew I had alcoholic parents who didn't care. My uniform was two sizes too big (secondhand) and i never had a lunch. It was my situation at home with them that made me so passive and accepting of everything that would happen me.
I was however very confident, outgoing and funny. This was of course a public act.
I never fight back because I don't like conflict. People pick up on that and walk all over. Which is so lousy when someone is causing you no harm.

People are selfish and cruel I believe. Even the 'nice' ones turn nasty when they have something to gain. I can't trust people anymore and I think I'm better off not to.

It's good to have something like Boards where you can give and get good advice and support at a distance, without ever knowing the other posters.
In real life I think the more you get to know someone, the more potential they have to hurt you. To sum up what you have said - I won't allow anyone to use me anymore
- because I won't allow anyone to get to know me.
I want to shut the world out and not interact with people again for another few years. Sometimes I feel that's the only solution.
I spent my entire life alone, literally.
I feel I don't need people and have less stress the fewer people I know.
Everyone I do know have plagued me with their problems but never wanted to know mine.

I don't think you'll agree. But it's a solution.

No i'm afraid i don't agree OP, yes there are horrible people out there, and i'm sorry you had such a crap childhood, but you know what so did i, so did my best friend, i've been treated horribly by men and so have many of my friends, many of my male friends have been treated even worse by women....this is life. You can throw what is essentially a 2 year old childs tantrum and say i hate men/i hate people/they're all out to get me so i'm going to sit in the corner and not speak to any of them anymore...but you're not 2 anymore, you know this won't solve anything, again its wallowing in self pity. That's fine do it if you want, but you're not getting back at these people, you're not dealing with the problem, the only person you're hurting is yourself.

Again OP you're playing the woe is me card - you don't actually really want to deal with your problems just moan about them.

My advice would be to see a professional and talk to them about/work through your childhood/lack of self worth/trust issues etc.

There are billions of people on this planet OP, millions of these people are kind and honest and trustworthy, its insanity to say every single person on the planet is "bad", if the only people you are attracting into your life are assholes you can either blame people and be miserable for the rest of your life or you can realise that maybe YOU need to work on YOURSELF and try and figure out why you allow these people to walk over you, why you won't assert yourself. You can sit around for eternity moaning that the world is a horrible place and hoping and praying and wishing that OTHER people will change, but you know what OP they won't, what you can do is work on YOURSELF and change what you bring into your life, that OP is achievable.

Meteoric

sadandlonely wrote: »

I know, you're right. I'ts a sad fact of life though that sometimes people who are genuine and kind can get walked all over. I was bullied pretty bad at school. The bully saw that weakness in me, she actually knew I had alcoholic parents who didn't care. My uniform was two sizes too big (secondhand) and i never had a lunch. It was my situation at home with them that made me so passive and accepting of everything that would happen me.
I was however very confident, outgoing and funny. This was of course a public act.
I never fight back because I don't like conflict. People pick up on that and walk all over. Which is so lousy when someone is causing you no harm.

People are selfish and cruel I believe. Even the 'nice' ones turn nasty when they have something to gain. I can't trust people anymore and I think I'm better off not to.

It's good to have something like Boards where you can give and get good advice and support at a distance, without ever knowing the other posters.
In real life I think the more you get to know someone, the more potential they have to hurt you. To sum up what you have said - I won't allow anyone to use me anymore
- because I won't allow anyone to get to know me.
I want to shut the world out and not interact with people again for another few years. Sometimes I feel that's the only solution.
I spent my entire life alone, literally.
I feel I don't need people and have less stress the fewer people I know.
Everyone I do know have plagued me with their problems but never wanted to know mine.

I don't think you'll agree. But it's a solution.

OP Yes I don't agree but no it's not a solution. This is the point about depression, it tells you things like "I don't need people" "everyone will hurt me" it turns small things from friends like not texting you back into proof they are not real friends or that you are bugging them too much. Depression takes every little thing and turns it into proof that you are not good enough.
You have an enormous amount of stress and the depression to deal with, it's hard. But for me anyway, the solution is baby steps, as another poster has said in not the same words.
You can try break it down. Instead of looking at the whole thing which is just heartbreaking, think of 4 or 5 things you need to do, things that will not take long to do, stuff like "in the next week I'll sort out one of my minor things, change that light bulb, go for a walk every day, Wash the curtains, get some washing-up done, etc." For me anyway, just getting that one thing done means the next day I feel that yes I can do something so the day after I might get two other things done and the good feelings feed on themselves.
Set-backs always happen but if you can look back at a day and say I marked something off the list (and it can help to have an actual list and physically mark it off) can in my experience just help lift how overwhelming everything is. So much to sort out, thinking about the scale of it freaks you out so you do nothing at all. I've been there, done that.
You have a lot of past to get over, a lot of present to get over, but a wonderful future to get to. I think one way to get there is to take it in bite sized chunks.
And don't be afraid to talk to your friends, it took a lot of courage for one of my friends to talk about depression, but once she did everyone admitted to their own experiences with it and how we had all felt the same, for the lucky ones of us only for days or weeks at a time, but I do think it made all of us know we were not alone and it is not unusual.
I so wish you well, you must be at your core a very strong person to have got this far despite all that has happened even if you cannot see it right now. Please believe you can do this, one little bit at a time.

annapolska

You need a fresh start.

It is clear that you are suffering, and I am so sorry to hear that tone of despair in your post, it is heartbreaking! The most important thing you can do is take care of yourself right now.

Move out. Go someplace smaller and cheaper, and don't look back. Take what you need, and leave the rest. Your "boyfriend" is a grown man and he can fend for himself, and since he eats your food and lives with you for free, you can no longer afford to keep him. Good riddance.

I can understand not wanting to pursue him for the money he owes you, but at the same time it sounds like it would be such a relief if you could get back at least some of it. Guess what, if he has a nearly new car, he has at least some resource to pay you back. Very smart of you to keep documents regarding the money you loaned him, too, they may be useful.

It wouldn't hurt to just have a meeting with a lawyer. You can tell your story and turn over all of your "evidence" and then let the chips fall where they may. It looks like you could possibly have some luck if you contacted FLAC http://www.flac.ie/about/ If they can't help you (or refer you to someone who can), then wash your hands of the whole ordeal and move forward knowing you tried.

Your life could be completely different less than a week if you just take small steps. I wish you all the best!

Wagon

Bad situation here. I'll try give useful advice.

First off, this lad sounds exactly like the type of person who spawned straight out of the celtic tiger. Money money and more fúckin money. A complete wanker.

You need a fresh start for certain. I'm guessing the only reason you are still with this prick is because the only other option is to move home in the meantime as you can't afford another place on the dole. And your home sounds just as bad, if not worse than this. I don't see the sense in moving away from a bad situation to be in a worse one. And the economic climate here is **** too meaning that getting a job is extremely difficult.

So the only plausible way i can see of getting out of this and having a fresh start is to move country. Even just over to england. Take whatever cash you have (even sell some of your things and take out a small loan from a bank) to fund it initially. You can go on the dole there and they will cover your rent for the first while as you look for a job. Also, the jobseekers service there actually does help you find work as they don't want people on their social welfare either so you can find temp work or any small job fast. If you are qualified and have good experience, you'll probably be able to get a job fast. Faster than here at any rate.

It might sounds drastic but from what you have written, the sooner you leave this shíthead the better. If you want to, down the line, you can pursue the ****er for the money he owes you. and when you have yourself back on your feet and you're feeling better, you'll be laughing. The reason you dont have the strength to leave him now is because he's worn you down to the point that you feel worthless and won't be able to survive on your own. Bullshít. You can manage perfectly well im sure. You just need to get over the mental block he's planted.

It might sound impossible but you need to get away from these types of people. They use those closest to them to walk behind the cart and pick up the shít the horse leaves behind so as to make themselves look better. And you can do it. It doesn't need to be a permanent move, just a temporary one. Failing that, can you ask a friend if you can stay in their house for a while? I can't imagine them saying no to a mate who was in desperate need.

If you do go ahead with the move, don't worry about leaving him behind. This lad can obviously spend his cash when he wants to so he can spend it on fending for himself. Don't tell him about moving either. Do it quietly and then one day, just pack up and leave. If you need to, pretend that you are taking a few days break abroad with some friends. Throw him off completely. He doesn't deserve anything better.

Hope this helps in some way.

curlzy

Hey OP

I'm not trying to be mean but your post depressed the crap outta me!!! I'm going to have to watch some Spongebob later on to feel ok again. I think the problem is that you're depressed, and with good reason. It certainly sounds like your family trained you to be a whipping post. You learned not to stand up for yourself and it's still destroying you.

The good news: This is all fixable. Go home and break up with him, hide anything valuable before hand though, just tell him you've had enough and you want to be single again. Don't get into an argument, you don't owe him any explanation, you have a right to break up with someone if you don't want them around anymore so just exercise your right. Just do it, it's as simple as that. If he won't move then pack your stuff and you move, get down to the Health centre and ask to speak to the Community Welfare Officer about getting rent allowance, medical card etc. This is the most important thing: get him out of your life. Once that's done just blank him, don't ever let him weasle his way back in. He sounds like a really disgusting selfish pig. To be honest though OP you sound very damaged by your past. There's just no way in hell this situation should have gone on this long. Please get into some councelling to help with self-esteem and self-confidence. I know all this sounds exhausting, everything does when you're depressed but it's really only a few hours of shenanigans and then you'll be free! I really wish you all the best OP, it sounds like you've never really had happyness in your life and that makes me sad. You deserve to be happy, so go and take that happyness.

With regards the money, I can't see you getting that back TBH without alot of hassle, even then i don't thing it's likely, so maybe just chalk it up to being a cheap price for getting rid of a blood sucking parasite. Honestly OP I know these things seem insurmountable but they really aren't, just do one thing at a time. Best of luck.

okiss

Leave this loser. Mr I deserve my 09 car, borrow money off everyone and not pay it back and get my girlfriend to pay my rent and food bills.
This guy is the pits and things are not going to improve for you when you stay with him.
See if you can move in with one of your friends and leave him. Go to the community welfare officer and see what your are entitled to. See if you can go back to your course as you need to have something to do each day and to improve your job prospects.
When you do this go legal and try to get some money back from Mr 09.
I was like you at one stage jobless, not a lot of money and was in debit but I worked hard paid off my debits and life is good now.
Life will get better for you but you have to help yourself now by leaving Mr 09 car. In a few years time you will look back and think that was the best thing I ever did as I got the life I deserved when I left him behind.