Moved home unhappy

LegacyUser

Ok i posted this before but the post seems to have dissapeared

I have recently moved into a new place on my own. However the problem is i am very unhappy and lonely

The reason i got the place was because i wanted to be able have friends around for a few drinks and also to ge t a girlfriend( even though i am in my 30s i have never had a girlfriend) i suppose i thought it would change my life

The problem iss i hate living in the place on my own it just seems like even half an hour is eternity. i just sit there and think about my whole life.I get totally lonely. I always want peple to be in the place.(sometimes this gets out of hand)

When i was younger i was bullied a lot and became an almost recluse. i left school at an early age. for almost my entire teenage years i didnt do anything except sit around the house reading. My parents on the hand they would spoilt me but the other hand they were too protective they seem to prefer me sitting at the house doing nothing going to a disco getting into fights(i wasnt a fighter they just heard all these bad stories about the local discos)

My parents were(and to a small degree still are) very argumentative. My mother in particular is very hard to talk to. If you even disagreed with her shw would think you were arguing with her or being judgemental. Although she didnt mean to be she was very domineering. She would fight with my father but expect me to take her side

My father on the other hand was popular, easy going assertive but i felt our relaiotionship suffered because i didnt open up about fears and problems i had

i tried to hint to them i needed help or someone to talk but they didnt pick up on my hints. in fact i never confided any problems or worries i had to anyone. i became very isolated. i was on the verge of suicide but no one noticed i bottled up my problems that long i could talk to anyone int he end as they would have to have been dragged out of me

Now 20 years i have a lot of problems but i cant even figure what these problems are

i cant make a decision. Even if i watch a film or listen to music i cant figure out if i like it
. if i could i would 24 hours a day watching tv or the internet
I feel as if i am still a teenager and very immature. as if i am unformed or not rounded as if emotionally time stood still the mintute i decided to keep problemms to myself

Now i feel really messed up but cant explain it. i feel very restrained and its as if i am still living in my own head. a thousand thoughts seem to go through my head a every 5 minutes. Sometimes i feel vey sad.sometimes i just feel like exlpoding or going Its as if time stood still for me. i am constatly analysing myself

I didnt have a bad upbinging compared to others in fact my friends think i was spoiled so why am i so mixed up?

I have tried counselling but it hasnt worked out

tenchi-fan

I remember this thread from a few weeks ago.. If I recall you got a lot of advice.

Maybe you should bookmark threads.. or join, post anonymously, and then follow the thread.

LegacyUser

i dont have regular internet access

I think the thread is actually gone so eve if i did follow it it would still be gone

Ickle Magoo

your thread complete with advice :cool:

LegacyUser

v unhappy camper wrote: »

Ok i posted this before but the post seems to have dissapeared



I have recently moved into a new place on my own. However the problem is i am very unhappy and lonely



The reason i got the place was because i wanted to be able have friends around for a few drinks and also to ge t a girlfriend( even though i am in my 30s i have never had a girlfriend) i suppose i thought it would change my life



The problem iss i hate living in the place on my own it just seems like even half an hour is eternity. i just sit there and think about my whole life.I get totally lonely. I always want peple to be in the place.(sometimes this gets out of hand)



When i was younger i was bullied a lot and became an almost recluse. i left school at an early age. for almost my entire teenage years i didnt do anything except sit around the house reading. My parents on the hand they would spoilt me but the other hand they were too protective they seem to prefer me sitting at the house doing nothing going to a disco getting into fights(i wasnt a fighter they just heard all these bad stories about the local discos)



My parents were(and to a small degree still are) very argumentative. My mother in particular is very hard to talk to. If you even disagreed with her shw would think you were arguing with her or being judgemental. Although she didnt mean to be she was very domineering. She would fight with my father but expect me to take her side



My father on the other hand was popular, easy going assertive but i felt our relaiotionship suffered because i didnt open up about fears and problems i had



i tried to hint to them i needed help or someone to talk but they didnt pick up on my hints. in fact i never confided any problems or worries i had to anyone. i became very isolated. i was on the verge of suicide but no one noticed i bottled up my problems that long i could talk to anyone int he end as they would have to have been dragged out of me



Now 20 years i have a lot of problems but i cant even figure what these problems are



i cant make a decision. Even if i watch a film or listen to music i cant figure out if i like it

. if i could i would 24 hours a day watching tv or the internet

I feel as if i am still a teenager and very immature. as if i am unformed or not rounded as if emotionally time stood still the mintute i decided to keep problemms to myself



Now i feel really messed up but cant explain it. i feel very restrained and its as if i am still living in my own head. a thousand thoughts seem to go through my head a every 5 minutes. Sometimes i feel vey sad.sometimes i just feel like exlpoding or going Its as if time stood still for me. i am constatly analysing myself



I didnt have a bad upbinging compared to others in fact my friends think i was spoiled so why am i so mixed up?



I have tried counselling but it hasnt worked out

You're not gonna like this but I think you should give counselling another shot. What happened last time you tried it? Did you turn up, talk for a while and that was it? I hear a lot of people say that counselling didnt work for them but on closer examination they'll admit that they didnt do any work off the couch. They'd show up for their weekly sessions, amybe take anti-depressants and that was it, they wouldnt work on themselves outside of their counsellors office. Counselling is like a catalyst, it sparks things off but you have to keep the fire going by working on yourself for the rest of the week. And anit-depressants dont solve root problems, they just act as pain killers.



It sounds like you're avoiding sitting with yourself OP. You're using people, tv, the internet, etc to distract yourself from your feelings. Thats a one way ticket to a meltdown. Your past explains your present actions, its because of the events of the past that you act in certain ways now. And the only way to understand and ultimately change your behaviour now is to explore your past. And thats best done with the help of a counsellor, someone who you can trust, who wont judge you.

Im not saying its straight forward and easy even with the help of a counsellor, its not, but it is very doable. It'll be tough going, it sounds like you have a lot of stuff to deal with and it may get uncomfortable at times. But its work thats absolutley necessary.



And whos to say your upbringing was bad or good? Your friends or anybody else for that matter are in no position to make that call. You are the only one who gets to decide whether your upbringing was adequate or not. But right now you're denying your feelings on the issue. A big part of you feels damaged or hurt by what happened in your childhood, you have to accept that part of you and not try to argue logic or reason against those feelings. You cant say, for example, Oh I didnt spend my youth starving in a ghetto in Ethiopia, so that means my childhood was grand. Or you cant say, my parnets never beat me, so that means my childhood was grand. The bottom line is: You cant compare your experience to anybody elses experience. Your feelings dont lie. So stop trying to rationalise and logic away those feelings. Sit with them and accept them no matter how much your brain tries to convince you otherwise. Get it? Hope thats clear.

LegacyUser

the last time i went to counselling i seemed to go around in circles. its as if i dont know why i am getting counselling anymore!?!

I spend all my time thinking but not coming to any conclusion

If anyone shows any concern i
about me i get sort of emotional(not openly though)

Im alway hanging about people in the pub i go from one group to another.

I think the problem is that when i was younger i had problems but bottled them up. Now i cant really get close to anyone because i bottled them up