Lust for my BF's Brother?? Yelp

LegacyUser

Hi,

I hope i dont regret expressing this here as i dont think i can handle any harshness as i have no one else to talk to, but over new years i had something happen with my BF's brother... Basically i have always had weird vibes from his brother i know them all my life but i thought the brother never liked me he was never particularly nice to me in fact he was quite horrible. He never made conversation or wanted to get to know me and my BF very much where i am very close with the other siblings and the parents, unusually close. Anyway over the last few years we have all become closer as a family, my family are not in the picture so my BF's family are like my own, i am with my BF 16 years. Life has taken a great turn for us and we came into a lot of money for our age and we have created a wonderful life in a big house which really has brought the family together and we just had the best christmas ever.

SO for the last 6 months i have picked up on this particular brother with vibes that he was checking me out and staring at me, he never looks me in the eye or speaks to me very much, but i started feeling like he was undressing me with his eyes kind of thing and i was like what is this im feeling cause i started to pick up on it....

I had to deal with alot of abuse in my past from my parents and i was never a sexual person, i was so afraid of it really and my dad is a molester so i had mad issues relaxing when it came to sex, but i spent the last 10 years going to therapy and working on my issues and getting myself happy and since i am 30 and coming into some money i am feeling just re born. My BF is the best guy you could imagine, loyal decent caring its a real relationship of equality, he has never even looked at another girl.

But i found myself feeling like i kind of liked being desired and i think i felt feelings of lust for the first time in my life....... im so embarrassed saying that! but i think thats how i felt.

Then i went and stayed in my in laws house for the new year and my BF didnt want to come but i had loads to do in the city and i went up, it was just me and 2 of the brothers there and the brother who i thought never liked me was super welcoming and nice to me, which i felt really good about cause i was nervous about feeling welcome, anyway i felt mad sexual chemistry and it was wreakin my head, i didnt do anything but i could feel myself enjoying it????

I was pissed on my last night and i didnt want it to annoy me again so i went and feckin said it to him! I said i think your sending me vibes? he was like no im not....... he said i was making it all up, and then i believed him that i was, but then i was like there was no way i was making it up there was definitely sexual chemistry there.

So i was mad embarrassed after i said it and i feel i have committed adultery im also concerned about my relationship and why i enjoyed being desired and what does it all mean, there was a part of me that wanted to do something and had thoughts about it but i dont think i could have actually done anything but the feelings were getting quite strong??? I dont even like this guy! he has always been so mean before!!

NOw im home i feel i have this secret and i have never hidden anything from my BF before but it would ruin so much if i mentioned anything......

Any advice anyone!

Yelp, i cant stop thinking about it..........

Jenneke87

Apologize to your BF brother saying you were drunk out of your mind and had no idea what came over you and behave normally towards him after that.

Next thing is up to you: If you like being desired and wanna act on that, you will have to let your BF go. Question is do you really wanna throw away 16 years? You need to ask yourself what's more important and make your decisions accordingly.

i-digress

I think you should give yourself a break here. You didn't cheat on your bf and you had no intention to. As for enjoying it, well who doesn't enjoy being admired? You've been with your bf since you were what, fourteen? And you admit you had issues with sex and relaxing, so you probably skipped a lot of the hormones and attractions most of us go through in our late teens/early twenties and beyond.

When you're in a long term relationship you get used to your partner finding you attractive, and its nice when someone gives you that kind of attention as long as you appreciate it for what it is. It's messy that it's your bf's brother, but you can pass that off as a drunken misunderstanding. Maybe what you feel for the brother isn't lust, but just you appreciating being appreciated.

dub_3

You say the brother seems to be mentally undressing you. Lets assume he does indeed like admiring your figure. You called him on it, but he's hardly likely to admit it now is he. And even if he likes looking, doesn't mean he would do anything about it.

I take great pleasure admiring my sister in laws arse especially when she bends over. She's got nice tits too and if she were to lean forward I would most likely take a sneaky glance down the front of her blouse.

Hopefully she's blissfully unaware of this attention. If she wasn't I'm sure she would think of me as a perv (a fair assesment) rather than have lustful feelings towards me.

If she accused me of staring at her tits or whatever, I would deny it point blank. And just so you know I've got no intention of getting it on with her.

So the question is why do you feel lust for this creepy guy, when the normal reaction would be more like disgust.

I can only assume it's because you're confused due to your troubled past.
You say you were never a sexual person, maybe for years you've been repressing sexual feelings and now they're just jumping out unexpectedly.

Lots of people experience inappropriate crushes as teenagers, it's part of growing up. Maybe you skipped this and it's now coming out. You have a 'teenage crush' on the creepy brother. Which hopefully you'll get over pretty soon.

It would be better if you were told this by a trained therapist rather than a random guy on the internet (who admits he's a bit of a perv)

Most people would probably find it hard to go to a therapist, but at least you've been there done that before.

I was particularly taken by your comment

i found myself feeling like i kind of liked being desired and i think i felt feelings of lust for the first time in my life.

Read it again it's beautiful.

Don't you realise you've been in a very dark place for a long time and now you're emerging blinking into the sunshine.

Just think about how much your husband desires you and has done for the last 16 years (but you were blind to it). Direct your newfound lust at him.

Maybe organise some special time for the two of you to reconnect.

Don't worry about the brother, hopefully he'll stop sending you vibes now he realizes it's freaking you out (am assuming that's what he'll think after your recent encounter)

houndsoflove

girlinteruptedyelp wrote: »

Hi,

SO for the last 6 months i have picked up on this particular brother with vibes that he was checking me out and staring at me, he never looks me in the eye or speaks to me very much, but i started feeling like he was undressing me with his eyes kind of thing and i was like what is this im feeling cause i started to pick up on it....

I hope i won't offend you by writing this but would his sudden interest have anything to do you coming into money?

LegacyUser

Hey, cheers everyone, great insight for me there, thats mad that people check out the women in their lives but sure why would you i suppose, i think im fairly intuitive and i know when someone is checkin me out and he is defo doing all those things like lookin at my ass and standing quite close at times ha ha he really thinks i cant see him, i bet he was shocked when i mentioned it then!

My BF is really good looking and so are all his brothers, the brother checkin me out would be fairly good looking and has good sex appeal kind of like my BF but maybe it was in a bold way that yeah for the first time i maybe had a sexual awakening, he was making me food and tending to all my needs.... and he had his chest hanging out, trying to sit beside me all the time with only his mate there, and im there in my PJ's!! Prob feeling relaxed and happy in myself for the first time ever!

It has been a long road for me and i NEVER realized this was what sex and feeling sexy felt like, its mad for me, at my age. Ive been so quiet and shy and have only ever had sex with my BF that this was a feeling that kind took over me for the few days, i was confused but now i think i should channel it into my relationship as you said there and im not into this brother at all he is about as deep as a puddle! And my BF is my soul mate i just felt bad that i came home and this had happened and i had to hide it i think i made a mountain out of it in my mind, i was saying to myself i wasnt ready for a family and to settle down, i have issues with that in anyway hence being together for 16 years!

Should i say nothing to my BF, its the first time i have ever hidden anything maybe if it wasnt his brother i could but we have all just got on so well recently that it would ruin the hard work we have put in with his family, and my BF has never really got on with this bro and he was delighted he was so nice to me this time!!!

LegacyUser

houndsoflove wrote: »

I hope i won't offend you by writing this but would his sudden interest have anything to do you coming into money?

Could well be! could well be an attraction all right, im way to nice for my own good, i am the one who came into the money... my mate says he likes the chase and the attention.

Taltos

You could always make a joke of it to your BF - telling him that you would his brother up something rotten by calling on him perving you.

Question you have to ask yourself is - what if you say nothing and the brother tells instead? How will that go down?

Wompa1

If you just asked him about vibes he was sending, then he could take it meaning you were uncomfortable and brought it up to him...did you say anything else?

I'd brush it off if I was you...though why don't you feel that way about your b/f?

dub_3

I don't think there's anything to be gained by telling your boyfriend at this stage.

I suppose it depends on what happened exactly with that incident with the brother

were you accusing him of putting out romantic vibes / flirting
or accusing him of checking you out / being a letch
did you say you thought there was chemistry between you.

You accusing him is grand, he'd be a bit confused if you were accusing him of putting out romantic vibes when all he was doing was staring at your tits/ass.
But in any event he's busted and should behave himself (or be more careful) in future.

If you said anything that could be read as 'I think there's chemistry between us',
then he could have thought you were trying to come onto him, maybe he still thinks that.

Can you clarify?

I know you told us on here that you felt lust for the brother,
but does he have any idea of this?

Even if he does think you said something silly,
he's so busted I'd bet he's just hoping to forget 'the incident' just as much as you are.

If you catch him staring again, you can bluntly call him on it.
He's been well warned now. Just turn around and say "are you staring at my ass", that should fix him!.
If it's the tits do the "I'm up here" line.
or if you don't want to make a scene just throw him a really dirty look.

My sister in law has a dirty look that would kill you stone dead, the fact that she hasn't thrown one in my direction, makes me pretty sure she's totally unaware the way I sometimes (ok always) admire her ass.

If she even looked at me sideways, or there was any indication I was making her uncomfortable, I would stop.

I'm pretty sure the brother will behave now he's been warned.
At worst another stern warning should do it (in case the last one was confusing)

You know, now that you're more aware of yourself as a sexual being,
you might notice in fact that lots of guys check you out.

You can throw them the dirty look or do nothing smug in the knowledge that they can look,
but there's only one guy gets to touch.

It has been a long road for me and i NEVER realized this was what sex and feeling sexy felt like

Enjoy it, have fun making up for lost time.
Forget the 'silly incident', as you said,
for the first time everything is working out for you, house, husband, money
and now you have the bonus of knowing what it is to feel sexy.

Sorry for the rambling,
but you know it's just occurred to me, that as you say your life is now coming together.
Maybe that's turned you into a happier / healthier / warmer / more balanced person than you were before.

Could the brother have seen you as cold / detached before and didn't know how to deal with you.
(particularly if he knows you've had a troubled past)

Now that you've turned into a normal human being he can relate to you and is being more friendly.
Still doesn't excuse him staring at your ass, but in his defence I'll argue that he thought he was getting away with it.
(just remember, use the dirty look)

---

If the 'silly incident' does blow up in your face, my advice is

Determinedly insist you were calling him on his perving
You weren't accusing him of romantic vibes
You weren't saying anything about chemistry

Insist that's the fact of it, that and nothing else.

If you want to offer an olive branch say that,
maybe you imagined it and/or overreacted due to the drink,
or just that you've been feeling a bit odd lately.

That should allow all parties to move on with dignity intacy

---

Finally, tell your husband that you feel you've been on a long road,
tell him that for the first time in your life you feel sexy.
tell him you like feeling desired and have feelings of lust.
tell him you have new feelings bursting out all over the place.

Remember he's traveled with you and supported you on that road for a long time.
Think what an amazing gift to him the above would be.

(The perv in me says to go out and get some new sexy underwear, cos your clothes are gonna get ripped off)

You don't have to tell him that with all these new feelings breaking out,
that for half a second you felt like jumping on his brother,
then guilty overreacted and accused him of perving on you (even if he was)

And even if you did say about the brother, it wouldn't matter if he's gotten the first bit.
All he's gotta do now is make you feel desired and reap the benefits of the lust.

P.S. drop the girlinterrupted handle, you're not 'damaged goods' anymore

That_Guy

OP, the important thing is that you didn't cheat on your boyfriend. It's always nice to be wanted or admired I feel. So long as you don't act on it then that's the most important thing.

Cheap Thrills!

My first thought was the money too. OP, don't drink on your own with him again.

Never invite temptation in.

He's suddenly being all friendly and you're flattered. You say you're too nice for your own good. People don't go from being distant and moody to sweet and welcoming for no reason.

Keep your money to yourself OP. Don't get into any blackmail situations.