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boyfriend's "best" friend

  • 11-01-2011 9:18pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi. This may seem like none of my business but it is when I see my boyfriend tired and run off his feet. I was told not to comment, that I am to be careful when I talk about his "best friend" and that it's none of my concern, by my boyfriend.

    He works with this guy, in a big hospitality business. This friend got all of his own holiday days last year, my boyfriend got to take 6 of his holiday days. His friend is supposed to be his partner at work (as in, the friend is the second in command).

    His friend has taken ill many times in past months, meaning my boyfriend worked his days off to cover this guy. Now this morning my boyfriend rings this "friend" because of an urgent imporant meeting with the senior heads of department at work; it's the friend's day off (after being out sick for 4 days, covered by my boyfriend) and he moans over the phone about having to come in (I was next to him this morning having breakfast while he was on the phone).
    So he asks him if he would instead come in and keep an eye on the drinks reception after the meeting for the visiting CEOs and he said no. So this means my boyfriend will be doing, yet again, a 16 hour shift on his own because his "best friend" is too concerned with himself to help. After everything my boyfriend has done for him...

    This friend is recently engaged, I did not congratulate him etc. as his girlfriend was horrible to me on the three occasions I endured dinner with her while our men talked.

    I hate seeing him be taken advantage of like this. And being told to be quiet about it is not enough, it's driving me mad.

    Any advice/ideas on what i can do?


Comments

  • #2
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    Your BF evidnetly doesnt want your advice or comments so you are best to say nothing to be honest and let him deal with it.


  • #3
    Canluum
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 189 ✭✭Canluum


    Unfortunately there's nothing you can really do except be as supportive as possible to your boyfriend. This is his problem, his friendship and his business that he needs to deal with, your vocally passing judgment would only add to his plate. He knows how you feel. I can only advise that you try to heed his request and be as supportive as you can.


  • #4
    Neyite
    Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    While they might be friends outside work, the things you describe, apart from the dinner date, is work related. Therefore nothing to do with you. There is nothing you can do without risking either your boyfriends relationship with you, or his job. Anything you do here will blow up in your face, not anyone elses.

    Next time you get asked to double date, come up with an excuse and dont go, and they will soon just do lads nights out instead.


  • #5
    Firetrap
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,442 ✭✭✭Firetrap


    It's best to do nothing. Your boyfriend knows your feelings on the matter but he's a grown man who can make his own decisions. Even if they aren't ones you agree with.


  • #6
    iguana
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,917 ✭✭✭✭iguana


    unregisteredfemale wrote: »
    His friend is supposed to be his partner at work (as in, the friend is the second in command).

    He is either his partner or his deputy/assistant, he can't really be both. If it's the latter and your boyfriend is his friend's manager then I don't see much wrong with what you are describing. My last assistant was also a good friend, but I was the manager, she was my assistant. My responsibility was to run the business, hers was to do her job. If she couldn't do over-time/swap her agreed hours to accommodate me that was my problem not hers. Her job was to do her job well in the days/hours I asked her to, she never owed me any explanation as to why she couldn't swap around at the last minute.

    It was also a big part of my job to make sure she took all her holidays and to cover her if necessary if she was sick. It wasn't her problem if I couldn't take all my holidays, that's something I would take issue with my manger.

    And if my husband had ever, ever said a negative word to her about his disgruntlement with our working relationship, I have no doubt I'd have been fired on the spot. Not only that I doubt our marriage would have survived it either. While I can understand your frustration with his working hours and lack of holidays, your frustration is nothing to do with his workplace subordinate.


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