''Bad'' Sex is having a terrible impact

LegacyUser

I'm with my boyfriend over 4 yrs now and we're both in our early 20's dont really know if that makes a difference!

Anyway, we've been living together for nealy a year now and action in the bedroom is very limited!! I know things do slow down with couples but this is too much I think. Like we can go two weeks without it and really I think **** off and find a **** buddy who will **** me when ever i want!! clearly uncalled for.

See the problem is he thinks he is bad in bed because its over very fast. But I have no problems with that because I am always happy after. But no matter how much I try to convince him I love him and love being with him he wont listen.

How can I ever convince him I love being with him?!

Miss Fluff

I know things do slow down with couples but this is too much I think. Like we can go two weeks without it and really I think **** off and find a **** buddy who will **** me when ever i want!! clearly uncalled for

If he even has an inkling of how angry you are (which you clearly are if your outburst above is anything to go by) then that is not going to help his confidence one iota.

How can I ever convince him I love being with him?!

Maybe take the pressure off both of you and agree not to have penetrative sex for a while. May seem like a strange thing to do given the fact you're horny as hell but if you remove this pressure and get back to basics, concentrating solely on massage and extended foreplay then it should definitely reignite some passion and remove the pressure to "perform".....

Peanut2011

Sorry OP but to me is a bit unclear as to how you have addressed the issue with him. Has he been this way at the beginning?

If he is that unsure simply demanding it will not help him get his confidence. Furthermore keeping pressure on him to do it will just get him to seize up more. Furthermore there might be a different reason why it's the way it is.

Have you ever spoken to him directly about it? Did you ever suggest some more foreplay and spending time with each other where it's close but does not need to lead to the actual part?

I know a lot of people will tell you sex is not everything but it is integral part of any long term relationship and both sides have to be comfortable.

I'd suggest trying to get to the bottom of the issue especially if he was not like that from the beginning which would seem what you are indicating.

If that does not help i'd suggest some counselling might be beneficial.

astra2000

bedroom!! wrote: »

I'm with my boyfriend over 4 yrs now and we're both in our early 20's dont really know if that makes a difference!

Anyway, we've been living together for nealy a year now and action in the bedroom is very limited!! I know things do slow down with couples but this is too much I think. Like we can go two weeks without it and really I think **** off and find a **** buddy who will **** me when ever i want!! clearly uncalled for.
!

Sorry I am unclear did he say this to you or is that your thoughts?

canonball5

He needs to man up and stop being a baby.Jesus I wish I was in his position!!!

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,

Peanut2011 wrote: »

Has he been this way at the beginning?

Have you ever spoken to him directly about it? Did you ever suggest some more foreplay and spending time with each other where it's close but does not need to lead to the actual part?

Appologies first of all I should have re-read my post first, I accidently deleted some of it!. He said about the **** buddy thing to me, I know he didnt really mean it but it was a bit harsh I thought!!

Anyway, no at the very start it was all the time, but that was about 4 years ago and we didnt see each other every day. I then had to move to Dublin for work and we only say each other at the weekend so it was usually just once a week then. And now that we live together its even less!

I agree with you Peanut, for me being with my bf is not just about the sex but its about being close to him. And getting constant rejection does wear on you, altho i dont let it bother me as much anymore. But it was making me feel pretty down. Like I dont think unattractive so I couldnt understand.

I have tried to talk to him on several occasions but to no avail so I dont know what else to do.

Wompa1

Thanks everyone wrote: »

Hi OP here,



Appologies first of all I should have re-read my post first, I accidently deleted some of it!. He said about the **** buddy thing to me, I know he didnt really mean it but it was a bit harsh I thought!!

Anyway, no at the very start it was all the time, but that was about 4 years ago and we didnt see each other every day. I then had to move to Dublin for work and we only say each other at the weekend so it was usually just once a week then. And now that we live together its even less!

I agree with you Peanut, for me being with my bf is not just about the sex but its about being close to him. And getting constant rejection does wear on you, altho i dont let it bother me as much anymore. But it was making me feel pretty down. Like I dont think unattractive so I couldnt understand.

I have tried to talk to him on several occasions but to no avail so I dont know what else to do.

Been there only with a girl as the person not wanting sex. It's a very difficult situation..if it's a major issue than you should move on. There is obviously more important things in a relationship but it's one of lifes few perks

TheNewMee

While it's certainly not the be-all and end-all of a relationship it's a necessary part for most people. Him not wanting to talk about it is a bit worrying because regardless of the problem ye should be able to talk to each other about it. If he's not willing to do that at all then you don't have many other options.

Peanut2011

OP, this is a very sensitive subject at the best of times. Considering it was not like that all the time I guess something changed and affected it.

Sorry to be asking, but are the two of you getting on well otherwise?

Quite usually the bedroom part is affected one or the other way depending on the overall relationship. If he suggested a f*** buddy that would most probably been out of frustration and anger but I do not believe he would be happy with that.

Secondly, if the day to day routine has been the same for a good while there could be no excitement, do not confuse that with lack of affection for you. I would say the best thing is to try and give him some space for a week or so, meaning not instigate it or talk about it and than when that constant "pressure" as he would see it, is away for a while have a very open conversation with him.

Explain that you don't understand what has changed, try to think away from the bedroom and see if there is anything else that is quite heavy on his mind that might cause the problem.

After giving him the time and effort to have it somewhere half way, if he is not willing to work on it and it is a very big deal for you, I'm afraid you will have to cut your losses.

But without openly discussing, not confronting, the problem and willingly trying to find the mid way one of you will be constantly unhappy.