A little bit of help

Craig9119

Hey all I'm quite new to the forum, (well brand new actually so If my topic is in the wring place, which it prolly is, then I'm sorry )

Okay well basically I'm looking for tips on talking to women, in clubs pubs or just out in general, I'm not one of these desperately ugly looking lads who put in no effort with appearance, I work out ive been told on many occasions I'm quite handsome/good looking.... I've got a personality...

I'm just terribly terribly shy.... If any guys( or girls ) could help with some tips... ( and not the usual smart-arsery) I'd really appreciate it

OR if I'm in the totally wrong place or there's a topic on this elsewhere feel free to put me in my place ( again I'm a noobie)

Thanks in advance

Princess Peach

I'm a girl, and I get the worst, cheesiest and sleaziest chat ups ever!

My advice is to just chat to them! Don't make it seem like your out on the pull, or just want to get laid for the night. Go up to a girl and just say something like, do you like the music, what brings you here tonight, are you having fun. Try and get to know them, seem more friendly than like you fancy them, if that makes sense! I know its gard to be shy, I never make the first move. Just think whats the worst that can happen? Yes there will be mean girls out there who won't give you the time of day, brush them off and don't let them get to you. I will admit I can be a bit harsh to lads who come up to me with a line, or just come up and start touching me! But I'd give any lad who just wants to chat some of my time

What I want is a genuine, friendly guy who seems interested in getting to know me rather than wants to ride me!

Craig9119

Thanks for the advice, I mean I understand, that girls prolly feel the same shyness I just don't know what to be going up and saying, I've gotten to the point where I'm about to walk up and say hi, but then it seems like I start to overthink it and I'm like " oh god I'm gonna go up here and make an ass of myself and she will tell me to **** off" and I don't know why that puts me off cus everyone tells me that the rejection makes it easier ( cus u have gotten over that initial one)

And lol that's the thing, that's the kinda guy I am, nice and genuine lol and I've got some friends who are girls and it seems like sometimes they are flirting with me cus they always tell me I'm so nice and not to b so unconfident

Princess Peach

Then its just the initial hello that you need to work on then! Not sure if I'm much help, I'm wicked shy myself! :P

I guess just think, whats the worst case scenario? A girl you don't even know doesn't want to talk to you, no harm done.I find it easier to chat to people in the smoking area, doesn't matter if you smoke or not. Just say you came out for a bit of air/ a break, mind if I chat to you a minute? If only I could take my own advice!

Craig9119

Nah of course your helping, lol I'm nineteen and I just find it so hard to get to the point where like I go up to her, like I've tried before and it was horribly awkward lol

SirDelboy18

Start chatting to people in queues, shops, public places. It'll improve this. And a lot of the time you could end up having a good conversation.

Anxiety approach is incredibly common. Everybody gets it. You have to work past it. Try making eye contact too, thats important. Infact, next time your in a conversation, make an effort to find out what colour eyes the other person has.

At the end of the day there is no easy way to do it.

Craig9119

Hmm that sounds good del, but if you could humour me, how would I go about chatting someone, like that you meet in public? ( like what would you say if you were in that situation )

Much appreciated

SirDelboy18

Read the paper. If your a football fan, mention something relevant like Keane or Hodgson. For example, yesterday I had numerous conversations with people I didn't know on the topics. You'll generally know when someone is open to chat.

Ask if they are a football fan.

If your in a dvd shop, and you see someone holding a dvd, say its a good choice or something.

Soon, it'll become so natural that you'll be able to start a conversation about most things.

Its not really the content that matters, just get used to interacting with people. This will help you to start and maintain a conversation. The eye contact bit is important as it makes someone perceive you as a confident person.