living with alcohol

LegacyUser

I dont think I can continue on anymore in my relationship with my alcoholic partner. He knows hes an alcoholic but fools himself by drinking a certain amount that its not a big amount and he has everything under control. Most times when he does drink it is just that. Then theres the times where he has an argument and gets aggressive. I mean scary aggressive. The nights where he has gone for me or is at that point. Ive threatened to call the gards on these occasions but never have. I always caved. Recently I actually was going to call the guards as he was at that turning point of going for me but with that he went to bed. Then he had the realisation of what he had done and then came the tears. I was crying too because this time I realised this is it, its over Im not doing this anymore. Im sick of it. I cant carry on in this cycle of promises and let downs everytime. We have a child to consider too and I cant have this behaviour affect the child or be seen as the norm. I told him I would help him but our relationship is over. I was told if its over life is over for him a kind of well Ive nothing to live for type of thing. I dont know if it was attention seeking or real. Im now stuck in this situation where I am willing for his promises to mean something this time but I know in my heart he will do well for a while and it will take that one instance for it all to flip on its head again. Im afraid it will end up worse than just going for me. I love him with all my heart but need to think of my child and me. Im so depressed that I think if i crashed the car in the morning then its problem solved. Im constantly saying under my breath lately that I wished I would die. He thinks this problem is about him and it has the affects on him yet he doesnt seem to understand how it affects me let alone what our child is thinking. I dont even know how you can help. I just needed to type this out to let it out of my head as I have no one to talk to about this. Suppose im too proud/stuckup/embarrassed to admit to another person that something like this is happening to me.

cafecolour

Get out now. Let him 'recover' separate from you, so you can get you and your child's life in order. Threatening "life is over for him" as he's would have nothing to live for, is merely further emotional manipulation to control you and have his way.

Emme

How is this affecting your child? Please get out for your child's sake as well as your own.

Squiggler

brokenhearted, what an awful situation for you to be in. You've had to make a very difficult decision but it will be the best one for all three of you in the long term. He needs to get help and most substance abusers cannot be helped by those closest to them. You need to distance yourself from him and the situation.

Be strong, for yourself and for your child. Do talk to someone, if not your family or a close friend then a counsellor or someone you can trust. There are more people who have been in similar situations than seems possible and no rational person will blame you, or judge you for having tried to deal with it.

Good luck.

dub_3

Telling him the relationship is over won't be helping any.

Could you spin it as, Hopefully the relationship can be saved if we work together and go for counselling (carrot) otherwise myself and the child will have to leave (stick)

If you paint the problem and solution as something you're both gonna work on, that may be helpful in getting him to take the first step. (without heaping blame on him) All you can do is to help lead him down the path where he can see that the problem is his alcoholism and that he must deal with it.

Perhaps a residential course in St Pats or the Hanly Centre or one of those places.

If he's not moving in that direction, then as others have said, get out and let him recover seperately. Hopefully at the end you might have a chance to rebuild the relationship. Staying in a toxic relationship won't help at all, if fact it's probably aiding / enabling his behaviour.