Legal Wedding Vs Big Wedding

Kimono-Girl

Long story short,

we were planning on getting married anyway but more recently for financial (im out of work at the moment and he could use my tax credits amongst other financial reasons) and parental rights purposes (and to protect each other in case of death) we have been discussing would it be a better idea for us to get married legally (just go in and sign the papers ) in 3 months time, tell no one and then have the big day on a later date when we could afford it better (we are looking at 2012), as no one (besides parents) would know about the legal one, and then we would just have our big day in the summer,


our priest is a relation of his and he has told us no one would be able to tell the difference as in the eyes of the church we wouldn't be married so the church ceremony would be the same he just wouldn't have to send off the legal forms afterward...


it is something we are trying to make our minds up on should we do it or not, for example will it ruin the 'big day' (i should point out even though i was happy to have a small civil ceremony, my OH really wants to a:get married in a church, and b: have a Little fuss about the day so thats what we are doing)


i would appreciate if anyone has any experience or opinions on something like this...

Diddler1977

What advice are you looking for?

If you just want to get married for the reasons listed just do it in 3 months. What is there to think about?

Also what would the reason be for having the big do in 2012?

Kimono-Girl

sorry if i did not make it very clear

the advice i am looking for would be are there any complications involved that we haven't considered having a legal marriage months before the church one?

has anybody done this before?

has anybody any opinions on the idea of a legal wedding vs a big wedding? will it ruin the 'big' day even if no-one else knows we are married legally?

the reason for the big do, is my OH wants to have a big fuss about the day, so we decided on what we want to do for the big day, but now like i said financial and legal reasons are tempting us to get married legally sooner then we can have the big day!

Beruthiel

Kimono-Girl wrote: »

my OH really wants to a:get married in a church, and b: have a Little fuss about the day so thats what we are doing)

What do you mean by a little fuss?

One of the best weddings I was ever at was a registry office followed by 12 of us spending the afternoon/evening in a restaurant followed by pub. Relaxed. Fun. No stress. A good day had by all.

How about church and then nice restaurant?

D3PO

Im sure Ive read a few times on this forum that you cannot be married in a church if you have been married before.

Not sure if that also includes what would essentially be a renewal of vows. Im sure somebody can clarify though.

ballsymchugh

D3PO wrote: »

Im sure Ive read a few times on this forum that you cannot be married in a church if you have been married before.

Not sure if that also includes what would essentially be a renewal of vows. Im sure somebody can clarify though.

there is a church/state separation when it comes to marriage. if you are married civilly, then there is nothing to stop you getting married in a church later. you can only be married once in the church, but probably loads of times in a registry office.
kimono-girl, to be honest, the civil marriage is the one that will affect your day to day life, so if you feel that you need to get it over and done with, then fire ahead. the benefits that you may get for tax reasons etc will start straight away. the church wedding will be of consequence to your religious lives, if ye have one (i'm presuming your fiancé does if he wants that later anyway).

you can be married in a church but if ye don't sign the official forms at the end then the state won't recognise it.

i heard a story of some guy a couple of years ago who asked the priest to leave the signing of the forms til a later date as he found out his wife to be was doing the dirt. they were married in the church, but not in the eyes of the state, so he just needed an annulment without having to get a divorce. he walked out of the reception just for the show leaving herself at the table on her own!

Kimono-Girl

ballsymchugh wrote: »

the church wedding will be of consequence to your religious lives, if ye have one (i'm presuming your fiancé does if he wants that later anyway).

He would be very religious yes, where i am not, so you have hit the nail on the head with the part above.

i have heard of people getting church married but leaving the legal for later but we want to do it the other way around, and i've never met anyone who has done it this way,


i guess im worried it will take from the Church wedding if we've been legally married a year at that point.

also can we leave parts of the legal marriage (things such as name change, wedding rings...etc) until we have the church marriage?

ballsymchugh

it wouldn't take from the wedding at all. the signing of the forms is usually at the end of the ceremony when there's a bit of commotion on the altar as the pen is being passed around while the guests have a chat among themselves.

i doubt anyone would notice. you could use that time for group photographs in the church. i don't know if you need rings for a civil marriage, but you will need them for the church wedding as they're an important part of the ceremony.
remember, you don't have to change your name at the civil ceremony. your registrar would be able to give you more advice on when and if you want to change your name.