He's sending mixed signals?

Monkey09

I met a guy at a work function a few weeks ago. We got on really well and ended up chatting for more or less the whole night. At the end of the night, he approached me with his contact details and said we should hang out sometime.

I sent him a text a few days later and he replied saying it was great to hear from me, etc... We chatted a bit on and off for a few days and he eventually asked me out for a coffee. I agreed but he later sent me a text saying that he felt sick and ended up being admitted to hospital. He was very apologetic about this though...

Anyway, i didnt hear from him again for a while. I was expecting him to text me to rearrange the date when he was feeling better but i ended up texting him again.

He's made it clear that he likes me and even said that 2011 was looking good because he had his eye on a girl!

I don't know if this sounds petty but i really feel like i'm doing all the chasing. I'm nearly always the one who sends him texts. Is this normal with guys? I don't have much experience with dating and guys so i'm not sure how it all works. I've always taken the more traditional view of dating-that the guy should do most of the chasing so this situation is new to me.

It's been almost a week and i havent heard from him since he sent me a text wishing me a happy new year, but didn't mention anything about going for coffee.

I really like this guy. He's the first guy that i've really liked in ages so i'd really like to make a go of things, if possible. What should i do now? I'd really appreciate any advice.

Faith

Is it possible that the girl he has his eye on isn't you? Everything in your post screams CASUAL. He suggested "hanging out", didn't initiate contact, asked you for a coffee rather than a drink or something, hasn't rescheduled...

I hate to be negative, but I see nothing in your post to indicate that he likes you as more than an acquaintance, sorry. It's said time and time again on these boards that if a guy likes you, he'll make it happen.

MIN2511

I would love to write and analyse his actions but tbh life is too short; you like him, you've made an effort, if he wants you he'll make an effort and if he doesn't - life continues...

Not trying to sound negative but i notice that loads of us, male and female alike spend so much time over thinking simple situations...

Monkey Allen

MIN2511 wrote: »

I would love to write and analyse his actions but tbh life is too short; you like him, you've made an effort, if he wants you he'll make an effort and if he doesn't - life continues...

Not trying to sound negative but i notice that loads of us, male and female alike spend so much time over thinking simple situations...

Yes, I agree with that. Obviously people do that when its something we really want. But, no point in stressing over something that hasnt even happened yet. Quite a few times in the past I've let other opportunities go because of the hope I had in another situation which didnt materialize. Not a good way to be.

As MIN2511 said, let him do the running now. If he doesnt reply, then his loss.

Monkey09

Faith wrote: »

Is it possible that the girl he has his eye on isn't you? Everything in your post screams CASUAL. He suggested "hanging out", didn't initiate contact, asked you for a coffee rather than a drink or something, hasn't rescheduled...

I hate to be negative, but I see nothing in your post to indicate that he likes you as more than an acquaintance, sorry. It's said time and time again on these boards that if a guy likes you, he'll make it happen.

Thanks for your advice Faith, appreciated. I don't know, you could have a point. I hadn't really thought about the idea that he could only like me as an acquaintence but what you said seems to make sense. Altough, he did send a text asking me how xmas went and then said ''Did you get who you asked for '' I replied saying ''No, but he's been feeling under the whether lately, etc..'' It was then that he asked me out and said that 2011 was looking good as theres a girl he has a crush on and then said ''wonder if she'd kiss me back?''
I didn't interprete this as being casual or that he just liked me as as a friend but maybe thats just being naive. I had put it down to the fact that when guys give girls their number, maybe they expect the girl to make all the moves...?? Or maybe, he's just not ''the texting sort.'' I get the impression of him that he's quiet natured and a bit shy so maybe that could be a reason for the lack of contact. He did mention when he asked me out that ''he doesn't usually ask girls out...''
I really just started the thread here to find out whether i should text him again. I was planning on doing so but judging from the response, i think i've changed my mind. I'll just have to leave it to destiny now, and hope he makes contact!
Altough, i really like this guy and if there's a chance that he like me too, i'd hate to lose the opportunity over just over-analysing the situation!

dub_3

OP Your first post made it look like he was trying to be casual, or even that he fancied someone else.

Hence all the replies saying leave it to him to make the running

Your second makes it more obvious that he's just very shy and not at all confident in asking a girl out.

That's why he asked you for coffee rather that a date (less chance of rejection)

If he doesn't have much self confidence he probably thinks he has messed up his chance already.

My advice, if you like him, simply ask him out on a date.

Or txt him 'do you want to take me out on a date?'

If he doesn't go for that then you can indeed write him off without any further analysing.

Cheap Thrills!

Hi OP,

I was just thinking, could it be to do with him being in hospital?

Perhaps he is in for something embarassing???!!! I know it's far fetched to be guessing these things but maybe that's why he hasn't called in the last week...

If he is very sick or recovering?

Monkey09

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

Hi OP,

I was just thinking, could it be to do with him being in hospital?

Perhaps he is in for something embarassing???!!! I know it's far fetched to be guessing these things but maybe that's why he hasn't called in the last week...

If he is very sick or recovering?

Thanks for the reply. Tbh, i don't think thats the reason. He was only in the hospital for a night or two so i presume it was just a flu or something? I know he was still recovering for a few days after that but when he text me at New Year, he said he went to a party so he can't be feeling too badly..

At this stage, i don't know what to do..I just hate the waiting game. I know this sounds silly but i can hardly take my eyes of my phone.

Ellen33

OP I feel your pain!

Here is my advice - you say you really like this guy and from the sounds of the texts he likes you too! So why not text/ring him and ask him out straight if he would like to out sometime?

The guy doesn't have to do all the running every man is different and after all it can feel very tricky putting yourself out there and asking someone out!

Perhaps he is very shy and would be thrilled for you to ask him ..

UPCurley

You're all way off the mark.

It's been said that men love the chase.

You haven't let the guy ring you once. Have you considered that he may be scared by your texting.

I'd advise you not to ring him again and wait for him to ring you.

You might think the above in antifeminist, but it's a belief in certain circles that the harder a women is to get on a date, the more valued she is. The easier or more persistent she is, the more scared the guy gets.

Let him act like a man and go out and try to 'win' you.

UPCurley

Best of luck with it by the way.