No friends, no interests

LegacyUser

I've been trying to make friends lately, keeping in mind things like trying to be myself, but while showing an interest in the other people. I find myself really stuck for things to say to anyone though. Just the other night I was out with some people, and I did try make conversation, but I really have so little to say, it was very hard. I keep trying to think of things I can pick at to ask about like someone mentions work /college I ask what they work at or are studying and try go from there, but it just doesn't go anywhere. I don't know what else to say.

I'm thinking that i should try get to know people that might be interested in teh same things, but i really don't have many interests. in fact the only one i can think of is animals and birds, but even at that it only goes so far.

So I dunno what to think from here. I have one friend. we talk about things that are going on with us, and then birds and stuff here and there, but nothing much. and not exactly stuff that you can talk to a new person about.

I just don't know how to make friends. and if I can be friends with people at all. It's not really for lack of being interested in having friends, but my mind just really goes completely blank when it comes to trying to think of things. I'm starting to feel like I'll never have friends. I mean i'm 27 now, and it seems like I'll never meet the 'right people'.

midlandsmissus

Where are you from? I'll be friends with you

dub_3

listen to what the people you hangout with talk about.

Are they talking about last nights TV or 'the match' or whatever
Watch the same programs you you will be in on that chat.

Ask ask about their favorite music / bands,
listen to the radio more, buy some CDs or download some tunes.

Watch the news or read a newspaper.
Discuss the issues that jump out at you.

If your carrying the paper you can point at it and say 'did you see what so and so has done now' and then give your view on the story.

As you say you're into birds / animals, then maybe do some volunteer work for an animal rescue charity / dog shelter etc...
You will meet other people there who will talk about birds / animals, after a bit you'll talk about other things too.

Finally there's the old standby, talking about the weather
(or what Jean Byrne was wearing last night on the RTE weather)

Patri

Never lose hope OP, as bad as things may ever be, it may just take a while to pick up and you'll see in time that you'll make friends. Can you join a group or hobby you enjoy that's where most people make friends, and don't forget about the friend you have one friend is more then many people have!

calex71

The news is always a good one, just avoid politics or religion though

Even with the recent weather you could ask how badly they were hit etc.

One thing though , don't keep going on about the same thing!!!!!!!!! Vary the subjects if possible !!!!!!!!!!!

cafecolour

No interests? You don't listen to music/watch tv/watch movies/play video games?

Pop culture is one of the biggest conversation topics there is.

Katgurl

Op I bet you are not seeing the many people around you that would love to be your friend. I used to work in a very social outgoing company and a solid group formed. There was a girl there, let's call her Anne who was extremely quiet. I ended up spending quite bit time with her and one night when shed had a few too many she confided that she felt completely invisible and that she didn't see the point of speaking because she had nothing to say that people would be interested in. To say I was flabberghasted was an understatement. The reality was everyone was MAD about her, any reference to her was always followed up with "oh she's such a lovely girl" or similar.

Op everyone battles insecurities- am I boring, am I unwanted etc. In my case I wish I didn't always have to be so loud, I must get on peoples nerves. But some people are better at either covering it up. Believe me there are people around you who would love to be your friend. You don't need to share common interests, be interested in THEM, ask them how they are, what they work at, where they are from, what's it like there etc. Friendship is all about sharing.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

I do watch the news, but talking to people about it while avoiding politics will be hard. I listen to some music. Don't play video games. Don't like the mainstream programs that everyone seems to be mad about.

I'm moving soon so when I do maybe I can join an interest group, like something to do with birds or animals. but even at that to talk about them I don't have much to say. I mean I find it hard to keep this information in my head and so don't know that much about them.

I was thinking when i was out with some people last time that I didn't have anything to contribute to the topics, for about a full hour or so I don't think I actually said one word! so maybe these are just people that aren't on the same level as me, and I need to find people I am comfortable enough around to have silly conversations with, as I do with my friend. we talk about everything and nothing, and it's great. but I feel if I was to say half the stuff that I say to him to other people they'd think how strange. so maybe these people aren't really ever going to be great friends, just because we're different kinds of people...?

Patri

friendless wrote: »

I was thinking when i was out with some people last time that I didn't have anything to contribute to the topics, for about a full hour or so I don't think I actually said one word! so maybe these are just people that aren't on the same level as me, and I need to find people I am comfortable enough around to have silly conversations with, as I do with my friend. we talk about everything and nothing, and it's great. but I feel if I was to say half the stuff that I say to him to other people they'd think how strange. so maybe these people aren't really ever going to be great friends, just because we're different kinds of people...?

No OP i wouldn't compare your conversations with your friend to those of the people you don't know as well. What you just described is natural for everyone. No-one ever truely expresses themselves at first glance, because nerves and other things contribute greatly. It sort of happens in time, you don't even realise how far you progress with people. For instance I met a person last year for the first time. When we spoke, which wasn't often it was very ordinary and direct with little personality shining through. A year later and we're great friends, I could say anything to him however odd it'd be and it wouldn't matter. I'm just saying these things happen in time, and most of time you don't even realise them happening. It's a natural thing, people open up when you spend more time with them and before you know it, you can be as odd with them as you want, but feel normal. I hope that makes some sense, and helps.

LegacyUser

Patri wrote: »

No OP i wouldn't compare your conversations with your friend to those of the people you don't know as well. What you just described is natural for everyone. No-one ever truely expresses themselves at first glance, because nerves and other things contribute greatly. It sort of happens in time, you don't even realise how far you progress with people. For instance I met a person last year for the first time. When we spoke, which wasn't often it was very ordinary and direct with little personality shining through. A year later and we're great friends, I could say anything to him however odd it'd be and it wouldn't matter. I'm just saying these things happen in time, and most of time you don't even realise them happening. It's a natural thing, people open up when you spend more time with them and before you know it, you can be as odd with them as you want, but feel normal. I hope that makes some sense, and helps.

I get what you're saying, but I also feel that at the start you kinda feel a little more at ease with some people than with others, and so maybe this is an indication as to which people you'll get on with better as friends. I mean if it's so hard to find anything to talk about at the start it kinda feels like too much work, and then when you do feel a click with someone else it's easier to just say whatever comes to mind. I don't know that I should be not bothering with these people that I do find it hard to make conversation with, but it does seem unnatural then. plus if I was to go out with the same people again, I still have absolutely nothing to say to them!

Patri

friendless wrote: »

I get what you're saying, but I also feel that at the start you kinda feel a little more at ease with some people than with others, and so maybe this is an indication as to which people you'll get on with better as friends. I mean if it's so hard to find anything to talk about at the start it kinda feels like too much work, and then when you do feel a click with someone else it's easier to just say whatever comes to mind. I don't know that I should be not bothering with these people that I do find it hard to make conversation with, but it does seem unnatural then. plus if I was to go out with the same people again, I still have absolutely nothing to say to them!

I know what you mean, you do feel more comfortable with others, but variety is the spice of life. If you don't feel comfortable going out with these people they probably aren't the kind of people you're looking for. I'd say to be yourself around anyone, and always be kind, there are plenty of lovely people out there who would kill to be friends with someone like you, you seem like a nice chap. But I wouldn't say no to people because you think you have nothing in common, I'd give it time. I have very little in common with my good friends, very little! But they're nice people, and that makes a massive difference. I have too much in common with my best friend, and there can be a lot of friction sometimes because of that. If they are genuinely nice people I'd give it time.