Biting the heads of random men for no real reason.

LegacyUser

This has been going on a year now and it´s come to the point where I´m hating myself for it. I´ve had two disappointments with love in one year (but that´s life....first one not a big deal although at the time I liked it a lot...I ended it...second one I´m still upset about) and I guess I´m kind of frustrated with men generally...but this only comes out after a few drinks. It´s pop psychology but it only seems to be men I bite the head off and I´m wondering is a part of me annoyed with men and taking by own frustrations and things not working out in previous relatinships on them? I don´t know.

Basically for the past year, I´ve been biting the heads of random men,usually friends of friends but sometimes not. I take issue with something they say and I snap back. When I´m sober, I´m calm and rational and don´t have much of a temper but after a few (and it only takes a few), I´m cranky with people. Let me give you an example. It happened again last night. Was out with a friend and her boyfriend and her boyfriend´s friend. I was talking to the boyfriend´s friend and he kept telling me to smile. I wasn´t enjoying myself in the club we were in....wasn´t my kind of music and the men were leery. After him saying it repeatedly, I told him to stop treating me like a 5 year old and to basically eff off. This is my friend´s boyfriend´s friend! He´s a nice guy but I know he was trying it on.

The thing is, it´s usually only with men I know fancy me. I´m a good-looking girl and I know that and I´d get attention from a lot of guys but my attitude lately is plain ugly and I don´t know what the hell is wrong with me. I´m a nice person and I didn´t treat people this way in the past. I´ve been trying to get to the root of my actions and perhaps it has something to do with my disillusionment with relationships and men and their intentions. The last few guys I´ve really liked over the past few years have only wanted sex when I wanted more. I got the impression they did too but I was wrong and it hurt. I suppose I´m wary of all men as a result. I´ve no time for sleazy men but instead of just ignoring them, I shout at them.

It´s happened maybe 10 times in the past year and it´s become more frequent since my last disappointment with a guy. I´m lonely and I´d love to meet someone but I won´t if my head is

I´m not a big drinker...last night I had a non-alcoholic beer between drinks and I wasn´t drunk, a little tipsy but not drunk. I go out maybe once a week and it´s my time to socialise but now I come home most night after biting the head off someone and I hate myself. My confidence has been totally knocked by my dislike for myself. When I´m rational and sober, I don´t hate men. I really don´t but as I said, I´m good-looking, I get attention and I don´t always trust the intentions of guys, particularly when I don´t want a one night stand...I want to meet someone. I guess I resent guys for not necessarily wanting the same.

How can I cop myself on? Anyone have similar experiences??

Pyr0

It sounds like to me that it's a reaction to you being hurt in the past, it's natural to be affected in some way after heartbreak, some people react differently to others obviously but generally something changes be it temporary or in rare cases permanent. Would you be like this if the man was not annoying you? As to be honest, I'd get snappy if someone kept telling me to smile in a place I hated surrounded by people that annoy me! If the guy was being nice, normal and collected but still showing interest, would you snap at him then?

johnnyvega86

Temper wrote: »

This has been going on a year now and it´s come to the point where I´m hating myself for it. I´ve had two disappointments with love in one year (but that´s life....first one not a big deal although at the time I liked it a lot...I ended it...second one I´m still upset about) and I guess I´m kind of frustrated with men generally...but this only comes out after a few drinks. It´s pop psychology but it only seems to be men I bite the head off and I´m wondering is a part of me annoyed with men and taking by own frustrations and things not working out in previous relatinships on them? I don´t know.

Basically for the past year, I´ve been biting the heads of random men,usually friends of friends but sometimes not. I take issue with something they say and I snap back. When I´m sober, I´m calm and rational and don´t have much of a temper but after a few (and it only takes a few), I´m cranky with people. Let me give you an example. It happened again last night. Was out with a friend and her boyfriend and her boyfriend´s friend. I was talking to the boyfriend´s friend and he kept telling me to smile. I wasn´t enjoying myself in the club we were in....wasn´t my kind of music and the men were leery. After him saying it repeatedly, I told him to stop treating me like a 5 year old and to basically eff off. This is my friend´s boyfriend´s friend! He´s a nice guy but I know he was trying it on.

The thing is, it´s usually only with men I know fancy me. I´m a good-looking girl and I know that and I´d get attention from a lot of guys but my attitude lately is plain ugly and I don´t know what the hell is wrong with me. I´m a nice person and I didn´t treat people this way in the past. I´ve been trying to get to the root of my actions and perhaps it has something to do with my disillusionment with relationships and men and their intentions. The last few guys I´ve really liked over the past few years have only wanted sex when I wanted more. I got the impression they did too but I was wrong and it hurt. I suppose I´m wary of all men as a result. I´ve no time for sleazy men but instead of just ignoring them, I shout at them.

It´s happened maybe 10 times in the past year and it´s become more frequent since my last disappointment with a guy. I´m lonely and I´d love to meet someone but I won´t if my head is

I´m not a big drinker...last night I had a non-alcoholic beer between drinks and I wasn´t drunk, a little tipsy but not drunk. I go out maybe once a week and it´s my time to socialise but now I come home most night after biting the head off someone and I hate myself. My confidence has been totally knocked by my dislike for myself. When I´m rational and sober, I don´t hate men. I really don´t but as I said, I´m good-looking, I get attention and I don´t always trust the intentions of guys, particularly when I don´t want a one night stand...I want to meet someone. I guess I resent guys for not necessarily wanting the same.

How can I cop myself on? Anyone have similar experiences??

You are constantly getting unwanted attention from idiotic leery men and have learned from experience that a lot of men just want sex so naturally you are on guard and right so.
There's is nothing wrong with you at all.

ziedth

You'd want to be careful OP cause its very easy to develop a reputation for these kind of things. I know a girl who has frankly a love life that is worthy of a film and she has the biggest chip on her shoulder with men over it. Deep down i'd say she was lovely but she was poison TBH and after a while people just couldn't put up with her hissy fits anymore and left her off.

Now, you know it's an issue and IMHO that is more then half the battle. I don't really know what advice I can give you but I'll tell you that if I was nice and friendly sober and snarky when I had a few I simply wouldn't drink. Hopefully someone will come on here and tell you what you need to hear.

Good luck.

EDIT:

johnnyvega86 wrote: »

You are constantly getting unwanted attention from idiotic leery men and have learned from experience that a lot of men just want sex so naturally you are on guard and right so.
There's is nothing wrong with you at all.

I disagree with this to be honest talking generally, there is nothing wrong with getting chatted up by men, that's how I met my wife. of course if some guy is taking the piss cracking onto you even though you make it clear your not interested then i'd say your well right to tell him to **** off. However, if some guy is just trying to have a chat/flirt that IMO isn't an excuse to give out.

LegacyUser

I agree here, with Johnnys comment.

There is nothing wrong with you.
A lot of women just PUT UP with leeriness - sexual harassment for fear of not being liked in general.

johnnyvega86

ziedth wrote: »

You'd want to be careful OP cause its very easy to develop a reputation for these kind of things. I know a girl who has frankly a love life that is worthy of a film and she has the biggest chip on her shoulder with men over it. Deep down i'd say she was lovely but she was poison TBH and after a while people just couldn't put up with her hissy fits anymore and left her off.

Now, you know it's an issue and IMHO that is more then half the battle. I don't really know what advice I can give you but I'll tell you that if I was nice and friendly sober and snarky when I had a few I simply wouldn't drink. Hopefully someone will come on here and tell you what you need to hear.

Good luck.

EDIT:


I disagree with this to be honest talking generally, there is nothing wrong with getting chatted up by men, that's how I met my wife. of course if some guy is taking the piss cracking onto you even though you make it clear your not interested then i'd say your well right to tell him to **** off. However, if some guy is just trying to have a chat/flirt that IMO isn't an excuse to give out.

For a woman getting unwanted male attention is intensely irritating especially when guys just don't get the hint and they actually are forced to tell them to '**** off' because it has gone past the point where they will take a hint.
Lot's of guys get very aggressive indeed when a girl says she is not interested.

Women like to be chatted up but not by guys who obviously have an agenda.

Distorted

Temper wrote: »

The thing is, it´s usually only with men I know fancy me.

Temper wrote: »

The last few guys I´ve really liked over the past few years have only wanted sex when I wanted more. I got the impression they did too but I was wrong and it hurt. I suppose I´m wary of all men as a result. I´ve no time for sleazy men but instead of just ignoring them, I shout at them.

I'd say you've just developed a bit of self respect OP and are learning how to sift the wheat from the chaff. And to be honest, if someone was telling me to smile all night in some sleazy club, I'd tell them to get lost by the end of the night too. I also think you're meeting the wrong men and are spending too much time in the wrong places.

Men can be really annoying. My particular bugbear is men older than me. I just find them very, very irritating for some reason. I saw one leering at me when I went to the athletics track tonight when he was obviously waiting for his kids, and I scowled at him. And when I was out cycling today, some puffing bloke came past me then immediately slowed down to chat, getting in my way. I told him to F off and speeded up and dropped him. Felt momentarily guilty but then thought it was no worse than he'd get in the peloton! And thats just in one day!

They think you'll be flattered by any male attention but when you are reasonable to look at, you get too much male attention and really don't need loads to bolster your self confidence. In fact, you really need to be like this, to develop a way to ward off the creeps. I would say you're just developing your own method of doing so and no doubt you will refine it in time.

Don't worry about "getting a reputation" for this kind of thing - the only "reputation" you'll get is that you are only open to classy approaches from decent guys only and are no pushover. Men love a woman who plays a bit hard to get anyway so I doubt you'll deter the decent guys.

Monkey Allen

I agree with the OP that she is reacting due to alcohol. She should stop drinking then. Men will chat women up, thats life. They'll also be quite annoying about it. But, you cant train the world to act like you want them to act so getting angry with them solves nothing. That one guy might stop doing it but there will be plenty after him.

One point I'd like to make is that Irish women have a reputation for being rude to guys who approach them in clubs etc. If the OP is finding that she is doing that without being 'harrassed' by men then she should change.

Distorted

Monkey Allen wrote: »

One point I'd like to make is that Irish women have a reputation for being rude to guys who approach them in clubs etc.

Can I just say that over here in Scotland, so many Irish guys have earned themselves a reputation for just being after one one thing and being quite badly behaved. Not all of them by any means of course. But theres definately a difference. The way some of them behave takes my breath away at times because when you're away from it, you forget how bad it can be.

Monkey Allen

Distorted wrote: »

Can I just say that over here in Scotland, so many Irish guys have earned themselves a reputation for just being after one one thing and being quite badly behaved. Not all of them by any means of course. But theres definately a difference. The way some of them behave takes my breath away at times because when you're away from it, you forget how bad it can be.

A bit off topic though, isnt it?

Ickle Magoo

Please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP and reply to threads in a civil and well phrased manner and refrain from arguing with other posters - the OP can choose which advice they take or ignore.

If you have an issue with a post or poster, please use the report function rather than dragging the thread off-topic.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter.

Many thanks.
Ickle

Chucky the tree

Distorted wrote: »

Don't worry about "getting a reputation" for this kind of thing - the only "reputation" you'll get is that you are only open to classy approaches from decent guys only and are no pushover. Men love a woman who plays a bit hard to get anyway so I doubt you'll deter the decent guys.

Pretty sure she'll get a reputation for being a weapon instead.

Sleepy

Distorted wrote: »

I also think you're meeting the wrong men and are spending too much time in the wrong places.

This I'd agree with

Men can be really annoying. My particular bugbear is men older than me. I just find them very, very irritating for some reason. I saw one leering at me when I went to the athletics track tonight when he was obviously waiting for his kids, and I scowled at him. And when I was out cycling today, some puffing bloke came past me then immediately slowed down to chat, getting in my way. I told him to F off and speeded up and dropped him. Felt momentarily guilty but then thought it was no worse than he'd get in the peloton! And thats just in one day!

They think you'll be flattered by any male attention but when you are reasonable to look at, you get too much male attention and really don't need loads to bolster your self confidence. In fact, you really need to be like this, to develop a way to ward off the creeps. I would say you're just developing your own method of doing so and no doubt you will refine it in time.

Don't worry about "getting a reputation" for this kind of thing - the only "reputation" you'll get is that you are only open to classy approaches from decent guys only and are no pushover. Men love a woman who plays a bit hard to get anyway so I doubt you'll deter the decent guys.

This is just frankly advising the OP to be rude.

So what if someone checked you out when you were at an athletics track or tried to engage you in conversation whilst you were running? Even assuming they wanted "nothing more than sex from you", can't you just smile and leave them in your wake or politely explain that you're not interested in conversation as you're focusing on your run?

Honestly, it used to be considered a negative for New York that it's people had a reputation for being so rude and condescending. When did it become something we want to emulate in a country famous for it's hospitality and friendliness?

Emme

Temper wrote: »

I´ve been trying to get to the root of my actions and perhaps it has something to do with my disillusionment with relationships and men and their intentions. The last few guys I´ve really liked over the past few years have only wanted sex when I wanted more. I got the impression they did too but I was wrong and it hurt. I suppose I´m wary of all men as a result. I´ve no time for sleazy men but instead of just ignoring them, I shout at them.

I was like that for a year or so after being sexually assaulted. I'd knock back a few vodkas on nights out and verbally lacerate any guy who I thought was being sleazy or touched my body - it could be my arm, it could by my bum, I'd still rip them to shreds. All this without actually shouting at guys - it was a combination of well chosen words and dirty looks. I was so angry with men because all they seemed to want to do was use me for one night and I had been led on by a guy who fooled me into thinking he wanted a relationship and did something entirely different instead.

I stopped drinking and going out to clubs, got majorly into horseriding. That helped and I still don't drink that much but I find clubs and pubs difficult. I think everyone does and most women I know are often seething with rage at the end of the night at the way guys can treat them. I'm sure it's the same for some guys too. The people who do succeed in clubs and pubs are usually able to take their drink in such a way that it inures them to abuse and they often go out with one thing in mind.

OP, lay off the drink and try to find other social outlets apart from pubs and clubs. Otherwise you're unlikely to get out of this habit. It's not nice to be rude and you're only hurting yourself and you'll get a reputation for being obnoxious. Rude isn't classy.

I agree with the poster based in Scotland that Irish men can be extremely disrespectful, but Irish women can be very angry and defensive as well. It's a chicken-egg situation fuelled by alcohol.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your advice and I´ve taken it all on board. I can´t justify my behaviour to be honest. I could just ignore the leery men instead of being a "weapon" and those who said I could get a rep for being one are completely right. If I´m being honest with myself, I´m not going to quit the drink. I probably SHOULD but I know myself and I won´t. I only go out once a week (I usually avoid clubs) and I don´t drink all that much. I have plenty of hobbies besides and my social life is not confined to bars. I probably have to change where I´m socialising or just change the attitude. Now don´t get me wrong...I´m not biting the heads off every man that cracks onto me but enough for it to be a problem. I bite before I even know what I´ve done...it´s not premeditated but it just seems that a lot of guys are so insincere. I would have bought it when I was younger but now life has thought me differently.

One of the guys I bit the head off a while ago was trying it on every time I went to my local (I bit his head off a few times) and then about a week later, I saw him hand in hand with his girlfriend on the street and he obviously blanked me. It gets to you after a while and you get cynical. I guess I attract the a-holes. Still, I´m not a weapon and I need to learn to just ignore them.

It really is hard to tell them to go away nicely though. How do you do that?

Thanks again everyone.

HellFireClub

Temper wrote: »

Thanks for all your advice and I´ve taken it all on board. I can´t justify my behaviour to be honest. I could just ignore the leery men instead of being a "weapon" and those who said I could get a rep for being one are completely right. If I´m being honest with myself, I´m not going to quit the drink. I probably SHOULD but I know myself and I won´t. I only go out once a week (I usually avoid clubs) and I don´t drink all that much. I have plenty of hobbies besides and my social life is not confined to bars. I probably have to change where I´m socialising or just change the attitude. Now don´t get me wrong...I´m not biting the heads off every man that cracks onto me but enough for it to be a problem. I bite before I even know what I´ve done...it´s not premeditated but it just seems that a lot of guys are so insincere. I would have bought it when I was younger but now life has thought me differently.

One of the guys I bit the head off a while ago was trying it on every time I went to my local (I bit his head off a few times) and then about a week later, I saw him hand in hand with his girlfriend on the street and he obviously blanked me. It gets to you after a while and you get cynical. I guess I attract the a-holes. Still, I´m not a weapon and I need to learn to just ignore them.

It really is hard to tell them to go away nicely though. How do you do that?

Thanks again everyone.

I went through a serious phase like this last year and I gave the nightclubbing, drinking and going to the pub thing a complete wide bearth for most if not all of last year... On reflection, part of the problem was the circle I was in, subconciously they were completely p*ssing me off. Then the same venues old sh*tty they were constantly going to, that was p*ssing me off, I took a bit of time to think about it and in hindsight, I could work out that I was not able to relax going out, between the company I was in, and the venue I was in. Then I had a bit of an issue with being single as well.

Sometimes OP you have to go backwards before you can go forwards. I had to remove myself completely and permanently from a circle of people who were bitchy and basically not nice people. Then the venues I was going to were the places my mates wanted to go, not places that I wanted to go to and it was all their way or no way at all.

I was starting the night on edge and then the more people drank, the easier things would get said and then I'd let fly on someone. Your post reminds me of me in the last 12 months, back at the start of last year, I never thought I'd be out of that circle, ok I'll admit I still haven't got my social life back to where I'd like it to be, but at least I'm not going out and coming home angry and disappointed as to the night I had...

LegacyUser

Temper wrote: »

Thanks for all your advice and I´ve taken it all on board. I can´t justify my behaviour to be honest. I could just ignore the leery men instead of being a "weapon" and those who said I could get a rep for being one are completely right. If I´m being honest with myself, I´m not going to quit the drink. I probably SHOULD but I know myself and I won´t. I only go out once a week (I usually avoid clubs) and I don´t drink all that much. I have plenty of hobbies besides and my social life is not confined to bars. I probably have to change where I´m socialising or just change the attitude. Now don´t get me wrong...I´m not biting the heads off every man that cracks onto me but enough for it to be a problem. I bite before I even know what I´ve done...it´s not premeditated but it just seems that a lot of guys are so insincere. I would have bought it when I was younger but now life has thought me differently.

One of the guys I bit the head off a while ago was trying it on every time I went to my local (I bit his head off a few times) and then about a week later, I saw him hand in hand with his girlfriend on the street and he obviously blanked me. It gets to you after a while and you get cynical. I guess I attract the a-holes. Still, I´m not a weapon and I need to learn to just ignore them.

It really is hard to tell them to go away nicely though. How do you do that?

Thanks again everyone.

I don't think your behaviour is out of line. When someone is rude to you then you have a right to be rude back. I hate it when someone tells me to smile or being pestered by people on a night out. There is no right way to deal with it to be honest.
Just last night I was out with my mate and she was approached by some rude guy who wanted to buy her a drink. She politely said no thank you and wished him all the best. 5 minutes later his mate came over and gave her a tirade of abuse, so much so that she was actually scared! And this happens a lot - when you're in a pub/club and alcohol has been consumed this contributes to the aggressiveness, especially in many men who get rejected. Being polite doesn't work.
So my advice is when you're encountered with that you're right to bite their heads off.
It's a different story though if someone isn't being rude to you but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

gypsy_rose

It may be that your past relationships have caused you to have a disliking towards men who are patronising towards you (i.e. think you can't see through them when they just want one night with you) and, apologies if I'm going off topic here, but I do think girls need to stand up for themselves against some men who try to push them around. This happens to me sometimes, and I don't know if it's the case for you or not OP, but in the end, the type of guy you like isn't going to irritate you so much that you snap at him. If you own agression is really bothering you, maybe you could try just walking away from them and not engaging in conversation to avoid the agressive outcomes?

Craig9119

Temper wrote: »

Thanks for all your advice and I´ve taken it all on board. I can´t justify my behaviour to be honest. I could just ignore the leery men instead of being a "weapon" and those who said I could get a rep for being one are completely right. If I´m being honest with myself, I´m not going to quit the drink. I probably SHOULD but I know myself and I won´t. I only go out once a week (I usually avoid clubs) and I don´t drink all that much. I have plenty of hobbies besides and my social life is not confined to bars. I probably have to change where I´m socialising or just change the attitude. Now don´t get me wrong...I´m not biting the heads off every man that cracks onto me but enough for it to be a problem. I bite before I even know what I´ve done...it´s not premeditated but it just seems that a lot of guys are so insincere. I would have bought it when I was younger but now life has thought me differently.

One of the guys I bit the head off a while ago was trying it on every time I went to my local (I bit his head off a few times) and then about a week later, I saw him hand in hand with his girlfriend on the street and he obviously blanked me. It gets to you after a while and you get cynical. I guess I attract the a-holes. Still, I´m not a weapon and I need to learn to just ignore them.

It really is hard to tell them to go away nicely though. How do you do that?

Thanks again everyone.

Hey op, I just seen your post and wanted to give some feedback, some guys can be leery for a reason like Ive posted a topic yesterday about not having confidence ( or being shy) when it comes to talking to girls I like so I usually end up looking and then bottling at the last minute I spose what I'm trying to say is to take the guys with a pinch of salt, and think to yourself that it's taken alot of courage for him to come up to you


... But on the otherhand when you get the assholes coming up and getting handsy thn they deserve what they get...

Then again maybe the above poster is right.... Maybe you just need a break from the club/pub scene

Hope I was of some help... I prolly wasn't though :S