sleepless nights with worry

gsxr1

Im now a kept man.

My missis has a job and now is the only income.

This does not sit well with me at all.

That constant feeling of dread is really upsetting at this stage.

I just cant get any work.

I know im not the only one like this. How do you gents keep a stiff upper lip in this situation ?

MagicMarker

Enjoy it while it lasts.

gsxr1

MagicMarker wrote: »

Enjoy it while it lasts.

When I was flat out working, I too thought this was a great place to be, but in reality it makes one feel useless.

ntlbell

It's not easy and can chop away at you.

I'm assumng from the link in your sig you have a trade.

Have you thought about offering your services on a volunteer basis I'm sure there's plenty could use for a few weeks to give your day a bit of purpose untill something comes up?

C Eng

You can look at in 2 ways.


Its a partnership and she is supporting you in much the same way you would do for her.

There are always people in a worse situation than what you are facing.



Try not to watch/listen to too much doom and gloom on the news.

Josh_Calvert

suck it up and be thankful you live in a country with some kind of welfare system.I for example was in education through the boom, graduated with a lot of student debt and have found 1 ****ing job cleaning toilets since I finished my postgrad...being unemployed does suck but get your arse into a night course or even some volunteer work helping those less ****ing fortunate than you.

gsxr1

Josh_Calvert wrote: »

suck it up and be thankful you live in a country with some kind of welfare system.I for example was in education through the boom, graduated with a lot of student debt and have found 1 ****ing job cleaning toilets since I finished my postgrad...being unemployed does suck but get your arse into a night course or even some volunteer work helping those less ****ing fortunate than you.

No welfare for me though.

feckers.....

Josh_Calvert

ah indeed they do **** over tradespeople a bit in that respect, yis should at least qualify for a basic food allowance...anyway my other points still stand.If theres a tradesperson who didn't see this recesssion coming and wasn't saving everything in advance of it, then you've only got yourselves to blame.Go to a fas course to keep busy...help out the simon community etc...theres lots to do to keep your mind off things.

Supertech

Josh_Calvert wrote: »

If theres a tradesperson who didn't see this recesssion coming and wasn't saving everything in advance of it, then you've only got yourselves to blame

A bit harsh I'd have thought .... even if the OP had saved everything he made we're three years into a recession now, any savings would likely be running low....

But back on topic.

+1 on courses and so on. I did one last year and it certainly helps keep the doom and gloom at bay.
In exactly the same boat at present, no work, no cash, no social welfare, but have junior to look after, so I'm kept busy with that. I try to look at it as time I wouldn't otherwise get to spend with him. A lot of people in a similar situation at the moment.

Otis Driftwood

Josh_Calvert wrote: »

suck it up and be thankful you live in a country with some kind of welfare system.I for example was in education through the boom, graduated with a lot of student debt and have found 1 ****ing job cleaning toilets since I finished my postgrad...being unemployed does suck but get your arse into a night course or even some volunteer work helping those less ****ing fortunate than you.

Josh_Calvert wrote: »

ah indeed they do **** over tradespeople a bit in that respect, yis should at least qualify for a basic food allowance...anyway my other points still stand.If theres a tradesperson who didn't see this recesssion coming and wasn't saving everything in advance of it, then you've only got yourselves to blame.Go to a fas course to keep busy...help out the simon community etc...theres lots to do to keep your mind off things.

My patients are beginning to wear very thin with you.The OP posted looking for advice or input not snide comments and a lecture soaked in tiresome rhetoric.If you dont have anything constructive to add to this or other threads in tGC then dont bother posting.If you cant manage that then your posting privileges WILL be removed.Thanks,Ned.

gsxr1

Josh_Calvert wrote: »

ah indeed they do **** over tradespeople a bit in that respect, yis should at least qualify for a basic food allowance...anyway my other points still stand.If theres a tradesperson who didn't see this recesssion coming and wasn't saving everything in advance of it, then you've only got yourselves to blame.Go to a fas course to keep busy...help out the simon community etc...theres lots to do to keep your mind off things.

With respect mate. Explain how I caused the recession? Im pretty sure it was not my fault. 3 years wages is quite a bit to save for.

I will have a look a FAS for the craic. Thanks

kerryman12

I had a difficult time finding work at one stage and it can be a very low time, it was for me.

All I can say to you is keep busy, sports, hobbies, charities what ever - dont stay at home.



You will get through this and find something - dont give up, ever!

Josh_Calvert

I didn't say you caused the recession.Re-read until you get the jist.

bmarley

Thats what partners are for...better or worst...try to make the most of your free time by upskilling or thinking of career change, alternative some kind of charity work may kill a few hours

scientific1982

Try doing a course mate. Gaining skills is always a plus and it'll get you out of the house.

mickob16

Whatever you do dont sit at home worrying about something you have little control over.Get yourself out there whether its just walking,calling to a mate etc.Im in a similar position but i have the sprog to mind.I was talking to my doc and he was saying that the increase in men suffering from depression since all this ****e started has gone through the roof.His advice was to get plenty of excercise as this releases chemicals which help to make you feel good.

Worry begets worry. Sitting around worrying about it will likely give you something to worry about.

You have time now before the next job comes along. Use it. How you use it is up to you but just make sure when you look back on it all you are proud of something you did in that time that bettered you or your surroundings in some way.

mikemac

It's tough but sitting at home won't help, not saying you're doing this.

Others have given recommendations on courses.

Maybe you're superfit, I'm far from it. Use this time to get in the shape of your life, you have time to workout every day.
Even if all you want to do is walk but as a tradesmen you're used to labour

It's something to do anyway and you can set goals

folan

feelingstressed wrote: »

It's tough but sitting at home won't help, not saying you're doing this.

Others have given recommendations on courses.

Maybe you're superfit, I'm far from it. Use this time to get in the shape of your life, you have time to workout every day.
Even if all you want to do is walk but as a tradesmen you're used to labour

It's something to do anyway and you can set goals

getting fit (or at least the trying) gives me time to think.

I've put together ideas for projects etc for myself over the time. so if i ever do end up with more time on my hands, ill give it a go.

Maybe youll have your eurika moment half way through 5 mile jog!

KERSPLAT!

I worked as an electrician for 5 years and in Jan 2009 I was let go due to lack of work. I sat around the house for couple months feeling sorry for myself but eventually got up and changed careers. I got a job in July 2009 (which im still in) and I plan on attending night classes in September to upskill and make my way up the ladder

It may take time and you may have to do something you dont really enjoy but im sure you'll find something, until then try keep busy like the others said

Sibylla

Have you thought about returning to education? Gaining a new skill and keeping busy will help. After all you and your wife are in a partnership, you would support her if the situation was different.

MidlandsM

I'd sit down and formulate a new life plan on paper.......a new YOU model for 2011/2012 - an make goals and aims to strive for - if you don't have these, you're aimless.

Retrain yes, course's yes, but these have to fit into a lifeplan you formulate and work hard at, to allow you to achieve you goal which is getting back to work.

Best of luck whatever you do.

Cartman78

Was in the same boat as you a while back.
Like others have alluded to above, discipline is very important.

Get up early, eat well, get yourself fit, keep off the booze etc. Not sure if you run or not, but would highly recommend it. Great stressbuster and will give you positive head-space....a zillion times better than fretting & vegging on the couch watching TV (not saying this is what you're doing, but it's a very easy trap to fall into)

tallaghtmick

keep your chin up mate,at the very start of the recession i was let go from a good paying job it took me 6 months to get a job and i was very surprised i got it,right before xmas i got the call that i would be starting in january so it was the best xmas present i could ask for.....especially as i had a baby due in april :pac: 2 years on from that job ive been promoted so just keep looking,good luck

Snowie

hey op, no the feeling loosing work sucks ... what did you do ?

BigDuffman

Bad buzz OP. Try volunteer your time or go on an internship or somesuch "work for free" program. When reviewing CVs a big gap in your employment history will look a lot better when filled with "did volunteer work for..."or "manned a support phone line". Some of these charities / support lines offer practical skills / courses in how to talk to people etc. which can be of benefit to an employer. It also shows that you werent sitting around scratching and that you are pro-active.

To beat the blues take up exercising. Jogging is great as gets you out of the house, keeps you fit and will give you a much needed lift once the endorphins kick in!

gsxr1

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

hey op, no the feeling loosing work sucks ... what did you do ?

I am a carpenter.

very little happening

KERSPLAT!

gsxr1 wrote: »

I am a carpenter.

very little happening

Electrician here... thinking of doing an electronics course or engineering, problem is I dont know if theres work in those sectors either

marzic

I'm not unemployed, but have family & friends who are, so i understand a bit of how you feel. If its a matter of looking to fill your time if you arent doing training, join your local volunteer centre. They have various openings of every sort. Example, my local centre had requirement for someone to give very basic DIY instruction to a womens group 2 hours a week or something (mornings didnt suit me, otherwise I'd have been in like flynn!). I ended up doing a bagpack in dunnes for St.VdeP, it felt good to help out. They wanted someone in a community radio station, Brothers of charity wanted helpers for special needs adults, community games wanted volunteers to run events, helpers for animal shelters, lots of different things going on and something for people with varying amounts of time or abilities. Heres the link:

http://www.volunteer.ie/Find-you-local-Volunteer-Centre.html?91

There was an rte show about people who had money troubles due to lack of work etc. There was an electrician who set up a facebook account or a website, basically any thing to get the message out that he was looking for work, or to trade his skills with others to get work done in return. Boards might the place to start. I dont have a facebook account but I see the potential for networking, and making contacts. Best of luck

sensormatic

not kidding here but i was in the same boat so i told the wife that i was going to put an add on the local paper and trying the male escort craic.
since then i have not looked back its a great deal.
my wife does not mind as its local functions i attend thats all no messing.
it took me awhile to work up the nerve to try it but its good money in my pocket and the end of the day

OP - When you talk of feelings of dread how do they manifest themselves? What is it you see happening in your head that scares you?

And what is it youd love to do if you had the chance.... are you keen to get back to the carpentry... to do what you are used to.... or do you ever feel something new calling you.... or do you just want to feel active and do not really care what it is you do?

bdr529

doing a course or up-skilling your self is a good way to go but in the meantime why not put your trade to good use and try to make work for yourself...for instance make a bird feeder or a kennel or something and try sell them at car boot sales or something, must be plenty of old furniture out there that could be refurbed and sold on etc.

another idea is to put an ad in your local supermarkets offering a 'Man with van' or handyman service or something along those lines.

see if your local takeaways are looking for delivery drivers...

you may not make a great deal of money out of it but it'll get you off your arse and you'll feel better for it

best of luck

gsxr1

Deleted User wrote: »

OP - When you talk of feelings of dread how do they manifest themselves? What is it you see happening in your head that scares you?

And what is it youd love to do if you had the chance.... are you keen to get back to the carpentry... to do what you are used to.... or do you ever feel something new calling you.... or do you just want to feel active and do not really care what it is you do?

I want to do what I do. Carpentry.

I feel like a wasted resource . I feel im to good and have spent to much time learning to be redundant.
I can build houses which takes years to learn hands on. It has taking me most of my life to learn my trade correctly. I dont think I could hack flipping burgers in some fish shop. Jesus . that would depress me worse after training for so long.

Now I just sit here.

Advertising , planing but getting nowhere . Getting a couple of days here and there . Zero help from government. I want to leave the country but could not leave my child and missis .
Cant pay for night classes as FAS wont fund me as I dont get the dole.

I feel fecked over by the country.

Its ****. This whole piss pot situation is really getting the better of me.

Max Powers

yeah its a f-er alright. I was out of work for last 2 years, was working in construction. got no money from govt. after the first year. Managed to get some work for next few months so keep plugging away, thats all you can do. best advice:
- go jogging
- do stuff around house, odd jobs, cooking, build a patio
- do some sort of course, anything
- volunteer for some charity/club
- keep plugging away with those CVs
- you might have to think about changing what you want to work at for rest of life, construction seems to be gone for a few years yet.

Cracked82

plant a sprog in the missus and become a stay at home dad.... plenty to do then..

Bottle_of_Smoke

gsxr1 wrote: »

I want to do what I do. Carpentry.

I feel like a wasted resource . I feel im to good and have spent to much time learning to be redundant.
I can build houses which takes years to learn hands on. It has taking me most of my life to learn my trade correctly. I dont think I could hack flipping burgers in some fish shop. Jesus . that would depress me worse after training for so long.

Now I just sit here.

Advertising , planing but getting nowhere . Getting a couple of days here and there . Zero help from government. I want to leave the country but could not leave my child and missis .
Cant pay for night classes as FAS wont fund me as I dont get the dole.

I feel fecked over by the country.

Its ****. This whole piss pot situation is really getting the better of me.

Mate that's life. I can understand you're upset but the reality is there isn't a big demand for carpenters right now.

Emmigration's not an option for you so if you want to feel better go for anything on offer. The good times (or at least better times) will come around again and you can apply to be a carpenter then.

Would you consider getting involved with a political party for the moment? They'll need as much help as possible in the next few weeks and there would be definite opportunity to make contacts who might be able to help you out with work.

panda100

C Eng wrote: »

Try not to watch/listen to too much doom and gloom on the news.

+1 to this!

OP, worrying is such a needless emotion.Stressing will not get you anywhere and will in the long term wreak havoc on your physical and mental health.

Others advice here on practical day to day stuff is very good. If you actually can't sleep with worry then try some meditation,read a good book, have a nice hot chocolate and remember the bigger picture.You are alive,healthy and just having economic difficulty which really doesn't change anything fundamentally about you as a person!

Cicero

gsxr1 wrote: »

Im now a kept man.

My missis has a job and now is the only income.

This does not sit well with me at all.

That constant feeling of dread is really upsetting at this stage.

I just cant get any work.

I know im not the only one like this. How do you gents keep a stiff upper lip in this situation ?

From a male perspective, I don't believe you "should" be "keeping a stiff upper lip"....you are going through a rough time...I would be more worried about you if you didn't let your true feelings show...I'm glad to hear you have some income coming into the house.....I always view double incomes into a household as one income where couples are concerned..you now have less income coming in..but it's both of yours...not yours, not hers..but it is less and needs to go further than the household income did in the past.

You provided many things I'm sure through the years...but right now, you can't provide that level...you still have skills though and you're still the same person she married...

The great thing is you have a skill...AND..you can knock on doors...Carpentry could be used in many ways...if you presented yourself at my front door 6 months ago, I would have got you to quote for a new side gate..if your work was good, who knows what additional work you would have got from neighbours etc...there's a company who builds and delivers wooden raised beds kits for EUR50...I don't think they're that great to be honest..there's another company who sells better ones for EUR 90 in Johnstown Garden center but I think they're too expensive..again, if you knocked on my door tomorrow morning offering me a handbuilt kit, I'd buy one from you...

Sorry, probably went a bit off topic there, but just to illustrate, there's lots of people like me out there that don't have the skills you have ,that would be appreciative of them.........hope this helps.

daniel.ocarroll

i'm only a college student so have a (relatively) stress free existence for a few more months at least, but my advice:

a) get on meteor if you aren't already on ; call friends
b) DO NOT DRINK!!!
c) Buy Family Guy -- watch compulsively
d) Start a blog or something and include your CV. Sounds ridiculous but could be an interesting way of networking; you never know who's reading.

Cicero

daniel.ocarroll wrote: »

d) Start a blog or something and include your CV. Sounds ridiculous but could be an interesting way of networking; you never know who's reading.

..that's not at all "ridiculous"....it's called "expanding your channels of distribution"...and at the very least, it gives some hope...

OP...I recommend the following book: Who Moved my Cheese by Spencer Johnson..
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Who-Moved-My-Cheese-Amazing/dp/0091816971



..it's a very simple book that deals with the human side of change- it will take you approx 1 hour to read it, but I think it will give you something to think about...

...the reason I recommend it, is that you have mentioned throughout this thread that you are a "skilled house builder"....

..well, that market has reduced...but the primary thing "building houses" did for you, is provide you with an income....
....if a business banker loses a bank job, they could turn their focus to giving paid advice to businesses on how to apply for business loans and manage their business...

...if a plumber is out of work, they could re-train in household energy conservation consultation which is getting big in Ireland...there is hope for you...but you might have to do different work, but using the skills you have and make it into a business.....what the above book does, is help you think differently and move away from what you are "used to"...(house building)..and into something new..which is scary..but might be even better..

bangra bangra

Hi gsxr1, sorry you're having a hard time. Everybody kind of expected this disaster with the economy but I don't think any of us were prepared for how it would change our lives. I know someone in the same situation as you're describing, only he has totally lost the plot, given up looking for any work...No point in that.... could you stick an ad in a local paper offering "recession prices" for your work, I got a painter that way and our job led to another 2 houses from a friend of mine, plenty of people still want work done, they're only looking for an excuse and a feeling that they're getting some sort of value for money. Also, I've read Who Moved My Cheese, no offence to the person who suggested it but its boring (IMHO...). Don't laugh, but I would recommend you start making affirmations i.e "good things happen to me everyday", "my wife and I are deeply in love", "everything/money comes very easily to me", "I don't have money worries", you could read more suggestions on the Power of Attraction on the net or get any of Louise Hay books, very good, I know it sounds like nutty stuff, but it will make you feel more positive and when I do affirmations good stuff does happen, people are unexpectedly nicer etc..god I do ramble on.. best of luck, chin up:cool:

iptba

Most of the suggestions I might have made have been made.

You sound like you need to look after your mental health. I remember reading some tips on it - afraid I can't remember much now except one of them was to try to do something you enjoy every day for yourself. For me, I like sitcoms and humour so even when I was very busy with studying, I used to make time for it. I think humour is good for mood by itself: there was at least one study that found that even if people just forced a smile, it had some good effect on them.

Also when I was going through a tough time with health problems, I remember reading something by somebody else with the same problem that put it into perspective: some people may die today through malnutrition (in other parts of the world). They didn't do anything to deserve it. Being happy is as much as choice as anything else I think. Things can always be better, things can always be worse: it's up to people themselves to ensure they don't let themselves get too down. It can take work.

magneticimpulse

Plenty of construction happening in France and brillant unemployment benefits (70 % original salary) and other social benefits (see lots of specialists in one day and yearly full medicals for everyone).

Its in the EU so your entitled to work in France and the French never went into a recession.

The schooling is great and you could send your kid to an International School where everything is in English anyway.

Also a 3 course meal is €15 in a lovely restaurant (which would cost you an arm and a leg in Dublin) and the wine is not much more expensive. Prob 5euro for half a bottle with your meal. Never more then 20 euro for 3 course meal and drinks.

I honestly dont know why there are not more Irish people coming to the continent...sure your taxes go into the EU anyway!! Might as well get something out of it. Only 1 hour 30 minutes by plane to Ireland.

So you really have no excuse!!!

mikemac

I know very little about the industry

Any work with the London Olympics?
Maybe you could be a lodger and come home to your family at weekends.
Just throwing it out there

All else I'd say is mind your sources of info. If you're listening to Joe Duffy everyday then it'll make you feel worse. And a lot of the complaining on Liveline is over stupid things, there is so much hysteria on that show. But a lot of upset with genuine cases too.
And there are a few forums even on boards I avoid reading.

Good to keep informed of course, just mind what you're watching and listening to

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Would you consider getting involved with a political party for the moment? They'll need as much help as possible in the next few weeks and there would be definite opportunity to make contacts who might be able to help you out with work.

I like this. You can head out canvassing or at least working with posters and leaflets.
It'll do your confidence some good, out and about and knocking on some doors. You might meet some hassle on the doorstep pay no mind
And imagine the networking, you'll be meeting loads of other volunteers

Poor Uncle Tom

gsxr1 wrote: »

I want to do what I do. Carpentry.

Do you have a laithe? a shed or garage?

iptba

feelingstressed wrote: »

I like this. You can head out canvassing or at least working with posters and leaflets.
It'll do your confidence some good, out and about and knocking on some doors. You might meet some hassle on the doorstep pay no mind
And imagine the networking, you'll be meeting loads of other volunteers

Speaking personally, I think canvassing would knock my confidence. Especially if I was not really up on topics and a party's position on issues. Given the amount of stuff that could come up at the doors, I'd find it tough to be sufficiently prepared. And if I was sufficiently prepared, I doubt I'd agree with any one party's position on everything enough to want to defend it.

Anyway, each to their own I suppose.

mikemac

True enough, you could do leaflets drops or posters anyway, I'll leave it at that