Platonic Relationship? Advice/Input?

bored_2011

Hi all,

Just looking for some input re a situation that I am in...

I am 34, female, have just moved to a new place for my work.

For the past 18 months, I have been in a 'relationship' (long distance up to a few months ago), with a great person and here is the problem - the 'relationship' is totally platonic.

This person is a wonderful friend and has all the qualities, but our sexual relationship went from 'sort of there, but not quite' to non-existent. We are the best of friends, but I find myself missing the chemistry that I believe should be in a relationship.

We spend a lot of time together and whilst I like spending time with him, I find myself constantly disappointed with the lack of intimacy.

I have spoken to him about this numerous times but he just says that it is not that important to him and I have started to see him in a platonic light due to the the lack of initiation of sex or sexual desire.

I have now made it clear that as long as our relationship is platonic, I consider myself available to date others - if I ever meet anyone else that is!

I have had plenty of chemistry with all the wrong people in past (a cliche though it might be) and I am fed up that when a good guy comes along, he has absolutely no sexual desire whatsover: he has never initiated sex, no intimate messages or anything of that nature, he has never expressed sexual desire or anything at all! I feel loyalty to him in many ways, but I know that I can only put up with this until someone I click with eventually appears if ever.

I do not consider myself to be the problem. I do not usually have trouble attracting men per se, but I do have a problem finding men I am attracted to and who I could also have a proper relationship with (the problem of many single women I am sure).

I think I know it is pretty much over due to this issue, but I am just curious to know what other people's thoughts are?

I have tried everything I can think of, but he simply does not express any sexual desire at all and I find myself fantasizing about past relationships/being interested in other men I see when I go out and I am fairly sure that this is not a good sign. I understand that relationships go through cycles, but this complete lack of sexual desire has been there pretty much since the relationship began.

Thanks for reading.

SirDelboy18

You have done everything you can. You started with trying to initiate it, which wasn't unreasonable, and seem to have been very co-operative.

But enough is enough. Its just crazy to expect anybody to go without intimacy. You have made your position clear, which I feel was a great move. The ball is in his court.

If he can't give you the reasonable demands which you ask for, then he has to go. Simple as.

bored_2011

Ya - I think my mind is made up - I just didn't want to be rash as he really is a great person. However, this bothers me all the time.

Cheap Thrills!

To me there is no relationship here. What it is is a friendship. He is either totally asexual or gay using you as a cover-up.

I wouldn't waste another second on him.

Life is too short to endure this.

bored_2011

Yes I think I have realised this too. I do not think he is gay, though asexual may be a possibility. I was single for five years before I met him and the thoughts of not having a connection with someone for another five years frightens me, albeit I am not scared to be alone if the alternative is to remain in a pseudo-relationship.

Cheap Thrills!

Well at least you have a chance of meeting someone if you make the break wheras now you haven't any chance!!!

bored_2011

Well as I am in a new place, I have the additional obstacle of trying to meet new people generally (friends included), so I am not expecting to be meeting anyone any time soon.

SirDelboy18

That couldn't be better for you in terms of meeting guys. Really. You could definetly use that to your advantage

bored_2011

How so SirDel?

SirDelboy18

Well depending on what your job is, you have a chance to re-invent yourself.

Create a new social perception, different from the one who rarely got with guys.

bored_2011

I'm not sure I understand...

If you mean a different perception to the girl who rarely gets with guys (?), this is down to me rarely meeting people I click with and/or feel attracted to (I am not shy or anything).

dub_3

Forget the past and simply make a new start in your new location.

First priority should be to figure out any options for having fun / meeting new people there.

e.g. sports clubs / drama groups / hobbies / night classes / volunteering or the old fashioned local pub

Forget about the boyfriend / relationship thing till after you're settled in the new place and got some kind of a social scene going.