I love my friend, he has no idea (maybe!)

LegacyUser

Just to keep it simple... I've been good friends with a guy for about 8 years, I've always had feelings for him, which just got stronger over time to the point that I now think I'm in love with him. I am almost 100% sure he doesnt feel the same way, although there have been a few incidents, all drink related, which might suggest otherwise.

Basically should I tell him how I feel? I'm absolutely terrified to do this because I almost think silently wanting him is better than the crushing I would take if he told me he had no interest (which considering I've known him for so long is the most likely result). It would also destroy me if it damaged our friendship. Really don't know what to do :-(

LegacyUser

It's tricky allright to decide whether you should do - you can continue the way you are now, but from what you have said it doesn't just seem to be a "phase".

On the other hand, what happens if you don't find out?

i.e. you say you've known him for eight years - I presume in that time he's been in relationships and so have you? If you're going out with someone, do you still feel that he's the one you want? Do you feel weird when he starts seeing someone?

If that kind of stuff is affecting you then it could be good to try to find out how he feels to at least bring some sort of closure one way or another.

If you've been really good friends for that amount of time, I think even if its not reciprocated you will both suddenly not decide to stop being friends.

LegacyUser

hey OP

i know this is a serious choice to make. i was in the exact same situation myself 8 years ago. my best friend was alex and i loved her to bits but she had no idea. when she split up with her fella i was delighted and of course i was there for her as any good friend would be. eventually it became unbearable and i had to take the chance and tell otherwise i would have been dealing with the " what if ? " factor for the rest of my life....

we celebrate the birth of our first child last week after 2 years of marriage...

BEST DECISION I EVER MADE !!!

ziedth

go_for_it wrote: »

hey OP

i know this is a serious choice to make. i was in the exact same situation myself 8 years ago. my best friend was alex and i loved her to bits but she had no idea. when she split up with her fella i was delighted and of course i was there for her as any good friend would be. eventually it became unbearable and i had to take the chance and tell otherwise i would have been dealing with the " what if ? " factor for the rest of my life....

we celebrate the birth of our first child last week after 2 years of marriage...

BEST DECISION I EVER MADE !!!

As a flip side to this(lovely story BTW),

In my late teens I also was madly in love with a girl who was a close friend. Again, I couldn't take it anymore and of course she didn't feel the same way. Friendship went down in flames (granted it was 100% my fault) after that. However I'm now 3 months married after a 7 year relationship. So I do the odd time miss the girl and wish I had acted differently afterwards I don't regret telling her one bit.

My point being, if you can live with loosing him as a friend then I think you'll regret more not doing anything.

On a final note, if you do decide to tell him for god sake don't say you love him just would he like to date/get a drink or something.

Good luck.

SirDelboy18

You obviously can't handle just being his friend, which is very understandable. So if friendship isn't enough, what can you do to change that?

Tell him. Put everything on the table. Your closeness is such that even if he is wierded out he won't run because he cares about you, in what way he cares is yet to be determined.

If you hold back you will regret it. Life is too short for what ifs.

If he dies tomorrow without you having told him, how would that make you feel? Unbearably bad. So do something about it.

johnnyvega86

Relationship Advice wrote: »

Just to keep it simple... I've been good friends with a guy for about 8 years, I've always had feelings for him, which just got stronger over time to the point that I now think I'm in love with him. I am almost 100% sure he doesnt feel the same way, although there have been a few incidents, all drink related, which might suggest otherwise.

Basically should I tell him how I feel? I'm absolutely terrified to do this because I almost think silently wanting him is better than the crushing I would take if he told me he had no interest (which considering I've known him for so long is the most likely result). It would also destroy me if it damaged our friendship. Really don't know what to do :-(

Just tell him and get it out in the open.
It will be a load off your mind and it might give this guy the well deserved kick in the pants he needs if he has been to shy to make a move.

LegacyUser

How much more gutted would you be if he got engaged/married to someone else?
If you have the opportunity now, take it. If he rebuffs the idea, don't go all embarrassed& awkward, be adult about it& show respect for your longstanding friendship by being mature enough to say "fair enough". But DO bite the bullet sooner rather than later.

LegacyUser

ziedth wrote: »

As a flip side to this(lovely story BTW),

In my late teens I also was madly in love with a girl who was a close friend. Again, I couldn't take it anymore and of course she didn't feel the same way. Friendship went down in flames (granted it was 100% my fault) after that. However I'm now 3 months married after a 7 year relationship. So I do the odd time miss the girl and wish I had acted differently afterwards I don't regret telling her one bit.

My point being, if you can live with loosing him as a friend then I think you'll regret more not doing anything.

On a final note, if you do decide to tell him for god sake don't say you love him just would he like to date/get a drink or something.

Good luck.

It's a lovely story. I guess though even you lost a friend, if you did not tell the girl, you could not let go that easily and you may miss the chance to be your present wife...

op, i just want to suggest you tell the guy, in a wise way.

if he does not accept that, you have nothing to lose, because, if you really treasure the friendship, you can always go back and find him as a friend later when you are healed. and for him, well, it's no big deal to have you as a friend later. from my experience, guys would not mind being friends with a gal who once liked her romantically...

all the best.