LDR trouble - is she not that into me?

LegacyUser

Hi all. Have been seeing a girl I met abroad every 2 or 3 weeks for a weekend since last july, either I go there or she comes here. Just spent a week with her over xmas which went great. I came back yesterday. It's her birthday this coming weekend so I told her yesterday I had booked to come again this coming weekend and when we talked about it tonight she reckons it's not a good idea that she needs space etc. and she wants the weekend to herself as we've just been together a week etc.
Seems bad on your birthday weekend not wanting to see your boyfriend no? I'd imagine she'll be going out with all her friends. I know this is absolutely stupid but I find myself thinking this is normal and am hoping others can put me straight. I'd be delighted if she came here every weekend so I just don't get it.
We have been extremely intimate and she really confides in me with stuff she wont tell anyone else about family problems and stuff, so it seems like she's well into me.
We haven't discussed plans for future either, the only viable option is that i have to move there eventually but anytime I ever tried to bring up the prospects of the future she just says that we need to play it cool and take it easy. This is fair enough I guess given it hasn't been very long but I fell for her pretty hard.
It all sounds ok in a way from her side to me but I feel gutted a lot of the time that it seems she isn't as into it as I am. I mean why would you not be happy to see your so called bf on your birthday night out?
What should I do? Just carry on "taking it easy" or am I entitled to feel like she's not giving me enough? If I like someone a lot I tend to dive head first into these things but maybe she's just not like me, which I can respect, but I have no one elses view on this to take into consideration. She's a lot more relaxed about things and I tend to work myself into a panic a lot. I would never get involved in long distance before or again but I like this one so much that I'm willing to make the sacrifices and put the work in in the hope that the end result will be worth it. I just want some peace of mind. Thanks

merlie

Hi Op,

For you not to be there on your gif's birthday isn't the be all and end all of the world. You could perhaps arrange another time to travel and have a 'special day' for her to make up for not being together on her birthday! You could perhaps suggest something or some place fun to go too that she hasn't been too or something like that!

From the sounds of it OP, you seem to be rushing headlong and serious into this relationship and perhaps swamp your gf's space. She may even feel a bit 'crowded' by you. I would suggest you to take it easy and not to worry. She may be seeing her friends but it is fine, as I said organise something different/fun time when you are next with her.

It is a bit soon to get too serious, as you only know her for a few months, what you need is to 'go with the flow', and enjoy each other and have fun together. It is all about getting to know each other.

Monkey Allen

I think the title of this thread asks the right question and my answer is no, she isnt. Well, not as much as you are with her it seems. If she was, she'd want to see you on her birthday.

But, that happens. Relationships are the most unpredictable and frustrating things in the world. When you think you're sailing, the other person might suddenly have an epiphany. Or vice versa.

She might simply want a weekend with her friends and feel just as strongly about you. But ask her. And dont ask 'is everything ok?' as you'll not get a straight answer. Ask her should you feel concerned about her apparent lack of interest in seeing you on her birthday. Might sound like a nag but it will only if she doesnt want to deal with answering it then. Thats a big sign. If she is into you as much as you are into her, she'll want to reassure you straight away.

Dont put it off, ask her.

prinz

She might not be that into you. She might be. Having been in a LDR for a long period of time I can guarantee that contrary to what you'd expect there are times when you just don't want to see each other. Especially so soon after the last visit, in my case there were plenty of times I or her, just said 'that's a bad time to visit', perhaps we were fed up and needed some time to ourselves, weren't feeling up to the travel implications, wanted to focus on other friends etc. Could be any number of reasons for your girl's apparant lack of interest in a visit, other than a lack of interest in you. She does need to be upfront and honest about it though as a vague 'no' will cause nothing but trouble.

LegacyUser

Thanks for replies guise. Ok now she emails me today after I had told her it's fine and she can do her own thing saying she was tired and in a bad mood yesterday and now she wants me to come over. I guess there's no point being cynical about it - she might have asked me now out of guilt, but if i dont go she'll feel even more guilty. So i guess i need to stop being so cynical and stop thinking about things so much and give her more space and relax about the relationship. Hopefully it works out, we'll see.