I disguist myself.

LickLickLick

I don't know where to start, I simply have been disguisting myself recently. Over the last month or so (since being dumped) I have been drunk off my face at any chance and also sleeping with whoever will have me. I would text a couple guys I know, doesnt matter who would reply, soon i would meet up and have sex with them, I had to be drunk. Three guys in a week, two in the same day. I am knowingly a mess and nobody knows.

I believe I have undiagnosed depression since I was about 15 (maybe a long time before, I am 19 now) I used to cut quite a bit when I was 15, recently been resisting to do so again and also contemplating suicide (I don't want to die, I literally want it to come to light how I am)

I have been adopted since I was two (by an aunt and uncle of my birth mother)
My mother since has had 5 children after me (2 of which live with her) She was a drug addict when I was born, I see her sometimes (We don't have any real friendship) My father was killed when I was about 12. I think it all affects me without me really knowing.

My break up is obviously affecting me, However I have had these feelings/tendencies for quite a while. We were together for about a year and a half, I cheated twice (including sex) I literally emotionally drained this guy so he had enough. I had problems a good while before him, however with the commitment came my problems

I don't know where to turn or what to do.

Nevyn

You've got a lot of things which you need to work through and dulling the emotional pain with drinking is not going to last for long. I suggest you go and talk to a counsellor and work through it all.

LickLickLick

I'm just so scared you know. My family have no idea, and It would ruin it all.
I'm just so lost in everything.

Thanks.

Nevyn

What would it ruin?
The false image of your family being 'happy' and your mother being 'good'?

Those very things are what is stopping you and your siblings and indeed your mother from getting the help you all need.

LickLickLick

Thaedydal wrote: »

What would it ruin?
The false image of your family being 'happy' and your mother being 'good'?

Those very things are what is stopping you and your siblings and indeed your mother from getting the help you all need.

The general harmony in my family life atm (my adoptive family) I feel would be altered (obviously) My brother (adoptive brother I grew up with) recently has come out as an alcoholic and has been going to AA etc, so I feel like I would be grabbing the attention somehow in a wrong way.

I dont see my siblings or mother (I could if I wanted to but just don't, I dont resent her or anything but something is not right)

Monkey Allen

LickLickLick wrote: »

The general harmony in my family life atm (my adoptive family) I feel would be altered (obviously) My brother (adoptive brother I grew up with) recently has come out as an alcoholic and has been going to AA etc, so I feel like I would be grabbing the attention somehow in a wrong way.

I dont see my siblings or mother (I could if I wanted to but just don't, I dont resent her or anything but something is not right)

You could help your brother by letting people know. He might see that he's not the only one with this problem and give him hope. He can help you as well. In fact, he should be the first person you tell.

DigiGal

Hey OP,

Just so you know, everything will be fine. Everyone feels like its the end of the world after a break up but I promise it will get better with time. Everything, no matter how bad, always gets better with time.

I broke up with my OH after 7 years and I did some out of character things myself, I think everyone does.

There is nothing wrong with having casual sex If you want to and don't let anyone else judge you but the most important thing is BE SAFE. Having drunken sex with random strangers can not only lead to STDs and unwanted pregnancies but at a young age can have a very large toll on your emotions.Make sure you use condoms and think carefully before you enter into something.

I definitely recommend you see a counsellor. Don't be scared. They are there to help, not judge and nobody has to know you're going its totally confidential. They can help with your depression and hopefully help you get better.


Good luck OP, hang in there, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise.

Benincasa

DigiGal wrote: »

There is nothing wrong with having casual sex If you want to and don't let anyone else judge you but the most important thing is BE SAFE. Having drunken sex with random strangers can not only lead to STDs and unwanted pregnancies but at a young age can have a very large toll on your emotions.Make sure you use condoms and think carefully before you enter into something.

Isn't this a bit of a contradiction? There's nothing wrong with casual sex...but you could get life altering diseases, life altering pregnancies and messed up emotions? That sounds like there's potentially plenty wrong with it to me!

OP, I wish you all the best. If you want to change, the first step is with the drink. Manage that and you'll be half way there.

LegacyUser

I would agree about seeing a counsellor, it seems that you have a lot of unresolved issues. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think your sleeping around is a cry for affection that you didn't get from your birth mother. As for the drinking, I think you should go with your brother to some AA meetings, at least you can support each other through it. You are only 19 and have your whole life ahead of you and it will get better i promise. In the words of Katy Perry "After every hurricane there's a rainbow" so hang in there.

Pluck81

Hi

I would agree with you seeing a counsellor you seem to have some unresolved issues. I also think that your sleeping around because you are looking to get some love and affection that you didn't get from your birth mother. Your foster family can give you that, not some random drunken fumble with a strange guy. You should consider going to the AA meetings with your brother because when the going gets tough you can lean on one another for support. And one last thing, you are only 19 and have your whole life ahead of you. I know that things seem tough now but they will get better I promise. In the words of Katy perry "After every hurricane there's a rainbow" so hang in there.:)

blue5000

Hi OP, I think you need to talk to a therapist, maybe your gp could recommend one who could deal with the rejection you suffered early on in life.