Wait?! You, CAN read my poker face?

maryd83

I just found out the stand-up job I thought I had done masking my sexuality was (significantly) more translucent than I had thought. Like, alot more obvious. The hell?? Naturally I call up other gay friends to verify that it is infact "not obvious" and apparantly you can't tell at all or you wouldn't think so. How can people tell? I think I must have like masculine personality traits or something because I dress and look totally like a girl. Why do I even care!? This ever happen to you? You have glee on your face, you smile like a cheshire cat ready to utter the old faithful words "I'm gay" expecting the impact of a bombshell on the unsuspecting person and then they bring it all crashing down with their careless "though so". Urgh!!!?

L.Jenkins

Or you get the, "meh! Whatever!!!"

bodice ripper

people assume other people are gay all the time and are wrong, I wouldn't read too much into it the odd time this scatter-shot routine is correct.

Annasopra

Yeah - or else you get - and? so what?

L.Jenkins

Johnnymcg wrote: »

Yeah - or else you get - and? so what?

I actually got that from friends, twice. They're response shocked me more :P

stephen_n

Johnnymcg wrote: »

Yeah - or else you get - and? so what?

Surely in an ideal world that should be the perfect response!

Richard Cranium

Out of interest, what response would you consider appropriate (if that's the right word)? I ask because a very close friend of mine recently came out to me. Since I knew him so well, it would have been impossible for me to pretend to be very surprised, even though he never really tried dropping any hints.

L.Jenkins

I was expecting this longwinded chat about how I got to where I was, instead I got, "you're still the same person and that's all that counts!"

Sir Ophiuchus

Richard Cranium wrote: »

Out of interest, what response would you consider appropriate (if that's the right word)? I ask because a very close friend of mine recently came out to me. Since I knew him so well, it would have been impossible for me to pretend to be very surprised, even though he never really tried dropping any hints.

I remember telling my brother's godmother, who I'm very good friends with. I opened with "Now, you know that when people attempt to surprise you, it's polite to pretend to be surprised, even when you're not, right?"

Annasopra

stephen_n wrote: »

Surely in an ideal world that should be the perfect response!

It can be very dissapointing when you have spent a long time thinking about it, dreading it, expecting all sorts of reactions and you just get a non-reaction

c

Dr. Baltar

All of my friends have done the "so...?"

A few asked a few questions which I like though.

maryd83

Richard Cranium wrote: »

Out of interest, what response would you consider appropriate (if that's the right word)? I ask because a very close friend of mine recently came out to me. Since I knew him so well, it would have been impossible for me to pretend to be very surprised, even though he never really tried dropping any hints.

Actually, I really don't know what the optimal response is. Now that you ask me that I realise, I have no idea. If anything, I kinda prefer the honesty rather than an "obligatory" shock-horror that frequently follows.

I guess I'm just wound up a bit about this now because I'm in that stage were old friends (Note: I live in an extremely rural, religious, "old-fashioned" (backwards) community) thik that I have this deep, lesbian, lust-fueled desire for them even if they are let's just say, unfortunate looking. I'm getting the looks lately were people are just looking at me because they know. I'd love to know what they expect me to do actually.
Something, gay?

Aard

I don't think they expect you to do anything. If it really is a case of the only gay in the village, then they might just be staring to see what one of them lesbians actually looks like! They probably either have no idea, or have some tv-inspired butch diesel dyke expectation.

maryd83

Aard wrote: »

I don't think they expect you to do anything. If it really is a case of the only gay in the village, then they might just be staring to see what one of them lesbians actually looks like! They probably either have no idea, or have some tv-inspired butch diesel dyke expectation.

No I know I'm joking! I know they don't expect some especially peculiar behaviour or anything!!:D And, you know, you're probably right with the "staring to see what one of them lesbians look like" but my answer to that is "The exact same as I did BEFORE you found out I was gay." Seriously...

I think what really pisses me off is that I'm so NOT the only gay in the village, I just happened to be the only one with this criminally vulgar incentive to be myself all the time and not just when I'm in college or worse, not at all as the case may be here.

I'm 19, I've had a feeling I was gay since I was like 12/13 but this is the first time I feel so solitary. I guess it had to come some time.

Plek Trum

Mary - I was quite similar to you myself (small town, same age, similiar background and 'type' ;0) ). I understand what you mean about people having a look or catching people's eyes a lot more and trying to figure it all out.

My advice to you would be this - you are in control of how this goes. You can let it get to you, and shelter away (which doesnt sound like your personality to be honest) OR you can manage the situation yourself.

Continue to act exactly as you did before and, in fact, even acknowledge people more if they catch your eye. Show people your personality, have chats, give a wave.

You really can overcome peoples curiosity and possible prejudice if approached in the right way. I found this approach very helpful - people's reactions went from covertly saying "Thats the gay girl now over there..." to "hello you, how's all with you today?.. whisper *crikey she's a lovely girl, you'd never think she was gay and sure what about it anyway*.."

Even with the most positive attitude its natural to get a bit frustrated, especially initally after coming out, with peoples reactions. Remind yourself that you are the same person, as you have been doing, and to a degree try and appreciate the fact that friends weren't shocked or surprised. I had boyfriends for years growing up and when I came out I got the 'hhmm.. I always thought so' too. Its a relief.. and thats a good thing!

I'm 33 now and live with my partner of 9 years - I can assure you I am far from the most exciting thing to happen in my hometown since I came out. Your news will be old news in a while. Best of luck with everything, x

FewFew

Would the ideal Irish approach be to slag the crap out of them? Because we always slagged each other before, why should being gay change that? At least that's the attitude I took and got the response "at least you didn't ask me 'am I sure' like everyone else"

Coeurdepirate

Same thing happened to me. At least I didn't have to come out to everyone :rolleyes: