A Poem of Breakup

earwax_man

Hey guys,
I wrote a poem to help to ease the pain of my first breakup.

Here's a little background to the story; the girl's name is Zuzana. She's a foreign exchange student in my school until June. I asked her out in November, and she said yes. Things progressed on until just before Christmas; when she went home. The last thing I said to her in person was "I love you". We chatted once on Facebook before Christmas, and twice after it. In the first chat, she talked about missing me. In the second chat she talked about having a good Christmas, saying that she was in love with me, and that she was going out with her friends that night on the 27th. Then I hadn't heard anything at all until January 2nd. I greeted her, and got this reply.



My friends all think that she either thought about the temporary relationship in that week with her friends, or met someone else at New Year's Eve parties.

Anyway, with that over with, here's what I wrote.

I feel as if my last breath has been violently stolen from me.
The she-devil coaxing you to the cliff's edge,
Until in a moment, that infatuation turns to disgust and dismay.
The one "true" love becomes a vixen of heartbreak.
There must be no love or passion in this world.
Life sickens me.
The family dog has been slain,
But is being portrayed as a vicious façade to facilitate being "friends".
Why must I be here?
I serve no purpose.
Only as lust and heartbreak;
All over a journey, a message, and a forsaken homeland.
Zuzana; you have forsaken me.

Was I really so dull as to admit these feelings?
Lured into the open;
Naked of secrets;
Torn apart by ASCII characters.
As not to even smite me by voice to my face.
But instead the cowardice of using text.
Anger has come and gone.
The next phase has begun.
I was foolish to think of you as the love of my life.
You were the joy of my life... once.
But now the blinders have vanished.
I am here not to experience the "almighty" female;
But instead the seemingly transparent final exams.
Do I see clearly now?
I fear I finally do.

For anyone can claim "love",
But a rarity would it be for it to be true.
Zuzana -- Susan -- your Slovakian heritage is both a disguised trap and a lure.
There is no doubt that you are beautiful,
But you have not proven your worth.
You never will.
You led me on.
You fooled me.
Apology is never enough;
For my common sense prevails.
You're not sorry; neither am I.
Schussdefekt* is a torment to me.
This separation is permanent.
The awkwardness will vanish; as will our friendship.
I dread your return.
The female is now the devil to me.

But what have I done to deserve such a punishment?
I loved you.
I praised you.
I adorned you.
But you have hypothetically raped and slaughtered the relationship.
Purged the envy of the past and future.
You could have played along; at least until June.
I already foresaw this breakup at the start.
But not now -- at Easter.
I was going to discuss this on your arrival; but now this isn't necessary.
You have disgraced yourself and your honour.
An irreparable tyre,**
You have forsaken yourself.
But alas, I know how this will pan out.

There are two options:
Tatiana and Soňa*** will either coax you into trying to return to me; or to remain dead friends.
Both are applicable.
Only one is positive.
We will remain dead.
There is nothing between us anymore.
You are dead to me, Zuzana.
There is no going back now.
My hypothetical princess is now my exiled pauper.****
We have switched roles.
The relationship has been suffocated and buried.
Goodbye Zuzi.
Goodbye forever.

Each verse is showing my stage of emotion. The starred words and phrases may need some explaining to understand what I mean.

* Schussdefekt is the band her brother is in as a guitarist. I used to listen to their music a lot, but not now. She even gave me their CD.
** Schussdefekt translates to this from Slovak according to her. It also describes our relationship at this moment.
*** Tatiana and Soňa are the names of her two friends in our school as well.
**** I used to always describe her as being my princess, and I being her poor, exiled pauper in one poem I wrote about love. I've only ever written 3 poems; all were about her. This is #3.

sceptre

Moved to Creative Writing.

pickarooney

Don't send it to her, whatever you do. I know you're extremely annoyed but you come on all psycho in the poem.

earwax_man

Don't worry. I won't. It was just to calm my feelings down.

Crann na Beatha

This post has been deleted.

earwax_man

I'm not psycho; and I'm not going to mail this to her. I just wrote this to ease the pain of the suddenness of this event. I don't actually hate women or females. I felt as if I did at the time. This doesn't bother me anymore. It was just a spur of the moment type thing. It sums up the stages of grief of a relationship for me. Each verse has a different tone.

I am going to still make light contact with her. I just lost my respect for her. That's all. She could have at least told me to my face instead of by text chatting. I was going to talk to her about it anyway when we return to school. But now things have kinda changed.

D.Q

Definitely not something I would put on the internet.

So if I understand correctly, you've only been together for a month? I know that doesnt diminish the strength of emotion, but stuff like

"But you have hypothetically raped and slaughtered the relationship.
Purged the envy of the past and future."

"I dread your return.
The female is now the devil to me"

are a bit extreme..

Zon

Yeah just to echo some of the above comments, definitely do not send this on to her. Having said that, you certainly have a way with words that's for sure. Leave at that now though. Move on & move forward. Perhaps you may have learned some valuable life lessons from this, so all is not lost.

" Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all "

A Wise Man

earwax_man

I will

I just needed to get it out of my system. Why the hell did I post this here? >_<

Heh, anyway. Thanks for comments

midlandsmissus

It's very good. You have a talent.

And chin up, love hurts, you will get through it!

Edmond A. Scallop

You will feel the pain.
You will live with it.

It will pass.
You will see all for what it is and was,
and who she is and who you were.

Calm your thoughts. All is well...and will soon be great again.