Sex and orgasms ...

LegacyUser

As the title suggests my problems are about my inability to orgasm during sex..
I'm 31 and have only been having orgasms about 2 years (from using a vibrator).
It's sort of bothering me that I can't have orgasms during intercourse, or with anything other than my vibrator.
I've started a relationship with a new person, and he's really good in bed, great with his tongue, and I'm really turned on by him. I can feel myself sort of getting close, but not able to jump that final hurdle.

It gets me down as most of my friends are super orgasmic, and seem to orgasm at the drop of a hat with their respective partners.

I'm looking from advise from those who have been in a similar situation - how can I do this? I've tried ditching the vibrator, but just get frustrated when I can't do it with my fingers, and end up reaching for the vibe.

I want to be able to come during sex : (

Princess Peach

Try using the vibrator with your boyfriend! Just tell him you think it could be a fun idea. If you have a small bullet one, you can use it during sex, or a bigger one he can use on you.

LegacyUser

Princess Peach wrote: »

Try using the vibrator with your boyfriend! Just tell him you think it could be a fun idea. If you have a small bullet one, you can use it during sex, or a bigger one he can use on you.

Thanks Princess. I have tried that with him, but had some sort of mental block or something and couldn't come! I was using it for ages with him, but couldn't get there!. I might try it again soon, as we only tried that the one time. I think it's possibly a psychological thing that I have, cause I'm physically able to achieve orgasm.

Is it too much to ask to be able to receive sexual pleasure during intercourse?!? : (

Princess Peach

I'd say it is in your mind then! If I'm not in a good mood I won't be able to climax no matter how long I try for. But I'v always come during sex, because I'm in a good mood then, if that makes sense. Just not by myself sometimes.

I'd say you've just built up so much worry in your mind about it now. Try not to think about climaxing so much, and just focus on having a good time, and maybe it will just happen. And make sure to do loads of things that turn you on, whatever it may be. Candles, or music or special clothes and props, you'll know yourself! And make loads of time for it. Don't expect to come from just quickie sex, make an evening of it.

Nody

unregistered wrote: »

Is it too much to ask to be able to receive sexual pleasure during intercourse?!? : (

What does pleasure from intercourse and having an orgasm have to do with each other? If you enjoy when he's having intercourse with you then you have pleasure from intercourse; orgasm or not. So you did not come? So beeping what? You enjoyed it; he enjoyed it and both of you had a good time.

Now if he thinks he's less of a man because you're not having fountain orgasm when he licks your nipple then he's got issues, not you and he can always help you come before/after then as well.

dearg lady

unregistered wrote: »

As the title suggests my problems are about my inability to orgasm during sex..
I'm 31 and have only been having orgasms about 2 years (from using a vibrator).
It's sort of bothering me that I can't have orgasms during intercourse, or with anything other than my vibrator.
I've started a relationship with a new person, and he's really good in bed, great with his tongue, and I'm really turned on by him. I can feel myself sort of getting close, but not able to jump that final hurdle.

It gets me down as most of my friends are super orgasmic, and seem to orgasm at the drop of a hat with their respective partners.

I'm looking from advise from those who have been in a similar situation - how can I do this? I've tried ditching the vibrator, but just get frustrated when I can't do it with my fingers, and end up reaching for the vibe.

I want to be able to come during sex : (

I'm the same, I have a mental block when it comes to orgasming with a partner, so I probly can't give great advice! Except just relax and enjoy what you have with your man. as another poster said, those bullet vibrators can be great for extra clitoral stimulation when he's inside you.

And another thing, most people tend to exaggerate what they get up to in the bedroom. I'm sure your friends are having plenty of enjoyable sex but they're probably not orgasming as much as they'd have you believe!

miec

Hi Op

Just to let you know that it is very difficult for most woman to get an orgasm through penetrative sex, most women come through clitorial stimulation. I think there may be a psychological barrier for you in terms of orgasming with your partner. I get uptight and anxious if I don't orgasm with someone, or I worry that I'm taking ages to come and he is getting bored or some such crap. I have since learned to tell the other person that I have these anxieties, it kind of clears the air, I cannot stand pressure from a man (my ex husband was obsessed with 'making me come') and I think my anxieties stem from that time. Since I have started sharing my anxieties and losing the need to achieve orgasm, paradoxically it has become more easier. I believe the key thing is focus on the sensations, if an orgasm comes, all well and good, if not, let it go.

killerking

Hi OP

It must be something this guy is doing wrong.

I suck on a woman's clitoris, her labia, put my tongue in her vagina and her anus and use one, two or three digits inside her vagina during foreplay. This gets a woman as wet as possible and really turned on.
During intercourse I do a whole variety of positions.
The best positions of all are from behind with the woman sticking her buttocks up on the air while resting on her forearms and just pounding her as hard as possible until she comes or getting her to bring her knees up to her chest and cross her ankles behind my head as she lies on her back and I just thrusting her hard. To get a woman to come and orgasm hard, a man just has to be thrusting away as hard as he possibly can.
If a woman wants to double the impact of each thrust she shouldn't be waiting for the man to do it for her, she would be push back as much as he pushes forward.
To get to orgasm both of you just have to go all out as frantically as you possibly can.

The more often and harder you have sex the more likely you will orgasm.
I have made women wet the sheets with gushing orgasms only by an intense pounding.

Anything else is just not going to work.

Ickle Magoo

killerking wrote: »

The best positions of all are from behind with the woman sticking her buttocks up on the air while resting on her forearms and just pounding her as hard as possible until she comes or getting her to bring her knees up to her chest and cross her ankles behind my head as she lies on her back and I just thrusting her hard. To get a woman to come and orgasm hard, a man just has to be thrusting away as hard as he possibly can.

That is complete and utter nonsense - different women orgasm in different positions and often positions with no direct clitoral stimulation such as being taken from behind are the very worst positions to be in if female orgasm is wanted - never mind how boring and painful just being banged away as hard as possible can be. Sounds more like a cheap porn flick than seasoned advice.

OP,

Start off using your vibrator yourself and your boyfriend enjoying watching you and learning what style you like to be stimulated in and then let him have a go with the vibrator and move that up to digital and oral stimulation and then fore-play and sex. Play around with different positions, I'm pretty much guaranteed an orgasm from being on-top or reverse cow-girl but from behind? Very rarely. Experiment with different speeds, different positions and different foreplay and just have some fun safe in the knowledge that orgasming isn't the issue, it's getting the right stimulation and being relaxed enough to let it happen.

All the best.

ted1

killer king when you exit your teenage years you'll find that women like it many different ways. With the jack hammer approach being down the list.

fungun

OP - when you are close, can you not go on top and basically simulate what the vibrator does by rubbing on him with you in control of the movement?
I have been in 2 relns with ppl who never orgasmed before and both managed it doing this.....but obviously they needed to feel comfortable and patient also. Worth a try if you havent already. But just keep trying what you enjoy and as long as you are relaxed and enjoying it, dont feel under pressure to orgasm. Then you might just surprise yourself one day!

killerking - if you think all your lovers have orgasmed from a stiff pounding from behind then I think you need to learn the difference between an orgasm and a fake orgasm.

squishykins

killerking wrote: »

Hi OP

It must be something this guy is doing wrong.

I suck on a woman's clitoris, her labia, put my tongue in her vagina and her anus and use one, two or three digits inside her vagina during foreplay. This gets a woman as wet as possible and really turned on.
During intercourse I do a whole variety of positions.
The best positions of all are from behind with the woman sticking her buttocks up on the air while resting on her forearms and just pounding her as hard as possible until she comes or getting her to bring her knees up to her chest and cross her ankles behind my head as she lies on her back and I just thrusting her hard. To get a woman to come and orgasm hard, a man just has to be thrusting away as hard as he possibly can.
If a woman wants to double the impact of each thrust she shouldn't be waiting for the man to do it for her, she would be push back as much as he pushes forward.
To get to orgasm both of you just have to go all out as frantically as you possibly can.

The more often and harder you have sex the more likely you will orgasm.
I have made women wet the sheets with gushing orgasms only by an intense pounding.

Anything else is just not going to work.

I'm sorry, but boy did that make me laugh *wipes tear*

If you honestly think that works (may work like...once!), then my guess is you've a faker on your hands :rolleyes: Awh man...either that or it's insey winsey...:P Otherwise that would just hurt!

Ickle Magoo

Killerking is currently serving a forum ban and so can't defend himself - can we keep the thread on-topic and helpful to the OP please.

Thanks

[-0-]

OP, orgasms are a mental thing. If you are anxious about haivng one then unfortunately it's going to be harder to have one. Try to relax and enjoy the foreplay and the sex. Having an orgasm should not be the overall goal when having sex, and it really should not be on your mind. If I were you I would read up on tantric sex and give it a go. You'll be surprised how much it can improve your sex life and I bet you it will help matters. You've nothing to lose anyway.

18AD

The tantric sex is a good option. But I don't think it's a good place to start as it takes a lot of discipline to do correctly.

There are a couple of exercises you can do that will increase blood circulation and improve muscle strength.

Pelvic floor exercise.
Lie flat on your back, arms at your sides. Knees bent and feet about one foot from your ass. Inhale and lift your pelvis upwards towards your face. Let go on the exhale and relax.

Stretching.
Sit down with the soles of your feet touching eachother. Now pull your feet towards yourself and lean forward. Only until there is a slight tension and hold it there for about 20-30 seconds.

You could also do kegel exercises. There are various natural ways of doing this. You can even buy weights and other helpful things.

Then there is the 15-minute orgasm technique. It is presented here in a rather simplified version:
http://josephsblog.typepad.com/shorts/2010/12/the-4-hour-bodys-15-minute-female-orgasm-method.html
Do it for the full 15 minutes. Some other pointers from the book:
Use a blindfold. Don't talk unless it is directly related to the practice. Keep as quiet as possible and just be aware of what is happening.

Maybe give this a watch as well: http://www.ted.com/talks/mary_roach_10_things_you_didn_t_know_about_orgasm.html

On top of that, all I can say is practice.

Best.
AD

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
I was with a girl for 7 years and she had only orgasmed a few times, through using a vibrator but even then was hit an miss.
She was getting really frustrated as like you she would be just on the edge but couldn't get there.

She would constantly be afraid of wetting herself, to which I couldn't understand as we were together so long, I really wouldn't care.

So after a while of me re assuring her it was ok, no matter what happened! She was able to finally get there, with a little help from my finger.

As it turns out she makes a little discharge when she does so she was afraid of that!!

I would think you have something on your mind that you just cant let go of.

Maybe a glass of wine or maybe just try to relax and let it happen, no matter what it is!!