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feeling like i'm being pushed away

  • 03-01-2011 8:36am
    #1
    mollybird
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,053 ✭✭✭


    never thought id find myself posting something on here but here goes....

    going out with OH 4 and half years. but feeling lately like he has been pushing me away somewhat. he is an amazing guy and know i do want to spend the rest of my life with him. hoping to get engaged soon this year but found in the past few weeks like he been keeping me at arms length some bit. he has never been the type to verbalise how he feels and is quite shy. tells me bout once a year ( literally ) that he loves me and i know he does.

    i suppose this post is coming from what happened on new years eve. we were at his best mates house me, him, the friend and the friends wife. we all clinked glasses at twelve and his friend went and kissed his wife and i got nothing from him. now before you say it i am always the one to inciate little things like that so i decided i would wait for him to do it this time. THERE WAS NOTHING!!! 2,3,4 min later still nothing. the moment was gone and i was miserable.

    it is supposed to be our year this year bout us getting engaged finally, moving to a decent place and finally being able to go on hols places and thought he would be excited too. i finally had enough 15 min later and stormed down stairs where he eventually found me. we argued and his argument was he wanted to wish me a happy new year in private. ( kinda like not liking to show public effection kinda thing) it's his best friend for feck sake!!!

    really felt shaken after this and started thinking bout did i really want to marry him if he going to be like that. he also pushed me away bout 3 weeks ago when i went in for cuddles. he always gets too hot when i'm snuggle up to him at night and doen'st like to be touched. one morning i had my arm around him and said to leave him alone as he felt like he was burning up. we had another big argument bout this and i barely spoke to him for 2 days

    no idea what to do bout all of this stuff. i like all the little things birthdays, anniversery's, vday, new years. don't like it ot be made of nothing when sharing it with him.

    Help!!!


Comments

  • #2
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    mollybird wrote: »
    never thought id find myself posting something on here but here goes....

    going out with OH 4 and half years. but feeling lately like he has been pushing me away somewhat. he is an amazing guy and know i do want to spend the rest of my life with him. hoping to get engaged soon this year but found in the past few weeks like he been keeping me at arms length some bit. he has never been the type to verbalise how he feels and is quite shy. tells me bout once a year ( literally ) that he loves me and i know he does.

    Ok so he's shy, you know he's shy but you also know he loves you. Thats good.
    mollybird wrote: »
    i suppose this post is coming from what happened on new years eve. we were at his best mates house me, him, the friend and the friends wife. we all clinked glasses at twelve and his friend went and kissed his wife and i got nothing from him. now before you say it i am always the one to inciate little things like that so i decided i would wait for him to do it this time. THERE WAS NOTHING!!! 2,3,4 min later still nothing. the moment was gone and i was miserable.

    I think you're overreacting a little here. You have said yourself that he's shy. He's probably so used to you initiating it that he assumed you didn't want it to happen since you didn't do anything about it. Expecting him to suddenly get a burst of inspiration after 4 and a half years in a relatively public setting (as in, not alone) is a bit much, don't you think?

    mollybird wrote: »
    it is supposed to be our year this year bout us getting engaged finally, moving to a decent place and finally being able to go on hols places and thought he would be excited too.

    Engaged finally? How old are you both? Him not kissing you at midnight doesn't mean he doesn't want the things you've mentioned.
    mollybird wrote: »
    i finally had enough 15 min later and stormed down stairs where he eventually found me. we argued and his argument was he wanted to wish me a happy new year in private. ( kinda like not liking to show public effection kinda thing) it's his best friend for feck sake!!!

    Storming out of his friend's home was immature in the extreme. I get that you're frustrated with your boyfriend but you may have completely ruined their evening because you threw a strop over a kiss. Your boyfriend has explained his position to you and you can either accept it and move on or you can explain your issues with it at a more appropriate time, like an adult.
    mollybird wrote: »
    really felt shaken after this and started thinking bout did i really want to marry him if he going to be like that. he also pushed me away bout 3 weeks ago when i went in for cuddles. he always gets too hot when i'm snuggle up to him at night and doen'st like to be touched. one morning i had my arm around him and said to leave him alone as he felt like he was burning up. we had another big argument bout this and i barely spoke to him for 2 days

    Why are you having big arguments over stuff like that? I would be the same as your boyfriend in that my body temp seems to run a degree or two higher than my boyfriend's and I can get overheated quite easily. I hate it. The last thing I want when I feel like that is him hanging out of me. He knows this because I tell him I feel too warm. He certainly doesn't take the hump and argue with me over it. And he most certainly doesn't barely speak to me for two days! Two days? Seriously?? Again, thats a very childish approach to take. You're talking about something as serious as marriage yet you'll willfully refuse to speak to your boyfriend for 2 days over him being too warm for cuddles?
    mollybird wrote: »
    no idea what to do bout all of this stuff. i like all the little things birthdays, anniversery's, vday, new years. don't like it ot be made of nothing when sharing it with him.

    Help!!!

    Look, I can see that you're frustrated and I'm sure that it's not just the new years eve thing or the cuddles thing that has driven you to post here. However, you've been with your boyfriend for 4 and a half years. Presumably he hasn't just suddnely become this shy person who doesn't like public displays of affection or gets too warm when you want to cuddle him? You have known that this is how he is for your whole relationship and it seems a bit unfair to suddenly start losing the plot with him because you now want him to be someone else. If you want things to change then you need to speak to him like an adult. Storming out or refusing to speak to him is not the way to go. You're saying you don't know if you want to marry him, well I don't mean to offend, but your behaviour should have him thinking exactly the same.

    Talk to him reasonably and explain that you would really like him to take more of an initiative when it comes to being affectionate or when it comes to birthdays etc. However, don't expect him to change who he is overnight. While you're at it you should work on your maturity in dealing with issues in the relationship. You should also apologise to your boyfriend, his best friend and his best friend's wife for your behaviour on new years eve, if you haven't already.


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