Was I abused?

LegacyUser

I have this memory of when I was in a Christian brothers school, a teacher (a brother) invited me to stay back, to get some books I might like. I remember going to a prefab. I remember suddenly feeling very nervous (but I was always very nervous). And I remember leaving in a hurry. And I don't know what (if anything) happened inbetween.

I also have these half-formed memories of possible abuse by my father...the best way I can explain it is emotional memories, as opposed to full picture-and-sound memories...as in I remember feeling extreme unease (again, not unusual for me), and him possibly exposing himself to me.

What has me so screwed up by this is:

1. I'm always nervous, so this could simply stem from this

2. I;ve an overactive imagination anyway, and lately it's gotten ahead of me, so again, are they memories or false memories?

3. My father has his emotional issues but I can't imagine him being like this with me. He had anger issues but there was nothing bar the odd slap behind the ear...and nothing now indicates he's an abuser

So why do I have these confusing feelings/images in my head? And why havbe they ganed strength with time?

Are they submerged memories, suppressed but bubbling to the surface with time? Or are they false memories fed by the emotional stress of life events (bullied at school, poor self esteem, victim of a brutal physical attack, extremely traumatic child custody case).

I've been to CBT and other counselling. It's still an ongoing process. The thing is I wonder is there really any way to ascertain whether these things in my head are real, or not? Surely there's no exact science! What do I do?

Nevyn

Keep wiht the counselling and consider contacting the rape crises centre or one in 4.

http://www.rcni.ie/rape-crisis-centres.aspx

http://www.oneinfour.org/contact/