Human Fireball

Caoimhín

Right, Im not looking for sympathy (not like I'd get any here in AH, but this might give you all a laugh on this dull Sunday afternoon.

Anyway, when I came home yesterday after being in my parents house for xmas, i found that the oil had run out so the central heating was off and the house was freezing.

So I lit a big fire which kept me warm all day yesterday.

When I got up to a freezing cold house this morning I found a few embers of warm peat and coals in the fire. I was wearing my favourite fluffy bathrobe and slippers and so I put some fire-lighters, paper and turf onto the embers and started to blow on it, hoping it would catch fire again.

When that didnt work I had a bright idea to pour some petrol from the lawn mower can onto it to get it going.

Needless to say, the whole thing burst into flames, including my fluffy bathrobe, the hair on my arms, legs and eyebrows. I threw off the bathrobe and had to dance naked on it to put it out leaving blisters on my feet.

I had to get a lift into the Doctor on call and once he stopped laughing he dressed up the first degree burns on my legs, arms and feet.

I now look like an Egyptian mummie (but a happy one as im full of morphine!)

Moral of the story, don't run out of oil.

strokemyclover

I'm a Deep Heat and radiator man myself! Thanks Withnail!

KeithM89_old

Pics or GTFO
Last Halloween, i went to a fancy dress party with a friend and she decided to dress up as a sheep :rolleyes: - big massive cotton wool outfit.
Out in the smoking area of the club, someone dropped their ash on her and the costume slowly caught fire. All the smart people around her decided to put the fire out with their drinks and made it even worse...:p
Oh and she was fine btw - just went home a black sheep

Bob_the_dog

That's hilarious thing to do, run out of oil

dubtom

No,moral of the story,don't use petrol to light fires. Looks like your 2011 has got off to a good start, your alive and still have a house.

Absurdum

if it weren't against the charter I'd call you a dumbass LOFL

Derfil

You were nearly in line for a Darwin award!

Cheap Thrills!

:eek: Glad you survived the inferno OP. Vitamin e oil on the burns (much later after scabs fall off) will ensure they wont scar!

Sorry also, to hear of the demise of the fluffy dressing gown.

Canis Lupus

PETROL!!!! PETROL TO LIGHT A FIRE IN A HOUSE!!!!!!!!!

Jaysis man......

TheFullDuck

_feedback_

You're lucky it wasn't worse - silly billy !

Lumen

Canis Lupus wrote: »

PETROL!!!! PETROL TO LIGHT A FIRE IN A HOUSE!!!!!!!!!

Jaysis man......

The fluffy bathrobe reference probably indicates a woman.

Yes, petrol is explosive. Petrol....bomb. The clue is in the title.

Still, picking scabs is sweeeet.

Yakult

People do crazy stuff for Morphine

Bosco boy

Maybe firelogs aren't bad value after all!!

Nemanja91

"I got blisters on me fingers"

Caoimhín

strokemyclover wrote: »

I'm a Deep Heat and radiator man myself! Thanks Withnail!

I actually have stuff called Deep Freeze for my back pain, it crossed my mind for about 2 seconds....

I can put up pics of my legs all bandaged up and hairless but I have no idea how to.

Anyway, im going for a pint to dull my embarrassment.

Micky Dolenz

You had fire lighters, why didn't you just use a match or a lighter? Surely fair less complicated than going outside to get petrol.

Calibos

You know what the problem with common sense is?

Its not very common!

:rolleyes:

Son Of A Vidic

Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire that's awful

So you did a 'flatley' then? As in..'Feet of flames'?

liah

Jaysus, man! Not smart!

Glad to hear you're okay, though.. must've been an interesting day!

epgc3fyqirnbsx

lol, reminds me of the time I had egg on my tie for a whole day! Mortifying...

Petrol though, that was a little silly but cheers for the laugh!

Caoimhín

KeithM89 wrote: »

Pics or GTFO

Human Fireball.jpg

There you go, but im not getting the burnt bathrobe out of the bin.

(Sorry about the milky white legs)

Caoimhín

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

You had fire lighters, why didn't you just use a match or a lighter? Surely fair less complicated than going outside to get petrol.

No matches and i tried to light newspaper off the toaster but it kept going out by the time i got to the sitting room.

Standard Toaster

You're a lucky, lucky man.

Least you get to eat loadza scabs now...yum!

theboss80

Ya but did u get the fire lit?

I imagine u did but then had to leave it burn out as you had to go to doctors. hahaha glad you're ok though.

laura.

ahh i had actual tears coming outta my eyes laughing there (sorry) imagining you running outside in your fluffy bathrobe sything petrol out of the lawn mower, the shock on your face when you seen yourself goin on fire and dancing on it then trying to put flames out....

always handy to keep the number of the oil company on the mantlepiece in future..remember dont be a dingbat haha thanks for the laugh tho

amacca

Canis Lupus wrote: »

PETROL!!!! PETROL TO LIGHT A FIRE IN A HOUSE!!!!!!!!!

Jaysis man......

oh whats the big deal, Ive used petrol to light fires before.....op just needs to take some precautions and gain some experience or else use a more suitable dangerously flammable fuel to help light the fire.


like DIESEL!

i put some of it in an old windolene sprayer and squirt a bit on the sticks turf in fine spray.......works a treat everytime

little smoky though


anyway OP just cause you got burned once doesn't mean you cant improve your firelighting technique and enjoy many years of relatively safe unorthodox flammable fuel open fire lighting techniques for years to come.

Giselle

Those legs are going to be sore after you shower! Get some Bio-Oil in and use it on your burns to take the redness out.

Silly boy.

Caoimhín

Giselle wrote: »

Those legs are going to be sore after you shower! Get some Bio-Oil in and use it on your burns to take the redness out.

Silly boy.

Meh, with the amount of scars I have i'd need a bucket of Bio Oil.



Surgery 16.07.10.jpg

Giselle

Caoimhín wrote: »

Meh, with the amount of scars I have i'd need a bucket of Bio Oil.



Surgery 16.07.10.jpg

:eek:

Bionics would be the coolest explanation.

Caoimhín

Giselle wrote: »

:eek:

Bionics would be the coolest explanation.

I am the million dollar man.



Except without the million dollars

dubtom

Should we assume by your abundance of scars that your either fierce unlucky or something else??

Caoimhín

dubtom wrote: »

Should we assume by your abundance of scars that your either fierce unlucky or something else??

A bit of both, I am a very unlucky and bad lion tamer and part time fire eater.

shinikins

Caoimhín wrote: »

A bit of both, I am a very unlucky and bad lion tamer and part time fire eaterstarter.

FYP

xsiborg

Caoimhín wrote: »

A bit of both, I am a very unlucky and bad lion tamer and part time fire eater.

Caoimhín... that isnt irish for Jonah by any chance is it?

and i thought the scars i got when i splashed drain unblocking liquid on my legs were bad, phew! the towel literally disintegreted in my hands as i tried to wipe the liquid off the linoleum in the bathroom floor before it ate through that too! :eek:

im not about to put up pics of that though as my erm, "package" is considerably smaller than yours! lmao, oh come on, i cant be the only one who noticed!

Jumpy

xsiborg wrote: »

oh come on, i cant be the only one who noticed!

You were.

Caoimhín

xsiborg wrote: »

Caoimhín... that isnt irish for Jonah by any chance is it?

and i thought the scars i got when i splashed drain unblocking liquid on my legs were bad, phew!

Na, the scars are from when they stuck a few lumps of steel into my spine. They got it right on the 9th attempt :mad:

suicide_circus

Caoimhín wrote: »

Moral of the story,don't run out of oil pour petrol on burning embers

not your finest moment.

Black Swan

Best new year story yet!

Caoimhín

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

Best new year story yet!

Well I hope I get thread of the day Miss all powerful Mod lady. Much better than some dull thread about the flippin weather!

Heres a clue for the weather forecasting geeks,

LOOK OUT THE FECKING WINDOW!

amacachi

Women and physics.:rolleyes:

hondasam

Caoimhín wrote: »

Well I hope I get thread of the day Miss all powerful Mod lady. Much better than some dull thread about the flippin weather!

Heres a clue for the weather forecasting geeks,

LOOK OUT THE FECKING WINDOW!

OP how are you feeling now ?

you really deserve thread of the day

petrol in the fire is real silly

Caoimhín

hondasam wrote: »

OP how are you feeling now ?

you really deserve thread of the day

petrol in the fire is real silly

Honestly?

I woke at 4.30 in a fair bit of pain. Im in for more investigations on my spine on Thursday which could lead to operation number 11 if im unlucky.

Other than that, the Fentanyl is beginning to kick in by now so that helps (although my posts may very well become stranger and stranger)

Thanks for asking hondasam, much appreciated.

Caoimhín

Ouch, I just pulled off the sticky dressing that the doctor had wrapped around my leg (i needed a shower after having none since Sunday) The wrap dressing was sticky and I was HOWLING in pain as i ripped it off bit by bit.

It tool the last bit of hair i had on my leg off. How the hell do wimmins get those hair removal procedures, the pain of pulling the dressing off was far worse than the actual burns.

Thats it, im never going near a doctor again (well apart from the PET scan*) of my back tomorrow. They are flipping sadists, he wrapped almost all of my leg, even where it wasnt burnt.

*A PET scan actually uses Positrons which are a form of Anti-matter!
Just thought Id give AH my educational fact for the day...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antimatter