Review please

watsgone

I am new to writing, only did it every now and then as a way to empty my head. No one has ever read them before. Below are two of my poems, I would very such appreciate your comments.

Moon
Cross my heart and hope to die
Stick that needle in my side

Childhood rhymes and lullabies
Seeking something I will never find

One man's poison will be my cure
Stick it in, be no more

Tomorrow is a promise from
which I cannot hide

Sleep be now
Sleep be mine

The Price
Discussions in the dark
Weaving of 2 minds and hearts
Undeniably real but world's apart

This world, where all you feel is true
Labels are not needed here
in a world of me and you.

But still all the same
You never said my name.

Un-required not undesired
yet I know I lost.
It left a heavy bill
my heart its cost.

Instead I gain the memories of night,
of words and looks exchanged.

I knew this day would come
As you never said my name.

cobsie

These aren't bad, but they're more like song lyrics, especially the second one. The uneven rhythm and rhyme is a little disconcerting in places, but would probably be fine in the context of a song. They don't have the compression of language and ideas that very good poetry has, but these things come with practice, so keep going!