Plagued with indecision

Sadhaka

I'm a mid thirties woman with 3 young children, and separated from my ex 2 and a half years ago. I loved him deeply and was betrayed on many fronts and the love died.
I've been having a long distance relationship with a fantastic guy oversees, only meeting every couple of months. I love him and he wants to move over to be with me. And yet I've ended a few months back because of this very reason.I seem to have a fear of the unknown. since the split I've dated a very nice man in similar situation to my own and ended that too as it seemed to be going somewhere and I pulled out. Sometimes I believe that I need to be alone without distractions but I also worry that I'm more damaged than I thought I was..
I feel unable to let anyone fully in and I'm surprised as by nature I'm a very loving and open person..I wonder it just that I'm still healing (taking a bloody long time!)or have I developed impossibly high expectations as to what love and life are all about and therefore manage to pick holes in each situation.. I'm feeling kind of stuck..

I am a friend

Maybe they just were not (right) for you and you made good calls in both instances?

Sadhaka

That could be the case... If either were really for me I would activly persue them, wouldnt I...

I am a friend

Exactly!!! You are not indecisive cos you know (somewhere inside) what you DON'T want and act accordingly.well done

Sadhaka

Thanks for that! I don't want to choose something or someone for fear of a lost opportunity. And when I feel the manipulative part of my brain weighing up scenarios its like a warning sign that I could hurt someone by moving them round like a mere object in my life..

I am a friend

Exactly! You didn't lead these guys on for years. You gave it a go, it didn't work and you freed up yourself and them to meet someone ye are more suited to. That's very healthy IMHO