Dont like sex

LegacyUser

Hi, so I am really down at the moment. First off I was dumped by text around this time last year so the last week or two given the season thats in it have been really hard. I have been struggling letting go of this girl, even though she treated me so bad. I cant seem to move on. The next problem I have is that I was sexually abused when I younger, never told anyone.

I get attention from girls when I am out but have zero interest in any of them, I have had the chance to sleep with some of them, but to be honest I just dont want to. I just dont like the idea of sex anymore. Do you think its because I was so hurt by my last girlfriend that I'm just not ready yet, or subconsciously the abuse i went through when I was younger is coming to a head now and I need help?

Princess Peach

I've been broken up with my last boyfriend a while now, and haven't had any interest in other guys. I've tried to force myself to move on, but none of the guys I've been talking with have really done anything for me. So I'd say its just cause I'm not over my ex, cause I honestly would sleep with him if he wanted to, if that makes sense! Just don't want to be with any other guys. Were the girls you had the chance to be with just one night stand kind of situations? Cause I always get more turned on by boyfriends I've been seeing a while, never by guys I've just met. So just give yourself some more time. Maybe think more about having a new relationship, and not so much about having sex. I'm sure if you meet a girl you really like things will work out

As for the abuse issue, could you go and talk to a counselor about it? It would be someone who doesn't know you and they're not going to tell anyone else. Maybe couldn't hurt to try it?

kowloon

If you haven't already done so you should talk to someone about the abuse. Even if it has nothing to do with your current feelings it's not healthy to bottle up something like that.

Graces7

NB sex is not compulsory and abstaining is not intrinsically unhealthy. Far too much pressure on that issue

miec

I just dont like the idea of sex anymore. Do you think its because I was so hurt by my last girlfriend that I'm just not ready yet, or subconsciously the abuse i went through when I was younger is coming to a head now and I need help?

Hi Op

I'd say it is both but that they are intrinsically linked. When a person is sexually abused it is a deeply traumatic thing and in my experience (I was sexually abused as well) the only way of healing is through therapy. I have had great success with the Rape Crisis centre, they have centres around the country. I have also had group therapy which is hugely beneficial. There is also one in four (you can google them). Often people who are abused either go off sex or become highly promiscious (it is almost like they are returning to the scene of the crime). I am not sure if you enjoyed sex with your ex-girlfriend or how long you were with her, but to end a relationship like that via text is cruel and it sounds like you have not moved on from it either. Your body right now is saying no to sex and it is best to honour your body but it becomes dangerous if you repress or ignore what you have suffered over the long term.

LegacyUser

Hi, op here. I was going out with her for 2 years and 8 months. I liked sex at the beginning of the relationship, but never loved it, if you know what I mean. I had extreme difficulty in showing her any type of affection wheter public or privite. This has torn me apart because I know this was a major driving force in her dumping me.
I would feel like I was trapped or suffocating if she tried to hug me or cuddle up to me. Looking back I would say I damaged her self confidence alot from my rejection of her so much. The funny thing is I was very much attracted to her but couldnt express it.

OP - first and foremost, go and talk to someone about the sexual abuse. There could be some underlying issues caused by this and you should most definitely talk to someone about it.

miec

Hi Op

Fair play to you for being so honest. Espicially on this:

I would feel like I was trapped or suffocating if she tried to hug me or cuddle up to me. Looking back I would say I damaged her self confidence alot from my rejection of her so much. The funny thing is I was very much attracted to her but couldnt express it.

I think you are right, it is very difficult for a partner to be pushed away. Sadly one of the things that affect people who have been sexually abused is a fear / horror of intimacy, they either push the person away or oversexualise them in a demeaning way but the result is the same, it keeps the other partner at arms length. I've done similar Op and it is incredibly sad. The only thing I would strongly suggest is get counselling, deal with the abuse, at the present you are not in a place to be with someone else. I hope you will consider it.