Parents split - Father taken it bad.

LegacyUser

Hey folks.

My parents spilt up a couple of months ago, the history that lead to this is pretty complex but the easy answer was their financial stupidity started to snowball gradually over a 10 year period and as much as they might deny it caused the separation.

The actual separation actually caused a wave of relief for me, my siblings and much of the extended family as we were all at a point of sleepless worry due to the trouble they were in financially. Now both parents are living in welfare subsidized rental properties and quite content (we my mam more so). The financial situation is still bad but now they can manage themselves week to week which was not the case before.

The split was no real surprise to anyone, the marriage had long since been over love wise so it was only a matter of time really. Dad is/was not an abusive husband at all but he still treated her badly in terms of not actually treating her like you would a wife/woman you love…to an objective person looking in you’d probably not think they were married.

This was really clear as day to everyone, or so I thought! Soon after things had settled down somewhat my dad called me one day and totally broke down, this caught me off-guard as I had defiantly underestimated how hard he’d taken the break-up but I rearranged my point of view and gave him my full support but to be fair, the man rarely ever hugged/showed affection to any of his kids so he’d have to forgive me if I was unable to be as sympathetic as he was expecting.

I mean, through are many many many conversations I asked him why has he been so surprised considering his behavior over the recent years (now my mam is answerable to some charges here too but she was/is not seeking to put anything on me, shes just getting on with her sh1t). He fully agrees but still persists with the ‘woe is me’ line. By now you might be seeing me as being a little cold or unsympathetic but this has been the case for 4 months now and still he’s not made much progress, I’m not talking to him to blow smoke up his rear…I’m trying to help him as work has dried somewhat but his business always rebounds and he is a master of his craft but his business acumen is abysmal which is why I help him by ordering business cards and actually I have built a website to showcase his talents!

Over the last while, I have roused him with motivational conversations and he responds with a furious roar (well almost ). I feel like I’ve got him over the rut he’s in but then he starts ringing and texting his family and they are head honcho blow smoke up holers…I don’t know exactly what the conversations consist of but sure as sugar he contracts back into his glasscase of emotion.

At the end of the day, he has more on his side then he knows. Lots of friends who have rallied around both parents, he’s under 50 so young enough and he’s a very skilled tradesman but if he cant break out of this lull he’ll lose these friends as they wont have my kind of patience.

It’s getting me down a lot lately, my GF noticed both my mental and physical appearance is quite noticeably depressed, she also tells me I should not have to feel so responsible to help but I cant really help it. I mean my dad taking his own life is defiantly a taboo topic that’s on everyones mind but what do you do, cant be there all the time.

The bottom line is life is a bit pointless when you really examine it so you’ve only the one shot to go nuts and make it count, that’s what I want him to understand. He needs to emerge from this and live the rest of his life as I nor my siblings can face him like this for an extended period. He needs help, but It needs to come from a professional source really as I’m exhausted.

Btw, I have a very good relationship with him and we speak in a daily basis (I just don’t let the conversations descend into all of the above topics because it’s all repetition)

Any advice appreciated.

Nevyn

You need to put the life guard prinicple in effect, you can't let him drag you down.
You also can't fix him or be responsible for his happiness, I would suggest you find a way to get him thinking about talking to a professional.

curlzy

Agree with Thaedydal, you can't fix this for him. Get him to see a councellor if you can.