advice on how to tell my girlfiend

kilkennycd

Hi im going out with an anazing girl for 3 years no...were very much in love and no doubt she is the one...but I have one problem I like to crossdress. I am looking for advice on how to break the news to her as i feel the time is right the start of a new year ect. I feel she will be accpepting no doubt probably a little shoced and have a million and one differant questions I dont know will i have all the answers....so please let me know your taughts..I am 100 percent straight.

twinsen

Well, I think a nice cup of tea should be a good start

kilkennycd

well i taught a glass of wine might be better for the courage

hare05

Dress up, hide in the closet. When she gets home, jump out shouting "Let's go shopping!"

Sorry, couldn't help myself xD. How about easing her into it? If you cd for sexual reasons, try to bring it into the bedroom. If you cd for comfort, then sit her down, have a chat, tell her about the crossdress, but if you cd in her clothes, don't mention that yet

She probably has suspicions alreadydo it might not be as big a revelation as you think it is.

deirdre_dub

kilkennycd wrote: »

Hi im going out with an anazing girl for 3 years no...were very much in love and no doubt she is the one...but I have one problem I like to crossdress.

What, exactly, is the problem?

If you approach the issue from the standpoint of "I have a problem", then it probably isn't going to go as well as it could. I'm not saying that it will definitely go badly, but you aren't making a good start if you are starting from the point of view of seeing it as a problem.

My advice to you is to get a blackboard and write out 100 times (a la Bart Simpson) "My crossdressing isn't a problem - it is a beautiful way that I express gender variance".

I am looking for advice on how to break the news to her as i feel the time is right the start of a new year ect. I feel she will be accpepting no doubt probably a little shoced and have a million and one differant questions I dont know will i have all the answers....so please let me know your taughts..

She will probably ask you at least one question you haven't thought of, so don't think you can cover all your bases by sitting down and thinking of all the questions that she might ask. Which isn't to say that you shouldn't prepare yourself.

My advice would be to wait for, or create, the right atmosphere (the suggestion above about brewing a pot of tea is a damn good one), keep your speech short and to the point, and then listen. If you spend too much time on your speech, you may actually be addressing your fears rather than hers.

I'm just over a year into my transition from male to female. The way I came out to most people was to say that "I've been diagnosed with a medical condition. It's called GID, which is short for Gender Identity Disorder, and is more commonly known as Transsexualism". That was my speech. I then sat back and listened and answered questions as best I could.

I am 100 percent straight.

Good for you! You are very welcome here - this is a place where no-one has to (or should have to!) apologise for or justify their identity or sexual orientation.

Good luck.

Azure_sky

You could gauge her reaction by bring up crossdressing in a conversation, and perhaps educate her if she has any misconceptions-such as all crossdressers are bi sexual or crossdressing will lead to going on hormones and or having a sex change-prior to telling her. Fair play to you for wanting to be honest and upfront with her. Good luck.

A lemon

Serious question (I don't mean to offend and am genuinely curious), but is cross-dressing considered an LGBT issue? I mean, is telling someone you're a cross-dresser sort of like telling someone you're a furry?

Sir Ophiuchus

A lemon wrote: »

Serious question (I don't mean to offend and am genuinely curious), but is cross-dressing considered an LGBT issue?

Not by me, anyway. It's mostly a straight man's thing, as I understand it.

(Drag acts are quite different, and not what we're talking about here.)

LegacyUser

deirdre_dub wrote: »

"My crossdressing isn't a problem - it is a beautiful way that I express gender variance".

Cross dressing doesn't necessarily have anything to do with expressing gender variance. Gender, after all, has absolutely nothing to do with what are socially perceived as male/female activities/fashion/behaviours etc.

Azure_sky

A lemon wrote: »

Serious question (I don't mean to offend and am genuinely curious), but is cross-dressing considered an LGBT issue? I mean, is telling someone you're a cross-dresser sort of like telling someone you're a furry?

It falls under the transgender umbrella term. Obviously not the same as being a transsexual, which is what most people tend to think of when they hear the term transgender, but it does fall under it. Also drag Queens, which is a form of crossdressing, is pretty much part of the gay sub culture-Miss Panti/ Panti bar etc.

deirdre_dub

anonyonyonymous wrote: »

deirdre_dub wrote:

"My crossdressing isn't a problem - it is a beautiful way that I express gender variance".

Cross dressing doesn't necessarily have anything to do with expressing gender variance.

OK - some cross dressers do it for purely sexual reasons, in which case, please amend my statement to read "... a beautiful expression of human sexuality".

Gender, after all, has absolutely nothing to do with what are socially perceived as male/female activities/fashion/behaviours etc.

Eh? How one is perceived socially is central to gender!

There are different "kinds" of gender. There is genetic gender, biological gender, gender identity, gender perception, gender roles etc etc. Not only are none of those kinds of gender a pure binary, you can also find people with all the different permutations and combinations of those kinds of gender.

Cross-dressing is usually caused by a degree of gender dysphoria. However, gender dysphoria isn't always involved, and so yes, you are right, it was a bit presumptious of me to apply the term "transgender". However, in most cases, my presumption would be correct.

Eva Cross

kilkennycd wrote: »

Hi im going out with an anazing girl for 3 years no...were very much in love and no doubt she is the one...but I have one problem I like to crossdress. I am looking for advice on how to break the news to her as i feel the time is right the start of a new year ect. I feel she will be accpepting no doubt probably a little shoced and have a million and one differant questions I dont know will i have all the answers....so please let me know your taughts..I am 100 percent straight.

Did you take the plunge and tell her? I did and it was tough. Waited for a nice feel good moment when I broke it to her gently that I had to tell her I was into women's clothes. May have drip fed a little after that, but we are still together 5 years later. Funny that I am otherwise still in the closet. Itching to dress up with others, but freaked too:eek:

kilkennycd

Eva Cross wrote: »

Did you take the plunge and tell her? I did and it was tough. Waited for a nice feel good moment when I broke it to her gently that I had to tell her I was into women's clothes. May have drip fed a little after that, but we are still together 5 years later. Funny that I am otherwise still in the closet. Itching to dress up with others, but freaked too:eek:

Hi eve Yes i took the plunge nearly a year ago now..It couldnt have gone better she has been very accepting and is very into helping me with hair/wig make up style anything i could want im blessed to have someone like her..my other side has progressed so much over the last 12 months a year ago I could only dream of this...I want to thank everone here for there advice in the build up to telling her Thanks guys.

Eva Cross

If you ever fancy a straight hetro dress up, let me know.

fluffybiscuits

kilkennycd wrote: »

Hi im going out with an anazing girl for 3 years no...were very much in love and no doubt she is the one...but I have one problem I like to crossdress. I am looking for advice on how to break the news to her as i feel the time is right the start of a new year ect. I feel she will be accpepting no doubt probably a little shoced and have a million and one differant questions I dont know will i have all the answers....so please let me know your taughts..I am 100 percent straight.

Deirdre hit the nail on the head with her advice. My first piece of advice is not to see it as a problem but see it as part of you. We cant legislate for other peoples opinions but certainly more people are comfortable with it now especially with carachters in Corrie who cross dress and films. Perhaps introduce the subject slowly and discuss it with her and then slowly tell her. No doubt about your sexuality as you know you are straight, that is one less thing to worry about. As Jung said,we have the female part of us in our male bodies, maybe this is just about you expressing your female side . Nothing wrong with it ...

Good luck and happy New Year