Should I finish with him?

LegacyUser

My boyfriend of 5 years on Stephens Night assured me he didnt tell his mates about some person info I gave him. I have since found out he was lying threw his teeth. When I told him the "secret" he assured me he wouldnt tell anyone. He went behind my back and told people. It really has broken my trust....and I wonder will the trust ever come back?! He has told small lies in the past but nothing as serious as this. Can I ever trust him again?

LegacyUser

I know he broke your trust.....but....his intentions MAY have been good....maybe he was looking for advice on how to help you in some way....there is a possibility that this may be the case....because maybe one of his friends could of had a similar secret/problem and may know how to over come it. Just food for thought.

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

Hi OP,

Have you spoken to your BF about this? What was his explanation?

Not saying that betraying your confidence is excusable, but his reaction might form part of whether he can be trusted again, ie was he remorseful or contrite

Sardonicat

You can never trust a liar, OP. Your bf has form in this regard. Small lies, big lies; who cares, they are lies. If you want a relationship without trust, then stick with him, but it won't be much of one, will it?

S23

A betrayal of trust is never going to be easy to swallow. However, before any real advice can be given, two things are extremely relevant.

1) What was the information pertaining to? It could be something you think is incredibly sensitive but the rest of the world would find innocuous. That wouldn't mean that him telling something he promised not to was less hurtful to you but a bit of perpsective on the scale of the 'betrayal' would be handy for a start.

2) Was he sorry when you confronted him about this? His reaction will tell you a lot. I presume you know 100% beyond a doubt (and aren't jumping to conclusions) that he repeated this info. How he reacts and the scale of his remorse when he found out how badly he had hurt you should be a fair indicator of whether or not he grasps the scale of what he did. If he gets how badly he hurt you then he will likely reform his ways and not do it again. If he was 'meh sorry about that love, stick the kettle on will you' then that's a different story.

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

S23 wrote: »

2) Was he sorry when you confronted him about this? His reaction will tell you a lot. I presume you know 100% beyond a doubt (and aren't jumping to conclusions) that he repeated this info. How he reacts and the scale of his remorse when he found out how badly he had hurt you should be a fair indicator of whether or not he grasps the scale of what he did. If he gets how badly he hurt you then he will likely reform his ways and not do it again. If he was 'meh sorry about that love, stick the kettle on will you' then that's a different story.

Exactly.

keane2097

Sardonicat wrote: »

You can never trust a liar, OP. Your bf has form in this regard. Small lies, big lies; who cares, they are lies. If you want a relationship without trust, then stick with him, but it won't be much of one, will it?

This is a really naive post imo.

I've told a lie or two today, so have you, so has eveybody whose had pretty much any social interactions in the last 24 hours.

This question is entirely unanswerable without some more details/context, but the "small lies/big lies all the same" is beyond ridiculous advice.

S23

I think what it was he divulged is key as I said above. His reaction is also the other major factor.

I understand the all lies are lies standpoint but life is rarely that black and white.

I lied to my missus twice (at least) today because I didn't want her to find out about the holiday I booked for us early next year. Flat out, bare faced lies. They are the lies I can live with telling.

Lies they may be but there are varying degrees.