go for it?

LegacyUser

just wondering what ppl think of this. I'm a mid 20's girl (25) and reasonably good looking, petite and slim. I haven't had sex in a while tho (few months) and would like some no strings with someone, but one night stands are generally unsatisfying. I met this guy a few months ago through a social event, he's quite a bit older, 42. We met up maybe once a week to practice a hobby but havent had much contact as he's been abroad for the last year.

well, he's back and fairly eager to meet up. I'm pretty sure I could sleep with him if I want, I know he has just a casual long distance thing but has dropped hints in the past. My friend thinks it's incredibly desperate to go with someone so old, and can't understand why I would 'stoop so low'.....is she right? is it the dry spell that is making me desperate? I just have an inkling he might be better in bed, and he seems in good shape. But I'm nervous he'll be all wrinkly and it creeps me out that there is such an age difference too!Should I give it a shot?

whatsamsn

Op its all about if you want to
Some girls like older men, some dont. So it doesnt matter what your friend thinks or anyone else actually. Its all about if you wanna sleep with him.

sickpuppy

Ever hear the saying the older the fiddle the sweeter the tune.
Duno if it applys to men.
You say hes in good shape but will be all wrinkly the two dont add up.
But as you get along are both adults why not.

S23

If age isn't an issue for you then it's not an issue in this full stop. Whether your friends think he's too old or whatever is beside the point.

What I'd worry about is that you say you generally find One Night Stands unsatisfying. Is this based on performance or just that they idea and act in general is a bit empty?

If it's performance based then I'd say this to you. Just because he's a bit older doesn't mean he'll be any better in the sack. That's not to say he won't be better either but you've no real way of knowing what he'll be like for a one off performance. It's just a case of rolling the dice like you would with any prospective ONS partner.

I think you may have idealised this man a little bit. You think he's older and wiser and will rock your world (and maybe he will). But you never knew him that well to begin with and now haven't seen him for a year? It sounds like you've built this up a bit in your mind. It's easy to get hung up on a person especially when you see them rarely. What's seldom is wonderful and all that.

Honestly you sound to have made more of him in your head than needs be. What happens if he's great in the sack? Are you going to want to do it again? Is he looking for a FBuddy? I can't work this out

I know he has just a casual long distance thing but has dropped hints in the past

Are you happy to be a FBuddy?

What happens if he is woeful in the sack. What's the difference between doing it with him and anyone else in that case then.

Anyway, the age isn't an issue. However when you make comments about being afraid he'll be all wrinkly make you sound a bit immature. I'd give it a miss if I were you.

If any bloke came on here saying he'd like to shag some 40 something woman because she seems like she'd be better at it than most girls but was afraid she'd be a bit wrinkly and he'd get creeped out then I contend that the poster would get absolutely slated.

LegacyUser

S23 sorry, but ur post made me laugh...no i haven't built him up to anyhting in my head, in fact, i hadn't even thought of him till he got in touch recently.

Basically I 'm looking to have sex with someone. I know sex in relationships is a million miles more satisfying, but i'm not in a position to have a relationship at the moment, so I'm just looking to get laid. I've tried lads in clubs, and generally they've been crap cos a) u don't know them and b) they've been crap in bed. I've also had sex with someone I met sober and had hung out for the day, sex was better. I'm just looking at this guy as a potential ****, trying to judge how good it might be before I make a go for it. I don't know the guy that well true, I prefer that. I also would be very careful not to do anythign if he is serious about his girl, but from hints in the past I think it's an open rel.

so yeah, it's shallow, and if a guy came on he'd get slated bla bla - well, I'll take the slatings too as I guess if you're worried about feelings getting hurt, ur missing the point of the post.

I think ppl are also focusing too much on what my friend said - I'll make my own decision, I just used her to highlight doubts I have myself about sleepign with someone that much older than myself. I'm looking for other ppl's experiences and if anyone can tell me what an older guy is like. In that regard I appreciate ur input that just cos he's older I think he might be better....I'll defo take that on board, I hadn't really given it much thought that he could be just as bad as the others.

that's the thing - i'm trying to decide whether to do it with him, or someone else, i'm sick of getting **** ONS - I'm trying to be a bit more selective. I don't want a huge ONS number, so I'm hoping maybe it'll be worth the number?

and yeah I'm squeemish about wrinkles and him looking bad in bed...well, most ppl want an attractive partner in bed, I'm no different.. it's not immature for a ****, yes it's immature for a rel

S23

Yeah I'm sure it made you laugh. Of course you haven't built him up in your head or thought about him. That's why you're posting about him on here looking for advice :rolleyes: and at some length I may add.

If you don't care then why are you asking? If he's just another guy for a fcuk that you don't care about or think about then do it or don't do it. Why the need to ask around?

I'll make my own decision

Go ahead then???

I'm looking for other ppl's experiences and if anyone can tell me what an older guy is like. In that regard I appreciate ur input that just cos he's older I think he might be better....I'll defo take that on board, I hadn't really given it much thought that he could be just as bad as the others.

I don't think you're getting it. He could be better. He could be worse. Meaning, it's all completely arbitrary. You've no way of knowing.
Asking other people what sex with an 'older man' is like is completely irrelevant unless they have had sex with this specific older man that you want.

As for saying you hadn't given it much thought that he could be as bad as others. I have to say that gave me a good laugh. You say you haven't built him up in your head but then you go on to say you hadn't given a thought to the possibility he wouldn't be good as a fcuk. You see if you hadn't built him up as being this great older fcuk then it would have dawned on you that it's quite possible he could be terrible in bed as the other ONS that disappointed you. A ONS is a ONS.

that's the thing - i'm trying to decide whether to do it with him, or someone else, i'm sick of getting **** ONS - I'm trying to be a bit more selective. I don't want a huge ONS number, so I'm hoping maybe it'll be worth the number?

Okay so you're noy hung up on this guy you haven't given any thought to and are on here posting about. You're sick of having ONS but want someone to come on here and assure you that this guy will be 'worth the number' in having him as a ONS.
As I have pointed out, although you seem to be happy to be oblivious to, you have no way of knowing until you have sex with him. There is no way of getting a guarantee. Nothing anyone can say on here can give you any assurances. Someone might say they slept with a man 20 years older and it's great but that's of no relevance to you. That's two different people having sex. Not you and him. Unless someone on here knows him, and knows what gets you off and has had sex with him, no one will be able to give you assurances that he'll be a good ONS.

and yeah I'm squeemish about wrinkles and him looking bad in bed...well, most ppl want an attractive partner in bed, I'm no different.. it's not immature for a ****, yes it's immature for a rel

Good fcuking jaysus. That's just mind bogglingly stupid. I won't even get into the squeamish thing.

All I'll say is you can fcuk who you like or have a relationship with who you like. You're completely immature either way. Your self denial in why and how you are approaching possibly having sex with this person is staggering. You're quite simply to immature to have a sensible conversation about this with. I find your posting completely immature in general.

You might well get some people with your own mindset coming on giving it the 'you go girl, I had sex with an older man and he was 1,000,000 times better than guys my age so all older men are great'. It might make you go for it. I have a feeling something like that might make the difference with you. It still doesn't make it more relevant.

I'll repeat again, though, you have no way of knowing how good or bad he will be until you follow through with having sex with him. That's the simple fact of the matter. It's a 50/50 shot. You'll either enjoy it or you won't. Nothing posted on here will change that. And with that, I'm done kiddo. Best of luck to you.

LegacyUser

OP, with regards the age thing and what your friend said... fcuk that! So what if you happen to find a bloke attractive who's quite a bit older than you, age to me means naff all (within obvious reasons that is...) I've recently slept with and older man a few times, pretty much same ages as you're talking about here, 20's and 40's. I've been with a couple of men before who were older than me but this was the biggest age gap I've had, and to be honest I was a little apprehensive myself about it before even though I don't care about ages simply because this was the biggest...but simply put, turned out to be the best sex I've had the pleasure of having But as has been mentioned, that doesn't mean all older men are going to be like gods in the sack, I could have just got lucky with this one, and there is absolutely no way of knowing until you've done the deed.

And as for worrying about him being all wrinkly and that, maybe really older men aren't your thing? And nothing more than hornyness is making you want this guy? If you're already thinking you're going to be grossed out by something before you have sex with him then maybe it's not the best idea. Again it's something you're not going to find out until it's too late, you say he seems in good shape but lots of people (older and younger) look better with their clothes on... as for the older man I slept with, while wrinkles never once crossed my mind, I can report there was no problems there! I would say he was in better shape than some blokes I've been with the same age as me! I knew he normally tried to be physically active and keep in shape a bit anyways, but again, as has been said, that's just my experience with one older man. There's simply no way of knowing what this guy is going to be like...

I would be inclined to say go for it anyways. If you really just fancy a shag from him and he's up for it then why not. And if he does turn out to be all mouldy and wrinkly after all and you don't want to look at him again after it, well it sounds like you're not too close to him anyways so not seeing him again or being a bit awkward with him wouldn't be too much of a loss. What's the worst that could happen??

Emme

You're 25 and attractive so why can't you meet someone? I know a lot of forty something guys go for twenty something women but your friend might have a point, he will be getting more from the situation than you. Unless your 42 year old is unusually fit and energetic he might be a disappointment in the sack anyway.

At your age you can do a lot better. Why not look for a relationship with a guy nearer your own age if you don't want one night stands?

LegacyUser

hey Emme,

I don't want to start a relationship here as I'm moving country soon, but I was hoping to get some action. he was an option because he's in incredible shape and fit. most guys I meet are in nightclubs/bars and I've found overwhelmingly they tend to be out of shape and unfit - the ones i attract anyhow! The only other social scene is among my friends, and I don't want to make things akward by sleeping with a friend/friend of friend then leaving the country. so the amount of available guys is small enough and i don't have the inclination to go looking at the moment.

I was hoping the chances of him being good in bed might be higher cos of his physical condition and also cos of the age gap - maybe he has more experience, maybe he'd be delighted to have a young lady in his bed and would try harder....

but yes, it's hit or miss I guess if he'll be any better than the others.

Spirited54321

guest2 wrote: »

hey Emme,

I don't want to start a relationship here as I'm moving country soon, but I was hoping to get some action. he was an option because he's in incredible shape and fit.

I was hoping the chances of him being good in bed might be higher cos of his physical condition and also cos of the age gap - maybe he has more experience, maybe he'd be delighted to have a young lady in his bed and would try harder....

Hi OP, it sounds like you are attracted to him. if you are sexually attracted to him, and feel it is something you want to do then go for it i'd say. I dated a guy 13 years older in the past and found him very attentive . It really depends if you feel comforable being with him , disregarding friends opinions.

Zen65

guest2 wrote: »

....My friend thinks it's incredibly desperate to go with someone so old, and can't understand why I would 'stoop so low'.....is she right?

Ahem,

Firstly let me correct your friend's misconception. Being 42 does not make this guy old. Very few 42-year-old men have noticeable "wrinkles". He's a good deal older than you of course, and if he is a lot more mature than you (as he should be with that age gap) then there's not much chance of a relationship developing. You may both be happy with a no-strings-sex-only relationship, so do as you please.

However being 42 does not make him any more certain to be good in bed! Especially if he is relatively inexperienced (a 42-year old guy not in a marriage or LTR isn't likely to be clocking up air miles!). If you're happy to simply try it out, then that's fine, but don't have any great expectations.

Be at peace,

Z

I am a friend

'wrinkly and look bad in bed' - becaus he is 42???? Come on - are you kidding? He is more likely to be wrinkly if he is a smoker than just cos he is 42.

Not so many Irish men look after their bodies and while many can get away with it when they are younger, it's true that most of the time its caught up with them by 35 or so but it sounds like this guy looks after himself...

Maybe you are worried about saggy bum syndrome and I reckon he has a while to go yet before that (not sure about the grey pubes thing though - not joking btw)

Go for it if you fancy it. No offense and while your confidence is admirable - he may not want to bed you so be prepared for that.

Good luck and enjoy

Chicago Chick

whatsamsn wrote: »

Op its all about if you want to
Some girls like older men, some dont. So it doesnt matter what your friend thinks or anyone else actually. Its all about if you wanna sleep with him.

Agree with this. If you want to go for it do. What does it have to do with your friend, its not like you asked her to sleep with him? Just my opinion.

Emme

guest2 wrote: »

hey Emme,

I don't want to start a relationship here as I'm moving country soon, but I was hoping to get some action. he was an option because he's in incredible shape and fit. most guys I meet are in nightclubs/bars and I've found overwhelmingly they tend to be out of shape and unfit - the ones i attract anyhow! The only other social scene is among my friends, and I don't want to make things akward by sleeping with a friend/friend of friend then leaving the country. so the amount of available guys is small enough and i don't have the inclination to go looking at the moment.

I was hoping the chances of him being good in bed might be higher cos of his physical condition and also cos of the age gap - maybe he has more experience, maybe he'd be delighted to have a young lady in his bed and would try harder....

but yes, it's hit or miss I guess if he'll be any better than the others.

It's different if you're leaving the country and don't want a relationship. You're right about a lot of guys here being out of shape so an older guy who's in shape could well be better in the sack than younger less fit guys. By the sounds of things I don't think he'd have any problem attracting women of any age so having a young lady in his bed mightn't be such a novelty for him as you might think and therefore not a major incentive to try harder. I know a good few guys on boards seem to attract much younger women no bother so it's more like the norm these days. If you're very fit yourself that would be more of an incentive for him than anything to try harder!

Whatever you do protect yourself physically and emotionally. If you're going away you don't want your heart broken or an STD. And make sure he's single and hasn't got a wife or partner hidden away.

Spirited54321

Emme wrote: »

Whatever you do protect yourself physically and emotionally. If you're going away you don't want your heart broken or an STD. And make sure he's single and hasn't got a wife or partner hidden away.

Totally agree! mind yourself.