so... how did you know?

LegacyUser

When did you twig that you were gay? Was it something you always knew? did you have an a-ha! moment? did it take you a long time to figure it out?

I ask because i've been wondering lately if i might be a lesbian. I've been with guys before, though never slept with any as i havent felt ready, but i have had girl crushes too. I'm not sure how comfortable i am with the idea of actually doing anything with a girl... I don't think i'm gay, but perhaps hearing some of your stories will help me decide either way!

L.Jenkins

Similarly I might be able to relate being trans. It was a case of always having it at the back of my mind, even from a young age. The more attention I gave such thoughts, the feelings only grew stronger, until one day it became all consuming. Then I just let go of fighting and chose to do something and persue it what I wanted.

In a way it's a little like being Bisexual. I can't help my attraction to both sexes, but in a way I'm drawn to woman more and I'm not ashamed of that and make no apologies for having twice the choice If you're still uncertain, you will eventually figure it out in time. Don't rush yourself.

hypersquirrel

If I think about it then really I knew since I was a teenager and just denied. I remember having thoughts about other girls and just pushing them to the back of my mind and trying to ignore them. I was never interested in men until I started making trying to make myself interested. Needless to say it didn't work.

I only really accepted it recently and have since come out to my friends and family. The vast majority seem to have known long before I did.

I've been with guys before but to be honest I always felt like they were just friends. Anything more never seemed right to me.

Chuchoter

I didn't cop on until I was 16 but it was always sitting there in the back of my head. My friendships with girls were really intense and I was always hugging them and leaning on them until everyone else thought I was gay apart from me!! I had had boyfriends but never really liked any of them as more than very good friends and thought I just kept running into bad kissers. I think it kind of hit home that something was up when I was in first year and as a drunken dare I kissed a friend and it was amazing. I tried to make myself forget about it until the end of third year when I kept having weird dreams about my friend and after that I had this huge crush on a girl in another class. It was just way more intense than anything I'd ever felt about a boy.

L1011

Long, slow, painful mental process. Actually the final copping on moment was the lad who ended up being my first boyfriend asking me if I was.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies so far.

People often seem to think I'm gay (I've been asked many times), probably because I'm not the most feminine of women (not that I'm butch either! ). I do find some women very attractive too (but I also find many men attractive), but the thought of actually doing anything with them makes me a little uncomfortable. Sometimes when other girls play-act at lesbianism with me (all joking, not actually doing anything) I feel uncomfortable. partly because they might think I'm gay but partly because there's this random girl gyrating against me .

I feel like I should know by now as I'm nearly 20, but I'm not sure. I still don't think I'm gay, but I can't seem to shake the idea either.

deirdre_dub

OpHere wrote: »

I feel like I should know by now as I'm nearly 20, but I'm not sure. I still don't think I'm gay, but I can't seem to shake the idea either.

I figured out that I'm M2F transgender at age 39, and shortly afterwards discovered that I'm straight-ish (i.e. mostly attracted to men).

hypersquirrel

OpHere wrote: »

Thanks for the replies so far.

I feel like I should know by now as I'm nearly 20, but I'm not sure. I still don't think I'm gay, but I can't seem to shake the idea either.

I only figured it out properly this year and I'm 23. I said for ages I was bisexual but as time went on I was less and less attracted to men.

Azure_sky

I knew I was pan sexual about the time I hit puberty.
I found it natural to me. I think I was in denial for along time.
I knew I was a gender dysphoric since I was about five, roughly. Puberty sucked. I had no doubts after that.
It just felt....wrong.

baby and crumble

This thread might be good for you to read OP, there's a lot more replies on there than here. it's a topic that comes up a lot!

No-one else can help you 'decide' who or what you are. I simply went from fancying boys in my early teens to fancying girls ever since. I stopped wanting to kiss guys, because it felt weird, to wanting to kiss girls. When I finally did, it felt 100% right. But I may very well float to wanting guys again at some point... it's all very fluid. Right now boy bits gross me out (sorry to all the guys on here, but they do!) and I'm extremely happy with my GF. All that adds up to me being a super lesbian.

If you think about girls as well as guys in a sexual way, then you are most likely bisexual to some extent. You're not even 20 yet, so relax and just try and see where your head wanderings (and other types!) take you.

Spirited54321

MYOB wrote: »

Long, slow, painful mental process. Actually the final copping on moment was the lad who ended up being my first boyfriend asking me if I was.

poor thing . it's mad, ive been reading thtough posts here and other websites about people coming out, and it seems that a lot of people when they did come out that someone (friend/family member) already may have knew or had suspicion of it.

Aard

I've heard that line before, and I wonder how many of them were just saying it and how many of them would've put money on it! I bet most guys who have'nt had a proper gf, or who don't like sports have been secretly talked about as being gay, but are actually straight. Then a small minority hear, "Ah sure we knew it!" :P

baby and crumble

Well my folks had no idea at all. When I was gearing up to tell my Mum I couldn't get the words out, when I had startd with "I have something to tell you". She thought I was about to tell her I was pregnant...

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Aard

Slightly similarly, at the very start my dad commented that he'd have preferred it if I had told him that I'd gotten somebody pregnant!


Anyway, back on topic, I first had an idea around 12, and knew for absolute definite by 14. For me it's never been fluid. When I realised I was into guys, it just made sense.

Spirited54321

i think for some men and women, there are those whom are gay / lesbian and that is that, maybe i am wrong? i fall into the bisexual niche at the moment , i fancy guys and girls, for ages i denied the fact that i was curious and attracted to girls but then i just couldn't ignore it anymore. i am confused as to what to do next, i feel somehow i should make a choice between the two, but then at the same thing i'm kinda just seeing how the my feelings and life pans out.maybe i will meet a man that i am madly attracted to or maybe a woman, i feel happy that ive accepted to myself that i like both. i personally think my mum knows haha!

rainbow kirby

This thread was never meant to be a political thread.

LegacyUser

ha thanks rainbow kirby!

I've been thinking about it some more and I guess it doesn't really matter... i'm just gonna live life and whatever happens, happens. if that includes a girl or two, so be it. If it's only men, then that's ok too.

rainbow kirby

2017439831 wrote: »

I've been thinking about it some more and I guess it doesn't really matter... i'm just gonna live life and whatever happens, happens. if that includes a girl or two, so be it. If it's only men, then that's ok too.

That's a very good way to look at it - go with the flow