Hookerville?

LegacyUser

Morning Guys,

Bit of a weird one. I was with a guy over the weekend who I’ve liked for quite a while.
We worked together for a few months but he finished up at Christmas and I asked him if he wanted to go for drinks over Christmas. He said yes and we met up on Saturday. We had a few drinks, not many, and got along well. We really fancy each other and he came back to my place.

Here’s where it gets weird. I can be very dirty minded and have no problem with most fantasies etc but only with a boyfriend or a guy I really trust. This guy treated me like a piece of meat. I just want to get opinions on whether or not this is weird and disrespectful or if I’m being a prude!

Firstly, as soon as we got undressed he said to me bend over and he tried to ehh...stick it where the sun don’t shine! I quickly straightened up and turned around and tried to brush it off in my head. Next he said to me please me, I want you to please me, pleasure me pleasure me and all this kind of stuff. I’d turn to face him and he’d tell me to turn around. I won’t get into too much detail but he was being very misogynistic in my mind.

This guy has just returned from living in Thailand and I’m thinking that this might be why he was like that!

In all my years I’ve never had a guy speak to me like that, especially on the first night.

He’s been texting me all week but I’ve been completely put off by this. He made me feel really cheap and dirty.
So, do you think I should tell him straight up that I have no interest in being treated like a two bit hooker or do you think I should just blank him (which is what I have been doing).

Thanks!

LegacyUser

Hi op this would not be the way i would treat a woman on the first night we had sex.I would want to make her feel relaxed and comfortable.Dirty talk can be great but i would not start this from the off as it would feel awkward.A lot of men and women myself included like a**l sex but again i would not try this straight away.
This guy has left you feeling cheap and bad after your first night together this is not the way you should be feeling so i think you should just forget about him and move on.

Nody

Send a reply back and tell him that you're not interested in being treated as a prostitute and that you wish him all the best in the future (not that you do really but still).

mrpink6789

+1 to the above, although I wouldnt even text him saying you wish him all the best. I'd just say you didnt like how the other night panned out and you are not interested in taking things further.

What you described is miles in to a relationship, first night wow, some nerve on him.

LegacyUser

mrpink6789 wrote: »

+1 to the above, although I wouldnt even text him saying you wish him all the best. I'd just say you didnt like how the other night panned out and you are not interested in taking things further.

What you described is miles in to a relationship, first night wow, some nerve on him.

Thanks for your replies.

He said even worse things to me then that but I won't get into them.
It was all about him basically and I was there to please him. I was so taken aback at
the time that I didn't say anything but it was horrible. There was no intimacy or any warmth at all.

Even if he was jsut in it for a one night stand it was highly inappropriate. I've had one night stands before and no guy has ever spoken to me that way or made me feel so cheap.

Should I text him or is ignoring him more effective and annoying for him?
I know I hate when someone doesn't reply, I personally find it worse then being berated...whatcha reckon?

dudara

ohmeohmy wrote: »

Should I text him or is ignoring him more effective and annoying for him?
I know I hate when someone doesn't reply, I personally find it worse then being berated...whatcha reckon?

I would at least text him - mainly to let him know why you won't be seeing him again. If you don't tell him that he's acting like a boor, then he'll do it again to the next woman etc.

Rocket19

Jeez! I would have slapped him and I'm defo not a prude! I can't believe he treated you like that!

Guys with normal attitudes do not treat girls like this! I mean, it's TOTALLY different if she's clearly up for that kind of thing, but you obviously weren't. Sex is a mutual thing. Unless you're paying for the pleasure, then it's not just all about one person's needs.

Whether or not you tell him what he did wrong is up to you. But I would personally cut contact. As other people have mentioned, maybe just one text to let him know you're gone! He obviously doesn't give a toss about your feelings.

Being sexually adventurous is one thing, but this was just plain rude and inappropriate tbh.

xxxx

Edit: Was this xmas day?? :S Hmm

S23

Wow this guy hasn't a clue. Honestly either he's a total moron or he's been watching too much porn. Actually it's probably both

He managed to go home with a girl he finds attractive and the first thing he says is 'bend over and take it up the a*se'!???!! :eek:

That's nuts. It's incredibly rude and presumptuous and also there is, if you were going to go for it, the pretty serious issue of lubrication for that type of sex. It sounds like he hasn't a clue what he was doing in the grand scheme of things.

I would hazzard a guess his trip to Thailand might have been to facilitate his first sexual experience. He sounds like a lad who hasn't a clue what real sex involves and has based what he does and says on hardcore porn. I'm sure prositutes are willing to be treated a certain way if you pay them enough cash and in his warped mind he might think this is par for the course.

I'd wholeheartedly agree with having nothing to do with him. However, I'd let him very strongly know that his behaviour is way out of line. You'd be doing the next girl he ends up with a huge favour. Let him know you're no prude but what he did was f*cked up and is bang out of line.

Lucyx

Oh my God OP!! Thats so shocking and you must be so disappointed as you really liked him and probably had high hopes that something nice might happen.
He obviously has no experience whatsoever.

I know you'd love to let him stew and not reply but he'd probably be sickened if you point out how inept he is in the bedroom dept and that should be extremely satisfying for you

Moomoo1

why didn't you stop and tell him that you weren't enjoying it? Tell him to be more gentle? Ask him to stop and do the things _you_ want to do?

you don't like the guy's idea of lovemaking: fine. But is that an excuse to treat him like a criminal? To ignore his texts? What's wrong with telling him that you don't think you are compatible in bed? What?

no offense, but people like you annoy me. You _know_ it's wrong not to reply to texts, you probably know how painful it is to be ignored and not just given a straight answer to: so why do you do it?

I agree with Dudara. This guy clearly has no respect for women and hopefully an appropriately worded text should both make your feelings clear and maybe even get him to be more considerate to women from now on. Hope you're all right!

Wompa1

ohmeohmy wrote: »

Morning Guys,

Bit of a weird one. I was with a guy over the weekend who I’ve liked for quite a while.
We worked together for a few months but he finished up at Christmas and I asked him if he wanted to go for drinks over Christmas. He said yes and we met up on Saturday. We had a few drinks, not many, and got along well. We really fancy each other and he came back to my place.

Here’s where it gets weird. I can be very dirty minded and have no problem with most fantasies etc but only with a boyfriend or a guy I really trust. This guy treated me like a piece of meat. I just want to get opinions on whether or not this is weird and disrespectful or if I’m being a prude!

Firstly, as soon as we got undressed he said to me bend over and he tried to ehh...stick it where the sun don’t shine! I quickly straightened up and turned around and tried to brush it off in my head. Next he said to me please me, I want you to please me, pleasure me pleasure me and all this kind of stuff. I’d turn to face him and he’d tell me to turn around. I won’t get into too much detail but he was being very misogynistic in my mind.

This guy has just returned from living in Thailand and I’m thinking that this might be why he was like that!

In all my years I’ve never had a guy speak to me like that, especially on the first night.

He’s been texting me all week but I’ve been completely put off by this. He made me feel really cheap and dirty.
So, do you think I should tell him straight up that I have no interest in being treated like a two bit hooker or do you think I should just blank him (which is what I have been doing).

Thanks!

Did you actually let him have sex with you after that!? That is crazy behaviour on his part, doesn't sound like he has much respect for you. Even if he did in Thailand he should have enough sense to know you don't do that here and you should have respect for a lady.

Miller Boy

Hi OP. I agree with the other posters. This guy is a scum bag and you summed it up very well yourself..... he treated you like a piece of meat!

I'm a guy and would be up for this and that, like you said yourself, but this guy sounds like a sleaze ball who's used to getting the things he asked you to agree to. I think the Thailand thing might have a lot to do with it. I know of another situation where a guy returned from there and expected something like what was demanded of you.

You sound too good for him. Well done for having the self respect you showed.

All I can think of is Gary Glitter................. :eek:

Memnoch

I'm honestly shocked that someone is actually idiotic (nevermind rude and nasty) enough to behave like this.

I would have said that he didn't show you any courtesy and deserves the same in return, but I agree with the other posters that you should be the bigger person and let him know how he comes off in order to spare the next woman the same ordeal.

Sardonicat

OP, I've a feeling he gets off on making women feel demeaned. He'll probably be delighted to know you are upset by what happened. Ignore the bollix and pity the poor thai women and sex workers he has paid to abuse in this way.

HannahBecker

This guy sounds awful. I understand why you are feeling so used and dirty afterwards. Nobody would treat someone they respected like this. But I really don't know why you are posting on here asking "should I text back". Are you crazy? You know he treated you badly and that's why you are on here. Don't text him back, don't anything him. To be honest, it doesn't sound like he'll care.

Oh and did someone say by not texting him back she is "treating him like a criminal"????!!!! Oh sweet jeebus.....

<snip>

m'lady

OP did you actually sleep with him? he sounds like as another poster said some p**** that gets off speaking to women like this, sadly there are a few of them around. Personally I wouldn't text him at all, your only feeding into his sick ways.

If you did sleep with him, I hope condoms were used, especially if he has been in Thailand..

Get on with your life,try and forget this scumbag, he really is not worth it.

Moomoo1

HannahBecker wrote: »

Oh and did someone say by not texting him back she is "treating him like a criminal"????!!!! Oh sweet jeebus.....

<snip>

there's no need to insult other posters.

The guy isn't a monster that some of you are trying to paint: he enjoys having sex a particular way. Since the OP, by her own admission, didn't tell him while he was doing it that she wasn't enjoying it, she gave him a green light to continue doing what he was doing.

none of you answered my question: what's wrong with the OP texting him and telling him that his idea of lovemaking isn't what she enjoys? It sounds a reasonable enough thing to do.

johnr1

Moomoo1 wrote: »

there's no need to insult other posters.

The guy isn't a monster that some of you are trying to paint: he enjoys having sex a particular way. Since the OP, by her own admission, didn't tell him while he was doing it that she wasn't enjoying it, she gave him a green light to continue doing what he was doing.

none of you answered my question: what's wrong with the OP texting him and telling him that his idea of lovemaking isn't what she enjoys? It sounds a reasonable enough thing to do.

FFS Moomoo, re-read the original post. This wasnt about lovemaking, it was about his satisfaction, selfishness, and lack of any respect - made all the worse imo by the fact that they are aquainted.

If they had together decided what was on or off the table then it would be a totally different story. They didnt.

If they were involved in a relationship where they knew each other and trusted each other in bed somewhat it would have been different. They didnt.

On the charge of OP not telling him that she was'nt enjoying it - if he had any experience with women, he would have known. She stopped more than once and got out of the position, -his response is "pleasure me" ffs.

The OP never said that she doesent enjoy or engage in other forms of sex bar vanilla, but she obviously feels that this behaviour was inappropriate for their first night together as do almost every other poster bar you.

Finally, imo, there is nothing wrong with the OP texting him to tell him that she doesent enjoy his idea of 'lovemaking', in fact Id encourage her to, worded a little more strongly, and while she's at it she might add that most people who have had sex without paying for it would probably agree.

This dickhead obviously has no experience apart from watching too much porn and paying thai hookers to act it out. Sad.

Fittle

johnr1 wrote: »

This dickhead obviously has no experience apart from watching too much porn and paying thai hookers to act it out. Sad.

My thoughts exactly. The second I hear of a man being in Thailand, I am immediately turned off him anyway (very few, if any of them, go for the sites:rolleyes:). And trying anal immediately - he is obviously watching WAY too much porn.

A quick text to him Op - something along the lines of 'I wasn't at all comfortable with the way things went on saturday and won't be seeing you again. I wish you well, there is no need to reply'. I'd send a text OP - even just to get closure in my own head.

Moomoo1

johnr1 wrote: »

FFS Moomoo, re-read the original post. This wasnt about lovemaking, it was about his satisfaction, selfishness, and lack of any respect - made all the worse imo by the fact that they are aquainted.

If they had together decided what was on or off the table then it would be a totally different story. They didnt.

If they were involved in a relationship where they knew each other and trusted each other in bed somewhat it would have been different. They didnt.

On the charge of OP not telling him that she was'nt enjoying it - if he had any experience with women, he would have known. She stopped more than once and got out of the position, -his response is "pleasure me" ffs.

The OP never said that she doesent enjoy or engage in other forms of sex bar vanilla, but she obviously feels that this behaviour was inappropriate for their first night together as do almost every other poster bar you.

Finally, imo, there is nothing wrong with the OP texting him to tell him that she doesent enjoy his idea of 'lovemaking', in fact Id encourage her to, worded a little more strongly, and while she's at it she might add that most people who have had sex without paying for it would probably agree.

This dickhead obviously has no experience apart from watching too much porn and paying thai hookers to act it out. Sad.

I've read the original post, thanks. But what is the guy supposed to do if this is the sort of sex he enjoys? And if the other party makes no indication that she is unhappy with that?

you say that you should wait a long time into the relationship before exploring those things. But how will you know whether the person you are having the relationship with is into them unless you start early on? You risk spending a while with someone and finding they enjoy none of your fantasies... that's unfair to the OP as much as to the guy.

Wompa1

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I've read the original post, thanks. But what is the guy supposed to do if this is the sort of sex he enjoys? And if the other party makes no indication that she is unhappy with that?

you say that you should wait a long time into the relationship before exploring those things. But how will you know whether the person you are having the relationship with is into them unless you start early on? You risk spending a while with someone and finding they enjoy none of your fantasies... that's unfair to the OP as much as to the guy.

I get what your saying. The guy isn't in the wrong really in anyway. To me and most others what he did would be very disrespectful but it was up to the OP to say no.

He was probably testing her boundaries and possibly throwing everything out on the table. Or maybe he even only wanted to use her for sex in the first place, in which case he'd do it the way he wanted. Either way, it was up for her to say no. I'm sure he would have stopped.

Darlughda

Moomoo1 wrote: »

But what is the guy supposed to do if this is the sort of sex he enjoys? .

Wompa1 wrote: »

I get what your saying. The guy isn't in the wrong really in anyway. To me and most others what he did would be very disrespectful but it was up to the OP to say no.

He was probably testing her boundaries and possibly throwing everything out on the table. Or maybe he even only wanted to use her for sex in the first place, in which case he'd do it the way he wanted. Either way, it was up for her to say no. I'm sure he would have stopped.

,
This kind of sex is resonant of everything that has to do with degradation of women. It is also the kind of sex that is a normal part of a hot routine between a couple who know each other and their boundaries. Within a loving relationship these kind of sexual fantasies are discussed with each other and boundaries are set and/or safe words.

There is nothing wrong with being into a certain kind of sex, male or female. What is wrong is inability to recognise boundaries, and not realiasing how this could affect somebody on first night sex. Especially with no prior discussion of sexual preferences.

johnr1

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I've read the original post, thanks. But what is the guy supposed to do if this is the sort of sex he enjoys? And if the other party makes no indication that she is unhappy with that?

you say that you should wait a long time into the relationship before exploring those things. But how will you know whether the person you are having the relationship with is into them unless you start early on? You risk spending a while with someone and finding they enjoy none of your fantasies... that's unfair to the OP as much as to the guy.

Actually, Darlughda has answered this better than I could have while saying the exact same things I said earlier.....
Maybe try to think of it like this: You, for our example are a hetro man with no real fetishes, go back to hers with a woman you met in a club, she suggests you try out her dungeon, you are not too hot on the idea but you agree so as to not look like a prude. A half hour later you are tied up and handcuffed, and suddenly she suggests her hubby joins in on you..... Now after you extricate yourself from that situation, would you be texting her again ? or defending her right to have sex how she likes ?? :-)

Zen65

S23 wrote: »

Wow this guy hasn't a clue. Honestly either he's a total moron or he's been watching too much porn. Actually it's probably both

+1

I would also have serious suspicions of a man who has returned from Thailand and likes to have sex only in this manner.... it certainly makes me wonder what he did with his time out there.

Op, I don't wish to scaremonger, but I would suggest you get checked for STD's. This man's past could have included any number of prostitutes and/or ladyboys in Thailand, and safe sex is not a priority there.

I think you might respond to his texts just once (don't get into conversation) and let him know that you don't think your interests are compatible. Leave it at that, don't open the way for any mud-slinging or debate. He may say he'll change, but the chances are he wouldn't.


Be at peace,

Z

S23

This excuse that 'its just the type of sex he likes' is ridiculous. Sure he might be into that. However, his approach to it was way off the mark. Also, in terms of decency it's probably not the first thing you should be bringing up. This wasn't sexual openess in his prefrences. This was neanderthal behaviour.

Also, and excuse me for being crude here, what did he think was going to happen? Was he just intending to jam it in? I mean let's say she was game for it (I know she was in no way game for it by the way!!) was he just going to go for it? It really sounds like he hasn't a notion. He would have to have a ludicrously small penis (and I'm talking teeny tiny microscopic) for there even to be a slim chance of just diving straight in.

Anyway the OP knows she is better off having nothing to do with him. I do think it was a mistake to continue the sexual encounter after such an inauspicious start. If it was ever to happen again (and I hope it doesn't OP) you'd be better off fcuking him out of your place/leaving his place immediately.

nxbyveromdwjpg

Fittle wrote: »

The second I hear of a man being in Thailand, I am immediately turned off him anyway (very few, if any of them, go for the sites:rolleyes:).

Absolutely ridiculous, and offensive.

Moomoo1

johnr1 wrote: »

Actually, Darlughda has answered this better than I could have while saying the exact same things I said earlier.....
Maybe try to think of it like this: You, for our example are a hetro man with no real fetishes, go back to hers with a woman you met in a club, she suggests you try out her dungeon, you are not too hot on the idea but you agree so as to not look like a prude. A half hour later you are tied up and handcuffed, and suddenly she suggests her hubby joins in on you..... Now after you extricate yourself from that situation, would you be texting her again ? or defending her right to have sex how she likes ?? :-)

I'd just say 'no' and walk out when things got 'out of hand'. That sort of removes all the other problems.

As for texting later, I'd in fact be the first to text and say I am sorry but I am not game for those sort of things. Just common courtesy really.

And yes, I will defend her right to have sex the way she likes.

Fittle

nm wrote: »

Absolutely ridiculous, and offensive.

How many men do you know who went to Thailand purely to see the sights?

Chucky the tree

Fittle wrote: »

How many men do you know who went to Thailand purely to see the sights?

So I suppose women just go there to for the prostitutes as well?

Whispered

The man likes his sex rough, was inappropiate and overstepped a boundary. That much is obvious. The OP has still not clarifyed if she had sex with him after him making her feel like that. If she did, he could well be confused as to why she's now not replying to texts. He could be thinking that if she didn't like it it's strange that she didn't call a stop to the whole thing and let the man know it just wasn't doing it for her.

How he spoke to the op during sex is absolutely NO indication of his respect for women in day to day life. Of course it was inappropiate for a first date, but it sounds much more like inexperience than it does disrespect for women in general.

To come up with the fact that the man likely has an std and likes prostitutes because he's been to thailand is a bit ott?

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Fittle wrote: »

How many men do you know who went to Thailand purely to see the sights?

Lots, single girls and couples go there too. It has some of the most amazing scenery on the planet and a legendary party scene
Most people I've spoken to didn't enjoy the seedy aspect that you get in the cities and did not spend much time in them

Zen65

Whispered wrote: »

To come up with the fact that the man likely has an std and likes prostitutes because he's been to thailand is a bit ott?

Hi Whispered,

None of us have too many facts about this man, we just have snippets of the story as told by Op. I certainly don't subscribe to the idea that anyone who goes to Thailand is there for the Gary Glitter tour, nor necessarily for any sexual activity. However Op's man was not there on holiday, he was living there, and since he is single it is reasonable to deduce that he may have been single (for some or all of the time) in Thailand also. His treatment of Op does suggest that he believes that sexual activity in the bedroom is solely for his pleasure, and on that basis I'm suggesting that he may have got that idea from his sex life in Thailand, which may have included the plentiful prostitute trade (I've never been to Thailand, but anyone who has been tells me that prostitution is rampant in the cities).

Op said she felt like she was treated like a hooker, so the idea really came from her, not from any poster here. I think it's very reasonable to deduce that he may have used prostitutes while in Thailand and to suggest that Op should get herself checked out for STD's.

Do you have any other facts that I may have missed? Have you a reason to suggest to Op not to bother getting checked?

Be at peace,

Z

kjl

This guy probably went to Thailand and lost his virginity there, and now probably thinks this is the way to do things. F*cking nutter.

Whispered

Where did I suggest the OP not bother to get checked? When did this even become about having or not having an STD? I'm sure the OP is smart enough to look after her sexual health. If this man visited prostitutes while living in thailand is pretty irrelevant to the ops sexual health considering the fact the op is likely to look after herself either way. Not to mention the fact that if the man is of the type to visit prostitutes, he would do this anywhere in the world. He just as likely got his sexual habits from an ex perhaps? You even suggested he may have been with ladyboys!

The thread just reads like "OMG he's a monster who likes prostitutes and degrading women" when to me it sounds like an inexperienced fella who crossed a boundary without being fully aware of just how insulting he ws being to the op.

Emme

Sardonicat wrote: »

OP, I've a feeling he gets off on making women feel demeaned. He'll probably be delighted to know you are upset by what happened. Ignore the bollix and pity the poor thai women and sex workers he has paid to abuse in this way.

If the OP thinks it will give her closure, then text him and tell him she won't see him again and she didn't like what he did. If not, then she has no reason to contact him again.

I agree with Sardonicat, it sounds like he gets off on demeaning women. There are a surprising number of men like that and not all of them have been to Thailand either.

Only the OP knows if she had sex with this man and she doesn't have to disclose that fact. If she DID have sex with him she would be advised to have a full STD screen.

Whispered

So if you enjoy talking dirty or rough sex you're a person who enjoys demeaning women? He's probably delighted she feels like that? What a leap to make. That is just ridiculous. People are just making things up now to be outraged about.

Clearly the man overstepped a mark, and should be told so. she doesn't have to "disclose" if she had sex or not with him, but it certainly should make a difference to how you see the situation. OP decides she is uncomfortable with what is happening, says so clearly, the man continues - huge problem of course. Perhaps bordering on sexual assault.

But if it happened that the OP was uncomfortable with what was happening, said nothing, went along with it, then went online to slate the man? There is a huge difference between both. It's up to the OP to be clear about what she does and does not want when it comes to sex. Sleeping with the man while being unsure of him and what he is doing is not being clear. At all. And I feel that if the op went on to sleep with him, while feeling so uncomfortable, it is somewhat unfair to be online making the man out to be a sexual predator.


The mans style of having sex, while inappropiate for a first date, does not indicate that he likes prostitutes, is a paedofile, likes ladyboys or has an std, all of which have been suggested on this thread. The suggestion of such is pretty insulting to people who like something other than lights off and missionary position.

I'm not saying the man was right, very innapropiate behaviour and I can understand the ops discomfort. If it was me made feel like that I wouldn't be long about stopping the whole thing (which the op may have done?) but some replies on this thread are bordering on hysteria. He's just a bit kinky and didn't wait for the right moment to introduce his preferances.

Emme

Whispered wrote: »

The mans style of having sex, while inappropiate for a first date, does not indicate that he likes prostitutes, is a paedofile, likes ladyboys or has an std, all of which have been suggested on this thread. The suggestion of such is pretty insulting to people who like something other than lights off and missionary position.

The man was focused on his own pleasure only and the OP didn't tell us everything. I understand that not everyone is vanilla but people who like adventurous sex can do it in a mutually respectful way, using code words for safety etc and to dive straight in so to speak indicates that the man concerned only thinks of himself. Being sexually adventurous doesn't equate being abusive or selfish.

Whispered wrote: »

I'm not saying the man was right, very innapropiate behaviour and I can understand the ops discomfort. If it was me made feel like that I wouldn't be long about stopping the whole thing (which the op may have done?) but some replies on this thread are bordering on hysteria. He's just a bit kinky and didn't wait for the right moment to introduce his preferances.

The man's sexual style indicates that his previous sexual experience took place in a situation where only his pleasure counted. This may or may not have been with a sex worker or prostitute.The OP said that the man lived in Thailand for a while and Thailand is known for sex tourism. This doesn't say that the man used prostitutes out there but he didn't consider the OP's pleasure or anything she wanted, it was all "pleasure me, pleasure me, pleasure me". This attitude would be just as offensive if he was just into vanilla as it was when he was looking for anal with no preparation and no lube!:mad:

S23

Emme wrote: »

This attitude would be just as offensive if he was just into vanilla as it was when he was looking for anal with no preparation and no lube!:mad:

That point shouldn't be missed. That type of sex without lubrication is almost certain to be abrasive and cause injury to the lady on the recieving end of it. That's why I can't just buy into this 'oh he likes what he likes and he just didn't ask about it the right way'.

Serious amounts of lubrication are required for that. The person in question thought he could just get the OP to bend over and he was presumably happy to then proceed without a second thought to the OP.

I seriously doubt any more than a tiny masochistic percentage of women would ever contemplate anal sex without lubrication. The man behaved like an absolutely clueless neanderthal. He has little or no redeeming features going on whats been mentioned.

Whispered

Oh definately no excuse to be abusive. Of course. But he may not have realised just how insulting or abusive his behaviour could be seen unless the op said so. If, for instance his main experience was with a woman who was into that type of thing, he may not have known better. Or even if he was really drunk and just a stupid ass, a selfish lover, of course not appropiate, but still not an indication of him liking prostitutes, being a paedofile, liking ladyboys or having an std. I'm not disagreeing with the posts saying he's stupid and not the type of fella the op should be be with. I agree that the op should tell him she's not interested and maybe tell him why. But I think the horrible insinuations in some of the posts are just nasty and reading way too much into what happened.

Ickle Magoo

Please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP and reply to threads in a civil and well phrased manner.

If you have an issue with a post or poster, please use the report function rather than dragging the thread off-topic.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter.

Many thanks.
Ickle

Whispered

S23 wrote: »

The man behaved like an absolutely clueless neanderthal.

He absolutely did, like emme rightly said,

Being sexually adventurous doesn't equate being abusive or selfish

likewise being clueless and selfish does not make him the monster many posts here suggest.

I'd say the op should tell him honestly what he did to upset her. She should at least respond to the texts to tell him to get lost. No pont ignoring the situation, and maybe if she explained why she doesn't want to see him again, he might rethink his approach.

LegacyUser

Hi OP - the way I see it is that this guy is possibly very inexperienced in bed, maybe even a virgin. It sounds as if he has watched porn movies, where anal sex just happens without any apparent preparation. But most women in porn are very anally experienced. They use enemas and loads of lube before they shoot their scenes. But since this preparation is invisible to the viewer, clueless men think they can just go for it in real life with an inexperienced, unlubricated woman. They don't seem to process how excruciatingly painful it could be for her to be penetrated in the way you described.

How many girls has he been with in real life? Maybe he really does think from watching porn films that he should just lie there going 'Ooooh, ooooh, pleasure me baby'. Maybe he thinks you should be delighted just because *he* had an orgasm. He clearly doesn't see that the pleasure should be reciprocated. Women have sexual needs too.

If you really like this guy, and it seems you do apart from the off-putting sexual experience, I would text him to meet up. You should have a frank conversation about how the last encounter made you feel. If he is understanding and willing to talk about it, and receptive to changing his approach to sex, maybe you will decide to see him again. If not, well just say goodbye and move on.