Why is he still texting me????

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,
This isn’t a problem per se but I’d like some opinions on the following situation.
About a month ago I went on a date with a guy that I really fancied. It went well until the end of the night when he was quite pushy about coming home with me. We were standing outside a bar, it was only about 1am and we weren’t that drunk but he was kissing me passionately and asking to come home with me. I said no and went home alone and thought that would be that.

He then texted me during the week asking how my week was going. I replied saying it was going well and asked how he was. We texted back and forth a wee bit and I expected him to ask me out (I had asked him out initially so felt it was his turn!) but he didn’t. On the Saturday mid morning I get a text asking if I’m free that night. We ended up going out for drinks and sleeping together.

He left early on the Sunday (despite telling me on the Saturday night that he had no plans on Sunday) and I didn’t think I’d hear from him again.
During the week I got a missed call from him at about 11 o o’clock at night. I was in bed so didn’t see it till the next day which append to be Christmas Eve. I texted him saying sorry I missed your call and I hope you have a lovely Christmas. He didn’t reply.

On Christmas night I get a generic text at almost midnight saying ‘happy xmas everyone’.
That actually annoyed me tbh, I’d rather have gotten no text at all. At this point I deleted his number and thought to myself well that’s that. I didn’t care too much. Then on Monday I get a text at 4 am saying ‘How was xmas.....god I’m sick of all the drinking’. I didn’t reply.
The yesterday I get a text saying ‘hey, how are you, looking forward to new years?

What is this about?? Why on earth would he still be texting even though I’m not replying?
Sorry this is so long but it’s actually annoying the hell outta me. I really liked him at the start but when I wished him happy Christmas he didn’t bother replying until almost midnight the next night and it was with a generic text.
Why is he ignoring the fact that I’m ignoring him?
Sorry this is so long!!!

IITYWYBMAD

You've highlighted the exact issues of carrying out a fledgling relationship via text. Text is the most impersonal, annoying, de-contextualized form of communication I personally know, and it leads to situations such as that you have described above.

Here's an idea, pick up the phone and talk to the guy or ask him to call you. Tell him that you are not interested, and the issue will die.

He's texting you, most likely, because you had sex with him and he is probably interested in more,

Wurly

Hey OP.

The times of the texts would be alarming to me... Late night/early morning texts suggest booty call. Sorry, just my opinion.:(

curlzy

I'm in agreement, text is a stupid way to communicate, especially in the early stages of a relationship, if that's what it is. If you don't want to continue it either a) continue to ignore or b) contact him and say you're not interested.

mrpink6789

yep totally agree with Trí, booty call.

Firetrap

Yep, agree with the others. Classic booty call behaviour. He tried to get you into bed the first night, succeeded the second and then got the hell out of dodge on Sunday rather than spend time with you. There's nothing in his behaviour which suggests that he's interested in you for anything apart from another roll in the hay.

LegacyUser

No need to apolgise Tri....I have ZERO interest in being with him again.

I find it sooo off putting when a guy is pushy especially on a first night.

I chose to sleep with him the second night cause he's hot and I was horny. Simple as.

I have no interest in him now and just want him to stop with his stupid immature frankly ridiculous texts!

Wurly

nolikeygames wrote: »

No need to apolgise Tri....I have ZERO interest in being with him again.

I find it sooo off putting when a guy is pushy especially on a first night.

I chose to sleep with him the second night cause he's hot and I was horny. Simple as.

I have no interest in him now and just want him to stop with his stupid immature frankly ridiculous texts!

Good for you girl. This is nowhere near good enough for you, as you well know.

As they say, we can't control other's behaviour. We can only control our own. So just ignore the texts when you get them. At least you've established the motive behind them now, so you've peace in your head. He'l get bored eventually. Happy new year.:)

dsmythy

nolikeygames wrote: »

No need to apolgise Tri....I have ZERO interest in being with him again.

I find it sooo off putting when a guy is pushy especially on a first night.

I chose to sleep with him the second night cause he's hot and I was horny. Simple as.

I have no interest in him now and just want him to stop with his stupid immature frankly ridiculous texts!

His texts don't seem that unusual to me. I'm sure he'll be done texting you now so there's no real issue here.

killerking

nolikeygames wrote: »

No need to apolgise Tri....I have ZERO interest in being with him again.

I find it sooo off putting when a guy is pushy especially on a first night.

I chose to sleep with him the second night cause he's hot and I was horny. Simple as.

I have no interest in him now and just want him to stop with his stupid immature frankly ridiculous texts!

If you don't want guys texting you then maybe you should think about not sleeping with them on the second date and leading them to believe you want a sexual relationship with them rather than an one night stand?

Fittle

I've been in this situation myself - can I ask OP if you met him online?

Anyway, I have found the only way to get these guys to stop texting is to tell them you've met someone else. Send a firm, but polite text saying you have met someone and would rather he didn't text again.

I have met men who would text for eternity - despite me not replying - no doubt, they are texting other women too and have forgotten which ones are replying to them because their 2nd/3rd and subsequent texts make it appear that I had been replying, when in fact I hadn't!

Best of luck OP - but tell him to stop texting, rather than just ignoring him.

killerking

Fittle wrote: »

I've been in this situation myself - can I ask OP if you met him online?

Anyway, I have found the only way to get these guys to stop texting is to tell them you've met someone else. Send a firm, but polite text saying you have met someone and would rather he didn't text again.

I have met men who would text for eternity - despite me not replying - no doubt, they are texting other women too and have forgotten which ones are replying to them because their 2nd/3rd and subsequent texts make it appear that I had been replying, when in fact I hadn't!

Best of luck OP - but tell him to stop texting, rather than just ignoring him.

In case you are not yet aware men are not sex toys. You are heartlessly messing around with extremely powerful emotions here. Do you honestly believe is it moral behavior to have sex with someone and then disappear without making it clear you only wanted casual sex? If you want to make sure guys don't text you or try and contact you again after you gave them your phone number, went on a date, had sex with them etc etc. maybe you should avoid having casual sex with guys entirely?
If you lead people on they are obviously going to believe it was more than it was and is a recipe for trouble when they find out they were fooled.
I have lots of casual sex BUT I never EVER lead women to believe it is anything more than that because I don't want to be vindictively accused of rape, have petrol poured through my letterbox, be physically assaulted by a male relative etc etc because a girl feels hurt because I lied about my intentions and took advantage of her.

Fittle

killerking wrote: »

In case you are not yet aware men are not sex toys. You are heartlessly messing around with extremely powerful emotions here. Do you honestly believe is it moral behavior to have sex with someone and then disappear without making it clear you only wanted casual sex? If you want to make sure guys don't text you or try and contact you again after you gave them your phone number, went on a date, had sex with them etc etc. maybe you should avoid having casual sex with guys entirely?
If you lead people on they are obviously going to believe it was more than it was and is a recipe for trouble when they find out they were fooled.
I have lots of casual sex BUT I never EVER lead women to believe it is anything more than that because I don't want to be vindictively accused of rape, have petrol poured through my letterbox, be physically assaulted by a male relative etc etc because a girl feels hurt because I lied about my intentions and took advantage of her.

Eh, I'm not the Op = I never had casual sex with anyone and then didn't text back. You're going a bit OTT there when you say what the results of casual sex could be if you don't mind me saying though - and with respect, you cannot heartlessly mess around with extremely powerful emotions via text message!
This thread is about a bloke who keeps texting the OP, despite her not replying - what extremely powerful emotions are you talking about?

Distorted

killerking wrote: »

In case you are not yet aware men are not sex toys. You are heartlessly messing around with extremely powerful emotions here. Do you honestly believe is it moral behavior to have sex with someone and then disappear without making it clear you only wanted casual sex? If you want to make sure guys don't text you or try and contact you again after you gave them your phone number, went on a date, had sex with them etc etc. maybe you should avoid having casual sex with guys entirely?

I got the impression from the OP that she would rather have had nicer behaviour from the guy in question and then she would have been quite happy to meet up with him again. e.g. a couple of dates, before he pushed her for sex. As he was hot and they were both single, she decided to have sex with him but has been put off further contact with him by his behaviour.

Presumably as the guy was an adult male, it was not beyond his powers to ask a girl out on a date or to act in a generally more socially recognised way of getting a girl to like you.

I think the only "powerful emotion" that is involved here is this guy's desire to use girls for sex, without establishing the basis for any future relationship. The OP liked him and has now gone off him because of his behaviour, and as such finds his continued texts annoying because she can see through his motives. He sounds like he would make a nightmare boyfriend anyway, even if he is hot. In other words, he's put himself into the category of the sort of guy you would spend a night with when theres nothing better out there, but not make the same mistake twice.

killerking

Fittle wrote: »

Eh, I'm not the Op = I never had casual sex with anyone and then didn't text back. You're going a bit OTT there when you say what the results of casual sex could be if you don't mind me saying though - and with respect, you cannot heartlessly mess around with extremely powerful emotions via text message!
This thread is about a bloke who keeps texting the OP, despite her not replying - what extremely powerful emotions are you talking about?

Surely he is texting because he is bewildered as to why she is not texting back?
She had sex with him and now she is not communicating.
The average guy would would be confused wouldn't he?
It is not immediately obvious to the guy why she isn't returning his text is it?
Not being clear from the get-go about what she really wanted is cowardly and deceitful and then complaining when he doesn't get the message is quite obtuse to be honest.

killerking

Distorted wrote: »

I got the impression from the OP that she would rather have had nicer behaviour from the guy in question and then she would have been quite happy to meet up with him again. e.g. a couple of dates, before he pushed her for sex. As he was hot and they were both single, she decided to have sex with him but has been put off further contact with him by his behaviour.

She agreed to have sex with him which would be interpreted as a green light to get in touch with her again especially since she has not made it clear whatsoever that she doesn't want to see him again.

Presumably as the guy was an adult male, it was not beyond his powers to ask a girl out on a date or to act in a generally more socially recognised way of getting a girl to like you.

If a guy kisses a girl passionately on the first date and she turns up for the second date and has sex with him, he is naturally going to assume what he did have the approval of the girl and he is also going to assume that she will be persuaded to meet again for another date and have sex again isn't he?

I think the only "powerful emotion" that is involved here is this guy's desire to use girls for sex,

And the OP did not desire to use this hapless guy for sex?

without establishing the basis for any future relationship.

Unless the girl says otherwise (the OP did not spell this out at all) if she agrees to have sex with a guy he is going to naturally assume she is open to a future relationship.

The OP liked him and has now gone off him because of his behaviour, and as such finds his continued texts annoying because she can see through his motives.

Her motive was to use him for sex but when he contacts her he is to be condemned for wanting sex? She appears to have gone off him because she is not prepared to face up to the consequences of her actions.

He sounds like he would make a nightmare boyfriend anyway, even if he is hot.

The poor guy takes the time to get in touch with her, he appears to want to get together with her and this makes him a nightmare? How? If he did not contact her he would probably be condemned as a sleazeball would he? Is he damned if he does or damned if he doesn't?

In other words, he's put himself into the category of the sort of guy you would spend a night with when theres nothing better out there, but not make the same mistake twice.

So it is morally acceptable for a girl to sleep with a guy when there's nothing better but this guy is being condemned because he is only after one thing?
That is a little hypocritical surely?

Is it any wonder why this guy is sending her begging texts when she doesn't reply?

Walls

I would say he's after one thing; you refused him once but then said yes, so in his mind you're perhaps interested in more. I'd suggest telling him clearly if you don't want to hear from him again.

Killerking, no one is condemning anyone as far as I can see.

Wompa1

In fairness I can see Killerkings point. Before reading his posts my mind was made up that this was a booty call. But it's possible the late night texts are just innocent stupidity. He get's drunk, thinks of her and plucks up the courage to text?

Maybe he is just interested in her.

Did she have sex with him on the second date knowing she had no interest in bringing things further? It's not a judgement but if she or any woman is after a relationship rather than sex then wait longer than 2 dates, give it time so you can see this behaviour ahead of time. Or if it's just sex go for it and deal with the possibilities that comes with it. (Like a guy seeing you as an object and making a booty call)

Distorted

killerking wrote: »

Distorted wrote: »

She agreed to have sex with him which would be interpreted as a green light to get in touch with her again especially since she has not made it clear whatsoever that she doesn't want to see him again.

If a guy kisses a girl passionately on the first date and she turns up for the second date and has sex with him, he is naturally going to assume what he did have the approval of the girl and he is also going to assume that she will be persuaded to meet again for another date and have sex again isn't he?

And the OP did not desire to use this hapless guy for sex?

Unless the girl says otherwise (the OP did not spell this out at all) if she agrees to have sex with a guy he is going to naturally assume she is open to a future relationship.

Her motive was to use him for sex but when he contacts her he is to be condemned for wanting sex? She appears to have gone off him because she is not prepared to face up to the consequences of her actions.

The poor guy takes the time to get in touch with her, he appears to want to get together with her and this makes him a nightmare? How? If he did not contact her he would probably be condemned as a sleazeball would he? Is he damned if he does or damned if he doesn't?

So it is morally acceptable for a girl to sleep with a guy when there's nothing better but this guy is being condemned because he is only after one thing?
That is a little hypocritical surely?

Is it any wonder why this guy is sending her begging texts when she doesn't reply?

Oh come off it. He's not being condemned. And he's not begging either. The OP just doesn't like him because he has shown himself to be a rather crass, pushy and uncool type of guy.

Guys behave like this all the time. I guarantee that if the guy himself is pushing for sex on the first meeting, he has ignored plenty of girls after sex himself. As I pointed out before, the guy is an adult male. He is not presumably so emotionally fragile that he cannot cope with this. If he is, then he is the one that should not be having sex with girls he has barely got to know. The OP hasn't entered into some binding contract with him involving any future contact, never mind sex. She can do what she likes. She clearly isn't comfortable with him.

OP - I too would continue to ignore him. He isn't even asking you out on a proper date, to which courtesy would compel you to respond politely. Ignoring someone in this situation is often more meaningful than getting involved in a dialogue as to why you don't want a repeat. Maybe one day he will learn to be more courteous and a more attractive person if he wants girls to desire to see him again. But its not your responsibility to teach him.

Killerking - I have to say the fantasy world you live in, which implies strange motives into the minds of women and seems to regard men as hapless victims, seems to me quite off-kilter.

killerking wrote: »

Distorted wrote: »

Not being clear from the get-go about what she really wanted is cowardly and deceitful and then complaining when he doesn't get the message is quite obtuse to be honest.

I think if she had said from the first date (suggested by her) that she, like most girls in this situation, was looking for the start of a relationship and not just no-strings sex, this guy wouldn't even be texting her now and would be calling her a bunny-boiler! The OP has realised he is bad news and doesn't want to be pushed into sex again. I'm sure the guy won't be trautmatised for life when he realises she doesn't want to know him any more.

For one thing, the guy has really bad manners. Texting someone you barely know at 11pm on Christmas Eve is taking a liberty and is damned annoying, as is sending generic texts, ignoring polite ones and not reciprocating by suggesting a second date when the OP did the work of arranging the first. I agree with you OP, this guy does sound really annoying!

killerking

Killerking - I have to say the fantasy world you live in, which implies strange motives into the minds of women and seems to regard men as hapless victims, seems to me quite off-kilter.

If a girl has sex with a guy she should have cop on to at least answer and say she is not interested instead of not replying and ignoring his messages when he has places to be and people to see.
How would you like it if a guy had sex with you and then completely ignored you? You wouldn't like it I can bet.
If a guy has sex with a woman do you think he is not going to follow her up on it?

Firetrap

killerking wrote: »

If a girl has sex with a guy she should have cop on to at least answer and say she is not interested instead of not replying and ignoring his messages when he has places to be and people to see.
How would you like it if a guy had sex with you and then completely ignored you? You wouldn't like it I can bet.
If a guy has sex with a woman do you think he is not going to follow her up on it?

And this doesn't happen to girls you don't think? I'm sorry but almost everyone I know, including myself (I'm female btw) have experienced the phenomenon of ignored texts. It might not necessarily be in the aftermath of a one night stand/sex but a lot of people just ignore texts rather than set the other person straight. It's human nature I suppose - far easier to ignore texts and hope they'll get the message and go away quietly. That's life.

And yes, believe it or not, men don't automatically follow up sex with a woman with an encore.

killerking

Firetrap wrote: »

And this doesn't happen to girls you don't think? I'm sorry but almost everyone I know, including myself (I'm female btw) have experienced the phenomenon of ignored texts. It might not necessarily be in the aftermath of a one night stand/sex but a lot of people just ignore texts rather than set the other person straight. It's human nature I suppose - far easier to ignore texts and hope they'll get the message and go away quietly. That's life.

And yes, believe it or not, men don't automatically follow up sex with a woman with an encore.

Personally I never ignore texts and when I am not interested in someone I tell them. When I have sex with women I make it clear that I'm not interested in a relationship. Solves a lot of unnecessary hassle. The alternative is just pure cowardice and is pretty low especially when a person develops feelings.

mood

Trí wrote: »

Hey OP.

The times of the texts would be alarming to me... Late night/early morning texts suggest booty call. Sorry, just my opinion.:(

Sorry but I agree.

Distorted

killerking wrote: »

If a girl has sex with a guy she should have cop on to at least answer and say she is not interested instead of not replying and ignoring his messages when he has places to be and people to see.
How would you like it if a guy had sex with you and then completely ignored you? You wouldn't like it I can bet.
If a guy has sex with a woman do you think he is not going to follow her up on it?

She didn't completely ignore him after sex. Read the facts.

Distorted

killerking wrote: »

Personally I never ignore texts and when I am not interested in someone I tell them. When I have sex with women I make it clear that I'm not interested in a relationship. Solves a lot of unnecessary hassle. The alternative is just pure cowardice and is pretty low especially when a person develops feelings.

If the guy in question had developed feelings, he would have asked the OP out on a date. He just wants sex. She doesn't. What do you suggest? That she has sex with a guy who makes her feel uncomfortable with again just to spare his feelings? He's getting ignored because now because he showed her little courtesy the times they did meet and in his texts, and he only deserves the same level of courtesy back.

Perhaps not everyone wants to live their life like you?

killerking

Distorted wrote: »

If the guy in question had developed feelings, he would have asked the OP out on a date. He just wants sex. She doesn't. What do you suggest? That she has sex with a guy who makes her feel uncomfortable with again just to spare his feelings? He's getting ignored because now because he showed her little courtesy the times they did meet and in his texts, and he only deserves the same level of courtesy back.

Perhaps not everyone wants to live their life like you?

The OP was comfortable enough to have sex with him. When a woman has sex with a guy is it not unreasonable for him to think that she might be open to having a relationship which is why he would want to contact her again? Having sex with someone and then completely ignoring them without any explanation and then complaining when the person one had sex with continues to text is quite frankly ridiculous and also immoral behavior. Basic decency requires someone to at least explain that it was a one off thing if one is not interested in a follow up.
It's a bit rich talking about lack of courtesy when no courtesy was shown by oneself.

Distorted

killerking wrote: »

The OP was comfortable enough to have sex with him. When a woman has sex with a guy is it not unreasonable for him to think that she might be open to having a relationship which is why he would want to contact her again? Having sex with someone and then completely ignoring them without any explanation and then complaining when the person one had sex with continues to text is quite frankly ridiculous and also immoral behavior. Basic decency requires someone to at least explain that it was a one off thing if one is not interested in a follow up.
It's a bit rich talking about lack of courtesy when no courtesy was shown by oneself.

"Immoral and ridiculous"? A tad OTT, don't you think? Thanks killerking, you are really giving me a good laugh on this thread :-)

If he wanted to see her again, he could have asked her out on a date? She replied quite politely to his text on Christmas Eve and asked him how his Christmas was. He didn't respond to this text. There was his opening to ask her out if he wanted to see her again. He didn't. The whole thing started with the OP asking him out on a date, not to have sex. Therefore it is him who is not following up by reciprocating. The OP suspects he only wants to use her for sex, he is the one not being honest and not admitting this.

His behaviour is highly off-putting to most decent women.

He's probably got several others on the go anyway, hence the generic Christmas wishes to a woman he has just had sex with and a failure to respond to the OP's polite personal text on Christmas Day.

Firetrap

To my eyes he doesn't look like someone who was after a relationship. I know girls who have been with guys on a basis similar to the OP. The guys will disappear and then next thing text again out of the blue. It's like they're not really all that interested in the girls but are keeping their options open just in case.

I am a friend

Yeah I have one of those and he is def only after sex - he had made that clear! He texts most days (since July / august) and no matter how many times I refuse to meet him, he never gives up but I (now) know when I first kissed him he was going out with someone and I have no interest in getting entangled with someone like that.

Players throw their nets out ad far as possible hoping they catch something / anything (don't mean you) but you need to just ask him to stop texting you.