Son's Abuse

shamrock1959

Hi i am only new here and i am looking for some good advice,

My problem is my son keeps assaulting me every time he gets angry, he is 29 years of age and a big lad, he has abused me 4 or 5 times before the last time and this was only before xmas, he has smashed chairs over my head/ broke bones/split my head open/black eyes/spat into my face/punched/kick my face, and much much more, i did have him barred from the home but after 3 years i allowed him back in, i never had him charged, and he never had a reason to do this to his father due to any domestic violence on my behalf, if i asked him to shut a door & he didnt want it closed he would blow his top with me, and do as stated above, i often had a word with a taxi man at my door over been over charged on my fare, and the son really gave me a beating for this, saying i was just trying to saye money, i asked my daughter to close over doors during the heavy snow fall, and he again spat into my face & punched me into the face & threw a 1/4 of hot water into my face, and some times the wife takes his side, and looks on. :mad::o:confused:

Kimia

Please go to the police and have him arrested.

shamrock1959

Kimia wrote: »

Please go to the police and have him arrested.

Thanks for that .......But you see if i do go to the police, i will then have my wife on my case also...i just can not handle 2 problems as this happened before, she just keeping his side. and just to let you know....yes i do get on with my wife...but why she does this i just dont know...i'm really confussed here....

Kimia

Op what a horrible situation, I'm sorry for you. I know it's awful but it appears that the only way you'll get any peace for yourself is if you do report him, or leave the environment, whether that means leaving your wife too is up to her.

You don't deserve to be treated the way you've been treated. You deserve a better life than what you have right now, and you can get it. You'll have to be very brave and explore your options. I believe amen.ie is a good place to start?

curlzy

Hey OP,

You're a victim of domestic abuse, that fact your wife is siding with your son is nothing less than disgusting. Go to the police and press charges. If your wife doesn't like it then ****ing leave her. Would you let him assault your wife??? You'd side with her wouldn't you? Well then you deserve no less loyalty than her! If she leaves you then let her, she's not a real wife if she's siding with your abuser. My heart goes out to you, men in this country have a real hard time when it comes to domestic abuse, you should look at www.amen.ie and get some advice and support. This should also help, the HSE take this issue very seriously: http://www.cardi.ie/news/hseoutlinesprogressmadeinrespondingtoelderabuseinireland
You need to get your scummy son and his equally scummy wife out of your house so go to the gaurds, you don't have to press charges to get them kicked out of YOUR HOUSE. Please don't put up with this anymore OP, you don't deserve this, no one does. It breaks my heart to think of my own father putting up with this, in fairness he wouldn't, I'd have my brother's legs broken if he ever did anything like this (he wouldn't). It's very easy to put up with things and normalise them in your head but I'm telling you: THIS IS NOT OK, FACT!!!

The very best of luck OP and come back here if you need to talk whatever you decide.

Wompa1

Go to the police, your son sounds like a psychopath. Your wife might be pissed off over it but how would she feel when she's the mother of a murder.

Assuming your old enough is your son is 29, this is how you should be spending middle age.

curlzy

Wompa1 wrote: »

Assuming your old enough is your son is 29, this is how you should be spending middle age.

hey OP,

Just to say I think Wompa meant:

"Assuming your old enough as your son is 29, this isn't how you should be spending middle age".

Wompa1

curlzy wrote: »

hey OP,

Just to say I think Wompa meant:

"Assuming your old enough as your son is 29, this isn't how you should be spending middle age".

Sorry, I've got carpal tunnel syndromme, I think it really impacting on my typing...I'm less likely to correct my mistakes and concentrate on what I've typed. My father hates me for it!

dudara

Go the the Gardai and file complaints against him.

You should not be living this life - do not feel any false sense of obligation to your wife etc. Sometimes Mammies can't see anything wrong with their little darling.

Your life is in danger here - partcularly as you get older and your body gets weaker.

FouxDaFaFa

This is extremely serious, OP. Your son's reaction to mundane things is completely out of proportion. I think you need to consider getting him help, even if it means your wife is mad at you. It's not as if hes on the "low-end" scale of violence here, he could potentially kill you if he keeps hitting you over the head with large heavy objects. Surely if you saw him on the street assaulting someone you would stop him. The situation is no different now. You need to stop him before he really hurts you.

shamrock1959

I want to thank everybody so far that commented on this issue i have, i really thank you all from the bottom of my heart, and yes i am going to have my so called son charged, and i now have him barred from the home.....Once again Thank you alll......{Thanks}

Billiejo

Surely in a developed country You have Domestic Violence laws in situ.

Get a life WOMAN!!
Go get the cops on to him. and a restraining order into the bargen.

Better than being sorry when someone ends up dead.

Ickle Magoo

Billiejo wrote: »

Surely in a developed country You have Domestic Violence laws in situ.

Get a life WOMAN!!
Go get the cops on to him. and a restraining order into the bargen.

Better than being sorry when someone ends up dead.

Which woman are you telling to get a life?

Baring in mind the OP has discussed his wife and son, I think it's safe to assume the OP is male.

Fittle

shamrock1959 wrote: »

I want to thank everybody so far that commented on this issue i have, i really thank you all from the bottom of my heart, and yes i am going to have my so called son charged, and i now have him barred from the home.....Once again Thank you alll......{Thanks}

With respect, how did you manage to get him barred since posting at 9am this morning I would love if the guards acted so quickly in a similar situation with my own brother.

Anyhow OP, my advice was also to go to the guards and report him, please let us know how you get on.

Wurly

shamrock1959 wrote: »

I want to thank everybody so far that commented on this issue i have, i really thank you all from the bottom of my heart, and yes i am going to have my so called son charged, and i now have him barred from the home.....Once again Thank you alll......{Thanks}

Really glad to hear that, OP. I'm delighted you've made the decision to not allow this disgraceful abuse to continue.

Stheno

Fittle wrote: »

With respect, how did you manage to get him barred since posting at 9am this morning I would love if the guards acted so quickly in a similar situation with my own brother.

Anyhow OP, my advice was also to go to the guards and report him, please let us know how you get on.

Read the OP's post again, he said he has barred him from the home, I presume the OP himself has told his son not to come near the home.

Best of luck OP you don't deserve this treatment.

shamrock1959

Fittle wrote: »

With respect, how did you manage to get him barred since posting at 9am this morning I would love if the guards acted so quickly in a similar situation with my own brother.

Anyhow OP, my advice was also to go to the guards and report him, please let us know how you get on.

The last assault was on the 23rd Dec...went into famly courts that after noon ...and was granted barring order...and you should do same..or your father do it, if your brother is doing the same as my son is doing..dont wait as long as i did..look at the advice given here to myself..the gardai even rang the court to see if they wear open that day...he is gone from the 23rd and the rest of my family & myself made the best of xmas...and i will be keeping him from my home when i return to the court on the 5th January..for a miximum barring order of 3 years.

Fittle

It's my brother who's having problems with his own 19yr old son, so I'll pass on that advice.

Hope things work out for you OP.

shamrock1959

Hi All
Thanks for all your reply’s & great & honest advice & support regarding my Abusive Oldest Son.
Just to answer a few queries regarding my abuser of a so called son, for I now know that is all he is, and I don’t doubt for a moment that’s all he will ever be, unless he & he himself gets some professional help.
At this time for a change my wife has finally seen the true colours of our so called oldest son, and has informed me of 100% backing this time, and now says what he was doing and did on me was very very wrong and she should have said something before now, {but never to late} this time she is on my side.
When on the 23rd December when he came to me over me asking my daughter to close a door, and he spat & threw a ¼ of a kettle of hot water into my face and followed me into the sitting room and gave me a punch into the face,
This was the last time he will ever assault me in my home or anywhere for that matter, I called the gardai and made a complaint against him, and requested for him to be charged, and this I am doing this time charging him.
The gardai on the morning this happened wear very understanding and very helpful to me, and did know I had him barred for 3 years some time back over another assault he did on me, {been} Kicked/Punched/Chairs broken over my head/black eye/broken bone/kicked into face more than 4 times/ bruised ribs/ and the assault he also did on my youngest son, he dragged him from his bed and punched him repeatedly into the face, then went to kick him into the head several times until I had to jump into the middle of him, the gardai rang the family courts for me and advised me to have him barred from the home, this I did do on that afternoon, and I seen a judge and put my case to him, and he immediately granted me a interim barring order & a protection order, and I lodged a copy into my local gardai station without hesitating this time, I will be back to meet the gardai in question and will direct him to charge this very abusive son {I don’t even want to say of mine}…..I have looked and heard all the sound advice on here, and asked myself why I didn’t come on here sooner, maybe myself & the other son wouldn’t have got such a bad beating from the abuser of the other son, because I would have looked at the advice from here, at the time I posted the first post on here, I think my head was a bit up my ass with all respect,,, and I was so full of anger and hate, against the abuser of a son.
I am a 51 year old male and I just feel this abuse to me, has to stop & stop right here & now, he has abused myself/my other son/ and verbally at times his mother/ and running scared of him his only sister, God love the girl that takes him on… I have to be back in the family courts on the 5th January for a full hearing and I will be looking for the maximum barring order that this land can offer me, then I will handle the assault charges with him as it comes, but at least he will be out of our home, {Keep the good advice coming} Thanks…. and i will keep you all up to date on the out come....

shamrock1959

Fittle wrote: »

It's my brother who's having problems with his own 19yr old son, so I'll pass on that advice.

Hope things work out for you OP.

All he has to do is go to the family court, Dolphin House, give a brief statement, see the judge thereafter, and hopfully get this abuser out of his home, dont be like me and wait to long....Hope this helps your brother out. :mad:

irishjig69b

read very closely all the good advise u see in the above posts.....and take note of everything said to u.....and do it....

Cheap Thrills!

Well done OP. I am glad your wife is supporting you. Make sure she understands that you are not going to change your mind going forward. Stick to your guns.

The abuse you wrote about was very serious and you should never allow your son in your house again.

It is up to him to seek help. His Mother enabled his behavior in the past. At least she has changed now. Maybe you both could get some counselling to help you through the legal process.

Because it will be very hard. Best of luck in 2011 and well done again. You did the best thing.